0000 5978000169 adj. Large quantity. Usage: Exclusive to MIT-AI. "Go away, I have 69 things to do to DDT before worrying about fixing the bug in the phase of the moon output routine..." [Note: Actually, any number less than 100 but large enough to have no obvious magic properties will be recognized as a "large number". There is no denying that "69" is the local favorite. I don't know whether its origins are related to the obscene interpretation, but I do know that 69 decimal = 105 octal, and 69 hexadecimal = 105 decimal, which is a nice property. - GLS] 0002ANGLE BRACKETS (primarily MIT) n. Either of the characters "<" and ">". See BROKET. 0003AOS (aus (East coast) ay-ahs (West coast)) [based on a PDP-10 increment instruction] v. To increase the amount of something. "Aos the campfire." Usage: considered silly. See SOS. 0004ARG n. Abbreviation for "argument" (to a function), used so often as to have become a new word. 0005AUTOMAGICALLY adv. Automatically, but in a way which, for some reason (typically because it is too complicated, or too ugly, or perhaps even too trivial), I don't feel like explaining to you. See MAGIC. Example: Some programs which produce XGP output files spool them automagically. 0006BAGBITER 1. n. Equipment or program that fails, usually intermittently. 2. BAGBITING: adj. Failing hardware or software. "This bagbiting system won't let me get out of spacewar." Usage: verges on obscenity. Grammatically separable; one may speak of "biting the bag". Synonyms: LOSER, LOSING, CRETINOUS, BLETCHEROUS, BARFUCIOUS, CHOMPER, CHOMPING. 0007BANG n. Common alternate name for EXCL (q.v.), especially at CMU. See SHRIEK. 0008BAR 1. The second metasyntactic variable, after FOO. "Suppose we have two functions FOO and BAR. FOO calls BAR..." 2. Often appended to FOO to produce FOOBAR. 0009BARF [from the "layman" slang, meaning "vomit"] 1. interj. Term of disgust. See BLETCH. 2. v. Choke, as on input. May mean to give an error message. "The function `=' compares two fixnums or two flonums, and barfs on anything else." 3. BARFULOUS, BARFUCIOUS: adj. Said of something which would make anyone barf, if only for aesthetic reasons. 0010BIGNUMS [from Macsyma] n. 1. In backgammon, large numbers on the dice. 2. Multiple-precision (sometimes infinitely extendable) integers and, through analogy, any very large numbers. 3. EL CAMINO BIGNUM: El Camino Real, a street through the San Francisco peninsula that originally extended (and still appears in places) all the way to Mexico City. It was termed "El Camino Double Precision" when someone noted it was a very long street, and then "El Camino Bignum" when it was pointed out that it was hundreds of miles long. 0011BIN [short for BINARY; used as a second file name on ITS] 1. n. BINARY. 2. BIN FILE: A file containing the BIN for a program. Usage: used at MIT, which runs on ITS. The equivalent term at Stanford is DMP (pronounced "dump") FILE. Other names used include SAV ("save") FILE (DEC and Tenex), SHR ("share") and LOW FILES (DEC), and EXE ("ex'ee") FILE (DEC and Twenex). Also in this category are the input files to the various flavors of linking loaders (LOADER, LINK-10, STINK), called REL FILES. 0012BINARY n. The object code for a program. 0013BLETCH [from German "brechen", to vomit (?)] 1. interj. Term of disgust. 2. BLETCHEROUS: adj. Disgusting in design or function. "This keyboard is bletcherous!" Usage: slightly comic. 0014BLT (blit, very rarely belt) [based on the PDP-10 block transfer instruction; confusing to users of the PDP-11] 1. v. To transfer a large contiguous package of information from one place to another. 2. THE BIG BLT: n. Shuffling operation on the PDP-10 under some operating systems that consumes a significant amount of computer time. 3. (usually pronounced B-L-T) n. Sandwich containing bacon, lettuce, and tomato. 0015BOGOSITY n. The degree to which something is BOGUS (q.v.). At CMU, bogosity is measured with a bogometer; typical use: in a seminar, when a speaker says something bogus, a listener might raise his hand and say, "My bogometer just triggered." The agreed-upon unit of bogosity is the microLenat (uL). 0016BOGUS (WPI, Yale, Stanford) adj. 1. Non-functional. "Your patches are bogus." 2. Useless. "OPCON is a bogus program." 3. False. "Your arguments are bogus." 4. Incorrect. "That algorithm is bogus." 5. Silly. "Stop writing those bogus sagas." (This word seems to have some, but not all, of the connotations of RANDOM.) [Etymological note from Lehman/Reid at CMU: "Bogus" was originally used (in this sense) at Princeton, in the late 60's. It was used not particularly in the CS department, but all over campus. It came to Yale, where one of us (Lehman) was an undergraduate, and (we assume) elsewhere through the efforts of Princeton alumni who brought the word with them from their alma mater. In the Yale case, the alumnus is Michael Shamos, who was a graduate student at Yale and is now a faculty member here. A glossary of bogus words was compiled at Yale when the word was first popularized (e.g., autobogophobia: the fear of becoming bogotified).] 0017BOUNCE (Stanford) v. To play volleyball. "Bounce, bounce! Stop wasting time on the computer and get out to the court!" 0018BRAIN_DAMAGED [generalization of "Honeywell Brain Damage" (HBD), a theoretical disease invented to explain certain utter cretinisms in Multics] adj. Obviously wrong; cretinous; demented. There is an implication that the person responsible must have suffered brain damage, because he should have known better. Calling something brain-damaged is really bad; it also implies it is unusable. 0019BREAK v. 1. To cause to be broken (in any sense). "Your latest patch to the system broke the TELNET server." 2. (of a program) To stop temporarily, so that it may be examined for debugging purposes. The place where it stops is a BREAKPOINT. 0020BROKEN adj. 1. Not working properly (of programs). 2. Behaving strangely; especially (of people), exhibiting extreme depression. 0021BROKET [by analogy with "bracket": a "broken bracket"] (primarily Stanford) n. Either of the characters "<" and ">". (At MIT, and apparently in The Real World (q.v.) as well, these are usually called ANGLE BRACKETS.) 0022BUCKY BITS (primarily Stanford) n. The bits produced by the CTRL and META shift keys on a Stanford (or Knight) keyboard. DOUBLE BUCKY: adj. Using both the CTRL and META keys. "The command to burn all LEDs is double bucky F." 0023BUG [from telephone terminology, "bugs in a telephone cable", blamed for noisy lines] n. An unwanted and unintended property of a program. See FEATURE. 0024BUM 1. v. To make highly efficient, either in time or space, often at the expense of clarity. "I managed to bum three more instructions." 2. n. A small change to an algorithm to make it more efficient. Usage: somewhat rare. 0025BUZZ v. To run in a very tight loop, perhaps without guarantee of getting out. 0026CANONICAL adj. The usual or standard state or manner of something. A true story: One Bob Sjoberg, new at the MIT AI Lab, expressed some annoyance at the use of jargon. Over his loud objections, we made a point of using jargon as much as possible in his presence, and eventually it began to sink in. Finally, in one conversation, he used the word "canonical" in jargon-like fashion without thinking. Steele: "Aha! We've finally got you talking jargon too!" Stallman: "What did he say?" Steele: "He just used `canonical' in the canonical way." 0027CATATONIA (kat-uh-toe'-nee-uh) n. A condition of suspended animation in which the system is in a wedged (CATATONIC) state. 0028CDR (ku'der) [from LISP] v. With "down", to trace down a list of elements. "Shall we cdr down the agenda?" Usage: silly. 0029CHOMP v. To lose; to chew on something of which more was bitten off than one can. Probably related to gnashing of teeth. See BAGBITER. A hand gesture commonly accompanies this, consisting of the four fingers held together as if in a mitten or hand puppet, and the fingers and thumb open and close rapidly to illustrate a biting action. The gesture alone means CHOMP CHOMP (see Verb Doubling). 0030CLOSE n. Abbreviation for "close (or right) parenthesis", used when necessary to eliminate oral ambiguity. See OPEN. 0031COKEBOTTLE n. Any very unusual character. MIT people complain about the "control-meta-cokebottle" commands at SAIL, and SAIL people complain about the "altmode-altmode-cokebottle" commands at MIT. 0032CONNECTOR_CONSP As in CONNECTOR CONSPIRACY [probably came into prominence with the appearance of the KL-10, none of whose connectors match anything else] n. The tendency of manufacturers (or, by extension, programmers or purveyors of anything) to come up with new products which don't fit together with the old stuff, thereby making you buy either all new stuff or expensive interface devices. 0033CONS [from LISP] 1. v. To add a new element to a list. 2. CONS UP: v. To synthesize from smaller pieces: "to cons up an example". 0034CRASH 1. n. A sudden, usually drastic failure. Most often said of the system (q.v., definition #1), sometimes of magnetic disk drives. "Three lusers lost their files in last night's disk crash." A disk crash which entails the read/write heads dropping onto the surface of the disks and scraping off the oxide may also be referred to as a "head crash". 2. v. To fail suddenly. "Has the system just crashed?" Also used transitively to indicate the cause of the crash (usually a person or a program, or both). "Those idiots playing spacewar crashed the system." Sometimes said of people. See GRONK OUT. 0035CRETIN 1. n. Congenital loser (q.v.). 2. CRETINOUS: adj. See BLETCHEROUS and BAGBITING. Usage: somewhat ad hominem. 0036CRLF (cur'lif, sometimes crul'lif) n. A carriage return (CR) followed by a line feed (LF). See TERPRI. 0037CROCK [probably from "layman" slang, which in turn may be derived from "crock of shit"] n. An awkward feature or programming technique that ought to be made cleaner. Example: Using small integers to represent error codes without the program interpreting them to the user is a crock. Also, a technique that works acceptably but which is quite prone to failure if disturbed in the least, for example depending on the machine opcodes having particular bit patterns so that you can use instructions as data words too; a tightly woven, almost completely unmodifiable structure. 0038CRUFTY [from "cruddy"] adj. 1. Poorly built, possibly overly complex. "This is standard old crufty DEC software". Hence CRUFT, n. shoddy construction. 2. Unpleasant, especially to the touch, often with encrusted junk. Like spilled coffee smeared with peanut butter and catsup. Hence CRUFT, n. disgusting mess. 3. Generally unpleasant. CRUFTY or CRUFTIE n. A small crufty object (see FROB); often one which doesn't fit well into the scheme of things. "A LISP property list is a good place to store crufties (or, random cruft)." [Note: Does CRUFT have anything to do with the Cruft Lab at Harvard? I don't know, though I was a Harvard student. - GLS] 0039CRUNCH v. 1. To process, usually in a time-consuming or complicated way. Connotes an essentially trivial operation which is nonetheless painful to perform. The pain may be due to the triviality being imbedded in a loop from 1 to 1000000000. "FORTRAN programs do mostly number crunching." 2. To reduce the size of a file by a complicated scheme that produces bit configurations completely unrelated to the original data, such as by a Huffman code. (The file ends up looking like a paper document would if somebody crunched the paper into a wad.) Since such compression usually takes more computations than simpler methods such as counting repeated characters (such as spaces) the term is doubly appropriate. (This meaning is usually used in the construction "file crunch(ing)" to distinguish it from "number crunch(ing)".) 0040CTY (city) n. The terminal physically associated with a computer's operating console. 0041CUSPY [from the DEC acronym CUSP, for Commonly Used System Program, i.e., a utility program used by many people] (WPI) adj. 1. (of a program) Well-written. 2. Functionally excellent. A program which performs well and interfaces well to users is cuspy. See RUDE. 0042DAEMON (day'mun, dee'mun) [archaic form of "demon", which has slightly different connotations (q.v.)] n. A program which is not invoked explicitly, but which lays dormant waiting for some condition(s) to occur. The idea is that the perpetrator of the condition need not be aware that a daemon is lurking (though often a program will commit an action only because it knows that it will implicitly invoke a daemon). For example, writing a file on the lpt spooler's directory will invoke the spooling daemon, which prints the file. The advantage is that programs which want (in this example) files printed need not compete for access to the lpt. They simply enter their implicit requests and let the daemon decide what to do with them. Daemons are usually spawned automatically by the system, and may either live forever or be regenerated at intervals. Usage: DAEMON and DEMON (q.v.) are often used interchangeably, but seem to have distinct connotations. DAEMON was introduced to computing by CTSS people (who pronounced it dee'mon) and used it to refer to what is now called a DRAGON or PHANTOM (q.v.). The meaning and pronunciation have drifted, and we think this glossary reflects current usage. 0043DAY_MODE See PHASE (of people). 0044DEADLOCK n. A situation wherein two or more processes are unable to proceed because each is waiting for another to do something. A common example is a program communicating to a PTY or STY, which may find itself waiting for output from the PTY/STY before sending anything more to it, while the PTY/STY is similarly waiting for more input from the controlling program before outputting anything. (This particular flavor of deadlock is called "starvation". Another common flavor is "constipation", where each process is trying to send stuff to the other, but all buffers are full because nobody is reading anything.) See DEADLY EMBRACE. 0045DEADLY_EMBRACE n. Same as DEADLOCK (q.v.), though usually used only when exactly two processes are involved. DEADLY EMBRACE is the more popular term in Europe; DEADLOCK in the United States. 0046DEMENTED adj. Yet another term of disgust used to describe a program. The connotation in this case is that the program works as designed, but the design is bad. For example, a program that generates large numbers of meaningless error messages implying it is on the point of imminent collapse. 0047DEMON (dee'mun) n. A portion of a program which is not invoked explicitly, but which lays dormant waiting for some condition(s) to occur. See DAEMON. The distinction is that demons are usually processes within a program, while daemons are usually programs running on an operating system. Demons are particularly common in AI programs. For example, a knowledge manipulation program might implement inference rules as demons. Whenever a new piece of knowledge was added, various demons would activate (which demons depends on the particular piece of data) and would create additional pieces of knowledge by applying their respective inference rules to the original piece. These new pieces could in turn activate more demons as the inferences filtered down through chains of logic. Meanwhile the main program could continue with whatever its primary task was. 0048DIABLO (dee-ah'blow) [from the Diablo printer] 1. n. Any letter- quality printing device. 2. v. To produce letter-quality output from such a device. 0049DIDDLE v. To work with in a not particularly serious manner. "I diddled with a copy of ADVENT so it didn't double-space all the time." "Let's diddle this piece of code and see if the problem goes away." See TWEAK and TWIDDLE. 0050DIKE [from "diagonal cutters"] v. To remove a module or disable it. "When in doubt, dike it out." 0051DMP (dump) See BIN. 0052DOWN 1. adj. Not working. "The up escalator is down." 2. TAKE DOWN, BRING DOWN: v. To deactivate, usually for repair work. See UP. 0053DO_PROTOCOL [from network protocol programming] v. To perform an interaction with somebody or something that follows a clearly defined procedure. For example, "Let's do protocol with the check" at a restaurant means to ask the waitress for the check, calculate the tip and everybody's share, generate change as necessary, and pay the bill. 0054DPB (duh-pib') [from the PDP-10 instruction set] v. To plop something down in the middle. 0055DRAGON n. (MIT) A program similar to a "daemon" (q.v.), except that it is not invoked at all, but is instead used by the system to perform various secondary tasks. A typical example would be an accounting program, which keeps track of who is logged in, accumulates load- average statistics, etc. At MIT, all free TV's display a list of people logged in, where they are, what they're running, etc. along with some random picture (such as a unicorn, Snoopy, or the Enterprise) which is generated by the "NAME DRAGON". See PHANTOM. 0056ENGLISH n. The source code for a program, which may be in any language, as opposed to BINARY. Usage: slightly obsolete, used mostly by old-time hackers, though recognizable in context. At MIT, directory SYSENG is where the "English" for system programs is kept, and SYSBIN, the binaries. SAIL has many such directories, but the canonical one is [CSP,SYS]. 0057EPSILON [from standard mathematical notation for a small quantity] 1. n. A small quantity of anything. "The cost is epsilon." 2. adj. Very small, negligible; less than marginal. "We can get this feature for epsilon cost." 3. WITHIN EPSILON OF: Close enough to be indistinguishable for all practical purposes. 0058EXCH (ex'chuh, ekstch) [from the PDP-10 instruction set] v. To exchange two things, each for the other. 0059EXCL (eks'cul) n. Abbreviation for "exclamation point". See BANG, SHRIEK, WOW. 0060EXE (ex'ee) See BIN. 0061FAULTY adj. Same denotation as "bagbiting", "bletcherous", "losing", q.v., but the connotation is much milder. 0062FEATURE n. 1. A surprising property of a program. Occasionally docu- mented. To call a property a feature sometimes means the author of the program did not consider the particular case, and the program makes an unexpected, although not strictly speaking an incorrect response. See BUG. "That's not a bug, that's a feature!" A bug can be changed to a feature by documenting it. 2. A well-known and beloved property; a facility. Sometimes features are planned, but are called crocks by others. An approximately correct spectrum: (These terms are all used to describe programs or portions thereof, except for the first two, which are included for completeness.) CRASH STOPPAGE BUG SCREW LOSS MISFEATURE CROCK KLUGE HACK WIN FEATURE PERFECTION (The last is never actually attained.) 0063FEEP 1. n. The soft bell of a display terminal (except for a VT-52!); a beep. 2. v. To cause the display to make a feep sound. TTY's do not have feeps. Alternate forms: BEEP, BLEEP, or just about anything suitably onomatopoeic. The term BREEDLE is sometimes heard at SAIL, where the terminal bleepers are not particularly "soft" (they sound more like the musical equivalent of sticking out one's tongue). The "feeper" on a VT-52 has been compared to the sound of a '52 Chevy stripping its gears. 0064FENCEPOST_ERROR n. The discrete equivalent of a boundary condition. Often exhibited in programs by iterative loops. From the following problem: "If you build a fence 100 feet long with posts ten feet apart, how many posts do you need?" (Either 9 or 11 is a better answer than the obvious 10.) 0065FINE (WPI) adj. Good, but not good enough to be CUSPY. [The word FINE is used elsewhere, of course, but without the implicit comparison to the higher level implied by CUSPY.] 0066FLAG DAY [from a bit of Multics history involving a change in the ASCII character set originally scheduled for June 14, 1966] n. A software change which is neither forward nor backward compatible, and which is costly to make and costly to revert. "Can we install that without causing a flag day for all users?" 0067FLAKEY adj. Subject to frequent lossages. See LOSSAGE. 0068FLAME v. To speak incessantly and/or rabidly on some relatively uninteresting subject or with a patently ridiculous attitude. FLAME ON: v. To continue to flame. See RAVE. 0069FLAP v. To unload a DECtape (so it goes flap, flap, flap...). Old hackers at MIT tell of the days when the disk was device 0 and microtapes were 1, 2,... and attempting to flap device 0 would instead start a motor banging inside a cabinet near the disk! 0070FLAVOR n. 1. Variety, type, kind. "DDT commands come in two flavors." 2. The attribute of causing something to be FLAVORFUL. "This convention yields additional flavor by allowing one to..." See VANILLA. 0071FLAVORFUL adj. Aesthetically pleasing. See RANDOM and LOSING for antonyms. See also the entry for TASTE. 00721 FLUSH v. 1. To delete something, usually superfluous. "All that nonsense has been flushed." Standard ITS terminology for aborting an output operation. 2. To leave at the end of a day's work (as opposed to leaving for a meal). "I'm going to flush now." "Time to flush." 3. To exclude someone from an activity. 0073FOO 1. [from Yiddish "feh" or the Anglo-Saxon "fooey!"] interj. Term of disgust. 2. [from FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition), from WWII, often seen as FOOBAR] Name used for temporary programs, or samples of three-letter names. Other similar words are BAR, BAZ (Stanford corruption of BAR), and rarely RAG. These have been used in Pogo as well. 3. Used very generally as a sample name for absolutely anything. The old `Smokey Stover' comic strips often included the word FOO, in particular on license plates of cars. MOBY FOO: See MOBY. 0074FRIED adj. 1. Non-working due to hardware failure; burnt out. 2. Of people, exhausted. Said particularly of those who continue to work in such a state. Often used as an explanation or excuse. "Yeah, I know that fix destroyed the file system, but I was fried when I put it in." 0075FROB 1. n. (MIT) The official Tech Model Railroad Club definition is "FROB = protruding arm or trunnion", and by metaphoric extension any somewhat small thing. See FROBNITZ. 2. v. Abbreviated form of FROBNICATE. 0076FROBNICATE v. To manipulate or adjust, to tweak. Derived from FROBNITZ (q.v.). Usually abbreviated to FROB. Thus one has the saying "to frob a frob". See TWEAK and TWIDDLE. Usage: FROB, TWIDDLE, and TWEAK sometimes connote points along a continuum. FROB connotes aimless manipulation; TWIDDLE connotes gross manipulation, often a coarse search for a proper setting; TWEAK connotes fine-tuning. If someone is turning a knob on an oscilloscope, then if he's carefully adjusting it he is probably tweaking it; if he is just turning it but looking at the screen he is probably twiddling it; but if he's just doing it because turning a knob is fun, he's frobbing it. 0077FROBNITZ, pl. FROBNITZEM (frob'nitsm) n. An unspecified physical object, a widget. Also refers to electronic black boxes. This rare form is usually abbreviated to FROTZ, or more commonly to FROB. Also used are FROBNULE and FROBULE. 0078FROG (variant: PHROG) 1. interj. Term of disgust (we seem to have a lot of them). 2. Used as a name for just about anything. See FOO. 3. n. Of things, a crock. Of people, somewhere inbetween a turkey and a toad. 4. Jake Brown (FRG@SAIL). 5. FROGGY: adj. Similar to BAGBITING (q.v.), but milder. "This froggy program is taking forever to run!" 0079FROTZ 1. n. See FROBNITZ. 2. MUMBLE FROTZ: An interjection of very mild disgust. 0080FRY v. 1. To fail. Said especially of smoke-producing hardware failures. 2. More generally, to become non-working. Usage: never said of software, only of hardware and humans. See FRIED. 0081FTP (spelled out, NOT pronounced "fittip") 1. n. The File Transfer Protocol for transmitting files between systems on the ARPAnet. 2. v. To transfer a file using the File Transfer Program. "Lemme get this copy of Wuthering Heights FTP'd from SAIL." 0082FUDGE 1. v. To perform in an incomplete but marginally acceptable way, particularly with respect to the writing of a program. "I didn't feel like going through that pain and suffering, so I fudged it." 2. n. The resulting code. 0083FUDGE_FACTOR n. A value or parameter that is varied in an ad hoc way to produce the desired result. The terms "tolerance" and "slop" are also used, though these usually indicate a one-sided leeway, such as a buffer which is made larger than necessary because one isn't sure exactly how large it needs to be, and it is better to waste a little space than to lose completely for not having enough. A fudge factor, on the other hand, can often be tweaked in more than one direction. An example might be the coefficients of an equation, where the coefficients are varied in an attempt to make the equation fit certain criteria. 0084GABRIEL [for Dick Gabriel, SAIL volleyball fanatic] n. An unnecessary (in the opinion of the opponent) stalling tactic, e.g., tying one's shoelaces or hair repeatedly, asking the time, etc. Also used to refer to the perpetrator of such tactics. Also, "pulling a Gabriel", "Gabriel mode". 0085GARBAGE_COLLECT v., GARBAGE COLLECTION n. See GC. 0086GARPLY n. (Stanford) Another meta-word popular among SAIL hackers. 0087GAS [as in "gas chamber"] interj. 1. A term of disgust and hatred, implying that gas should be dispensed in generous quantities, thereby exterminating the source of irritation. "Some loser just reloaded the system for no reason! Gas!" 2. A term suggesting that someone or something ought to be flushed out of mercy. "The system's wedging every few minutes. Gas!" 3. v. FLUSH (q.v.). "You should gas that old crufty software." 4. GASEOUS adj. Deserving of being gassed. Usage: primarily used by Geoff Goodfellow at SRI, but spreading; became particularly popular after the Moscone/Milk murders in San Francisco, when it was learned that Dan White (who supported Proposition 7) would get the gas chamber under 7 if convicted. 0088GC [from LISP terminology] 1. v. To clean up and throw away useless things. "I think I'll GC the top of my desk today." 2. v. To recycle, reclaim, or put to another use. 3. n. An instantiation of the GC process. 0089GEDANKEN [from Einstein's term "gedanken-experimenten", such as the standard proof that E=mc^2] adj. An AI project which is written up in grand detail without ever being implemented to any great extent. Usually perpetrated by people who aren't very good hackers or find programming distasteful or are just in a hurry. A gedanken thesis is usually marked by an obvious lack of intuition about what is programmable and what is not and about what does and does not constitute a clear specification of a program-related concept such as an algorithm. 0090GLASS_TTY n. A terminal which has a display screen but which, because of hardware or software limitations, behaves like a teletype or other printing terminal. An example is the ADM-3 (without cursor control). A glass tty can't do neat display hacks, and you can't save the output either. 0091GLITCH [from the Yiddish "glitshen", to slide] 1. n. A sudden interruption in electric service, sanity, or program function. Sometimes recoverable. 2. v. To commit a glitch. See GRITCH. 3. v. (Stanford) To scroll a display screen. 0092GLORK 1. interj. Term of mild surprise, usually tinged with outrage, as when one attempts to save the results of two hours of editing and finds that the system has just crashed. 2. Used as a name for just about anything. See FOO. 3. v. Similar to GLITCH (q.v.), but usually used reflexively. "My program just glorked itself." 0093GOBBLE v. To consume or to obtain. GOBBLE UP tends to imply "consume", while GOBBLE DOWN tends to imply "obtain". "The output spy gobbles characters out of a TTY output buffer." "I guess I'll gobble down a copy of the documentation tomorrow." See SNARF. 0094GORP (CMU) [perhaps from a brand of dried hiker's food?] Another metasyntactic variable, like FOO and BAR. 0095GRIND v. 1. (primarily MIT) To format code, especially LISP code, by indenting lines so that it looks pretty. Hence, PRETTY PRINT, the generic term for such operations. 2. To run seemingly interminably, performing some tedious and inherently useless task. Similar to CRUNCH. 0096GRITCH 1. n. A complaint (often caused by a GLITCH (q.v.)). 2. v. To complain. Often verb-doubled: "Gritch gritch". 3. Glitch. 0097GROK [from the novel "Stranger in a Strange Land", by Robert Heinlein, where it is a Martian word meaning roughly "to be one with"] v. To understand, usually in a global sense. 0098GRONK [popularized by the cartoon strip "B.C." by Johnny Hart, but the word apparently predates that] v. 1. To clear the state of a wedged device and restart it. More severe than "to frob" (q.v.). 2. To break. "The teletype scanner was gronked, so we took the system down." 3. GRONKED: adj. Of people, the condition of feeling very tired or sick. 4. GRONK OUT: v. To cease functioning. Of people, to go home and go to sleep. "I guess I'll gronk out now; see you all tomorrow." 0099GROVEL v. To work interminably and without apparent progress. Often used with "over". "The compiler grovelled over my code." Compare GRIND and CRUNCH. Emphatic form: GROVEL OBSCENELY. 0100GRUNGY adj. Incredibly dirty or grubby. Anything which has been washed within the last year is not really grungy. Also used metaphorically; hence some programs (especially crocks) can be described as grungy. 0101HACK n. 1. Originally a quick job that produces what is needed, but not well. 2. The result of that job. 3. NEAT HACK: A clever technique. Also, a brilliant practical joke, where neatness is correlated with cleverness, harmlessness, and surprise value. Example: the Caltech Rose Bowl card display switch circa 1961. 4. REAL HACK: A crock (occasionally affectionate). v. 5. With "together", to throw something together so it will work. 6. To bear emotionally or physically. "I can't hack this heat!" 7. To work on something (typically a program). In specific sense: "What are you doing?" "I'm hacking TECO." In general sense: "What do you do around here?" "I hack TECO." (The former is time-immediate, the latter time-extended.) More generally, "I hack x" is roughly equivalent to "x is my bag". "I hack solid-state physics." 8. To pull a prank on. See definition 3 and HACKER (def #6). 9. v.i. To waste time (as opposed to TOOL). "Watcha up to?" "Oh, just hacking." 10. HACK UP (ON): To hack, but generally implies that the result is meanings 1-2. 11. HACK VALUE: Term used as the reason or motivation for expending effort toward a seemingly useless goal, the point being that the accomplished goal is a hack. For example, MacLISP has code to read and print roman numerals, which was installed purely for hack value. HAPPY HACKING: A farewell. HOW'S HACKING?: A friendly greeting among hackers. HACK HACK: A somewhat pointless but friendly comment, often used as a temporary farewell. 0102HACKER [originally, someone who makes furniture with an axe] n. 1. A person who enjoys learning the details of programming systems and how to stretch their capabilities, as opposed to most users who prefer to learn only the minimum necessary. 2. One who programs enthusiastically, or who enjoys programming rather than just theorizing about programming. 3. A person capable of appreciating hack value (q.v.). 4. A person who is good at programming quickly. Not everything a hacker produces is a hack. 5. An expert at a particular program, or one who frequently does work using it or on it; example: "A SAIL hacker". (Definitions 1 to 5 are correlated, and people who fit them congregate.) 6. A malicious or inquisitive meddler who tries to discover information by poking around. Hence "password hacker", "network hacker". 0103HACKISH adj. Being or involving a hack. HACKISHNESS n. 0104HAIR n. The complications which make something hairy. "Decoding TECO commands requires a certain amount of hair." Often seen in the phrase INFINITE HAIR, which connotes extreme complexity. 0105HAIRY adj. 1. Overly complicated. "DWIM is incredibly hairy." 2. Incomprehensible. "DWIM is incredibly hairy." 3. Of people, high-powered, authoritative, rare, expert, and/or incomprehensible. Hard to explain except in context: "He knows this hairy lawyer who says there's nothing to worry about." 0106HAKMEM n. MIT AI Memo 239 (February 1972). A collection of neat mathematical and programming hacks contributed by many people at MIT and elsewhere. 0107HANDWAVE 1. v. To gloss over a complex point; to distract a listener; to support a (possibly actually valid) point with blatantly faulty logic. 2. n. The act of handwaving. "Boy, what a handwave!" The use of this word is often accompanied by gestures: both hands up, palms forward, swinging the hands in a vertical plane pivoting at the elbows and/or shoulders (depending on the magnitude of the handwave); alternatively, holding the forearms still while rotating the hands at the wrist to make them flutter. In context, the gestures alone can suffice as a remark. 0108HARDWARILY adv. In a way pertaining to hardware. "The system is hardwarily unreliable." The adjective "hardwary" is NOT used. See SOFTWARILY. 0109HELLO_WALL See WALL. 0110HELP This file of computer (usually AI) jargon was gotten form someplace. Compiled by Guy L. Steele Jr., Raphael Finkel, Donald Woods, and Mark Crispin, with assistance from the MIT and Stanford AI communities and Worcester Polytechnic Institute. Some contributions were submitted via the ARPAnet from miscellaneous sites. 0111HIRSUTE Occasionally used humorously as a synonym for HAIRY. 0112HOOK n. An extraneous piece of software or hardware included in order to simplify later additions or debug options. For instance, a program might execute a location that is normally a JFCL, but by changing the JFCL to a PUSHJ one can insert a debugging routine at that point. 0113HUMONGOUS, HUMUNGOUS See HUNGUS. 0114HUNGUS (hung'-ghis) [perhaps related to current slang "humongous"; which one came first (if either) is unclear] adj. Large, unwieldy, usually unmanageable. "TCP is a hungus piece of code." "This is a hungus set of modifications." 0115IMPCOM See TELNET. 0116INFINITE adj. Consisting of a large number of objects; extreme. Used very loosely as in: "This program produces infinite garbage." 0117IRP (erp) [from the MIDAS pseudo-op which generates a block of code repeatedly, substituting in various places the car and/or cdr of the list(s) supplied at the IRP] v. To perform a series of tasks repeatedly with a minor substitution each time through. "I guess I'll IRP over these homework papers so I can give them some random grade for this semester." 0118JFCL (djif'kl or djafik'l) [based on the PDP-10 instruction that acts as a fast no-op] v. To cancel or annul something. "Why don't you jfcl that out?" 0119JIFFY n. 1. Interval of CPU time, commonly 1/60 second or 1 millisecond. 2. Indeterminate time from a few seconds to forever. "I'll do it in a jiffy" means certainly not now and possibly never. 0120JOCK n. Programmer who is characterized by large and somewhat brute force programs. The term is particularly well-suited for systems programmers. 0121JRST (jerst) [based on the PDP-10 jump instruction] v. To suddenly change subjects. Usage: rather rare. "Jack be nimble, Jack be quick; Jack jrst over the candle stick." 0122JSYS (jay'sis), pl. JSI (jay'sigh) [Jump to SYStem] See UUO. 0123J_RANDOM See RANDOM. 0124KLUGE (kloodj) alt. KLUDGE [from the German "kluge", clever] n. 1. A Rube Goldberg device in hardware or software. 2. A clever programming trick intended to solve a particular nasty case in an efficient, if not clear, manner. Often used to repair bugs. Often verges on being a crock. 3. Something that works for the wrong reason. 4. v. To insert a kluge into a program. "I've kluged this routine to get around that weird bug, but there's probably a better way." Also KLUGE UP. 5. KLUGE AROUND: To avoid by inserting a kluge. 6. (WPI) A feature which is implemented in a RUDE manner. 0125LDB (lid'dib) [from the PDP-10 instruction set] v. To extract from the middle. 0126LIFE n. A cellular-automata game invented by John Horton Conway, and first introduced publicly by Martin Gardner (Scientific American, October 1970). 0127LINE_FEED (standard ASCII terminology) 1. v. To feed the paper through a terminal by one line (in order to print on the next line). 2. n. The "character" which causes the terminal to perform this action. 0128LINE_STARVE (MIT) Inverse of LINE FEED. 0129LOGICAL [from the technical term "logical device", wherein a physical device is referred to by an arbitrary name] adj. Understood to have a meaning not necessarily corresponding to reality. E.g., if a person who has long held a certain post (e.g., Les Earnest at SAIL) left and was replaced, the replacement would for a while be known as the "logical Les Earnest". The word VIRTUAL is also used. At SAIL, "logical" compass directions denote a coordinate system in which "logical north" is toward San Francisco, "logical west" is toward the ocean, etc., even though logical north varies between physical (true) north near SF and physical west near San Jose. 0130LOSE [from MIT jargon] v. 1. To fail. A program loses when it encounters an exceptional condition. 2. To be exceptionally unaesthetic. 3. Of people, to be obnoxious or unusually stupid (as opposed to ignorant). 4. DESERVE TO LOSE: v. Said of someone who willfully does the wrong thing; humorously, if one uses a feature known to be marginal. What is meant is that one deserves the consequences of one's losing actions. "Boy, anyone who tries to use MULTICS deserves to lose!" LOSE LOSE - a reply or comment on a situation. 0131LOSER n. An unexpectedly bad situation, program, programmer, or person. Especially "real loser". 0132LOSS n. Something which loses. WHAT A (MOBY) LOSS!: interjection. 0133LOSSAGE n. The result of a bug or malfunction. 0134LPT (lip'-it) n. Line printer, of course. 0135LUSER See USER. 0136MACROTAPE n. An industry standard reel of tape, as opposed to a MICROTAPE. 0137MAGIC adj. 1. As yet unexplained, or too complicated to explain. (Arthur C. Clarke once said that magic was as-yet-not-understood science.) "TTY echoing is controlled by a large number of magic bits." "This routine magically computes the parity of an eight-bit byte in three instructions." 2. (Stanford) A feature not generally publicized which allows something otherwise impossible, or a feature formerly in that category but now unveiled. Example: The keyboard commands which override the screen-hiding features. 0138MARGINAL adj. 1. Extremely small. "A marginal increase in core can decrease GC time drastically." 2. Of extremely small merit. "This proposed new feature seems rather marginal to me." 3. Of extremely small probability of winning. "The power supply was rather marginal anyway; no wonder it crapped out." 4. MARGINALLY: adv. Slightly. "The ravs here are only marginally better than at Small Eating Place." 0139MICROTAPE n. Occasionally used to mean a DECtape, as opposed to a MACROTAPE. 0140MISFEATURE n. A feature which eventually screws someone, possibly because it is not adequate for a new situation which has evolved. It is not the same as a bug because fixing it involves a gross philosophical change to the structure of the system involved. Often a former feature becomes a misfeature because a tradeoff was made whose parameters subsequently changed (possibly only in the judgment of the implementors). "Well, yeah, it's kind of a misfeature that file names are limited to six characters, but we're stuck with it for now." 0141MOBY [seems to have been in use among model railroad fans years ago. Entered the world of AI with the Fabritek 256K moby memory of MIT-AI. Derived from Melville's "Moby Dick" (some say from "Moby Pickle").] 1. adj. Large, immense, or complex. "A moby frob." 2. n. The maximum address space of a machine, hence 3. n. 256K words, the size of a PDP-10 moby. (The maximum address space means the maximum normally addressable space, as opposed to the amount of physical memory a machine can have. Thus the MIT PDP-10s each have two mobies, usually referred to as the "low moby" (0-777777) and "high moby" (1000000-1777777), or as "moby 0" and "moby 1". MIT-AI has four mobies of address space: moby 2 is the PDP-6 memory, and moby 3 the PDP-11 interface.) In this sense "moby" is often used as a generic unit of either address space (18. bits' worth) or of memory (about a megabyte, or 9/8 megabyte (if one accounts for difference between 32.- and 36.-bit words), or 5/4 megacharacters). 4. A title of address (never of third-person reference), usually used to show admiration, respect, and/or friendliness to a competent hacker. "So, moby Knight, how's the CONS machine doing?" 5. adj. In backgammon, doubles on the dice, as in "moby sixes", "moby ones", etc. MOBY FOO, MOBY WIN, MOBY LOSS: standard emphatic forms. FOBY MOO: a spoonerism due to Greenblatt. 0142MODE n. A general state, usually used with an adjective describing the state. "No time to hack; I'm in thesis mode." Usage: in its jargon sense, MODE is most often said of people, though it is sometimes applied to programs and inanimate objects. "If you're on a TTY, E will switch to non-display mode." In particular, see DAY MODE, NIGHT MODE, and YOYO MODE; also COM MODE, TALK MODE, and GABRIEL MODE. 0143MODULO prep. Except for. From mathematical terminology: one can consider saying that 4=22 "except for the 9's" (4=22 mod 9). "Well, LISP seems to work okay now, modulo that GC bug." 0144MOON n. 1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to hackers. See PHASE OF THE MOON. 2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC). 0145MUMBLAGE n. The topic of one's mumbling (see MUMBLE). "All that mumblage" is used like "all that stuff" when it is not quite clear what it is or how it works, or like "all that crap" when "mumble" is being used as an implicit replacement for obscenities. 0146MUMBLE interj. 1. Said when the correct response is either too complicated to enunciate or the speaker has not thought it out. Often prefaces a longer answer, or indicates a general reluctance to get into a big long discussion. "Well, mumble." 2. Sometimes used as an expression of disagreement. "I think we should buy it." "Mumble!" Common variant: MUMBLE FROTZ. 0147MUNCH (often confused with "mung", q.v.) v. To transform information in a serial fashion, often requiring large amounts of computation. To trace down a data structure. Related to CRUNCH (q.v.), but connotes less pain. 0148MUNCHING_SQUARE MUNCHING SQUARES n. A display hack dating back to the PDP-1, which employs a trivial computation (involving XOR'ing of x-y display coordinates - see HAKMEM items 146-148) to produce an impressive display of moving, growing, and shrinking squares. The hack usually has a parameter (usually taken from toggle switches) which when well-chosen can produce amazing effects. Some of these, discovered recently on the LISP machine, have been christened MUNCHING TRIANGLES, MUNCHING W'S, and MUNCHING MAZES. 0149MUNG (variant: MUNGE) [recursive acronym for Mung Until No Good] v. 1. To make changes to a file, often large-scale, usually irrevocable. Occasionally accidental. See BLT. 2. To destroy, usually accidentally, occasionally maliciously. The system only mungs things maliciously. 0150N adj. 1. Some large and indeterminate number of objects; "There were N bugs in that crock!"; also used in its original sense of a variable name. 2. An arbitrarily large (and perhaps infinite) number. 3. A variable whose value is specified by the current context. "We'd like to order N wonton soups and a family dinner for N-1." 4. NTH: adj. The ordinal counterpart of N. "Now for the Nth and last time..." In the specific context "Nth-year grad student", N is generally assumed to be at least 4, and is usually 5 or more. See also 69. 0151NIGHT_MODE See PHASE (of people). 0152NIL [from LISP terminology for "false"] No. Usage: used in reply to a question, particularly one asked using the "-P" convention. See T. 0153OBSCURE adj. Used in an exaggeration of its normal meaning, to imply a total lack of comprehensibility. "The reason for that last crash is obscure." "FIND's command syntax is obscure." MODERATELY OBSCURE implies that it could be figured out but probably isn't worth the trouble. 0154OPEN n. Abbreviation for "open (or left) parenthesis", used when necessary to eliminate oral ambiguity. To read aloud the LISP form (DEFUN FOO (X) (PLUS X 1)) one might say: "Open def-fun foo, open eks close, open, plus ekx one, close close." See CLOSE. 0155PARSE [from linguistic terminology] v. 1. To determine the syntactic structure of a sentence or other utterance (close to the standard English meaning). Example: "That was the one I saw you." "I can't parse that." 2. More generally, to understand or comprehend. "It's very simple; you just kretch the glims and then aos the zotz." "I can't parse that." 3. Of fish, to have to remove the bones yourself (usually at a Chinese restaurant). "I object to parsing fish" means "I don't want to get a whole fish, but a sliced one is okay." A "parsed fish" has been deboned. There is some controversy over whether "unparsed" should mean "bony", or also mean "deboned". 0156PATCH 1. n. A temporary addition to a piece of code, usually as a quick-and-dirty remedy to an existing bug or misfeature. A patch may or may not work, and may or may not eventually be incorporated permanently into the program. 2. v. To insert a patch into a piece of code. 0157PDL (piddle or puddle) [acronym for Push Down List] n. 1. A LIFO queue (stack); more loosely, any priority queue; even more loosely, any queue. A person's pdl is the set of things he has to do in the future. One speaks of the next project to be attacked as having risen to the top of the pdl. "I'm afraid I've got real work to do, so this'll have to be pushed way down on my pdl." See PUSH and POP. 2. Dave Lebling (PDL@DM). 0158Peculiar_nouns MIT AI hackers love to take various words and add the wrong endings to them to make nouns and verbs, often by extending a standard rule to nonuniform cases. Examples: porous => porosity generous => generosity Ergo: mysterious => mysteriosity ferrous => ferocity Other examples: winnitude, disgustitude, hackification. 0159PESSIMAL [Latin-based antonym for "optimal"] adj. Maximally bad. "This is a pessimal situation." 0160PESSIMIZING_ PESSIMIZING COMPILER n. A compiler that produces object code that is worse than the straightforward or obvious translation. 0161PHANTOM n. (Stanford) The SAIL equivalent of a DRAGON (q.v.). Typical phantoms include the accounting program, the news-wire monitor, and the lpt and xgp spoolers. 0162PHASE (of people) 1. n. The phase of one's waking-sleeping schedule with respect to the standard 24-hour cycle. This is a useful concept among people who often work at night according to no fixed schedule. It is not uncommon to change one's phase by as much as six hours/day on a regular basis. "What's your phase?" "I've been getting in about 8 PM lately, but I'm going to work around to the day schedule by Friday." A person who is roughly 12 hours out of phase is sometimes said to be in "night mode". (The term "day mode" is also used, but less frequently.) 2. CHANGE PHASE THE HARD WAY: To stay awake for a very long time in order to get into a different phase. 3. CHANGE PHASE THE EASY WAY: To stay asleep etc. 0163PHASE_OF_THE_ PHASE OF THE MOON n. Used humorously as a random parameter on which something is said to depend. Sometimes implies unreliability of whatever is dependent, or that reliability seems to be dependent on conditions nobody has been able to determine. "This feature depends on having the channel open in mumble mode, having the foo switch set, and on the phase of the moon." 0164PLUGH [from the Adventure game] v. See XYZZY. 0165POM n. Phase of the moon (q.v.). Usage: usually used in the phrase "POM dependent" which means flakey (q.v.). 0166POP [based on the stack operation that removes the top of a stack, and the fact that procedure return addresses are saved on the stack] dialect: POPJ (pop-jay), based on the PDP-10 procedure return instruction. v. To return from a digression. 0167PPN (pip'in) [DEC terminology, short for Project-Programmer Number] n. 1. A combination `project' (directory name) and programmer name, used to identify a specific directory belonging to that user. For instance, "FOO,BAR" would be the FOO directory for user BAR. Since the name is restricted to three letters, the programmer name is usually the person's initials, though sometimes it is a nickname or other special sequence. (Standard DEC setup is to have two octal numbers instead of characters; hence the original acronym.) 2. Often used loosely to refer to the programmer name alone. "I want to send you some mail; what's your ppn?" Usage: not used at MIT, since ITS does not use ppn's. The equivalent terms would be UNAME and SNAME, depending on context, but these are not used except in their technical senses. 0168PROTOCOL See DO PROTOCOL. 0169PSEUDOPRIME n. A backgammon prime (six consecutive occupied points) with one point missing. 0170PTY (pity) n. Pseudo TTY, a simulated TTY used to run a job under the supervision of another job. PTYJOB (pity-job) n. The job being run on the PTY. Also a common general-purpose program for creating and using PTYs. This is DEC and SAIL terminology; the MIT equivalent is STY. 0171PUNT [from the punch line of an old joke: "Drop back 15 yards and punt"] v. To give up, typically without any intention of retrying. 0172PUSH [based on the stack operation that puts the current information on a stack, and the fact that procedure call addresses are saved on the stack] dialect: PUSHJ (push-jay), based on the PDP-10 procedure call instruction. v. To enter upon a digression, to save the current discussion for later. 0173P_Convention The -P convention: turning a word into a question by appending the syllable "P"; from the LISP convention of appending the letter "P" to denote a predicate (a Boolean-values function). The question should expect a yes/no answer, though it needn't. (See T and NIL.) At dinnertime: "Foodp?" "Yeah, I'm pretty hungry." or "T!" "State-of-the-world-P?" (Straight) "I'm about to go home." (Humorous) "Yes, the world has a state." 0174QUES (kwess) 1. n. The question mark character ("?"). 2. interj. What? Also QUES QUES? See WALL. 0175QUUX [invented by Steele. Mythically, from the Latin semi-deponent verb QUUXO, QUUXARE, QUUXANDUM IRI; noun form variously QUUX (plural QUUCES, Anglicized to QUUXES) and QUUXU (genitive plural is QUUXUUM, four U's in seven letters).] 1. Originally, a meta-word like FOO and FOOBAR. Invented by Steele for precisely this purpose. 2. interj. See FOO; however, denotes very little disgust, and is uttered mostly for the sake of the sound of it. 3. n. Refers to one of three people who went to Boston Latin School and eventually to MIT: THE GREAT QUUX: Guy L. Steele Jr. THE LESSER QUUX: David J. Littleboy THE MEDIOCRE QUUX: Alan P. Swide (This taxonomy is said to be similarly applied to three Frankston brothers at MIT.) QUUX, without qualification, usually refers to The Great Quux, who is somewhat infamous for light verse and for the "Crunchly" cartoons. 4. QUUXY: adj. Of or pertaining to a QUUX. 5. n. The Micro Quux (Sam Lewis). 0176RANDOM adj. 1. Unpredictable (closest to mathematical definition); weird. "The system's been behaving pretty randomly." 2. Assorted; undistinguished. "Who was at the conference?" "Just a bunch of random business types." 3. Frivolous; unproductive; undirected (pejorative). "He's just a random loser." 4. Incoherent or inelegant; not well organized. "The program has a random set of misfeatures." "That's a random name for that function." "Well, all the names were chosen pretty randomly." 5. Gratuitously wrong, i.e., poorly done and for no good apparent reason. For example, a program that handles file name defaulting in a particularly useless way, or a routine that could easily have been coded using only three ac's, but randomly uses seven for assorted non-overlapping purposes, so that no one else can invoke it without first saving four extra ac's. 6. In no particular order, though deterministic. "The I/O channels are in a pool, and when a file is opened one is chosen randomly." n. 7. A random hacker; used particularly of high school students who soak up computer time and generally get in the way. 8. (occasional MIT usage) One who lives at Random Hall. J. RANDOM is often prefixed to a noun to make a "name" out of it (by comparison to common names such as "J. Fred Muggs"). The most common uses are "J. Random Loser" and "J. Random Nurd" ("Should J. Random Loser be allowed to gun down other people?"), but it can be used just as an elaborate version of RANDOM in any sense. 0177RANDOMNESS n. An unexplainable misfeature; gratuitous inelegance. Also, a hack or crock which depends on a complex combination of coincidences (or rather, the combination upon which the crock depends). "This hack can output characters 40-57 by putting the character in the accumulator field of an XCT and then extracting 6 bits -- the low two bits of the XCT opcode are the right thing." "What randomness!" 0178RAPE v. To (metaphorically) screw someone or something, violently. Usage: often used in describing file-system damage. "So-and-so was running a program that did absolute disk I/O and ended up raping the master directory." 0179RAVE (WPI) v. 1. To persist in discussing a specific subject. 2. To speak authoritatively on a subject about which one knows very little. 3. To complain to a person who is not in a position to correct the difficulty. 4. To purposely annoy another person verbally. 5. To evangelize. See FLAME. Also used to describe a less negative form of blather, such as friendly bullshitting. 0180REAL_USER n. 1. A commercial user. One who is paying "real" money for his computer usage. 2. A non-hacker. Someone using the system for an explicit purpose (research project, course, etc.). See USER. 0181REL See BIN. 0182RUDE (WPI) adj. 1. (of a program) Badly written. 2. Functionally poor, e.g. a program which is very difficult to use because of gratuitously poor (random?) design decisions. See CUSPY. 0183SACRED adj. Reserved for the exclusive use of something (a metaphorical extension of the standard meaning). "Accumulator 7 is sacred to the UUO handler." Often means that anyone may look at the sacred object, but clobbering it will screw whatever it is sacred to. 0184SAGA (WPI) n. A cuspy but bogus raving story dealing with N random broken people. 0185SAV (save) See BIN. 0186SEMI 1. n. Abbreviation for "semicolon", when speaking. "Commands to GRIND are prefixed by semi-semi-star" means that the prefix is ";;*", not 1/4 of a star. 2. Prefix with words such as "immediately", as a qualifier. "When is the system coming up?" "Semi-immediately." 0187SERVER n. A kind of DAEMON which performs a service for the requester, which often runs on a computer other than the one on which the server runs. 0188SHIFT_LEFT_LOG SHIFT LEFT (RIGHT) LOGICAL [from any of various machines' instruction sets] 1. v. To move oneself to the left (right). To move out of the way. 2. imper. Get out of that (my) seat! Usage: often used without the "logical", or as "left shift" instead of "shift left". Sometimes heard as LSH (lish), from the PDP-10 instruction set. 0189SHIFT_RIGHT_LOG See SHIFT_LEFT_LOG. 0190SHR (share) See BIN. 0191SHRIEK See EXCL. (Occasional CMU usage.) 0192SLOP n. 1. A one-sided fudge factor (q.v.). Often introduced to avoid the possibility of a fencepost error (q.v.). 2. (used by compiler freaks) The ratio of code generated by a compiler to hand-compiled code, minus 1; i.e., the space (or maybe time) you lose because you didn't do it yourself. 0193SLURP v. To read a large data file entirely into core before working on it. "This program slurps in a 1K-by-1K matrix and does an FFT." 0194SNARF v. To grab, esp. a large document or file for the purpose of using it either with or without the author's permission. See BLT. Variant: SNARF (IT) DOWN. (At MIT on ITS, DDT has a command called :SNARF which grabs a job from another (inferior) DDT.) 0195SOFTWARE_ROT n. Hypothetical disease the existence of which has been deduced from the observation that unused programs or features will stop working after sufficient time has passed, even if "nothing has changed". Also known as "bit decay". 0196SOFTWARILY adv. In a way pertaining to software. "The system is softwarily unreliable." The adjective "softwary" is NOT used. See HARDWARILY. 0197SOS 1. (ess-oh-ess) n. A losing editor, SON OF STOPGAP. 2. (sahss) v. Inverse of AOS, from the PDP-10 instruction set. 0198Soundalike_ Soundalike slang similar to Cockney rhyming slang. Often made up on the spur of the moment. Standard examples: Boston Globe => Boston Glob Herald American => Horrid (Harried) American New York Times => New York Slime Dime Time => Slime Time government property - do not duplicate (seen on keys) => government duplicity - do not propagate Often the substitution will be made in such a way as to slip in a standard jargon word: Dr. Dobb's Journal => Dr. Frob's Journal 0199SPAZZ 1. v. To behave spastically or erratically; more often, to commit a single gross error. "Boy, is he spazzing!" 2. n. One who spazzes. "Boy, what a spazz!" 3. n. The result of spazzing. "Boy, what a spazz!" 0200SPLAT n. 1. Name used in many places (DEC, IBM, and others) for the ASCII star ("*") character. 2. (MIT) Name used by some people for the ASCII pound-sign ("#") character. 3. (Stanford) Name used by some people for the Stanford/ITS extended ASCII circle-x character. (This character is also called "circle-x", "blobby", and "frob", among other names.) 4. (Stanford) Name for the semi-mythical extended ASCII circle-plus character. 5. Canonical name for an output routine that outputs whatever the the local interpretation of splat is. Usage: nobody really agrees what character "splat" is, but the term is common. 0201STATE n. Condition, situation. "What's the state of NEWIO?" "It's winning away." "What's your state?" "I'm about to gronk out." As a special case, "What's the state of the world?" (or, more silly, "State-of-world-P?") means "What's new?" or "What's going on?" 0202STOPPAGE n. Extreme lossage (see LOSSAGE) resulting in something (usually vital) becoming completely unusable. 0203STY (pronounced "sty", not spelled out) n. A pseudo-teletype, which is a two-way pipeline with a job on one end and a fake keyboard-tty on the other. Also, a standard program which provides a pipeline from its controlling tty to a pseudo-teletype (and thence to another tty, thereby providing a "sub-tty"). This is MIT terminology; the SAIL and DEC equivalent is PTY. 0204SUPDUP v. To communicate with another ARPAnet host using the SUPDUP program, which is a SUPer-DUPer TELNET talking a special display protocol used mostly in talking to ITS sites. Sometimes abbreviated to SD. 0205SUPERPROGRAMMER n. See "wizard", "hacker". Usage: rare. (Becoming more common among IBM and Yourdon types.) 0206SWAPPED adj. From the use of secondary storage devices to implement virtual memory in computer systems. Something which is SWAPPED IN is available for immediate use in main memory, and otherwise is SWAPPED OUT. Often used metaphorically to refer to people's memories ("I read TECO ORDER every few months to keep the information swapped in.") or to their own availability ("I'll swap you in as soon as I finish looking at this other problem."). 0207SYSTEM n. 1. The supervisor program on the computer. 2. Any large-scale program. 3. Any method or algorithm. 4. The way things are usually done. Usage: a fairly ambiguous word. "You can't beat the system." SYSTEM HACKER: one who hacks the system (in sense 1 only; for sense 2 one mentions the particular program: e.g., LISP HACKER) 0208T [from LISP terminology for "true"] 1. Yes. Usage: used in reply to a question, particularly one asked using the "-P" convention). See NIL. 2. See TIME T. 0209TALK_MODE See COM MODE. 0210TASTE n. (primarily MIT-DMS) The quality in programs which tends to be inversely proportional to the number of features, hacks, and kluges programmed into it. Also, TASTY, TASTEFUL, TASTEFULNESS. "This feature comes in N tasty flavors." Although TASTEFUL and FLAVORFUL are essentially synonyms, TASTE and FLAVOR are not. 0211TECO (tee'koe) [acronym for Text Editor and COrrector] 1. n. A text editor developed at MIT, and modified by just about everybody. If all the dialects are included, TECO might well be the single most prolific editor in use. Noted for its powerful pseudo-programming features and its incredibly hairy syntax. 2. v. To edit using the TECO editor in one of its infinite forms; sometimes used to mean "to edit" even when not using TECO! Usage: rare at SAIL, where most people wouldn't touch TECO with a TENEX pole. [Historical note: DEC grabbed an ancient version of MIT TECO many years ago when it was still a TTY-oriented editor. By now, TECO at MIT is highly display-oriented and is actually a language for writing editors, rather than an editor. Meanwhile, the outside world's various versions of TECO remain almost the same as the MIT version of ten years ago. DEC recently tried to discourage its use, but an underground movement of sorts kept it alive.] [Since this note was written I found out that DEC tried to force their hackers by administrative decision to use a hacked up and generally lobotomized version of SOS instead of TECO, and they revolted. - MRC] 0212TELNET v. To communicate with another ARPAnet host using the TELNET program. TOPS-10 people use the word IMPCOM since that is the program name for them. Sometimes abbreviated to TN. "I usually TN over to SAIL just to read the AP News." 0213TERPRI (tur'pree) [from the LISP 1.5 (and later, MacLISP) function to start a new line of output] v. To output a CRLF (q.v.). 0214THEORY n. Used in the general sense of idea, plan, story, or set of rules. "What's the theory on fixing this TECO loss?" "What's the theory on dinner tonight?" ("Chinatown, I guess.") "What's the current theory on letting losers on during the day?" "The theory behind this change is to fix the following well-known screw..." 0215THE_REAL_WORLD n. 1. In programming, those institutions at which programming may be used in the same sentence as FORTRAN, COBOL, RPG, IBM, etc. 2. To programmers, the location of non-programmers and activities not related to programming. 3. A universe in which the standard dress is shirt and tie and in which a person's working hours are defined as 9 to 5. 4. The location of the status quo. 5. Anywhere outside a university. "Poor fellow, he's left MIT and gone into the real world." Used pejoratively by those not in residence there. In conversation, talking of someone who has entered the real world is not unlike talking about a deceased person. 0216THE_RIGHT_THING n. That which is "obviously" the correct or appropriate thing to use, do, say, etc. Use of this term often implies that in fact reasonable people may disagree. "Never let your conscience keep you from doing the right thing!" "What's the right thing for LISP to do when it reads '(.)'?" 0217THRASH v. To move wildly or violently. Swapping systems which are overloaded spend much of their time moving pages into and out of core, and are therefore said to thrash. 0218TICK n. 1. Interval of time; basic clock time on the computer. Typically 1/60 second. See JIFFY. 2. In simulations, the discrete unit of time that passes "between" iterations of the simulation mechanism. In AI applications, this amount of time is often left unspecified, since the only constraint of interest is that caused things happen after their causes. This sort of AI simulation is often pejoratively referred to as "tick-tick-tick" simulation, especially when the issue of simultaneity of events with long, independent chains of causes is handwaved. 0219TIME_T n. 1. An unspecified but usually well-understood time, often used in conjunction with a later time T+1. "We'll meet on campus at time T or at Louie's at time T+1." 2. SINCE (OR AT) TIME T EQUALS MINUS INFINITY: A long time ago; for as long as anyone can remember; at the time that some particular frob was first designed. 0220TOOL v.i. To work; to study. See HACK (def #9). 0221TRAP 1. n. A program interrupt, usually used specifically to refer to an interrupt caused by some illegal action taking place in the user program. In most cases the system monitor performs some action related to the nature of the illegality, then returns control to the program. See UUO. 2. v. To cause a trap. "These instructions trap to the monitor." Also used transitively to indicate the cause of the trap. "The monitor traps all input/output instructions." 0222TTY (titty) n. Terminal of the teletype variety, characterized by a noisy mechanical printer, a very limited character set, and poor print quality. Usage: antiquated (like the TTY's themselves). Sometimes used to refer to any terminal at all; sometimes used to refer to the particular terminal controlling a job. 0223TWEAK v. To change slightly, usually in reference to a value. Also used synonymously with TWIDDLE. See FROBNICATE and FUDGE FACTOR. 0224TWENEX n. The TOPS-20 operating system by DEC. So named because TOPS-10 was a typically crufty DEC operating system for the PDP-10. BBN developed their own system, called TENEX (TEN EXecutive), and in creating TOPS-20 for the DEC-20 DEC copied TENEX and adapted it for the 20. Usage: DEC people cringe when they hear TOPS-20 referred to as "Twenex", but the term seems to be catching on nevertheless. Release 3 of TOPS-20 is sufficiently different from release 1 that some (not all) hackers have stopped calling it TWENEX, though the written abbreviation "20x" is still used. 0225TWIDDLE n. 1. tilde (ASCII 176, "~"). Also called "squiggle", "sqiggle" (sic--pronounced "skig'gul"), and "twaddle", but twiddle is by far the most common term. 2. A small and insignificant change to a program. Usually fixes one bug and generates several new ones. 3. v. To change something in a small way. Bits, for example, are often twiddled. Twiddling a switch or knob implies much less sense of purpose than toggling or tweaking it; see FROBNICATE. 0226UP adj. 1. Working, in order. "The down escalator is up." 2. BRING UP: v. To create a working version and start it. "They brought up a down system." 0227USER n. A programmer who will believe anything you tell him. One who asks questions. Identified at MIT with "loser" by the spelling "luser". See REAL USER. [Note by GLS: I don't agree with RF's definition at all. Basically, there are two classes of people who work with a program: there are implementors (hackers) and users (losers). The users are looked down on by hackers to a mild degree because they don't understand the full ramifications of the system in all its glory. (A few users who do are known as real winners.) It is true that users ask questions (of necessity). Very often they are annoying or downright stupid.] 0228UUO (you-you-oh) [short for "Un-Used Operation"] n. A DEC-10 system monitor call. The term "Un-Used Operation" comes from the fact that, on DEC-10 systems, monitor calls are implemented as invalid or illegal machine instructions, which cause traps to the monitor (see TRAP). The SAIL manual describing the available UUO's has a cover picture showing an unidentified underwater object. See YOYO. [Note: DEC sales people have since decided that "Un-Used Operation" sounds bad, so UUO now stands for "Unimplemented User Operation".] Tenex and Twenex systems use the JSYS machine instruction (q.v.), which is halfway between a legal machine instruction and a UUO, since KA-10 Tenices implement it as a hardware instruction which can be used as an ordinary subroutine call (sort of a "pure JSR"). 0229VANILLA adj. Ordinary flavor, standard. See FLAVOR. When used of food, very often does not mean that the food is flavored with vanilla extract! For example, "vanilla-flavored wonton soup" means ordinary wonton soup, as opposed to hot and sour wonton soup. 0230VAXEN [from "oxen", perhaps influenced by "vixen"] n. pl. The plural of VAX (a DEC machine). 0231Verb_doubling a standard construction is to double a verb and use it as a comment on what the implied subject does. Often used to terminate a conversation. Typical examples involve WIN, LOSE, HACK, FLAME, BARF, CHOMP: "The disk heads just crashed." "Lose, lose." "Mostly he just talked about his --- crock. Flame, flame." "Boy, what a bagbiter! Chomp, chomp!" 0232VIRGIN adj. Unused, in reference to an instantiation of a program. "Let's bring up a virgin system and see if it crashes again." Also, by extension, unused buffers and the like within a program. 0233VIRTUAL adj. 1. Common alternative to LOGICAL (q.v.), but never used with compass directions. 2. Performing the functions of. Virtual memory acts like real memory but isn't. 0234VISIONARY n. One who hacks vision (in an AI context, such as the processing of visual images). 0235WALDO [probably taken from the story "Waldo", by Heinlein, which is where the term was first used to mean a mechanical adjunct to a human limb] Used at Harvard, particularly by Tom Cheatham and students, instead of FOOBAR as a meta-syntactic variable and general nonsense word. See FOO, BAR, FOOBAR, QUUX. 0236WALL [shortened form of HELLO WALL, apparently from the phrase "up against a blank wall"] (WPI) interj. 1. An indication of confusion, usually spoken with a quizzical tone. "Wall??" 2. A request for further explication. 0237WALLPAPER n. A file containing a listing (e.g., assembly listing) or transcript, esp. a file containing a transcript of all or part of a login session. (The idea was that the LPT paper for such listings was essentially good only for wallpaper, as evidenced at SAIL where it was used as such to cover windows.) Usage: not often used now, esp. since other systems have developed other terms for it (e.g., PHOTO on TWENEX). The term possibly originated on ITS, where the commands to begin and end transcript files are still :WALBEG and :WALEND, with default file DSK:WALL PAPER. 0238WEDGED [from "head wedged up ass"] adj. To be in a locked state, incapable of proceeding without help. (See GRONK.) Often refers to humans suffering misconceptions. "The swapper is wedged." This term is sometimes used as a synonym for DEADLOCKED (q.v.). 0239WHAT n. The question mark character ("?"). See QUES. Usage: rare, used particularly in conjunction with WOW. 0240WIN [from MIT jargon] 1. v. To succeed. A program wins if no unexpected conditions arise. 2. BIG WIN: n. Serendipity. Emphatic forms: MOBY WIN, SUPER WIN, HYPER-WIN (often used interjectively as a reply). For some reason SUITABLE WIN is also common at MIT, usually in reference to a satisfactory solution to a problem. See LOSE. 0241WINNAGE n. The situation when a lossage is corrected, or when something is winning. Quite rare. Usage: also quite rare. 0242WINNER 1. n. An unexpectedly good situation, program, programmer or person. 2. REAL WINNER: Often sarcastic, but also used as high praise. 0243WINNITUDE n. The quality of winning (as opposed to WINNAGE, which is the result of winning). "That's really great! Boy, what winnitude!" 0244WIZARD n. 1. A person who knows how a complex piece of software or hardware works; someone who can find and fix his bugs in an emergency. Rarely used at MIT, where HACKER is the preferred term. 2. A person who is permitted to do things forbidden to ordinary people, e.g., a "net wizard" on a TENEX may run programs which speak low-level host-imp protocol; an ADVENT wizard at SAIL may play Adventure during the day. 0245WORMHOLE n. A location in a monitor which contains the address of a routine, with the specific intent of making it easy to substitute a different routine. The following quote comes from "Polymorphic Systems", vol. 2, p. 54: "Any type of I/O device can be substituted for the standard device by loading a simple driver routine for that device and installing its address in one of the monitor's `wormholes.'* ---------- *The term `wormhole' has been used to describe a hypothetical astronomical situation where a black hole connects to the `other side' of the universe. When this happens, information can pass through the wormhole, in only one direction, much as `assumptions' pass down the monitor's wormholes." 0246WOW See EXCL. 0247XGP 1. n. Xerox Graphics Printer. 2. v. To print something on the XGP. "You shouldn't XGP such a large file." 0248XYZZY [from the Adventure game] adj. See PLUGH. 0249YOYO MODE n. State in which the system is said to be when it rapidly alternates several times between being up and being down. 0250YU_SHIANG YU-SHIANG WHOLE FISH n. The character gamma (extended SAIL ASCII 11), which with a loop in its tail looks like a fish. Usage: used primarily by people on the MIT LISP Machine. Tends to elicit incredulity from people who hear about it second-hand. 0251ZERO v. 1. To set to zero. Usually said of small pieces of data, such as bits or words. 2. To erase; to discard all data from. Said of disks and directories, where "zeroing" need not involve actually writing zeroes throughout the area being zeroed. 0252"A loaf of bread", the Walrus said, "is what we chiefly need." 0253"As a matter of fact" is an expression that precedes many an expression that isn't. 0254"Beware the [lobbyist], my son, the jaws that bite, the claws that snatch" (with thanks to Lewis Carroll). No matter how noble the cause or well meaning its professional advocates, lobbyists are still paid to get results. They're subject to errors in judgement, shortcomings in motives, and most of them don't even vote in your district. -- Pierre S. du Pont 0255"But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to the nearest gas station." 0256"Give us the man," shout the multitude, "who will step forward and take the responsibility." He is instantly the idol, the lord, and the king among men. He, then, who would command among his fellows, must excel them more in energy or will than in power of intellect. -- Burnap 0257"Go to Hell!" or other insult direct is all the answer a snoopy question deserves. -- Lazarus Long 0258"I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital. On the other hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out." 0259"I must do something" will always solve more problems than "Something must be done." 0260"Lord, please let me find a one-armed economist so we won't always hear 'On the other hand...'" -- Edgar R. Fiedler 0261"Right reason," by which Cicero meant an "immediate and intuitive apprehension of moral and spiritual values," of what is right and just and what is wrong and unjust, was in the nature of things placed by God in all men; and no decree or legislative enactment could change what is right and what is wrong. -- Forrest MacDonald 0262"Send for clips to see how I write. If you don't, frogs will sneak into your house and eat your fingers." -- John Corcoran 0263"The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and is an emerging underachiever." 0264"Truth," I cried, "though the heavens crush me for following her; no falsehood, though a whole celestial Lubberland were the price of apostacy!" -- Carlyle 0265"When a fellow can't read, he's got to think." 0266"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school. -- George Ade 0267"Why should I?" is the cry of work dodgers. Their aim is to just enough to get by. They are clock watchers who are afraid they will render more service than they are paid to perform. They are too lazy to think, too selfish to put their shoulders to the wheel in a common cause. 0268$100 placed at 7 percent interest compounded quarterly for 200 years will increase to more than $100,000,000--by which time it will be worth nothing. -- Lazarus Long 0269'Tis a common proof, that lowliness is a Edward Young ambition's ladder, whereto the climber upwards turns his face; but when he once attains the utmost round, he then unto the ladder turns his back, looks into the clouds scorning the base degrees by which he did ascend. -- Shakespeare 0270'Tis better that a man's own works, than that another man's words should priase him. -- L'Estrange 0271'Tis distance lends enchantment to the view, And robes the mountain in its azure hue. -- Campbell 0272'Tis easier for the generous to forgive, Than for offence to ask it. -- Thomson 0273'Tis education forms the common mind. Just as the twig is bent, the tree's inclin'd -- Alexander Pope 0274'Tis home felt pleasure prompts the patriot's sigh; This makes him wish to live and dare to die. -- Campbell 0275'Tis in my memory lock'd, And you yourself shall keep the key of it. -- Shakespeare 0276'Tis late before The brave despair. -- Thomson 0277'Tis not in mortals to command success; But we'll do more, Sempronius--we'll deserve it. -- Addison 0278'Tis not the fairest form that holds The mildest, purest soul within; 'Tis not the richest plant that holds The sweetest fragrance in. -- Dawes 0279'Tis one thing to be tempted, another thing to fall. -- Shakespeare 0280'Tis pleasant, sure, to see one's name in print; A book's a book, although there's nothing in't. -- Lord Byron 0281'Tis strange the miser should his cares employ To gain the riches he can ne'er enjoy. -- Alexander Pope 0282'Tis the mind that makes the body rich. -- Shakespeare 0283(a) Completion of any task within the allocated time and budget does not bring credit upon the performing personnel--it merely proves the task was easier than expected; (b) failure to complete any task within the allocated time and budget proves the task was more difficult than expected and requires promotion for those in charge. 0284(c) Handbook of Robotics, 56th Edition, 2058 A robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws. 0285-- brave thirst of fame his bosom warms. -- Winston Churchill 0286... One sip of this will bathe the drooping spirits in delights beyond dreams of bliss. 0287... Survival demands collective action; "alone" is for gravestones in hacker's cemeteries. 0288... [concerning " marks] even if we DID quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish. -- Thom Mcleod 0289... and living was just a way of passing time until he died. -- Hamish Sankov 0290... and oftener changed their principles than their shirts. -- Dr. Young 0291... cost consciousness and sophisticated design are basically incompatible. -- Richard F. Moore 0292... high salaries equals happiness equals project success. -- Richard F. Moore 0293... it is not through sin that he opposes God. The Devil's strategy for our times is to make trivial human existence and to isolate us from one another while creating the delusion that the reasons are time pressures, work demands, or economic anxieties. 0294... persons who would be placed outside the pale of society with contempt are not those who would be placed there by another culture. -- Ruth Benedict 0295... that peculiar disease of intellectuals, that infatuation with ideas at the expense of experience that compels experience to conform to bookish preconceptions. 0296... the less management demands of engineers and scientists, the greater their productivity. -- Richard F. Moore 0297... there being nothing more evident than that creatures of the same species ... should be equal amongst one another without subordination or subjection... -- John Locke 029811-PDP eht edisni deppart ma I !pleH 02997:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National Redwood Forest. 03007:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit and violates the Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus. 03018:30 Chan. 7: Bewitched. Tabitha gets carsick and turns Darin into a plastic bag. 030290 percent of everything is crud. -- Theodore Sturgeon 03039:00 Chan. 5: I Dream of Jeanie. Jeanie and Major Nelson discover new things to do with Jeanie's bottle. 0304A "critic" is a person who creates nothing and thereby feels qualified to judge the work of creative people. There is logic in this; he is unbiased-- he hates all creative people equally. -- Lazarus Long 0305A "pacifist" is a contradiction in terms. Most self-described pacifists are not pacific; they simply assume false colors. When the wind changes they hoist the Jolly Roger. -- Lazarus Long 0306A Democratic nation, at least when organized to secure the political rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, can be a large and populous nation. -- Michael Scully 0307A God alone can comprehend a God. -- Young 0308A Smith and Wesson beats four aces. 0309A White House well filled, a little peanut field well tilled, and a wife who will go to the Bronx are great riches. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 0310A army's effectiveness depends on its size, training, experience and morale ... and morale is worth more than all the other factors combined. -- Napoleon Bonaparte 0311A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific game. The player should estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there, preferably atop a nice firm tuft of grass. -- Donald A. Metz 0312A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed in the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the rough. Such veering right or left frequently results from friction between the face of the club and the cover of the ball and the player should not be penalized for the erratic behavior of the ball resulting from such uncontrollable physical phenomena. -- Donald A. Metz 0313A baseball player who makes a spectacular defensive play always leads off the next inning as batter. -- Bob Smith 0314A bathroom hook will be loaded to capacity immediately upon becoming available. This also applies to freeways, closets, playgrounds, downtown hotels, taxis, parking lots, bookcases, wallets, purses, pockets, pipe racks, basement shelves, and so on. The list is endless. -- John Joyce 0315A beautiful eye makes silence eloquent, a kind eye makes contradiction an assent, an enraged eye makes beauty deformed. This little member gives life to every part about us; and I believe the story of Argus implies no more, than the eye is in every part; that is to say, every other part would be mutilated, were not its force represented more by the eye than even by itself. -- Addison 0316A bee is not a busier animal than a blockhead. -- Alexander Pope 0317A bird in the hand is dead. -- Rhonda Boozer 0318A bird in the hand is safer than two overhead. 0319A bitter jest, when the satire comes too near the truth, leaves a sharp sting behind. -- Tacitus 0320A bottle of sweat for every bottle of wine. 0321A brave man is sometimes a desperado; a bully is always a coward. -- Haliburton 0322A brute kills for pleasure. A fool kills from hate. 0323A bureaucrat's castle is his desk ... and parking place. Proceed cautiously when changing either. -- Douglas Evelyn 0324A camel looks like a horse that was planned by a committee. -- Vogue Magazine 0325A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project will only take twice as long. 0326A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project will take only twice as long. 0327A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. 0328A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often. 0329A chase always involves two parts: first breaking contact, second the retiring action to divorce oneself from the incident. -- Robert A. Heinlein 0330A chicken doesn't stop scratching just because the worms are scarce. -- John Peers 0331A child miseducated is a child lost. -- John F. Kennedy 0332A christian in this world is but gold in the ore; at death the pure gold is melted out and separated and the dross cast away and consumed. -- Flavel 0333A christian is the highest style of man. -- Young 0334A clean limerick is a contradiction in terms. 0335A clown is a clown and will always be a clown. -- Babbaluche the cobbler 0336A college education shows a man how little other people know. -- Haliburton 0337A column about errors will contain errors. -- Bill Gold 0338A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain. 0339A committee is a thing which takes a week to do what one good man can do in an hour. -- Elbert Hubbard 0340A company is known by the people it keeps. 0341A component's degree of reliability is directly proportional to it's ease of accessibility (i. e., the harder it is to get to, the more often it breaks down). -- Johnathon Waddell 0342A component's degree of reliability is directly proportional to its ease of accessibility; i. e., the harder it is to get to, the more often it breaks down. -- Jonathan Waddell 0343A compromise is the art of dividing the cake in such a way that each one thinks he is getting the biggest piece. 0344A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home. 0345A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper. -- John M. Dyer 0346A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place. 0347A cow eats without a knife. 0348A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. -- Marvin Kitman 0349A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. -- Oscar Wilde 0350A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. -- H. L. Mencken 0351A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern. -- Edgar A. Shoaff 0352A cynic is one who will laugh at anything so long as it isn't funny. 0353A deaf ear is the first symptom of a closed mind. 0354A diplomat and a stage magician are the two professions that have to have a high silk hat. All the tricks that either one of them have are in the hat, and all are known to other diplomats and magicians. 0355A diplomat's life is made up of three things: protocol, Geritol, and alcohol. 0356A disagreeable task is its own reward. 0357A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together. -- James H. Boren 0358A dull mind, once arriving at an inference that flatters a desire, is rarely able to retain the impression that the notion from which the inference started was purely problematic. -- George Eliot 0359A fail-safe circuit will destroy others. 0360A fake fortune teller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved. -- Lazarus Long 0361A falling body always rolls to the most inaccessable spot. -- Theodore M. Bernstein 0362A fellow-feeling makes one wondrous kind. -- Garrick 0363A few books are alright, like wine, but too much can be bad. Books break down brains. 0364A fire eater must eat fire even if he has to kindle it himself. -- Salvor Hardin 0365A fit or anger is as fatal to dignity as a dose of arsenic to life. -- Dr. Holland 0366A five minutes before the hour, a student will ask a question requiring a ten minute answer. -- M. M. Johnston 0367A flattering painter, who made it his care to draw men as they ought to be, not as they are. -- Oliver Goldsmith 0368A fool in high station is like a man on the top of a high mountain: everything appears small to him and he appears small to everybody. -- Professor Leader W. Matsch 0369A fool, indeed, has great need of a title, It teaches men to call him count and duke, And to forget his proper name of fool. -- Crowne 0370A foot is a device for finding furniture in the dark. 0371A free people always has the right to dismiss its rulers--whom it regards as its servants--at any time. -- Harry V. Jaffa 0372A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. -- Adlai Stevenson 0373A friend in need Is a friend indeed. 0374A friend of mine stopped smoking, drinking, overeating, and chasing women --all at the same time. It was a lovely funeral. 0375A friend to everybody is a friend to nobody. 0376A friend will let you hold the ladder while he goes up on the roof to install your new TV antenna, which is the biggest son of a bitch you ever saw. 0377A friend will refrain from telling you he picked up the same amount of life insurance coverage you did for the half the price and his is non-cancelable. 0378A gen'ral sets his army in array In vain, unless he fight and win the day. -- Denham 0379A generation which ignores history has no past--and no future. 0380A gentleman has ease without familiarity, is respectful without meanness; genteel without affectation, insinuating without seeming art. -- Chesterfield 0381A gentleman is a man who can support his own weight on his hands. 0382A gift of flowers will soon be made to you. 0383A good book is the precious life-blood of a master spirit, embalmed and treasured up on purpose to a life beyond life. -- Milton 0384A good cook is like a sorceress who dispenses happiness. -- Else Schiaparelli 0385A good dinner sharpens wit, while it softens the heart. -- Doran 0386A good imitation is the most perfect originality. -- Voltaire 0387A good leader inspires others with confidence in him; a great leader inspires them with confidence in themselves. 0388A good name will wear out; a bad one may be turned; a nickname lasts forever. -- Zimmerman 0389A good neighbor is one who will watch your vacation slides all evening without telling you that he has been there. 0390A good place to start is where you are. -- Charles Wolf, Jr. 0391A good teacher has been defined as one who makes himself progressively unnecessary. -- Thomas J. Carruthers 0392A good word is an easy obligation, but not to speak ill, requires only our silence, which costs us nothing. -- Tillotson 0393A goodly apple rotten at the heart; O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath! -- Shakespeare 0394A grave, wherever found, preaches a short and pithy sermon to the soul. -- Hawthorne 0395A gray eye is still and sly; A rougish eye is the brown; The eye of blue is ever true; But in the black eye's sparkling spell Mystery and mischief dwell. 0396A great fortune is a great slavery. -- Seneca 0397A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. 0398A great source of error is the judging of events by abstract calculations, which though geometrically true are false as they relate to the concerns of beings governed more by passions and prejudice than by an enlightened sense of their interests. -- Alexander Hamilton 0399A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her confidence. 0400A habit of sneering marks the egotist, or the fool, or the knave, or all three. -- Lavater 0401A heart unspotted is not easily daunted. -- Shakespeare 0402A house is never perfectly furnished for enjoyment, unless there is a child in it rising three years old, and a kitten rising six weeks. -- Southey 0403A hundred mouths, a hundred tongues, And throats of brass, inspired with iron lungs. -- Virgil 0404A journalist is a grumbler, a censurer, a giver of advice, a regent of sovereigns, a tutor of nations. Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than a thousand bayonets. -- Napoleon Bonaparte 0405A kick, that scarce would move a horse may kill a sound divine. -- Cowper 0406A king that would not feel his crown too heavy for him, must wear it every day; but if he think it too light, he knoweth not of what metal it is made. -- Bacon 0407A king's castle is his home. 0408A leader is best when people barely know he exists ... When his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say, "We did this ourselves." -- Lao-Tse 0409A lie in time saves nine. 0410A lie should be trampled on and extinguished wherever found. I am for fumigating the atmosphere, when I suspect that falsehood, like pestilence, breathes around me. -- Carlyle 0411A light heart lives long. -- Shakespeare 0412A light supper, a good night's sleep and a fine morning have often made a hero out of the same man, who, by indigestion, a restless night and a rainy morning would have proved a coward. -- Chesterfield 0413A lion among ladies is a most fearful thing; for there is not a more fearful wild-fowl than your lion living. -- Shakespeare 0414A little ambiguity never hurt anyone. -- Charles Suhor 0415A little ambiguity never hurt anyone. -- Charles Suhor 0416A little help at the right time is better than a lot of help at the wrong time. -- Tevye 0417A little humility is arrogance. -- Bill Gray 0418A little ignorance can go a long way. -- Solomon Short 0419A little learning is a dangerous thing! -- Alexander Pope 0420A little neglect may breed great mischief ... for the want of a shah, Iran was lost; for the want of Iran, the hostages were lost; and for the want of the hostages, I'd be lost. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 0421A little philosophy inclineth man's mind to atheism, but depth of philosophy bringeth a man's mind about to religion. -- Bacon 0422A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never. 0423A lot of what appears to be progress is just so much technological rococo. -- Bill Gray 0424A lover's like a hunter--if the game be got with too much ease he cares not for't. -- Mead 0425A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew. -- Herb Caen 0426A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. -- Butler 0427A man devoid of religion, is like a horse without a bridle. 0428A man has no more right to say an uncivil thing, than to act one; no more right to say a rude thing to another, than to knock him down. -- Johnson 0429A man he seems of cheerful yesterdays and confident tomorrows. -- Wordsworth 0430A man is never astonished that he doesn't know what another does, but he is surprised at the gross ignorance of the other in not knowing what he does. -- Haliburton 0431A man must first govern himself ere he be fit to govern a family, and his family ere he fit to bear the government in the commonwealth. -- Sir Walter Raliegh 0432A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's. -- Jean Paul Richter 0433A man said to the universe, "Sir, I exist." "However," replied the universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation." -- Stephen Crane 0434A man should be careful never to tell tales of himself to his own disadvantage; people may be amused, and laugh at the time, byt they will be remembered, and brought up against him upon some subsequent occasion. -- Johnson 0435A man should be greater than some of his parts. 0436A man should choose a woman and an ox from his own country. 0437A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday. -- Pope 0438A man should not allow himself to hate even his enemies, because if you indulge this passion on some occasions, it will rise of itself in others; if you hate your enemies, you eill contract such a vicious habit of mind, as by degrees will break out upon those who are your friends, ot those who are indifferent to you. -- Plutarch 0439A man who can't mind his own business is not to be trusted with the king's. -- Saville 0440A man who checks out of the express lane with seven items is the same man who will wear Supp-Hose and park in the Reserved for Handicapped spaces. -- Erma Bombeck 0441A man who cries is capable of any evil. 0442A man who is always forgetting his best intentions may be said to be a thorough fare of good resolutions. -- Mrs. Jameson 0443A man who knows the world will not only make the most of everything he does know, but of many things that he does not know; and will gain more credit by his adroit mode of hiding his ignorance than the pendant by his awkward attempt to exhibit his erudition. -- Colton 0444A man who studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green. -- Francis Bacon 0445A man who turns green has eschewed protein. 0446A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never sure. 0447A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle. 0448A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle. 0449A man's dying is more the survivors' affair than his own. -- Thomas Mann 0450A man's errors are what makes him amiable. -- Goethe 0451A man's good breeding is the best security against another's bad manners. -- Chesterfield 0452A man's legs must be long enough to reach the ground. -- Abraham Lincoln 0453A man's reputation is the opinion people have of him; his character is what he really is. -- Jack Miner 0454A manager, name of .... Was sent to quash some revolts; Up Tewksbury way, Where, I would say, He could tell the nuts from the dolts. 0455A manuscript for a market in which no textbooks currently exist will be followed two weeks after contracting by an announcement of an identical book by your closest competitor. 0456A meeting is a place where people get together to talk about what they should be doing. 0457A meeting lasts at least 1 1/2 hours however short the agenda. -- Denys Parsons 0458A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer. -- Dean Acheson 0459A military disaster may produce a better postwar situation than victory. -- Shimon Tzabar 0460A mind content both crown and kingdom is. -- Greene 0461A mother is a mother still, The holiest thing alive. -- Coleridge 0462A motion to adjourn is always in order. 0463A narrow mind begest obstinacy, and we do not easily believe what we cannot see. -- Dryden 0464A nation may lose its liberties in a day and not miss them in a century. -- Baron de Montesquieu 0465A necessary item only goes on sale after you have purchased it at the regular price. -- Sherry Graditor 0466A new broom sweeps clean, but the old brush knows the corners. 0467A new cask will long preserve the tincture of the liquor with which it was first impregnated. -- Horace 0468A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a quip and worried to death by a frown on the right man's brow. -- Charlie Brower 0469A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it. -- Max Planck 0470A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents, but rather because its opponents die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it. -- Max Planck 0471A nickname is the heaviest stone the devil can throw at a man. 0472A nose that can see is worth two that can sniff. -- Eugene Ionesco 0473A pair of bright eyes with a dozen glances suffice to subdue a man; to enslave him, and inflame; to make him even forget; they dazzle him so, that the past becomes straightway dim to him; and he so prizes them, that he would give all his life to possess them. What is the fond love of dearest friends compared to hie treasure? Is memory as strong as expectancy, fruition as hunger, gratitude as desire? -- Thackeray 0474A parade should have bands or horse, but not both. -- Nancy M. Wells 0475A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants. 0476A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. 0477A pedestrian is a man who has two cars, a wife, and one or more teenage children. 0478A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell. -- George Bernard Shaw 0479A person over age 65 who drinks says that his doctor recommends it. -- Bob Smith 0480A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents. -- G.C. Lichtenberg 0481A person who can't lead and won't follow makes a dandy roadblock. 0482A phenomenon known to anyone who has ever lit fires: You can throw a burnt match out the window of your car and start a forest fire while you can use two boxes of matches and a whole edition of the Sunday paper without being able to start a fire under the dry logs in your fireplace. 0483A physician is not angry at the intemperance of a mad patient, nor does he take it ill to be railed at by a man in a fever. Just so should a wise man treat all mankind, as a physician treats a patient, and look upon them only as sick and extravagant. -- Seneca 0484A piano is a piano is a piano is a piano. -- Gertrude Steinway 0485A picture is a poem without words. -- Horace 0486A piece of electronic equipment is housed in a beautifully designed cabinet, and at the side or on top is a little box containing the components which the designer forgot to make room for. -- Denys Parsons 0487A pig ate his fill of acorns under an oak tree and then started to root around the tree. A crow remarked, "You should not do this. If you lay bare the roots, the tree will wither and die." "Let it die," said the pig. "Who cares so long as there are acorns?" 0488A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth. 0489A place you want to get to is always just off the edge of the map you happen to have handy. -- Denys Parsons 0490A pleasing trembling thrills through all my blood Whene'er you touch me with your melting hand; But when you kiss, oh! 'tis not to be spoke. -- Gildon 0491A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs. 0492A poet begins in delight and ends in wisdom. -- Robert Frost 0493A poet that fails in writing, becomes often a morose critic. The weak insipid white wine makes at length excellent vinegar. -- Shenstone 0494A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits. 0495A politician always abuses his own constituency and placates the opponent's. -- Bob Smith 0496A politician will always tip off his true belief by stating the opposite at the beginning of the sentence. For maximum comprehension, do not start listening until the first clause is concluded. Begin instead at the word "but" which begins the second, or active, clause. This is the way to tell a liberal from a conservative--before they tell you. Thus: "I have always believed in a strong national defense, second to none, but ... " (a liberal, about to propose a $20 billion defense cut). -- Frank Mankiewicz 0497A poor man served by thee, shall make thee rich. -- Mrs. Browning 0498A pregnancy will never occur when you have a low-paying job which you hate. -- Erma Bombeck 0499A present, over which you will shed tears of joy. 0500A pretty woman is a welcome guest. -- Byron 0501A professor's enthusiasm for teaching the introductory course varies inversely with the likelihood of his having to do it. 0502A propensity to hope and joy is real riches; one to fear and sorrow real poverty. -- Hume 0503A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience. 0504A prudent question is one-half wisdom. -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626) 0505A public debt is a kind of anchor in the storm; but if the anchor be too heavy for the vessel, she will be sunk by that very weight which was intended for her preservation. -- Colton 0506A pun is the lowest form of humor--when you don't think of it first. -- Oscar Levant 0507A putt that stops close enough to the cup to inspire such comments as "you could blow it in" may be blown in. This rule does not apply if the ball is more than three inches from the hole, because no one wants to make a travesty of the game. -- Donald A. Metz 0508A quick response is worth a thousand logical responses. -- Merle P. Martin 0509A reactionary is a man whose political opinions always manage to keep up with yesterday. 0510A real friend is a person who, when you've made a fool of yourself, lets you forget it. 0511A realist lets circumstances decide which end of the telescope to look through. 0512A recent moralist has affirmed that the human heart is like a jug. No mortal can look into its recessed, and you can only judge of its purity by what comes out of it. 0513A recession is when my neighbor loses his job. A depression is when I lose my job. A panic is when my wife loses her job. -- Edgar R. Fiedler 0514A record of data is useful--it indicates that you've been working. 0515A reform is a correction of abuses; a revolution is a transfer of power. 0516A reformer is a guy who rides through a sewer in a glass bottomed boat. 0517A reformer wants his conscience to be your guide. 0518A religion can no more afford to degrade its Devil than to degrade its God. 0519A reserved lover, it is said, always makes a suspicious husband. -- Oliver Goldsmith 0520A river flowing through one of our large Eastern cities is so polluted it is considered a fire hazard! 0521A rose by any other name would still be a flower. 0522A rose is a rose is a rose, but junk is not junk is not junk. It is never quite what you think it is. -- Richard N. Farmer 0523A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people. -- Peter McArthur 0524A scar nobly got is a good livery of honor. -- Shakespeare 0525A school should not be a preparation for life. A school should be life. -- Elbert Hubbard 0526A secret in his mouth, Is like a wild bird put into a cage; Whose door no sooner opens, but 'tis out. -- Johnson 0527A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. 0528A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those that are worth committing. -- Samuel Butler 0529A sentence well couched takes both the sense and the understanding. I love not those cart-rope speeches that are longer than the memory of man can fathom. -- Fletham 0530A shortcut is the longest distance between two points. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi 0531A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. -- Joseph Stalin 0532A slave has but one master; the ambitious man has as many masters as there are persons whose aide may contribute to the advancement of his fortune. -- La Bruyere 0533A smattering of philosophy had liberated his [Nero's] intellect without maturing his judgement. -- Tacitus 0534A smoker is always attracted to the non-smoking section. -- Raj K. Dhawan 0535A soft answer turneth away wrath. 0536A stagnant science is at a standstill. 0537A statue lies hid in a block of marble; and the art of the statuary only clears away the superfluous matter, and removes the rubbish. -- Addison 0538A stitch in time saves nine. 0539A stranger at your gate is grateful for the hospitality of your house. 0540A strong memory is generally coupled with infirm judgment. -- Montaigne 0541A study of the science of technology defines what is possible; a study of the economics of technology establishes which of the possibilities is practical and useful. -- Montgomery Phister 0542A successful person is one who went ahead and did the thing the rest of us never quite got around to. 0543A successful symposium depends on the ratio of meeting to eating. 0544A sunny temper gilds the edges of life's blackest cloud. -- Guthrie 0545A suspicious parent makes an artful child. -- Haliburton 0546A system tends to grow in terms of complexity rather than of simplification, until the resulting unreliability becomes intolerable. -- Tom Gibb 0547A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself. -- Jessamyn West (Irony is when you buy a suit with two pair of pants, and then burn a hole in the coat.) 0548A theory is better than its explanation.-- H. P. Woodward 0549A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterwards. -- Jean Paul Richter 0550A toad-eater's an imp I don't admire. -- Dr. Woolcott 0551A touchstone to determine the actual worth of an "intellectual"--find out how he feels about astrology. -- Lazarus Long 0552A transistor protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first. -- David Ellis 0553A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. 0554A true friend will see you through when others see that you are through. 0555A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn. 0556A university is a place where men of principle outnumber men of honor. -- Ernest May 0557A verbal contract isn't worth the paper its printed on. -- Sam Goldwyn 0558A vivid and creative mind characterizes you. 0559A vivid and creative mind characterizes you. 0560A weak mind is like a microscope, which magnifies trifling things, but cannot receive great ones. -- Chesterfield 0561A wedding ring is like a tourniquet, it cuts off your circulation. 0562A well regulated commerce is not, like law, physic, or divinity, to be overstocked with hands; but, on the contrary, flourishes by multitudes, and gives employment to all its professors. -- Addison 0563A well-bred dog generally bows to strangers. 0564A winner goes through a problem; A loser goes around, but never past, it. 0565A winner isn't nearly as afraid of losing as a loser is secretly afraid of winning. 0566A winner makes commitments; a loser makes promises. 0567A winner says "Lets find out."; a loser says, "Nobody knows." 0568A winner works harder than a loser and has more time; A loser is always too busy to do what is necessary. 0569A wise man can see more from a mountain top than a fool can from the bottom of a well. 0570A wise man who stands firm is a statesman, a foolish man who stands firm is a catastrophe. 0571A wise ruler ought never to keep faith when by doing so it would be against his interests. -- Niccolo Machiavelli 0572A wit's a feather, and a chief's a god; An honest man is the noblest work of God. -- Alexander Pope 0573A woman, like a good piece of music, should have a solid end. -- F. Shubert 0574A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes. This may be the purpose of the universe. -- Lazarus Long 0575A. Running a project in this office is like mating elephants--it takes a great deal of time and effort to get on top of things; B. The whole affair is always accompanied by a great deal of noise and confusion, the culmination of which is heralded by loud trumpeting; C. After which, nothing comes of the effort for two years. 0576ACHTUNG: Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch das blinkenlights!!! 0577ADVANCED DESIGN: copy writer doesn't understand it 0578ALL NEW: Parts not interchangeable with previous design 0579ARTIFACT: Something only an art major would know. 0580ARTIFACT: The only true fact in an experiment. 0581Ability hets the mark where presumption overshoots and diffidence falls short. -- John Henry Newman 0582Ability is of little account without opportunity. -- Napoleon Bonaparte 0583Ability wins us the esteem of the true men; luck that of the people. -- La Rochefoucauld 0584Abruptness is eloquence in parting, when spinning out the time is but the weaving of new sorrow. -- Sir John Suckling 0585Absence and death are the same--only that in death there is no suffering. -- Walter S. Landor 0586Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire. -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld 0587Absence of occupation is not rest A mind quite vacent is a mind distress'd. -- Cowper 0588Absolute freedom is being able to do what you please without considering anyone except the except the wife and kids, the company and the boss, neighbors and friends, the police and government, the doctor and the church. 0589Abstaining is favorable both to the head and to the pocket. -- Horace Greeley 0590Abuse is the weapon of the vulgar. -- Samuel Griswold Goodrich 0591Abuse: the bitter clamour of two evil tongues. -- Shakespeare 0592Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low. -- Wallace Sayre 0593According to the obituary notices, a mean and unimportant person never dies. 0594Accuracy is the twin brother of honesty; inaccuracy, of dishonesty. -- Charles Simmons 0595Accuracy is to a newspaper what virtue is to a lady, but a newspaper can always print a retraction. -- Adlai E. Stevenson 0596Accuracy of statement is one of the first elements of truth; inaccuracy is a near kin to falsehood. -- Tyron Edwards 0597Accurst ambition, how dearly I have bought you. -- John Dryden 0598Act upon your impulses, but pray that they may be directed by God. -- Emerson Tennent 0599Act well at the moment, and you have performed a good action to all eternity. -- Lavater 0600Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. -- Benjaimn Disraeli 0601Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action. -- Disraeli 0602Action to be effective must be directed to clearly conceived ends. -- Jawaharial Nehru 0603Actions of the last age are like almanacs of the last age. -- Sir Thomas Denham 0604Adaptability is not imitation. It means power of resistance and assimilation. -- Mahatma Gandhi 0605Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later. -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr. 0606Administration maintains the status quo. -- Thomas L. Martin 0607Adversity borrows its sharpest sting from our impatience. -- Bishop Horne 0608Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant. -- Horace 0609Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it. -- Horace 0610Adversity's sweet milk, philosophy. -- Shakespeare 0611Advice from an old carpenter: Measure twice and saw once. 0612Advise well before you begin, and when you have maturely considered, then act with promptitude. -- Sallust 0613After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the cost to others, to win advancement. -- Norman Thomas 0614After a raise in salary you will have less money at the end of each month than you had before. -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson 0615After adding two weeks to the schedule for unexpected delays, add two more for the unexpected, unexpected delays. 0616After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done. 0617After all, what was MEDEA? Just another child custody case. -- Frank Pierson 0618After large expenditures of federal, state, and county funds; after much confusion generated by detours and road blocks; after greatly annoying the surrounding population with noise, dust, and fumes, the previously existing traffic jam is relocated by one half-mile. -- Alan Deitz 0619After the correction has been found to be in error, it will be impossible to fit the original quantity back into the equation. 0620After wisdom comes wit. -- Evan Esar 0621Against stupidity, even the gods themselves contend in vain. -- Isaac Azimov 0622Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. 0623Age is a tyrant, who forbids, at the penalty of life, all the pleasures of youth. -- La Rochefoucauld 0624Age sits with decent grace upon his visage, and worthily becomes his silver locks; he bears the marks of many years well spent, of virtue truth well tried, and wise experience. -- Rowe 0625Ah! the youngest heart has the same waves within it as the oldest; but without the plummet which can measure the depths. -- Richter 0626Ah! curst ambition! to thy lures we owe, All the great ills that mortals bear below. -- Teckell 0627Ahh shit!!! 0628Airy ambition, soaring high. -- Sheffield 0629Alas! while the body stands so broad and brawny, must the soul lie blinded, dwarfed, stupefied, almost annihilated? Alas! this was, too, a breath of God, bestowed in heaven, but on earth never to be unfolded! -- Carlyle 0630Alas, reason is not effective against faith, or against searches for miracles by the desperate. -- Dr. Michael B. Shimkin 0631Alexander Hamilton started the U. S. Treasury with nothing--and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even. -- Will Rogers 0632Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth. 0633All American cars are basically Chevrolets. -- Herb Caen 0634All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others. -- Alan Truscott 0635All buses heading in the opposite direction drive off the face of the earth and never return. -- John Corcoran 0636All cats are NOT gray after midnight. Endless variety ... 0637All ceremonies are, in themselves, very silly things; but yet a man of the world should know them. They are the outworks of manners and decency, which would be too often broken in upon, if it were not for that defence, which keeps the enemy at a proper distance. It is for this reason that I always treat fools with great ceremony: true good breeding not being a sufficient barrier against them. -- Chesterfield 0638All committee reports conclude that "it is not prudent to change the policy [or procedure, or organization, or whatever] at this time." -- Thomas L. Martin 0639All countries hate their immediate neighbors and like the next but one. (For example, the Poles hate the Germans, Russians, Czechs, and Lithuanians, and they like the French, Hungarians, Italians, and Latvians.) -- Professor Charles P. Issawi 0640All courageous animals are carnivorous, and greater courage is to be expected in a people, such as the English, whose food is strong and hearty, than in the half starved commonalty of other countries. -- Sir W. Temple 0641All files, papers, memos, etc., that you save will never be needed until such time as they are disposed of, when they will become essential and indispensable. -- John Corcoran 0642All general statements are false. -- R. H. Grenier 0643All gods have feet of clay. 0644All government programs have three things in common: a beginning, a muddle, and no end. 0645All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast. 0646All hierarchies contain administrators and managers, and they tend to appear at alternating levels in the hierarchy. -- Thomas L. Martin 0647All interference in human conduct has the potential for causing harm--no matter how innocuous the procedure. 0648All is but lip wisdom which wants experience. -- Sir Philip Sydney 0649All math classes begin at 8 AM; also, movies on Federal Government. -- M. M. Johnston 0650All men are born naked. -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes 0651All men are created unequal. 0652All men can be lead to believe the lie they want to believe. -- Italo Bombolini 0653All men can be reached by flattery, even God can (what, after all, is prayer?). -- Italo Bombolini 0654All men have the right to wait in line. -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes 0655All of who are worth anything, spend our manhood in unlearning the follies, or expiating the mistakes of out youth. -- Shelley 0656All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States. -- Vic Gold 0657All our actions take their hues from the complexion of the heart. As landscapes their variety from light. -- W. T. Bacon 0658All philosophy lies in two words, sustain and abstain. -- Epictetus 0659All policy interventions in social problems produce the intended effect--If the research is carried out by those implementing the policy or their friends. -- James Q. Wilson 0660All progress is based on a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income. -- Samuel Butler 0661All real programs contain errors until proved otherwise, which is impossible. -- Tom Gibb 0662All right, go lie upon the beach, To bake beyond the water's reach; But if you're blistered when you quit, Remember that you basked for it. -- Anthony B. Lake 0663All roads lead to Rome. 0664All roads lead to Trantor, and that is where all stars end. 0665All science is concerned with the relationship of cause and effect. Each scientific discovery increases man's ability to predict the consequences of his actions and thus his ability to control future events. -- Laurence J. Peter 0666All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands. -- Saint Patrick 0667All students who obtain a B will feel cheated out of an A. -- M. M. Johnston 0668All technology expands the space, contracts the time, and destroys the working group. -- Eugen Rosenstock-Huessy 0669All that glisters is not gold. Gilded tombs do worms enfold. -- Shakespeare 0670All that time is lost which might be better employed. -- Rousseau 0671All that was new in them was false and what was true was old. -- Opinion of Darwin's findings. 0672All the lights are frozen; The cursor blinks blandly. Soon, I shall see the dump. 0673All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most ridiculous ones. -- La Rochefoucauld 0674All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second. -- Jim Fiebig 0675All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening. -- Alexander Woollcott 0676All the troubles of man come from his not knowing how to sit still. -- Pascal 0677All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly. 0678All the world's a stage. -- Shakespeare 0679All they [zoos] actually offer to the public in return for the taxes spent upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a visit to a penitentiary, or even to a State legislature in session, is informing, stimulating and ennobling. -- H. L. Mencken 0680All things are subject to fixed laws. -- Marcus Manilius 0681All things being equal, all things are never equal. -- Marshall L. Smith 0682All things whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do ye even so to them. -- Matthew VII, 12 0683All those things which are now held to be of the greatest antiquity, were at one time new; and what we today hold up by example, will rank hereafter as precedent. -- Tacitus 0684All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying "I resign." 0685All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers ... Each one owes infinitely more to the human race than to the particular country in which he was born. -- Francois Fenelon 0686All who have meditated on the art of governing mankind have been convinced that the fate of empires depends on the education of youth. -- Aristotle 0687All you need to grow fine vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk. 0688Allow no man to be so free with as you as to praise you to your face. Your vanity by this means will want its food. At the same time your passion for esteem will be more fully gratified; men will praise you in their actions: where you now receive one compliment, you will then receive twenty civilities. -- Steele 0689Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those who we cannot resemble. -- Samuel Johnson 0690Almost anything is easier to get into than out of. -- Agnes Allen 0691Alternate rest and labor long endure. -- Ovid 0692Although men flatter themselves with their great actions, they are not so often the result of a great design as of chance. -- La Rochefoucauld 0693Always distrust offices not under your jurisdiction which say that they are there to serve you. "Support" offices in a bureaucracy tend to grow in size and make demands on you out of proportion to their service ain in the end require more effort on your part than their service is worth. -- Douglas Evelyn 0694Always give your people the credit that is rightfully theirs. To do otherwise is both morally and ethically dishonest. 0695Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it. -- Lazarus Long 0696Always pray that your opposition be wicked. In wickedness, there is a strong strain toward rationality. Therefore, there is always the possibility, in theory, of handling the wicked by outthinking them. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. 0697Always rise from the table with an appetite, and you will never sit down without one. -- William Penn 0698Always run a yellow light. 0699Always sort the small file first. -- Dick Munroe 0700Always stay in with the outs. -- David Halberstan 0701Always store beer in a dark place. 0702Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not. 0703Always tell him he is handsome, especially if he is not. 0704Always verify your witchcraft. 0705Ambition is a lust that's never quenched, grows more inflamed, and madder by enjoyment. -- Otway 0706Ambition is an idol, on whose wings Great minds are carried only to extreme; To be sublimely great or to be nothing. -- Southey 0707Ambition is like love, impatient both of delays and rivals. -- Denham 0708Ambition usually progresses through the following stages: to be like Dad ... to be a millionaire ... to make enough to pay the bills ... to hang on long enough to draw a pension. 0709Ambition's like a circle on the water, which never ceases to enlarge itself, 'till by broad spreading it disperse to nought. -- Shakespeare 0710Ambition, idly vain; revenge and malice swell her train. -- Penrose 0711Ambition: The dropsy'd thirst of empire, wealth or fame. -- Nugent 0712Ambition: The glorious frailty of the noble mind. -- Hoole 0713America is the only country left where we teach languages so that no pupil can speak them. -- John Erskine 0714American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense. -- Ed Howe 0715American's are an energetic, ingenious, creative people. One index to this fact is that since the establishment of the patent system in 1836, there have been more than 3-3/4 million patents issued. 0716Ambidextrous instructors will erase with one hand while writing with the other. -- M. M. Johnston 0717Americans have always attached particular value to the word "neighbor." While the spirit of neighborliness was important on the frontier because neighbors were so few, it is even more important now because our neighbors are so many. -- Lady Bird Johnson 0718Among the damned, you are the chosen one. 0719Among the lucky, you are the chosen one. 0720Among twenty snowy mountains the only moving thing was the eye of the black bird. 0721Amusements to virtue are like breezes of air to the flame--gentle ones will fan it, but strong ones will put it out. -- David Thomas 0722An A is easily obtained if a student calls his instructor "Professor." -- M. M. Johnston 0723An able man shows his spirit by gentle words and resolute actions; he neither hot nor timid. -- Chesterfield 0724An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard only one side of the case. God has written all the books. 0725An atheist is but a mad ridiculous derider of piety; but a hypocrite makes a sober jest of God and religion; he finds it easier to be upon his knees than to rise to a good action. -- Alexander Pope 0726An economist is a man who would marry Farrah Fawcett for her money. -- Edgar R. Fiedler 0727An egg without salt is like a kiss from a beardless man. 0728An elephant: a mouse built to government specifications. 0729An empty bag cannot win in New York. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 0730An era can be said to end when its basic illusions are exhausted. -- Arthur Miller 0731An error that can creep into a calculation, will. Also, it will always be in the direction that will cause the most damage to the calculation. -- M. M. Johnston 0732An evil at its birth, is easily crushed, but it grows and strengthens by endurance. -- Cicero 0733An exception TESTS a rule; it NEVER proves it. -- Edmund C. Berkeley 0734An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie; for an excuse is a lie guarded. -- Alexander Pope 0735An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him. 0736An experiment is reproducible until another laboratory tries to repeat it. -- Dr. Alexander Kohn 0737An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy. -- Gerald Weinberg 0738An expert is someone who can take something you already knew and make it sound confusing. 0739An extraordinary haste to discharge an obligation is a sort of ingratitude. -- La Rochefoucauld 0740An eye like Mars, to threaten and command. -- Shakespeare 0741An honest God is the noblest work of man. 0742An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it. 0743An idea, like a ghost (according to the common notion of a ghost) must be spoken to a little before it will explain itself. -- Charles Dickens 0744An incompetent traitor is no danger. It is rather the capable men who must be watched. -- Brodrig 0745An inexorable upward movement leads administrators to higher salaries and narrower spans of control. -- David Riesman 0746An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished. 0747An oath is a recognizance to heaven, binding us over in the courts above, to plead to the indictment of our crimes, that those who 'scape this would should suffer there. -- Sothern 0748An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. -- David Gerrold 0749An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction. -- David Gerrold 0750An object will fall so as to do the most damage. 0751An obstinate man does not hold opinions, but they hold him. -- Alexander Pope 0752An old car that served you so well will continue to serve you until you have just put four new tires under it and then will fall apart. -- Erma Bombeck 0753An optimist is a person who goes to the window every morning and says, "Good morning, God!" The pessimist goes to the window every morning and says, "Good god, morning!" 0754An optimist proclaims that this is the best of all possible worlds, and a pessimist fears that it is true. 0755An order that can be misunderstood will be misunderstood. 0756An original idea can never emerge from a committee in the original. -- Charles P. Boyle 0757An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction. 0758An ugly carpet will last forever. -- Erma Bombeck 0759An unexpectedly easy-to-handle sequence of events will be immediately followed by an equally long sequence of trouble. -- Charles Phelps 0760And he gave it as his opinion, that whoever could make two ears of corn, or two blades of grass, to grow upon a spot of ground where only one grew before, would deserve better of mankind, and do more essential service to his country, than the whole race of politicians put together. -- Jonathon Swift 0761And he gave it for his opinion, that whoever could make two ears of corn, or two blades of grass to grow upon a spot of ground, where only one grew before, would deserve better of mankind, and do mote essential service to his country, than the whole race of politicians put together. -- Jonathon Swift 0762And here I stand; judge, my masters. -- Shakespeare 0763And here, poor fool, with all my lore I stand no wiser than before. -- Johann W. von Goethe 0764And now abideth faith, hope and charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity. -- I Corinthians 0765And oftentimes, excusing of a fault, Doth make a fault the worse by the excuse; As patches set upon a little breach, Discredit more in hiding of the fault, Than did the fault before it was so patch'd. -- Shakespeare 0766And science, we should insist, better than any other discipline, can hold up to its students and followers an ideal of patient devotion to the search for objective truth, with vision unclouded by personal or political motive. -- Sir Henry Hallett Dalt 0767And though all cry down self, none means his ownself in a literal sense. -- Butler 0768And thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges. -- Shakespeare 0769And virtue is her own reward. -- Prior 0770And what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? 0771And what is fame, that flutt'ring noisy sound, But the cold lie of universal vogue? -- H. Smith 0772And where two raging fires meet together, they do consume the thing that feeds their fury. -- Shakespeare 0773Andrew's Canoeing Postulate: No matter which direction you start, it's always against the wind coming back. 0774Anergy-State: Any state of condition of the Universe, or any portion of it, which requires the expenditure of human effort or ingenuity to bring it into line with human desires, needs, or pleasures. -- Dr. John Gall 0775Anger is blood, pour'd and perplexed into a froth. -- Davenant 0776Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it. Get a larger hammer. 0777Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop. Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first always strike your toes. 0778Anticipated events never live up to expectations. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. 0779Anticipation of problems is half the battle. And the only way to anticipate is to think. 0780Ants would starve in your house if ants would come into it. 0781Any argument worth making within the bureaucracy must be capable of being expressed in a single declarative sentence that is obviously true once stated. -- John McNaughton 0782Any bus that can be the wrong bus will be the wrong bus. All others are out of service or full. -- John Corcoran 0783Any college that would take your son he should be too proud to go to. -- Erma Bombeck 0784Any discovery is more likely to be exploited by the wicked than applied by the virtuous. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. 0785Any dramatic series the producers want us to take seriously as a representation of contemporary reality cannot be taken seriously as a representation of anything--except a show to be ignored by anyone capable of sitting upright in a chair and chewing gum simultaneously. -- Richard Schickel 0786Any father who thinks he's all important should remind himself that this country honors fathers only one day a year while pickles get a whole week. 0787Any fool can make a rule, and every fool will mind it. -- Henry David Thoreau 0788Any given program costs more and takes longer. 0789Any given program will expand to fill all available memory. 0790Any given program, when running, is obsolete. 0791Any government will work if authority and responsibility are equal and coordinate. This does not insure "good" government; it simply insures that it will work. But such governments are rare--most people want to run things but want no part of the blame. This used to be called the "backseat-driver syndrome." -- Lazarus Long 0792Any great truth can--and eventually will--be expressed as a cliche--a cliche is a sure and certain way to dilute an idea. For instance, my grandmother used to say, "The black cat is always the last one off the fence." I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was undoubtedly true. -- Solomon Short 0793Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion if it did occur, will occur. -- H. S. Kindler 0794Any inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either totally obscure or completely mysterious. -- Dr. Fyodor Flap 0795Any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a good carpenter to build one. -- Sam Rayburn 0796Any large system is going to be operating most of the time in failure mode. -- Dr. John Gall 0797Any man can prove he has good judgement by saying you have. 0798Any man that can write, may answer a letter. -- Shakespeare 0799Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. -- Leo Rosten 0800Any man who hates dogs and loves whiskey can't be all bad. -- W. C. Fields 0801Any mind that is capable of a real sorrow is capable of good. 0802Any one can be great with money. With money, greatness is not a talent but an obligation. The trick is to be great without money. -- Italo Bombolini 0803Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there. -- Sydney J. Harris 0804Any pitcher who throws at a batter and deliberately tries to hit him is a Communist. -- Alvin Dark 0805Any plumbing pipes you choose to replace during renovation will prove to be in excellent condition; those you decide to leave in place will be rotten. -- Lew Phelps 0806Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent. -- Lazarus Long 0807Any race that doesn't use all its potential will always stop short of its possibilities. -- Jose Torres 0808Any renovation project on an old house will cost twice as much and take three times as long as originally estimated. -- Lew Phelps 0809Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way. 0810Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure. -- Milt Barber 0811Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. -- Tom Gibb 0812Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional assumptions. -- Robert E. Schenk 0813Any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers. 0814Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the car to the vehicle's exact geographic center. 0815Any vacuum cleaner would sooner take the nap off a rug than remove white threads from a dark rug. 0816Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. -- George Ade 0817Anybody has a right to evade taxes if he can get away with it. No citizen has a moral obligation to assist in maintaining the government. 0818Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office. -- David Broder 0819Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. -- Robert Benchley 0820Anyone can make an omelet with eggs. The trick is to make one with none. 0821Anyone can suck a toothpick!! 0822Anyone entrusted with power will abuse it if not also animated with the love of truth and virtue, no matter whether he be a prince, or one of the people. -- Jean de la Fontaine 0823Anyone nit-picking enough to write a letter of correction to an editor doubtless deserves the error that provoked it. -- Alvin Toffler 0824Anyone who does not look out for number one first, last, and always is a sucker. 0825Anyone who has begun to think places some portion of the world in jeopardy. 0826Anyone who says he isn't going to resign, four times, definitely will. -- John Kenneth Galbraith 0827Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby. -- Robin Hood 0828Anything free is worth what you pay for it. 0829Anything good is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. 0830Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart. -- Robert A. Jackson 0831Anything is possible, but nothing is easy. -- Bill Gray 0832Anything left over today will be needed tomorrow to pay an unexpected bill. -- Betty Canary 0833Anything scarce is valuable; praise for example! 0834Anything that begins well ends badly. Anything that begins badly ends worse. 0835Anything that satisfies its external specifications, no matter how inefficient it is, is a success; don't argue with it. 0836Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. You can do better the next time. 0837Anything you can do I can do better; anything I can do YOU can do better; anything I can do I can do better; anything IBM does will cost more money. 0838Anything, no matter how bad, will sound good if played back at at very high level for a short time. -- John Culshaw 0839Apathy can only be overcome by enthusiasm, and enthusiasm can only be aroused by two things; first, an ideal which takes the imagination by storm, and second, a definite plan for carrying that ideal into practice. -- Arnold Toynbee 0840Aphorism: a concise, clever statement. Afterism: a concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late. -- James Alexander Thom 0841Appearances are all, my son. Appearances are all. 0842Appearances deceive and this one maxim is a standing rule: Men are not what they seem. -- Harvard 0843Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak ones. -- Colton 0844Arbitrary systems: Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing general can be said." 0845Architecture is the printing press of all ages, and gives a history of the state in which it was conducted. -- Lady Morgan 0846Architecture: Whatever we choose to implement. -- FMS Project Leader 0847Are you a man or a mouse? Come on, squeak up! 0848Arguments seem futile to me, for behind every argument I have ever heard lies the astounding ignorance of someone. -- Louis D. Brandeis 0849Arithmetical proofs of theorems that do not have arithmetical bases prove nothing. -- G. O. Ashley 0850Army Law: If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; and if you can't pick it up, paint it. 0851Art is I; science is we. -- Claude Bernard 0852As I approached the intersection a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign has ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. 0853As a little silvery circular ripple, set in motion by the falling pebble, expands from its inch of radius to the whole compass of a pool, so there is not a child--not an infant Moses--placed, however softly, in his bulrush ark upon the sea of time, whose existence does not stir a ripple, gyrating outward and on, until it shall have moved across and apanned the whole ocean of God's eternity, stirring even the river of life, and the fountains at which the angels drink. -- Elihu Burritt 0854As a man may be eating all day, and for want of digestion is never nourished, so these endless readers may cram themselves in vain with intellectual food. -- Dr. I. Watts 0855As a man of more than average caution, I have never felt absolutely secure until Evans and Novak have spoken. -- John Kenneth Galbraith 0856As ceremony is the invention of wise men to keep fools at a distance, so good breeding is an expedient to make fools and wise men equal. -- Steele 0857As charity covers a multitude of sins before God, so does politeness before men. -- Chesterfield 0858As empty vessels make the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit are the greatest blabbers. -- Plato 0859As every thread of gold id valuable, so is every minute of time. -- Mason 0860As fresh as morning dew distill'd on flowers. -- Shakespeare 0861As good almost kill a man, as kill a good book; who kills a man, kills a reasonable creature, God's image; but he who destroys a good book, kills reason itself. -- Milton 0862As long as mankind shall continue to bestow more liberal applause on their destroyers than on their benefactors, the thirst of military glory will ever be the vice of the most exalted characters. -- Edward Gibbon 0863As long as men are free to ask what they must--free to say what they think-- free to think what they will--freedom can never be lost and science can never regress. -- J. Robert Oppenheimer 0864As riches and favor forsake a man, we discover him to be a fool, but nobody could find it out in his prosperity. -- La Bruyere 0865As soon as you mention something, if it's good, it goes away ... if it's bad, it happens. 0866As the dimensions of the tree are not always regulated by the size of the seed, so the consequences of things are not always proportionate to the apparent magnitude of those events that have produced them. -- Colton 0867As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse. -- Art Buchwald 0868As the language of the face is universal, so 'tis very comprehensive; no laconism can reach it: 'tis the short hand of the mind, and crowds a great deal in a little room. -- Jeremy Collier 0869As the sword of the best-tempered metal is the most flexible; so the truly generous are most pliant and courteous in their behavior to their inferiors. -- Fuller 0870As to the idea that advertising motivates people, remember the Edsel. 0871As with liberty, the price of leanness is eternal vigilance. -- Gene Brown 0872As you are old and reverend, you should be wise. -- Shakespeare 0873As you are, so shall you wish. As you wish, so shall it be. 0874Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if one went to Harvard). -- Edgar R. Fiedler 0875Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve. Run with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened. Keep the company of bums and you will become a bum. Hang around with rich people and you will end by picking up the check and dying broke. -- Stanley Walker 0876Astrology Law: It's always the wrong time of the month. -- Rozanne Weissman 0877At a bargain sale, the only suit or dress that you like best and that fits is the one not on sale. 0878At any given moment, a society contains a certain amount of accumulated and accruing aggressiveness. If more than twenty-one years elapse without this aggressiveness being directed outward, in a popular war against other countries, it turns inward, in social unrest, civil disturbances, and political disruption. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi 0879At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable. -- Barry Bruce-Briggs 0880At any one time, thousands of borough councilmen, school board members, attorneys, and businessmen--as well as congressmen, senators, and governors --are all dreaming of the White House, but few, if any of them, will make it. -- Mark B. Cohen 0881At any public relations luncheon, the quality of the food is inversely related to the quality of the information. -- Earl Ubell 0882At every trifle scorn to take offence, That always shews great pride or little sense. -- Alexander Pope 0883At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. -- Marshall Lumsden 0884At some point, every faculty would certainly lynch its dean--if it could only agree on a date. 0885At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out. -- Richard H. Brien 0886At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer. -- Tom Gibb 0887At the working-man's house hunger looks in, but dares not enter! nor will the bailiff or the constable enter; for industry pays debts, but despair increaseth them. -- Benjamin Franklin 0888At twenty years of age the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgment. -- Grattan 0889Atheism is rather in the life than in the heart of man. -- Bacon 0890Atheism is the result of ignorance and pride; of strong sense and feeble reasons; of good eating and ill-living. It is the plague of society, the corrupter of manners, and the underminer of property. -- Jeremy Collier 0891Atoms are made up of electrons and protons (protons are also nothing). Fifty billion electrons placed side by side in a straight line would stretch across the period at the end of this sentence. Protons are heavier but take up less space. Such an idea is incapable of being absorbed by the human mind. -- John Lardner and Thomas Sugrue 0892Attention to detail is the watchword for gleaning information from an unsuspecting witness. -- Inspector Cleuseau 0893Auditors always reject a newsman's expense account with a bottom line divisible by 5 or 10. 0894Auditors are the people who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded. 0895Authoritarian socialism has failed almost everywhere, but you will find not a single Marxist who will say it has failed because it was wrong or impractical. He will say is has failed because nobody went far enough with it. So failure never proves that a myth is wrong. -- Jean-Francois Revel 0896Authority intoxicates, And makes mere sots of magistrates. The fumes of it invade the brain, And make men giddy, proud and vain; By this the fool commands the wise The noble with the base complies. The sot assumes the rule of wit, And cowards make the base submit. -- Butler 0897Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them. -- Richard C. Cornuelle 0898Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever depths they were once able to plumb. -- Stanley Kaufman 0899Availability of manuscripts in a given subject area is inversely proportional to the need for books in that area. 0900Avarice is always poor, but poor by her own fault. -- Johnson 0901Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance. 0902Avoid fried foods which angry up the blood. -- Satchel Paige 0903Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry (nota bene: Circumstances can force your hand. So think ahead!) -- Lazarus Long 0904Avoid running at all times. -- Satchel Paige 0905Avoid strong drink. It makes you shoot at IRS agents--and miss. -- Lazarus Long 0906BREAKTHROUGH: we finally figured out a way to sell it 0907Ba DOOM. -- Bob Dickson 0908Ba doom. -- Bob Dickson 0909Baby's heads have no hair, Old men's heads are just as bare; Between the cradle and the grave, Lies a haircut and a shave. 0910Back to a simpler time of skins and stones! When things go wrong--the answers in the stars Or evil spells or reading chicken bones Or sacrifices to all gods but Mars. -- Jack Kirwan 0911Bad company is like a nail driven into a post, which, after the first or second blow, may be drawn out with little difficulty; but being once driven up to the head, the pincers cannot take hold to draw it out, but which can only be done by the destruction of the wood. -- Augustine 0912Bad law is more likely to be supplemented than repealed. -- Dalin B. Oaks 0913Bad money drives out good. -- Sir Thomas Gresham 0914Bad news does not improve with age. -- Jody Powell 0915Bad news drives good news out of the media. -- Lee Loevinger 0916Bad news travels fast. 0917Banish Evil from the world? Nonsense! Encourage it, foster it, sponsor it. The world owes Evil a debt beyond imagination. Think! Without greed ambition falters. Without vanity art becomes idle musing. Without cruelty benevolence lapses to passivity. Superstition has shamed man into self-reliance and, without stupidity, where would be the savor of superior understanding? -- Magnus Ridolf 0918Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upward from the floor--especially in the dark. -- Al Ross 0919Barr's Hypothesis: Familiarity breeds content. 0920Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery: The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success. -- Wayne R. Bartz 0921Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game--it, and high taxes. -- Will Rogers 0922Be a defensive driver. Buy a Tiger M31. 0923Be alert! America needs more lerts. 0924Be always displeased with what thou art, if your desirest to attain to what thou art not; for where thou hast pleased thyself, there thou abidest. But if thou have enough thou perishest. Always add, always walk, always proceed. Neither stand still, nor go back, nor deviate. -- Augustine 0925Be calm in arguing, for fierceness makes error a fault, and truth discourtesy. 0926Be careful who you step on on the way up; you never know who you'll pass on the way down. 0927Be concise in your writing and talking, especially when giving instructions to others. 0928Be courteous. Have genuine consideration for other people's feelings, wishes and situations. 0929Be generous. Remember that it is the productivity of others that makes possible your executive position. 0930Be just and fear not: Let all the ends thou aim'st at be thy country's, thy God's, and truth's. -- Shakespeare 0931Be like a duck--keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil under water. 0932Be neither too early in the fashion, nor too long out of it; nor at any time in the extremities of it. -- Lavater 0933Be not diverted from your duty by any idle reflections the silly world may make upon you, for their censures are not in your power, and consequently should not be any part of your concern. -- Epictetus 0934Be not the first by whom the new are tried, Nor yet the last to lay the old aside. -- Alexander Pope 0935Be self-reliant and your success is assured. 0936Be sober and temperate, and you will be happy. -- Benjamin Franklin 0937Be sure to obtain meteorological information before leaving on vacation. 0938Be sure to save your money; you never know when it might be worth something again. 0939Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. -- Shakespeare 0940Be tolerant of those who disagree with you--after all, they have a right to their ridiculous opinions. 0941Be very slow to believe that you are wiser than all others; it is a fatal but common error. Where one has been saved by a true estimation of another's weakness, thousands have been destroyed by false appreciation of their own strength. -- Charles C. Colton 0942Be ye angry and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath. -- Eph. iv,26 0943Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life. 0944Beauty is as summer fruits, which are easy to corrupt and cannot last; and for the most part it makes a dissolute youth, and an age a little out of countenance; but if it light well, it makes virtue shine and vice blush. -- Bacon 0945Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone. 0946Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another. 0947Beauty without virtue is like a flower without perfume. 0948Beauty's tears are lovelier than her smile. -- Campbell 0949Because men believe not in Providence, therefore they do so greedily scrape and hoard. They do not believe in any reward for charity, therefore they will part with nothing. -- Barrow 0950Beck's Motto: Functionality; All the Functionality; And nothing but the Functionality. 0951Beck's Postulate: Murphy was an optimist. 0952Bedfellows make strange politicians. 0953Before a party or a trip, if it can, it will let rip. 0954Behind every argument is someone's ignorance. 0955Behind every great man is a great woman. Behind every great woman is a great behind. -- anonymous male chauvinist 0956Behold how great a matter a little fire kindleth. -- James III, 5 0957Being frustrated is disagreeable, but the real disasters in life begin when you get what you want. -- Irving Kristol 0958Being generous is inborn; being altruistic is a learned perversity. No resemblance ... -- Lazarus Long 0959Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important. -- Eugene McCarthy 0960Believe not much them that seem to despise riches; for they despise them that despair of them; and none are worse when they come to them. Be not penny-wise; riches have wings, and sometimes they fly away of themselves, sometimes they must be set flying to bring in more. -- Bacon 0961Benchley's Distinction: There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes and those who do not. -- Robert Benchley 0962Benchley's travel distinction: In America there are two classes of travel: first class and with children. 0963Best men are often moulded out of faults. -- Shakespeare 0964Bets at the first were fool-traps where the wise Like spiders lay in ambush for the flies. -- Dryden 0965Better Red than dead. -- Bertrand Russell 0966Better be alone than in bad company. 0967Better bend than break. 0968Better to be despised for too anxious apprehensions, than ruined by too confident a security. -- Edmund Burke 0969Better to die a thousand deaths than wound my honor. -- Addison 0970Better to live one day as a lion than 100 years as a lamb. 0971Better to throw it out--than throw it in. -- Skinny Mitchell 0972Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment. 0973Between grief and nothing I will take grief. -- William Faulkner 0974Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -- Mae West 0975Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. -- Henry David Thoreau 0976Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil. 0977Beware of desperate steps! -- the darkest day Live till to-morrow, will have passed away. -- Cowper 0978Beware of entrance to a quarrel; but being in, bear it that the opposer may beware of thee. -- Shakespeare 0979Beware of friends who are false and deceitful. 0980Beware of little expensed; a small leak will sink a great ship. -- Benjamin Franklin 0981Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug. 0982Beware the fury of a patient man. -- Dryden 0983Beware the man who makes cream with his mouth; he winds up making butter with his nose. -- Babbaluche the cobbler 0984Bicycle Law: All bicycles weigh 50 pounds: A 30-pound bicycle needs a 20-pound lock and chain. A 40-pound bicycle needs a 10-pound lock and chain. A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock and chain. 0985Bid, then, the tender light of faith to shine By which alone the mortal heart is led Unto the thinking of the thought divine. -- George Santayana 0986Big people are those who make us feel bigger when we are with them. 0987Biochemistry expands so as to fill the space and time available for its completion and publication. -- R. T. Hersh 0988Bismark's law: The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night. 0989Blessed are the peace makers, for they shall be called the children of God. -- Matthew V, 9 0990Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt. 0991Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed. -- W. C. Bennett 0992Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed. -- Gene Franklin 0993Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it, for he shall enjoy living. -- W. C. Bennett 0994Bordeaux makes you think of mischief; Burgundy makes you tease; Champagne makes you. 0995Boren's Laws of Bureaucracy: 1. When in doubt, mumble. 2. When in trouble, delegate. 3. When in charge, ponder. -- James H. Boren 0996Boss to employer: No, Baxter, you're not being replaced by a computer--only a silicon chip. -- Eli Stein 0997Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System. You couldn't pry that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation straightened our for a crowbar. -- O. W. Holmes 0998Bow to no patron's insolence; rely On no frail hopes, in freedom live and die. -- Seneca 0999Bowler's dinner--spare ribs -- Raymond D. Love 1000Brave spirits are a balsam to themselves; there is a nobleness of mind that heals wounds beyond salves. -- Cartwright 1001Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid. -- Franklin P. Jones 1002Brevity and superficiality are often concomitants. -- Amrom Katz 1003Broken Mirror Law: Everyone breaks more than the seven-year bad luck allotment to cover rotten luck throughout an entire lifetime. -- Rozanne Weissman 1004Brontosaurus Principle: Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them in relation to their environment and to their own physiology: when this occurs, they are an endangered species. -- Thomas K. Connellan 1005Brooks Atkinson described a Shubert play as "beautiful, if you are deaf and dumb." 1006Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. -- Christopher J. Shaw 1007Bureaucratic Cop-Out Number 1: You should have seen it when I got it! -- Marshall L. Smith 1008Burn's Hog Weighing Method: 1. Get a perfectly symmetrical plank and balance it across a sawhorse. 2. Put the hog on one end of the plank. 3. Pile rocks on the other end until the plank is again perfectly balanced. 4. Carefully guess the weight of the rocks. -- Robert Burns 1009Bus schedules are arranged so your bus will arrive at the transfer point precisely one minute after the connecting bus has left. -- John Corcoran 1010But I have seen the science I worshipped and the airplane I loved destroying the civilization I expected them to serve. -- Charles A. Lindbergh, Jr. 1011But an old age serene and bright, And lovely as a Lapland night, Shall lead thee to thy grave. -- Wordsworth 1012But if a man happens to find himself ... he has a mansion which he can inhabit with dignity all the days of his life. 1013But love is blind and lovers cannot see The pretty follies that themselves commit. -- Shakespeare 1014But then her face, So lovely, yet so arch, so full of mirth, The overflowings of an innocent heart. -- Rogers 1015By a careful cultural design, we control not the final behavior, but the inclination to behave--the motives, the desires, the wishes ... we increase the feeling of freedom. -- B. F. Skinner 1016By definition, when you are investigating the unknown, you do not know what you will find. 1017By establishing real money, men rule out its debasement. -- Lewis E. Lehrman 1018By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. 1019By following the good, you learn to be good. 1020By gnawing through a dyke even a rat may drown a nation. -- Edward Burke 1021By heaven we understand a state of happiness infinite in degree, and endless in duration. -- Benjamin Franklin 1022By night an atheist half believes a God. -- Edward Young 1023By preserving over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination. -- Christopher Columbus 1024By the data to date, there is only one animal in the Galaxy dangerous to man --man himself. So he must supply his own indispensable competition. He has no enemy to help him. -- Lazarus Long 1025By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes. -- Shakespeare 1026By the time a person gets to greener pastures, he can't climb the fence. 1027By the time a social science theory is formulated in such a way that it can be tested, changing circumstances have already made it obsolete. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi 1028By the year 1984 the entire world may be run by computers. Digital Equipment Corporation will still be run by people. 1029By work you get money, by talk you get knowledge. -- Jaliburton 1030Caesar had his Brutus--charles the First, his Cromwell--and George the Third ("Treason!" cried the Speaker)--may profit by their example. If this be treason, make the most of it. -- Patrick Henry 1031Call him wise whose actions, words and steps are all a clear because to a clear why. -- Lavater 1032Calmness is great advantage; he that lets another chafe may warm him at his fire, mark all his wand'rings and enjoy his frets, as cunning fencers suffer heat to tire. -- Herbert 1033Cameras are so simple to operate now that taking pictures is much easier than getting friends to look at them. -- Hugh Allen 1034Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points. -- M. M. Johnston 1035Can there be a republic that does not slump under the weight of so much human desire? -- Michael Scully 1036Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in fall. 1037Cant produces countercant. -- Arthur Herzog 1038Capital Punishment: The income tax. 1039Capital as such is not evil; it is its wrong use that is evil. -- Mohandas Ghandi 1040Capitalism ... is outrageously unjust; it requires a continuing maldistribution of wealth in order to exist ... We live in the twilight of an epoch ... I am absolutely convinced that we are moving toward some kind of planned economy. -- Micheal Harrington 1041Capitalism can exist in one of only two states: welfare or warfare. -- Bill Gray 1042Capitalism did not arise because capitalists stole the land ... but because it was more efficient than feudalism. It will perish because it is not merely less efficient than socialism, but actually self-destructive. -- J. B. S. Haldane 1043Capitalism in the United States has undergone profound modification, not just under the New Deal, but through a consensus that continued to grow after the New Deal ... Government in the U. S. today is a senior partner in every business in the country. -- Norman Cousins 1044Care keeps his watch in every old man's eye. -- Shakespeare 1045Care to our coffin adds a nail, no doubt; And ev'ry grin so merry, draws one out. -- Dr. Wolcott 1046Careful planning is the key to safe and swift travel. -- Ulysses 1047Celibacy is not hereditary. -- Guy Godin 1048Certain things shouldn't be moved. -- Murray Teigh Bloom 1049Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win. -- Lazarus Long 1050Champagne is the only wine a woman can drink and still remain beautiful. -- Mme. de Pompadour 1051Changing things is central to leadership, and changing them before anyone else is creativeness. -- Antony Jay 1052Character is a perfectly educated will. -- Novalis 1053Character is destiny. -- Heraclitus 1054Charity begins at home. 1055Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. -- I Corinthians 1056Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap. 1057Check the answer you have worked out once more--before you tell it to anybody. -- Edmund C. Berkeley 1058Cheop's law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. 1059Chicago Tribune headline: THE FAME OF PLAINS IS MAINLY ON THE WANE. 1060Chide a friend in private and praise him in public. -- Solon 1061Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. -- Franklin P. Jones 1062Children have more energy after a hard day of play than they do after a good night's sleep. -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson 1063Chill penury weighs down the heart, itself; and though it sometimes be endured with calmness, it is but the calmness of despair. -- Mrs. Jameson 1064Choose such pleasures as recreate much, and cost little. -- Fuller 1065Choose the company of your superiors whenever you can have it; that is the right and true pride. -- Lord Chesterfield 1066Christ believed in hell. I do not myself feel that any person who is really profoundly humane can believe in everlasting punishment. -- Bertrand Russell 1067Cicero's style bores me. When I have spent an hour reading him ... and try to recollect what I have extracted, I usually find it nothing but wind. -- Michel de Montaigne 1068Circular Definition: see Circular Definition. 1069Circumstances can force a generalized incompetent to become competent, at least in a specialized field. -- Frank R. Freemon 1070Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations which we can perform without thinking of them. 1071Clarke's law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. 1072Classified material is considered lost when it cannot be found. 1073Clearly stated instructions will consistently produce multiple interpretations. -- Charles P. Boyle 1074Clearly, then, the city is not a concrete jungle, it is a human zoo. -- Desmond Morris 1075Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. 1076Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. 1077Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery. 1078Colors fade, temples crumble, empires fall, but wise words endure. -- Thorndike 1079Colson's Law: If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. 1080Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. 1081Comitas comitatum, omnia comitas. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi 1082Commend a fool for his wit, or a knave for his honesty, and they will receive you into their bosom. -- Fielding 1083Committee Rules: (1) Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner. -- Harry Chapman 1084Committee Rules: (2) Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this stamps you as being wise. -- Harry Chapman 1085Committee Rules: (3) Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating the others. -- Harry Chapman 1086Committee Rules: (4) When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed. -- Harry Chapman 1087Committee Rules: (5) Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you popular--it's what everyone is waiting for. -- Harry Chapman 1088Committee reports dealing with wages, salaries, fringe benefits, facilities, computers, employee parking, libraries, coffee breaks, secretarial support, etc., always call for dramatic expenditure increases. -- Thomas L. Martin 1089Committee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen 1090Committee--a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours. -- Milton Berle 1091Committee--a group of the unfit, appointed by the unwilling, to do the unnecessary. -- Stewart Harrol 1092Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work. 1093Common and vulgar people ascribe all ill that they feel to others; people of little wisdom ascribe to themselves; people of much wisdom, to no one. -- Epictetus 1094Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom. -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge 1095Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom. -- Coleridge 1096Commonly, physicians, like beer, are best when they are old, and lawyers, like bread, when they are young and new. -- Fuller 1097Compared to what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. -- William James 1098Compared with everything else in data processing, paper is cheap; use it. But the value of a report decreases as the number of its pages increases. 1099Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation. -- St. Augustine 1100Complete adaptation to environment means death. The essential point in all response is the desire to control environment. -- John Dewey 1101Compliments of congratulations are always kindly taken, and cost nothing but pen, ink, and paper. I consider them as draughts upon good breeding, where the exchange is always greatly in favor of the drawer. -- Chesterfield 1102Computer-based management information systems will cure most review and control problems. -- Richard F. Moore 1103Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. -- Tom Gibb 1104Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up. 1105Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more than the estimate the job will cost. 1106Computing power increases as the square of the cost. If you want to do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times as slowly. -- Herb Grosch 1107Conceit in weakest bodies strongest works. -- Shakespeare 1108Conceit is to nature what paint is to beauty; it is not only needless, but impairs what it would improve. -- Pope 1109Concerning the gods, I am not able to know to a certainty whether they exist or not. For there are many things which prevent one from knowing, especially the obscurity of the subject, and the shortness of the life of man. 1110Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the child will turn instinctively for more assistance, the puppy will grovel in abject submission, the kitten will brace its tiny body for a frantic resistance. -- H. H. Munro 1111Confusion (entropy) is always increasing in society. Only if someone or something works extremely hard can this confusion be reduced to order in a limited region. Nevertheless, this effort will still result in an increase in the total confusion of society at large. -- Dr. W. L. Everitt 1112Conscience has no more to do with gallantry than it has with politics. -- Sheridon 1113Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you wish you weren't. 1114Consider the Malevolent Universe Theory: it really IS out to get you! 1115Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. -- Josh Billings 1116Consider will what your strength is equal to, and what exceeds your ability. -- Horace 1117Consistency is the product of small minds. -- Merle P. Martin 1118Contentment produces in some measure, all those effects which the alchymist usually ascribes to what he calls the philosopher's stone; and if it does not bring riches, it does the same thing, by banishing the desire of them. If it cannot remove the disquietudes arising from a man's mind, body, or fortune, it makes him easy under them. -- Addison 1119Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius. 1120Corrupt, stupid grasping functionaries will make at least as big a muddle of socialism as stupid, selfish and aquisitive employers can make of capitalism. -- Walter Lippmann 1121Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, but not expressed in fancy; rich, not gaudy; for the apparel oft proclaims the man. -- Shakespeare 1122Count the day won when, turning on its axis, This earth imposes no additional taxes. 1123Courage consists not in blindly overlooking danger, but in seeing it, and conquering it. -- Richter 1124Courage is a quality so necessary for maintaining virtue that is always respected, even when it is associated with vice. -- Samuel Johnson 1125Courage is grace under pressure. -- Ernest Hemingway 1126Courage is the complement of fear. A man who is fearless cannot be courageous. (He is also a fool.) -- Lazarus Long 1127Courage is walking naked through a cannibal village. -- Leonard Louis Levinson 1128Courage is your greatest present need. 1129Courses of action which run only to be justified in terms of practicality ultimately prove destructive and impractical. -- Mark B. Cohen 1130Courtship consists of a number of quiet attentions, not so pointed as to alarm, nor so vague as not to be understood. -- Sterne 1131Coward, n. one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. -- Ambrose Bierce 1132Coward: A man in whom the instinct of self-preservation acts normally. -- Sultana Zoraya 1133Cows may come and cows may go, but the bull in this place goes on FOREVER!!! 1134Crab apples may not be the best kind of fruit; but a tree which every year bears a great crop of crab apples is better worth cultivating than a tree which bears nothing. 1135Crane's Rule: There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it. 1136Creative intelligence in its various forms and activities is what makes man. -- James Harvey Robinson 1137Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the broth. -- Bernice Fitz-Gibbon 1138Creditors have better memories than debtors; and creditors are a superstitious sect, great observers of set days and times. -- Benjamin Franklin 1139Creditors have much better memories than debtors. 1140Criticism is like champagne, nothing more execrable if bad, nothing more excellent if good; if meagre, muddy vapid, and sour, both are fit only to engender colic and wind; but if rich, generous and sparkling, they improve the taste, expand the heart, and are worthy of being introduced at the symposium of the gods. -- Colton 1141Critics are a kind of freebooters in the republic of letters--who, like deer, goats, and divers other gramniverous animals, gain subsistence by gorging upon buds and leaves of the young shrubs of the forest, thereby robbing them of their verdue, and retarding their progress to maturity. -- Washington Irving 1142Croll's Query: If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of? 1143Cultivate a consistently pessimistic outlook. 1144Cultivation to the mind is as necessary as food to the body. -- Cicero 1145Cunning and deceit will every time serve a man better than force. -- Niccolo Machiavelli 1146Cunning and treachery are the offspring of incapacity. -- La Rochefoucauld 1147Curiosity in the humanities is a free person's humility, and a humble person's freedom. -- Joseph Duffy 1148Curley's Law: As long as they spell the name right. 1149Cursed is every-one who places his hope in man. -- Saint Augustine 1150Custom does often reason overrule And only serves for reason to the fool. -- John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester 1151Custom is the law of fools. -- Vanburgh 1152Custom will often blind one to the good as well as to the evil effects of any long established system. -- Bishop Richard Whately 1153Customs tell a man who he is, where he belongs, what he must do. Better illogical customs than none; men cannot live together without them ... "justice" is a search for workable customs. -- Dr. Margaret Mader 1154Cut 'em off at the past! 1155Cut the crap. 1156Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation. -- Johnny Hart 1157Cynic: n. a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. -- Ambrose Bierce 1158Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth. -- Lillian Hellman 1159Cynicism is disappointed idealism. -- Harry Kemelman 1160Cynicism is disillusioned idealism. 1161Cynicism is humour in ill-health. -- H. G. Wells 1162Cynicism--the intellectual cripple's substitute for intelligence. -- Russell Lynes 1163Cynics are right nine times out of ten; what undoes them is their belief that they are right ten times out of ten. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi 1164DEATH: The penultimate commercial transaction finalized by probate. -- Bernard Rosenberg 1165DECEPTION EXPERIMENT: An experiment in which the researcher is pleased to believe that the true nature of the situation is unknown to the participants. Typically the only parties deceived are the funding agency and the journal editor. 1166DESIGN SIMPLICITY: costs (manufacturer's) cut to the bone 1167DIAGNOSTIC: software which runs to completion no matter how broken the hardware is 1168DIPLOMACY: Lying in state. -- Ambrose Bierce 1169DIPLOMACY: Patriotic art of lying for one's country. 1170DIPLOMACY: The art of fishing tranquilly in troubled waters. 1171DIPLOMACY: The art of jumping into troubled waters without making a splash. 1172DIRECT SALES ONLY: manufacturer had argument with distributor 1173DISTINCTIVE: a different color or shape than our competitors 1174DOUBLE-BLIND EXPERIMENT: An experiment in which the chief researcher believes he is fooling both the subject and the lab assistant. Often accompanied by a belief in the tooth fairy. 1175Damnable, both sides rogue. -- Shakespeare 1176Damon Runyon's Law: The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet. 1177Data Potato ... du wop ... du wop !!! 1178David Merrick, displaying ... his sneaky knack for extending the life of a production beyond the reasonable expectations of the playwright's mother. -- Walter Kerr 1179Deadlock's Law: If the lawmakers make a compromise, the place where it will be felt the most is the taxpayer's pocket. 1180Dear God, make me a good boy, but it's all right with me if you'd like to take your time about it. 1181Death comes to all But great achievements build a monument Which shall endure until the sun grows cold. -- Georg Fabricius 1182Death is a comingling of eternity with time; in the death of a good man, eternity is seen looking through time. -- Goethe 1183Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -- Norman Cousins 1184Death opens the gate of fame, and shuts the gate of envy after it; it unlooses the chain of the captive, and puts the bondsman's task into another man's hand. -- Sterne 1185Death tugs at my ear and says: "Live, I am coming." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. 1186Deceit in the conduct of war outweighs valor and is worthy of merit. -- Niccolo Machiavelli 1187Decision is a sharp knife that cuts clean and straight; indecision is a dull one that hacks and tears and leaves ragged edges behind it. -- Gordon Graham 1188Decision of character is one of the most important of human qualities, philosophically considered. Speculation, knowledge, is not the chief end of man; it is action. -- Burnap 1189Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really overwhelming majority of the crowd present. Abusive and obscene language may not be used by contestants when addressing members of the judging panel, or, conversely, by members of the judging panel when addressing contestants (unless struck by a boomerang). -- Benjamin Ruhe 1190Deep in the nature of all these noble races there lurks unmistakably the beast of prey, the blond beast, lustfully roving in search of booty and victory. -- Frederick Nietzsche 1191Default is more revolutionary than ideals. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. 1192Defeated, but not dismayed--crushed to the earth, but not humiliated--he seemed to grow more haughty beneath disaster, and to experience a fierce satisfaction in draining the last dregs of bitterness. -- Washington Irving 1193Defer not till tomorrow to be wise, Tomorrow's sun to thee may never rise. -- Congreve 1194Deine schiff ist ingecommen. 1195Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth. -- Lazarus Long 1196Democracy can learn some things from Communism: for example, when a Communist politician is through, he is through. 1197Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. -- George Bernard Shaw 1198Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think. 1199Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are wiser than one man. How's that again? I missed something. Autocracy is based on the assumption that one man is wiser than a million men. Let's play that one over again, too. Who decides? -- Lazarus Long 1200Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse. -- Jawaharlal Nehru 1201Democracy is not a matter of sentiment, but of foresight. Any system that doesn't take the long run into account will burn itself out in the short run. -- Charles Yost 1202Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves. -- James Dale Davidson 1203Democracy is the worst system devised by the wit of man, except for all the others. -- Winston Churchill 1204Democracy means government by the uneducated, while aristocracy means government by the badly educated. -- G. K. Chesterton 1205Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group. 1206Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall. 1207Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans wear theirs. 1208Democrats keep trying to cut down on their smoking but are not successful. Neither are Republicans. 1209Democrats make up plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made. 1210Democrats name their children after currently popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers. Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents, depending on where the money is. 1211Depend on no man, on no friend, but him who can depend on himself. He only who acts conscientiously towards himself will act so towards others, and vice versa. -- Lavater 1212Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face. 1213Despise not any man, and do not spurn any thing. For there is no man that hath not his hour, no is there any thing that hath not its place. -- Rabbi Ben Azai 1214Despots govern by terror. They know that he who fears God fears nothing else; and, therefore, they eradicate from the mind, through their Voltaire, the Heloetius, and the rest of that infamous gang, that only sort of fear that generates true courage. -- Burke 1215Detriot made a grand try at persuading the visiting Republicans that the city is not as crime-ridden as people think. The campaign was going fine until somebody stole the governer's Lincoln Mark IV limousine. -- National Review 1216Dialogue: opposing factions discussing relevant issues. Formerly called an argument. -- Paul Sweeney 1217Did the Devil really create the world when God wasn't looking? 1218Did you ever feel like the whole world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of white socks? 1219Did you ever hear Of the frolic fairies dear? They're a blessed little race, Peeping up in fancy's face, In the valley, on the hill, By the fountain and the rill; Laughing out between the leaves That the loving summer weaves. -- Mrs. Osgood 1220Did you hear about the earthquake committee meeting that was adjourned by a motion from the floor? 1221Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town and was given a ticket for making a ewe turn? 1222Did you know that married men live longer than single men? So, if you want to die a slow death, get married!!! -- Dave Maynard 1223Did your mother have any children that lived? 1224Difficulty is a severe instructor, set over us by the supreme ordinance of a parental guardian and legislator, who knows us better than we know ourselves; and He loves us better too. He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper. This amicable conflict with difficulty obliges us to an intimate acquaintance with our object, and compels us to consider it in all its relations. It will not suffer us to be superficial. -- Burke 1225Digging oolitic strata, Laid in the oligocene, Geologists are lost for data-- Fossils, yes! But ... A MACHINE??? 1226Dimensions will be expressed in the least convenient terms, e. g.: Furlongs per (Fortnight)**2 = Acceleration. 1227Diplomacy has rarely been able to gain at the conference table what cannot be gained or held on the battlefield. 1228Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!" till you can find a rock. 1229Diplomacy is to do and say the nastiest thing in the nicest way. 1230Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it ... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week. -- Will Rogers 1231Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability. -- Roy L. Smith 1232Discipline, like the bridle in the hand of a good rider, should exercise its influence without appearing to do so; should be ever active, both as a support and as a restraint, yet seem to lie easily in hand. It must always be ready to check or to pull up, as occasion may require; and only when the horse is a runaway should the action of the curb be perceptible. 1233Discretion in speech is more than eloquence. -- Bacon 1234Divines and dying men may talk of Hell But in my heart her several torments dwell. -- Shakespeare 1235Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself; but do not relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you. -- Stwert E. White 1236Do not believe in miracles--rely on them. 1237Do not clog intellect's sluices with knowledge of questionable uses. 1238Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy. -- Lazarus Long 1239Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. 1240Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead. 1241Do whatever your enemies don't want you to do. -- Gary Novak 1242Do you realize how boring you are? 1243Do you realize that you are responsible for making this organization a cost, rather than a profit, center? 1244Doctors, dentists, and lawyers are only on time for appointments when you're not. -- Roxanne Weissman 1245Documents should always be dated, listings should never be torn on the outside fold. Violation is indicative of someone's (programmer's or operator's) inability. 1246Does a man speak foolishly?--suffer him gladly, for you are wise. Does he speak erroneously?--stop such a man's mouth with sound words that cannot be gainsaid. Does he speak truly?--rejoice in the truth. -- Oliver Cromwell 1247Does history record any case in which the majority was right? 1248Domestic happiness and faithful friends. 1249Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut. -- Daniel S. Greenberg 1250Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 1251Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted. 1252Don't bite the hand that has your allowance in it. -- Lisa Tidler 1253Don't care if you'r rich or not, as long as you can live comfortably and have everything you want. 1254Don't disturb the perimeter (meaning don't stir a mess unless you can be sure of the result). 1255Don't forget to feel sorry for yourself. 1256Don't get yourself involved with persons or situations that can't bear inspection. 1257Don't let the fact that you can't do all you want to do keep you from doing what you can do. 1258Don't look back, something might be gaining on you. -- Satchel Paige 1259Don't lose heart ... they might want to cut it out ... and they want to avoid a lengthy search. 1260Don't malign the bug-eyed monster-- Oh, he kidnaps girls, it's true, But bear in mind that all he wants to Do is what YOU'RE trying to do. 1261Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamp-post. 1262Don't play President--you're not. The Constitution provides for only one President. Don't forget it and don't be seen by others as not understanding that fact. -- Donald Rumsfeld 1263Don't praise the bread until it is baked. 1264Don't push me I'm going 55 I've done 75 The fine was $49. 1265Don't put all your eggs in your pocket. -- Celestine Clark 1266Don't send my boy to Harvard, the dying mother said. Don't send my boy to Harvard, I'd rather see him dead. 1267Don't speak ill of your predecessors (or successors)--you did not walk in their shoes. -- Donald Rumsfeld 1268Don't start something you would be afraid to see finished. 1269Don't stick your foot in the ashtray, Ed. -- JWC and RCHM 1270Don't stop to stomp ants when the elephants are stampeding. 1271Don't store garlic near other victuals. -- Lazarus Long 1272Don't talk to me about a man's being able to talk sense; everyone can talk sense--can he talk nonsense? -- William Pitt the Elder 1273Don't throw stones at your neighbors, if you expect to buy their natural gas. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 1274Don't try to have the last word. You might get it. 1275Don't turn around. 1276Don't worry about avoiding temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. -- The Old Farmer's Almanac 1277Don't worry about who you step on on the way up if you don't ever plan on coming down. 1278Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it. 1279Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope. 1280Dost thou love life? Then do not squander Time; for that's the stuff the Iranians have plenty of. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 1281Dost thou love life? Then waste not time, for time is the stuff that life is made of. -- Benjamin Franklin 1282Draw your salary before spending it. 1283Dreading the climax of all human ills, The inflammation of his weekly bills. -- Byron 1284Dream after dream ensures, and still they dream that they shall still succeed, and still are disappointed. -- William Cowper 1285Dreams are the touchstones of our characters. -- Henry David Thoreau 1286Dreams, indeed, are ambition; for the very substance of the ambitious is merely the shadow of a dream. And I hold ambition of so airy and light a quality that it is but a shadow's shadow. -- Shakespeare 1287Drink Canada Dry! You might not be able to, but it IS fun trying. 1288Drink and be whole again beyond confusion. -- Robert Frost 1289Drive is more than motivation. It is self motivation. 1290Drunkenness is the vice of a good constitution, or of a bad memory! of a constitution so treacherously good, that it never bends till it breaks; or of a memory that recollects the pleasures of getting drunk, but forgets the pains of getting sober. -- Colton 1291Due to lack of interest, tomorrow will be canceled. 1292During an exam, the pocket calculator battery will fail. -- M. M. Johnston 1293During my eighty-seven years I have witnessed a whole succession of technological revolutions. But none of them has done away with the need for character in the individual or the ability to think. -- Bernard M. Baruch 1294Dust breeds. 1295E up x. 1296ENERGY SAVING: achieved when the power switch is "off" 1297EXCLUSIVE: Imported product 1298Each morning puts a man on trial and each evening passes judgement. -- Roy L. Smith 1299Each person has the right to take part in the management of public affairs in his country, provided he has prior experience, a will to succeed, a college degree, influential parents, good looks, a resume, two 3X4 snapshots, and a good tax record. -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes 1300Each person has the right to take the subway. -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes 1301Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem. -- U. S. Dept. of Labor 1302Each profession talks to itself in its own unique language. Apparently there is no Rosetta Stone. 1303Eagleson's Law: Any code of your own that you haven't looked at for six or more months, might as well have been written by someone else. (Eagleson is an optimist, the real number is more like 3 weeks.) 1304Early to bed and early to rise, Makes a man heathy, wealthy and wise. -- Benjamin Franklin 1305Earnestness alone makes life eternity. -- Carlyle 1306Ease leads to habit, as success to ease. 1307Eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. 1308Eat flaming death, minicomputer mongrels!!! 1309Eat my shorts! 1310Eat to live, and not on thy Diner's Club Card. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 1311Ecologists believe that a bird in the bush is worth two in the hand. -- Stanley C. Pearson (On second thought, a bird in the hand is finger-licking good.) 1312Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor. -- Edgar R. Fiedler 1313Economy is of itself a great revenue. -- Cicero 1314Economy makes men independent. 1315Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent. -- Fred Allen 1316Education begins the gentleman, but reading, good company and reflection must finish him. -- John Locke 1317Education belongs pre-eminently to the church ... neutral or lay schools from which religion is excluded are contrary to the fundamental principles of education. -- Pope Pius XI 1318Education has in America's whole history been the major hope for improving the individual and society. -- Gunnar Myrdal 1319Education is helping the child realize his potentialities. -- Erich Fromm 1320Education is the instruction of the intellect in the laws of Nature. -- Thomas Henry Huxley 1321Education is the transmission of civilization. -- Ariel and Will Durant 1322Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten. -- B. F. Skinner 1323Education today, more than ever before, must see clearly the dual objectives: Education for living and education for making a living. -- James Mason Wood 1324Education: A debt due from present to future generations. -- George Peabody 1325Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity. -- Frank Leahy 1326Eisenhower told me never to trust a Communist. -- Lyndon B. Johnson 1327Electrician's breakfast--ohmlettes -- Raymond D. Love 1328Elevator Rules: 1. Face forward. 2. Fold hands in front. 3. Do not make eye contact. 4. Watch the numbers. 5. Don't talk to anyone you don't know. 6. Stop talking with anyone you do know when anyone you don't know enters the elevator. 7. Avoid brushing bodies. -- Psychologist Layne Longfellow 1329Elevators traveling in the desired direction are always delayed and on arrival tend to run in pairs, threes of a kind, full houses, etc. -- Pete Maiken 1330Emotion has taught mankind to reason. -- Marquis de Vauvenargues 1331Emptiness on paper; Fleeting thoughts. Red Sox play at Fenway's Green park. 1332Enjoy your life. If you don't, no one else will. 1333Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May. 1334Enjoy your present pleasures so as not to injure those that are to follow. -- Seneca 1335Enlightened people seldom or never possess a sense of responsibility. -- George Orwell 1336Enough research will tend to confirm your conclusions. 1337Enthusiasm without knowledge is like running in the dark. 1338Entropy has us outnumbered. -- Solomon Short 1339Envy is a weed that grows in all soils and climates, and is no less luxuriant in the country than in the court; is not confined to any rank of men or extent of fortune, but rages in the breasts of all degrees. -- Lord Clarendon 1340Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at. 1341Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant professor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a male schlemiel. -- Ewald Nyquist 1342Equality of opportunity is an equal opportunity to prove unequal talents. -- Sir Herbert Samuel 1343Erma Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. 1344Err is basically a synonym for Murphy, but those who quote him over the better known prophet insist he is as real as Murphy. The basis for their argument: (1) his spirit, like Murphy's, is everywhere and (2) Err is human. 1345Errors like straws upon the surface flow: He who would search for pearls must dive below. -- Dryden 1346Ertz's observation: Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. 1347Established technology tends to persist in the face of new technology. -- Gerritt A. Blaauw 1348Eternal boredom is the price of constant vigilance. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. 1349Eternal sunshine settles on its head. -- Oliver Goldsmith 1350Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. -- Wendell Phillips 1351Eternity stands always fronting God; a stern colossal image with blind eyes, and dim lips, that murmur evermore, "God, God, God!" -- Mrs. Browning 1352Ettorre's Observation: The other line moves faster. 1353Even God cannot change the past. 1354Even a hawk is an eagle among crows. 1355Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. 1356Even if it can't, it might. -- A. J. Barton 1357Even in war, moral power is to physical as three parts out of four. -- Napoleon Bonaparte 1358Even paranoids have enemies. -- Jim Pastore 1359Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion. 1360Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark. 1361Even things in themselves not positively advantageous, sometimes become so, by their tendency to provoke exertion. Every new scene, which is opened to the busy nature of man to rouse and exert itself, is the addition of a new energy to the general stock of effort. -- Alexander Hamilton 1362Every Tom, Dick and Harry is named William. -- Sam Goldwyn 1363Every action in our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity. -- Edwin Hubbel Chapin 1364Every action or decision of an institution must be intended to keep the institution machinery working. -- Robert N. Kharasch 1365Every child born in America can hope to grow up to enjoy tax loopholes. 1366Every dog must have its day. -- Jonathon Swift 1367Every editor of newapapers pays tribute to the Devil. -- La Fontaine 1368Every great improvement has come after repeated failures. Virtually nothing comes out right the first time. Failures, repeated failures, are fingerposts on the road to achievement. -- Charles R. Kettering 1369Every great or original writer in proportion as he is great or original, must himself create the taste by which he must be relished. -- Wordsworth 1370Every man desires to live long, but no man desires to be old. -- Jonathon Swift 1371Every man has a right to his opinion, but no man has a right to be wrong in his facts. -- Bernard M. Baruch 1372Every man has a scheme that will not work. 1373Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95. 1374Every man has in himself a continent of undiscovered character. Happy is he who acts the Columbus of his own soul. -- Sir J. Stevens 1375Every man has just as much vanity as he wants understanding. -- Alexander Pope 1376Every man has three characters--that which he exhibits, that which he has, and that which he thinks he has. -- Alphonse Karr 1377Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit. -- Elbert Hubbard 1378Every man is a volume if you know how to read him. -- Channing 1379Every man is the architect of his own fortune. -- Appius Claudius 1380Every man of genius is considerably helped by being dead. 1381Every man who is high up loves to think that he has done it all himself; and the wife smiles, and lets it go at that. -- James Matthew Barrie 1382Every newspaper, no matter how tight the news hole, has room for a story on another newspaper increasing its newsstand price. -- Ed Zellar 1383Every one complains of the badness of his memory, but nobody of his judgment. -- La Rochefoucauld 1384Every organization is self-perpetuating. Don't ever ask an outfit to justify itself, or you'll be covered with facts, figures and fancy. The criterion should rather be, "What will happen if the outfit stops doing what it's doing?" The value of an organization is easier determined this way. -- Amrom Katz 1385Every problem contains within itself the seeds of its own solution. 1386Every purchase has its price. 1387Every reform is only a mask under cover of which a more terrible reform, which dares not yet name itself, advances. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson 1388Every sentence I utter must be understood not as an affirmation, but as a question. -- Niels Bohr 1389Every society is divided into two classes: prostitutes and pimps, those who do and those who sell. Every successful individual is something of both. 1390Every time I close the door on Reality, it comes in through the window. -- Ashleigh Brilliant 1391Every time you come up with a terrific idea, you find that someone else thought of it first. -- Frank Harden 1392Everybody believes in rugged individualism, but you'll do better by pleasing the boss. -- Charles Merrill Smith 1393Everybody has 20/20 hindsight. 1394Everybody lies about sex. 1395Everybody should believe in something--I believe I'll have another drink. -- Mary Steele 1396Everybody's gotta be someplace. -- Myron Cohen 1397Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment. 1398Everyone has talent at twenty-five. The trick is to have it at fifty. -- Edgar Degas 1399Everyone has the right, without exception, to equal pay for equal work. Except women. -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes 1400Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together. 1401Everyone knows that the name of the game is to let the other guy have all of the little tats and to keep all of the big tits for yourself. -- Thomas L. Martin 1402Everyone must see daily, instances of people who complain from a mere habit of complaining. 1403Everyone needs long-range goals if for no other reason than to keep from being frustrated by short-range failures. 1404Everyone who stops by with unsought advice will see it immediately. 1405Everything bows to success, even grammar. 1406Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between. -- Paul Hebig 1407Everything has two handles; the one soft and manageable, the other such as will not endure to be touched. If then your brother do you an injury, do not take it by the hot hard handle, by representing to yourself all the aggravating circumstances of the fact; but look rather on the soft side, and extenuate it as much as is possible, by considering the nearness of the relation, and the long friendship and familiarity between you--obligations to kindness which a single provocation ought not to dissolve. And thus you will take the accident by the manageable handle. -- Epictetus 1408Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavour of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks. -- Lazarus Long 1409Everything is for sale; only the price is negotiable. 1410Everything is matter. Matter is electricity. Electricity is invisible, intangible. Therefore it is nothing. Therefore everything is nothing. 1411Everything is more complicated than it looks to most people. -- Frederick Lewis Allen 1412Everything is nothing. Everything is all. All is one. One is inconceivable, infinite. Therefore it is nothing. Therefore everything is nothing. 1413Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being that a belch is more satisfying. -- Ingmar Bergman 1414Everything needs a little oil now and then. 1415Everything put together sooner or later falls apart. -- Paul Simon 1416Everything should be as simple as possible, but no simpler. -- Albert Einstein 1417Everything takes longer than you expect. 1418Everything takes more time and money. -- Anne DeCaprio 1419Everything tastes more or less like chicken. -- Jeffery F. Chamberlain 1420Everything that exceeds the bounds of moderation has an unstable foundation. -- Seneca 1421Everything you read in the newspapers is absolutely true except for that rare story of which you happen to have firsthand knowledge. -- Erwin Knoll 1422Evil habits soil a fine dress more than mud; good manners, by their deeds, easily set off a lowly garb. -- Plautus 1423Evil thoughts intrude in an unemployed mind, as naturally as worms are generated in a stagnant pool. 1424Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wise man can answer. 1425Examine the contents, not the bottle. -- The Talmud 1426Example is a living law, whose sway Men more than all the written laws obey. -- Sedley 1427Examples I could cite you more: But be contented with these four; For when one's proofs are aptly chosen Four are as valid as four dozen. -- Prior 1428Exams will always contain questions not discussed in class. -- M. M. Johnston 1429Excellence is never granted to man, but as the reward of labor. It argues, indeed, no small strength of mind to persevere in the habits of industry, without the pleasure of perceiving those advantages which, like the hands of a clock, whilst they make hourly approaches to their point, yet proceed so slowly as to escape observation. -- Sir Joshua Reynolds 1430Excess of grief for the deceased is madness; for it is an injury to the living, and the dead know it not. -- Xenophon 1431Excess of grief for the deceased is madness; for it is an injury to the living, and the dead know it not. -- Xenephon 1432Excessive official restraints on information are inevitably self defeating and productive of headaches for the officials concerned. -- Edward Kennedy, AP correspondent 1433Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work. -- John G. Pollard 1434Executive ability is prominent in your make-up. 1435Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you. 1436Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 1437Experience is awareness of encompassing the totality of things. 1438Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined. 1439Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you. -- Aldous Huxley 1440Experience is the comb that Nature gives us when we are bald. 1441Experience is the one thing you have plenty of when you're too old to get the job. 1442Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson. 1443Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other, and scarcely in that; for it is true, we may give advice, but we cannot give conduct. Remember this: They that will not be counseled cannot be helped. If you do not hear reason she will rap you over the knuckles. -- Benjamin Franklin 1444Experience keeps a dear school, but it's a hell of a campaign tactic. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 1445Experience teaches that men are often so much governed by what they are accustomed to see and practice, that the simplest and most obvious improvements, in the most ordinary occupations, are adopted with hesitation, reluctance, and by slow gradations. Men would resist changes, so long as even a bare support could be ensured by an adherence to ancient courses, and perhaps even longer. -- Alexander Hamilton 1446Experience varies directly with equipment ruined. 1447Experiments are often tricky-- There's no exception to this rule, What CAN have made that rat a sticky, Slimy, rather smelly pool? 1448Experiments must be reproducible--they should always fail in the same way. 1449Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields. But experts often think so. The narrower their field of knowledge the more likely they are to think so. -- Lazarus Long 1450Experts do not like surprises. It makes them look bad at the home office. -- Vic Gold 1451Experts in advanced countries underestimate by a factor of 2 to 4 the ability of people in underdeveloped countries to do anything technical. (Examples: Japanese on warplanes, Russians on the bomb, Iranians on refineries ... etc.) -- Professor Charles P. Issawi 1452Exploit the inevitable (which means, take credit for anything good which happens whether you had anything to do with it or not). 1453Extreme avarice is always mistaken; there is no passion which is oftener further away from its mark, nor upon which the present has so much power to the prejudice of the future. -- La Rochefoucauld 1454Eyes with the same blue witchery as those of Psyche, which caught love in his own wiles. 1455FAITH: An illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. -- H. L. Mencken 1456FAITH: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks, without knowledge, of things without parallel. -- Ambrose Bierce 1457FIELD TEST: Putting your software out to pasture. 1458FIELD TESTED: manufacturer lacks test equipment 1459FOOLPROOF OPERATION: no provision for adjustment 1460FUTURISTIC: can't figure out another reason why it looks as it does 1461Facts and truth are often cousins--not brothers. -- Edward Bunker 1462Facts are God's arguments, we should be careful never to misunderstand or pervert them. -- Tyron Edwards 1463Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. 1464Facts are stupid until brought into connection with some general law. -- Louis Agassiz 1465Facts are to the mind the same thing as food to the body. On the due digestion of facts depends the strength and wisdom of the one, just as vigor and health depend on the other. The wisest in council, the ablest in debate, and the most agreeable in the commerce of life, is that man who has assimilated to his understanding the greatest number of facts. -- Burke 1466Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. -- Aldous Huxley 1467Faculty purchases of equipment and supplies always increase to match the funds available, so these funds are never adequate. -- Thomas L. Martin 1468Fail me again and you'll breakfast on burning coals! 1469Faith builds a bridge across the gulf of death, To break the shock blind nature cannot shun, And lands thought smoothly on the further shore. -- Young 1470Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door. 1471Faith in a holy cause is to a considerable extent a substitute for lost faith in ourselves. -- Eric Hoffer 1472Faith in immortality, like belief in Satan, leaves unanswered the ancient question: is God unable to prevent suffering and thus not omnipotent? or is he able but not willing to prevent it and thus not merciful? And is he just? 1473Faith is never identical with piety. -- Karl Barth 1474Faith is not reason's labor, but repose. -- Young 1475Faith is one of those words that connotes, however irrationally, some kind of virtue in itself. -- Louis J. Halle 1476Faith is the soul going out of itself for all its wants. -- Boston 1477Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. -- Hebrews XI, 1. 1478Faith lights us through the dark to Deity. -- Davenant 1479Faith means belief in something concerning which doubt is theoretically possible. -- William James 1480Faith means intense, usually confident, belief that is not based on evidence sufficient to command assent from every reasonable person. -- Walter Kaufmann 1481Fame may be compared to a scold: the best way to silence her is to let her alone, and she will at last be out of breath in blowing her own trumpet. -- Fuller 1482Familiarity breeds contempt. 1483Fancy gizmos don't work. -- Jane Bryant Quinn 1484Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth. 1485Farewell a long farewell, to all my greatness! This is the state of man. Today he puts forth The tender leaves of hope; tomorrow blossoms, And bears his blushing honors thick upon him; The third day comes a frost, a killing frost. -- Shakespeare 1486Fast personal decisions are likely to be wrong. 1487Fate steals along with silent tread, Found oftenest in what least we dread; Frowns in the storm with angry brow, But in the sunshine strikes the blow. -- Cowper 1488Fathers alone a father's heart can know What secret tides of still enjoyment flow When brothers love, but if their hate succeeds, They wage the war, but 'tis the father bleeds. -- Edward Young 1489Fear is the tax that the conscience pays to guilt. -- Sewell 1490Feed yourself and feed others. Then, if you have to say good-bye, it won't matter. You will have shared love. -- Jeanne Moreau 1491Fellows who have no tongues are often all eyes and ears. -- Haliburton 1492Feminists sat 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full. -- Earl Wilson 1493Few ever lived to a great age, and fewer still ever became distinguished, who were not in the habit of early rising. -- Todd 1494Few love to hear the sins they love to act. -- Shakespeare 1495Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form. 1496Few people now believe in the devil; but very many enjoy behaving as their ancestors behaved when the Fiend was a reality as unquestionable as his Opposite Number. 1497Few persons have sufficient wisdom to prefer censure which is useful to them, to praise which deceives them. -- La Rochefoucauld 1498Few young men of high gifts and fine tastes look forward to entering public life, for the probability of disappointments and vexations of a life in Congress so far outweigh its attractions that nothing but exceptional ambition or a strong sense of public duty suffices to draw such men into it. Law, education, literature, the higher walks of commerce, finance, or railway work offer a better prospect of enjoyment or distinction. -- Lord James Bryce 1499Fie! What a spendthrift he is of his tongue! -- Shakespeare 1500Field's revelation: If you see a man holding a clipboard and looking official, the chances are good that he is supposed to be doing something menial. 1501Finagle's Creed: Science is truth: Don't be misled by facts. 1502Finagle's Fifth Rule: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something that either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition. 1503Finagle's Fourth Law: No matter what occurs, there is always someone who believes it happened according to his pet theory. 1504Finagle's Very Fundamental Finding: If a string has one end, then it has another end. 1505Finality is death. Perfection is finality. Nothing is perfect. There are lumps in it. -- James Stephens 1506Find happiness in your work, or you may never find it anywhere else. 1507Find out the cost before you get in. 1508Fine's Corollary: Functionality breeds Contempt. 1509Finish the sentence below in 25 words or less: "Love is what you feel just before you give someone a good ..." Mail your answer along with the top half of your supervisor to: P.O. Box 35 Baffled Greek, Michigan 1510Fire in each eye, and papers in each hand, They rave, recite, and madden round the land. -- Alexander Pope 1511Fire that's closest kept burns most of all. -- Shakespeare 1512First Law of Bridge: It's always the partner's fault. 1513First Law of Office Holders: Get reelected. 1514First Law of Wing-Walking: Never leave hold of what you've got until you've got hold of something else. -- Donald Herzberg 1515First draw your curves--then plot your data. 1516First get an absolute conquest over thyself, and then thou wilt easily govern thy wife. -- Fuller 1517First impressions are of major importance in business matters. -- J. Pierpont Finch 1518First must give place to last, because last must have his time to come; but last gives place to nothing, for there is not another to succeed. -- Bunyan 1519Fish or cut bait! 1520Flattery is a sort of bad money, to which our vanity gives currency. -- La Rochefoucauld 1521Flowers are like the pleasures of the world. -- Shakespeare 1522Flying saucers on occasion Show themselves to human eyes. Aliens fume, put off invasion While they brand these tales as lies. 1523Food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories. -- Rozanne Weissman 1524Fools are certain, but wise men hesitate. 1525Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. -- Alexander Pope 1526Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. -- Alexander Pope 1527For 40 years I have analyzed stocks and other money markets. Now I have made a remarkable discovery. The Confederate dollar has risen in value 7.4 percent a year since 1965. It has outperformed the German mark, the Japanese yen and the Swiss franc. -- Vincent W. Allen 1528For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill. -- Richard Clopton 1529For every credibility gap there is a gullibility gap. -- Senator Stuart Symington 1530For every human problem, there is a neat plain solution--and it is always wrong. -- H. L. Mencken 1531For every inch that is not a fool is rogue. -- Dryden 1532For every proverb that confidently asserts its little bit of wisdom, there is usually an equal and opposite proverb that contradicts it. -- Richard Boston 1533For evil news rides post, while good news baits. -- Milton 1534For forms of government let fools contest; Whate'er is best administer'd is best. -- Alexander Pope 1535For good men but see death, the wicked taste it. -- Johnson 1536For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor to tolerate error so long as reason is free to combat it. -- Thomas Jefferson 1537For in religion as in friendship, they who profess most are ever the least sincere. -- Sheridan 1538For modes of faith let graceless zealots fight, His can't be wrong whose life is in the right. -- Alexander Pope 1539For my part I can compare her to nothing but the sun; for, like him, she takes no rest, nor ever sets in one place by to rise in another. -- Dryden 1540For nations that waste their inheritances--even nations that are profligate-- usually do so in ways more subtle than individuals. Bad habits and bad advice take longer to inflict their damage; nations, too, have their reckonings, but they can survive many more nights before the hangover. -- Michael Scully 1541For oh! so wildly do I love him That paradise itself were dim And joyless, if not shared with him. -- Moore 1542For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will like. 1543For perfect happiness, remember two things: 1. Be content with what you've got. 2. Be sure you've got plenty. 1544For several years more I maintained public relations with the Almighty. But privately, I ceased to associate with him. -- Jean-Paul Sartre 1545For she had a tongue with a tang, Would cry to a sailor, Goe hang! She lov'd not the savour of Tar nor of Pitch Yet a Tailor might scratch her where ere she did itch: Then to Sea, Boyes, and let her goe hang! Author's Note: "This is a scurvy tune ..." 1546For specialization is a process that begins as an attempt to develop experts who will then inform the whole body. It can end, however, and sometimes does, in the removal of any inclination to question the supposed "experts"--who themselves are sometines not all that expert. -- Michael Scully 1547For the first time in history, one bag of groceries produces two bags of trash. -- Robert Orben 1548For the memory of love is sweet, Though the love itself were in vain And what I have lost of pleasure, Assuage what I find of pain. -- Lyster 1549For the rule of the wise over the less wise to be advantageous ... it must come about by a process of consent. And the requirement of consent can be understood only in the light of, and by recognition of, natural equality. -- Harry V. Jaffa 1550For the tenth time, dull Daphnis, said Chloe, You have told me my bosom is snowy; You've made much fine verse on Each part of my person, Now DO something--there's a good boy! 1551For they can conquer who believe they can. -- Virgil 1552For they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. -- Shakespeare 1553For we both alike know that into the discussion of human affairs the question of justice enters only where the pressure of necessity is equal, and that the powerful exact what they can, and the weak grant what they must. -- Thucydides 1554For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it. -- Luke 14:28 1555Forbear to judge, for we are sinners all. -- Shakespeare 1556Forecasters tend to learn less and less about more and more, until in the end they know nothing about everything. -- Edgar R. Fiedler 1557Forecasting is very difficult, especially if it's about the future. -- Edgar R. Fiedler 1558Forever floats that standard sheet! Where breathes the foe that falls before us, With freedom's soil beneath our feet, And Freedom's banner streaming o'er us. -- Joseph Rodman Drake 1559Forewarned is half an octopus. 1560Forget the feelings and rights of other people. 1561Forget the good things in life and concentrate on the bad. 1562Forget your opponents. Always play against par. -- Sam Snead 1563Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsense of those who think they talk sense. -- Robert Frost 1564Forgiveness is better than revenge, for forgiveness is the sign of a gentle nature, but revenge is the sign of a savage nature. -- Epictetus 1565Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered. 1566Fortune is a woman. It is necessary, if you wish to master her, to take her by force before she has a chance to resist. -- Niccolo Machiavelli 1567Fortune is like the market, where, many times, if you can stay a little, the price will fall. -- Bacon 1568Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment. 1569Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt. -- Dorothy Parker 1570Four things belong to a judge: to hear courteously, to answer wisely, to consider soberly, and to decide impartially. -- Socrates 1571Fourth Law of Thermodynamics: If the probability of success is not almost one, it is damn near zero. -- David Ellis 1572Free and fair discussion will ever by found the firmest friend to truth. -- George Campbell 1573Free enterprise ended in the United States a good many years ago. Big oil, big steel, big agriculture avoid the open marketplace. Big corporations fix prices among themselves and drive out the small entrepreneur. In their conglomerate forms, the huge corporations have begun to challenge the legitimacy of the state. -- Gore Vidal 1574Free enterprise: A huge area of the American economy is still noticable to observers with peripheral vision after they subtract the public sector, conglomerates, federally supported agriculture, monopolies, duopolies, and oligopolies. -- Bernard Rosenberg 1575Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite. -- Lazarus Long 1576Freedom comes from human beings, rather than from laws and institutions. -- Clarance Darrow 1577Freedom hath a thousand charms to show, That slaves howe'er contented never know. -- Cowper 1578Freedom is not enough. -- Lyndon B. Johnson 1579Freedom is nothing else but a chance to be better. -- Albert Camus 1580Freedom to live one's life with the window of the soul open to new thoughts, new ideas, new aspirations. -- Harold Ickes 1581Fried's 23rd Law: Ideas endure and prosper in inverse proportion to their soundness and validity. 1582Friends may come and friends may go, but enemies accumulate. -- Dr. Thomas Jones 1583Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What! You, too? I thought I was the only one." -- C. S. Lewis 1584Friendship is no plant of hasty growth; Tho' planted in esteem's deep fixed soil, The gradual culture of kind intercourse Must bring it to perfection. -- Joanna Baillie 1585Friendship is the only thing in the world concerning the usefulness of which all mankind are agreed. -- Cicero 1586Friendship's the wine of life. -- Young 1587Friendships, like marriages, are dependent on avoiding the unforgivable. -- John D. MacDonald. 1588From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance. 1589From principles is derived probability, but truth or certainty is obtained only from facts. -- Nathaniel Hawthorne 1590From the crown of his head to the sole of his foot he is all mirth; he has twice or thrice cut Cupid's bowstring, and the little hangman dare not shoot at him; he hath a heart as sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper; for what his heart thinks his tongue speaks. -- Shakespeare 1591From the errors of others a wise man corrects his own. -- Publilius Syrus 1592From the errors of others, a wise man corrects his own. -- Syrus 1593From the time we first begin to know, We live and learn, but not the wiser grow. -- Pomfret 1594From women's eyes this doctrine I derive; They sparkle still the right Promethean fire; They are the books, the arts, the academies, That show, contain, and nourish all the world, Else, none at all in aught proves excellent. -- Shakespeare 1595Frugality may be termed the daughter of prudence, the sister of temperance, and the parent of liberty. He that is extravagant will quickly become poor, and poverty will enforce dependence and invite corruption. -- Johnson 1596Fuch's warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well enough to travel. 1597Fudge Factor: A physical factor occasionally showing up in experiments as a result of stopping a stopwatch a little early to compensate for reflex error. 1598Fudge Factor: The numerical factor by which experimental results must be multiplied to be in agreement with theory. 1599Fuller's Law of Cosmic Irreversibility: 1 Pot T = 1 Pot P 1 Pot P <> 1 Pot T -- R. Buckminster Fuller 1600Fuzzy project objectives are used to avoid the embarrassment of estimating the corresponding costs. 1601GIGO: Garbage in, Gospel out. 1602GOD: The contrapuntal genius of human fate. 1603GOD: but a word invoked to explain the world. 1604Gallantry consists in saying the most empty things in an agreeable manner. -- La Rochefoucauld 1605Game is an ill you may with ease obtain, A sad oppression to be born with pain; And when you would the noisy clamor drown, You'll find it hard to lay the burden down. -- Cooke 1606Gaming is the son of avarice, but the father of despair. 1607Garage mechanic to customer: There's nothing mechanically wrong with your car, sir--it's just an underachiever. -- David Brown 1608Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old Time is still a flying; And that same flower that blooms today, To-morrow shall be dying. -- Herrick 1609Generalizedness of incompetence is directly proportional to highestness in hierarchy. -- Guy Godin 1610Generally he perceived in men of devout simplicity this opinion: that the secrets of nature were the secrets of God, part of that glory into which man is not to press too boldly. -- Bacon 1611Generally the theories we believe we call facts, and the facts we disbelieve we call theories. -- Felix Cohen 1612Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals. 1613Genius does what it must, talent does what it can. 1614Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple. 1615Genius is the highest type of reason--talent the highest type of understanding. 1616Genius is the highest type of reason--talent the highest type of the understanding. -- Hickok 1617Genius means little more than the faculty of perceiving in an unhabitual way. 1618Genius, in one respect, is like gold--a number of persons are constantly writing about both, who have neither. 1619Genuine religion is not so much a matter of feeling as a matter of principle. -- Alexander Pope 1620Genuine status is a rare and precious jewel, and also rather easy to simulate. -- Charles Merrill Smith 1621Get Ahead!!! You could use one. 1622Get a shot off FAST! This upsets him long enough to let you make your second shot perfect. -- Lazarus Long 1623Get the Hell out of my way! -- John Galt 1624Get thee behind me, Satan, and push me along! 1625Get your enemies to read your works in order to mend them, for your friend is so much your second self that he will judge too like you. -- Pope 1626Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. -- Mark Twain 1627Getting on the cover of TIME guarantees the existence of opposition in the future. -- John Kenneth Galbraith 1628Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will eat for the rest of his life. 1629Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding. -- Abraham Kaplan 1630Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice. -- Shakespeare 1631Give him an inch and he'll screw you. -- Dave Farber 1632Give me health and a day, and I will make ridiculous the pomp of emperors. -- Emerson 1633Give me liberty or give me death! -- Patrick Henry 1634Give me the ready hand rather than the ready tongue. -- Giuseppe Garibaldi 1635Give me to drink, Mandragora, That I may sleep away this gap of time. -- Shakespeare 1636Give them a number or give them a date, but never both. -- Edgar R. Fiedler 1637Give thy thoughts no tongue, nor any unproportioned thought his act. -- Shakespeare 1638Give us, O give us, the man who is cheerful in his work! Be his occupation what it may, he is equal to any of those who follow the same pursuit in silent sullenness. He will do more in the same time--he will do it better-- he will persevere longer. -- Carlyle 1639Give your decisions, never your reasons; your decisions may be right, your reasons are sure to be wrong. -- Earl of Mansfild 1640Given a choice between two bald political candidates, the American people will vote for the less bald of the two. -- Vic Gold 1641Given enough time, what you put off doing today will eventually get done by itself. -- G. Gestra 1642Go fry an egg! 1643Go kiss a Wookiee! 1644Go to friends for advice; to women for pity; to strangers for charity; to relatives for nothing. 1645Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as the social ramble ain't restful. -- Satchel Paige 1646Go where the money is. -- Bank robber Willie Sutton 1647God and the devil are an effort after specialization and division of labour. 1648God blesses still the generous thought And still the fitting word He speeds, And truth, at His requiring taught, He quickens into deeds. -- Whittier 1649God gave you that gifted tongue of yours, and set it between your teeth, to make known your true meaning to us, not be rattled like a muffin man's bell. -- Carlyle 1650God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends. 1651God helps those who have 7 percent mortgages. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 1652God is not a cosmic bellboy! 1653God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent--it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks, please. Cash, and in small bills. -- Lazarus Long 1654God made man, and therefore let him pass for man. -- Shakespeare 1655God moves in a mysterious way His wonders to perform; He plants His footsteps in the sea, And rides upon the storm. -- Cowper 1656God will forgive me; that's His business. 1657God will not give any soldier ammunition who is not willing to go into battle. 1658God will not suffer man to have the knowledge of things to come; for if he had prescience of his prosperity he would be careless; and understanding of his adversity he would be senseless. -- Augustine 1659Good actions ennoble us, and we are the sons of our own deeds. -- Miguel de Cervantes 1660Good breeding shows itself most where, to an ordinary eye, it appears least. -- Addison 1661Good conversation, like a defensive driver, yields the right of way. -- William Walter De Bolt 1662Good health and good sense oer two of life's greatest blessings. 1663Good health will be yours for a long time. 1664Good healthy attitudes are the ones everyone agrees with, because if we didn't agree with it, it wouldn't be very healthy. 1665Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness its poison. -- Stanislaus 1666Good intentions always randomize behavior. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. 1667Good intentions are far more difficult to cope with than malicious behavior. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. 1668Good is recognized only when it goes away, evil when it comes. 1669Good judgement comes from experience. And experience--well that comes from having bad judgement. 1670Good managers learn to share decisions with others even though they alone must accept responsibility for the results. 1671Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor. 1672Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow That I shall say--good night till it be morrow. -- Shakespeare 1673Good parking places are always on the other side of the street. -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson 1674Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure. -- William Saroyan 1675Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry. -- Robert E. Schenk 1676Good sense about trivialities is better than nonsense about things that matter. -- Max Beerbohm 1677Good wine and brave men don't last long. 1678Good, the more communicated, more abundant grows. 1679Good, the more communicated, more abundant grows. -- Milton 1680Goodness is beauty in its best estate. -- Marlowe 1681Goodness is beauty in the best estate. 1682Goodwill is achieved by many actions; it can be lost by one. 1683Goulden's Axiom of the Bouncing Can (ABC): If you drop a full can of beer, and remember to rap the top sharply with your knuckle prior to opening, the ensuing gush of foam will be between 89 and 94 percent of the volume that would splatter you if you didn't do a damned thing and went ahead and pulled the top immediately. -- Joseph C. Goulden 1684Government action and inaction both gravely impair business confidence. -- Mark Epernay 1685Government expands to absorb revenue--and then some. -- Tom Wicker 1686Government spending? I don't know what it's all about. I don't know any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he doesn't know much. -- Will Rogers 1687Governments last as long as the under-taxed can defend themselves from the over-taxed. 1688Governments, like physicians, must simultaneously be the masters and the servants of those whom they govern. -- Harry V. Jaffa 1689Gratiano speaks an infinite deal of nothing, more than any man in Venice; but his reasons are as two grains of wheat in two bushels of chaff; you seek all day ere you find them; and when you have them, they are not worth the search. -- Shakespeare 1690Gratitude is best and most effective when it does not evaporate itself in empty phrases. -- Magnifico Giganticus (aka the Mule) 1691Gratitude is something of which none of us can give too much. For on the smiles, the thanks we give, our little gestures of appreciation, our neighbors build up their philosophy of life. -- A. J. Cronin 1692Gravity is a mystery of the body, invented to conceal the defects of the mind. -- La Rochefoucauld 1693Gray's Law of Programming: n + 1 trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as n trivial tasks. 1694Great errors seldom originate but with men of great minds. -- Petrarch 1695Great souls by instinct to each other turn. Demand alliance, and in friendship burn. -- Addison 1696Greener's Law: Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel. 1697Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys. -- Lamartine 1698Gummidge's Law: The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public. 1699H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L. Mencken--there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude. -- Maxwell Bodenheim 1700HAND CRAFTED: machine that assembles it is operated without gloves 1701HIGH ACCURACY: unit on which all parts fit 1702HYPOTHESIS: A prediction based on theory formulated after an experiment is performed designed to account for the ludicrous series of events which have taken place. 1703Habit gives endurence, and fatigue is the best nightcap. -- Kincaid 1704Habit is habit, and not to be flung out the window by any man, but coaxed down stairs one step at a time. -- Mark Twain 1705Habit is the easiest way to be wrong again. 1706Habit with him was all the test of truth; "It must be right: I've done it from my youth." -- George Crabbe 1707Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. -- Solomon Short 1708Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. -- Fred Allen (Sarcasm is the sour cream of wit.) 1709Happiness at age ten was finding an empty six pack of returnable Coke bottles. The poor kids these days will never know that they missed, which is why we have a generation gap. -- Richard N. Farmer 1710Happiness is a paycheck every week. 1711Happiness is having friends who laugh at your stories when they're not so funny and sympathize with you in your troubles even when they're not so bad. 1712Happiness is in direct proportion to the distance from the home office. Contradictory Corollary: The diner who is furthest from the kitchen is a nervous eater. -- Al Blanchard 1713Happiness is in the taste, and not in the things themselves; we are happy from possessing what we like, not from possessing what others like. -- La Rochefoucauld 1714Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion. 1715Happy the man, and happy he alone, He, who can call today his own; He who, secure within, can say Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today. -- Dryden 1716Harris's Law: Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there. -- James Gibbons Hunekerm 1717Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil. -- Niccolo Machiavelli 1718Have the courage to live. Anyone can die. -- Robert Cody 1719Have you ever seen a plant with its leaves curled up? Have you watered it and watched its leaves spread out again? Almost as quick as that can be the response of a child's mind to a teacher who knows how to nourish it. -- Morris Mandel 1720He alone is an acute observer who can observe minutely without being observed. -- Lavater 1721He became mellow before he became ripe. -- Alexander Woollcott 1722He compares your nastiness to that of a man who rises in the morning and finds that the shoe he has just put his foot in has been used the night before as a chamber pot. 1723He conquers who endures. -- Persius 1724He deservedly loses his own property who covets that of another. -- Phoedrus 1725He doth bestrice the narrow world, Like a Colossus; and we patty men Walk under his huge legs and peep about To find ourselvs dishonorable graves. -- Shakespeare 1726He experienced that nervous agitation to which brave men as well as cowards are subject; with this difference, that the one sinks under it, like the vine under the hailstorm, and the other collects his energies to shake it off, as the cedar of Lebanon is said to elevate its boughs to disperse the show which accumulates upon them. -- Sir Walter Scott 1727He had had had where he should have had had had. 1728He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation perfectly delightful. -- Sydney Smith 1729He has more goodness in his little finger Than you have in your whole body. -- Jonathon Swift 1730He has, I know not what, of greatness in his looks, and of high fate, that almost awes me. -- John Dryden 1731He hated to set precedents; those who did so were sometimes promoted, more frequently they joined their ancestors. -- Robert A. Heinlein 1732He hath out-villained villainy so far, that the rarity redeems him. -- Shakespeare 1733He hath riches sufficient, who hath enough to be charitable. -- Sir Thomas Browne 1734He is a legend in his own mind. -- Ron Randall 1735He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. 1736He is the encyclopedia of facts. The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn; and Eygpt, Greece, Rome, Gaul, Britian, America, lie folded already in the first man. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson 1737He is the most wretched of men who has never felt adversity. 1738He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap. 1739He jests at scars who never felt a wound. -- Shakespeare 1740He kept him as the apple of his eye. 1741He knew what's what, and that's as high As metaphysics wit can fly. -- Meta 1742He lives by rule who lives himself to please. -- Crabbe 1743He may look like a clown, but here is the soul of a leader. 1744He must have a long spoon that must eat with the devil. -- Shakespeare 1745He that despairs, degrades the Deity, and seems to intimate, that He is insufficient, or not just to his word; and in vain hath read the Scriptures, the world and man. -- Feltham 1746He that falls into sin is a man; that grieves at it may be a saint; that boasteth of it is a devil. -- Fuller 1747He that hath a beard is more than a youth; And he that hath none is less than a man. -- Shakespeare 1748He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone. -- Jesus Christ 1749He that lives upon Hope dies farting. -- Benjamin Franklin 1750He that loses hope may part with anything. -- Congreve 1751He that never changed any of his opinions never corrected any of his mistakes; and he who was never wise enough to find out any mistakes in himself will not be charitable enough to excuse mistakes in others. 1752He that riseth late is not campaigning in New York today. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 1753He that sips of many arts, drinks of none. -- Fulton 1754He that spends all his life in sport is like one who wears nothing but fringes and eats nothing but sauces. -- Fuller 1755He that uses many words for the explaining any subject, doth like the cuttlefish, hide himself for the most part in his own ink. -- Ray 1756He that wants money, means and content, is without three good friends. -- Shakespeare 1757He that will have no books but those that are scarce, evinces about as correct a taste in literature as he would do in friendship, who would have no friends but those whom all the rest of the world have sent to coventry. -- Colton 1758He that will keep a monkey should pay for the glasses he breaks. -- Seldon 1759He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils, for time is the greatest innovator. -- Francis Bacon 1760He that would have a cake out of the wheat must tarry the grinding. -- Shakespeare 1761He thinks that he could easily win your heart. 1762He travels fastest who travels alone ... but he hasn't anything to do when he gets there. 1763He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose. 1764He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with two eyes. 1765He wasn't exactly hostile to facts, but he was apathetic about them. -- Woollcott Gibbs 1766He who can take advice is sometimes superior to him who can give it. -- Von Knebel 1767He who can will. He who can't, will teach. -- M. M. Johnston 1768He who comes from the kitchen, smells of its smoke; and he who adheres to a sect, has something of its cant; the college air pursues the student; and dry inhumanity him who herds with literary pedants. -- Lavater 1769He who conceals a useful truth is equally guilty with the propagator of an injurious falsehood. -- Augustine 1770He who envies another admits his own inferiorities. 1771He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals. 1772He who fights the devil with his own weapons, must not wonder if he finds him an overmatch. -- South 1773He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last. 1774He who has burned his mouth blows his soup. 1775He who has health has hope, and he who has hope has everything. 1776He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet. 1777He who has no mind to trade with the devil, should be so wise as to keep from his shop. -- South 1778He who has not a good memory, should never take upon him the trade of lying. -- Mintaigne 1779He who hates vices hates mankind. 1780He who hath many friends hath none. -- Aristotle 1781He who hesitates is poor. -- Max Bialystock 1782He who invents adages for others to peruse takes along rowboat when going on cruise. 1783He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. 1784He who is most slow in making a promise, is the most faithful in the performance of it. -- Rousseau 1785He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke. 1786He who lives by the crystal ball soon learns to eat ground glass. -- Edgar R. Fiedler 1787He who possesses art and science has religion; he who does not possess them, needs religion. -- Goethe 1788He who receives a good turn should never forget it; he who does one should never remember it. -- Charron 1789He who receives a good turn should never forget it; he who does one should never remember it. -- Charron 1790He who reforms himself, has done more towards reforming the public, than a crowd of noisy, impotent patriots. -- Lavater 1791He who reigns within himself, and rules passions, desires and fears, is more than a king. -- Milton 1792He who sedulously attends, pointedly asks, calmly speaks, cooly answers, and ceases when he has no more to say, is in possession of some of the best requisites of man. -- Lavater. 1793He who sees only half the problem will be buried in the other half. -- Richard N. Farmer 1794He who sees what comes out, and why, gains wisdom. -- Richard N. Farmer 1795He who shouts loudest has the floor. 1796He who steals for others ends up being hanged for himself. 1797He who tells a lie is not sensible how great a task he undertakes; for he must be forced to invent twenty more to maintain that one. -- Alexander Pope 1798He who when called upon to speak a disagreeable truth, tells it boldly and has done, is both bolder and milder than he who nibbles in a low voice and never ceases nibbling. -- Lavater 1799He who will not reason, is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave. -- Sir William Drummond 1800He who will not reason, is a bigot; he who cannot, is a fool; and he who dares not, is a slave. -- Byron 1801He whose pride oppresses the humble may, perhaps, be humbled, but will never be humble. -- Lavater 1802He writes his plays for the ages--the ages between five and twelve. -- George jean Nathan 1803He's a man out there in the blue, ridin' on a smile and a shoeshine ... a salesman has got to dream, boys. -- Arthur Miller 1804Hear one side, and you will be in the dark; Hear both sides, and all will be in the clear. -- Haliburton 1805Heat produced by pressure expands to fill the mind available, from which it can pass only to a cooler mind. -- C. Northcote Parkinson 1806Heaven from all creatures hides the book of fate, All but the page prescribed, their present fate. -- Alexander Pope 1807Heaven from all creatures hides the book of fate. -- Alexander Pope 1808Heaven is above all yet; there sits a judge that no king can corrupt. -- Shakespeare 1809Heaven lies about us in our infancy. -- Shakespeare 1810Heaven needs no press agent because it has no competition, but sin is competitive. 1811Heaven's gates ate not so highly arch'd as princes' palaces; they that enter there must go upon their knees. -- Webster 1812Heaven--it is God's throne. The earth--it is His footstool. -- Matthew V, 34 1813Hell hath no fury like a computer scorned. 1814Hell hath no fury like a pacifist. -- Solomon Short 1815Hell is a place where the motorists are French, the policemen are German, the traffic patterns are Bostonian, and the cooks are English. 1816Hell is not to love anymore. -- Georges Bernanos 1817Hell is truth seen too late. -- H. G. Adams 1818Help wanted--must be kindergarten graduate. 1819Help yourself, and Heaven will help you. -- La Fontaine 1820Helping one another with simple chores, watching over each others homes, sharing needs like food and firewood, simple fellowship. These things make for true community spirit. -- Conrad Meinecke 1821Henry James had a mind so fine that no idea could violate it. -- T. S. Eliot 1822Henry James was one of the nicest old ladies I every met. -- William Faulkner 1823Her face was like an April morn, Clad in a wint'ry cloud; And clay-cold was her lily hand, That held her sable shroud. -- Mallet 1824Her lips are roses overwashed with dew. -- Greene 1825Her tears her only eloquence. -- Rogers 1826Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason. 1827Here is the beginning of philosophy: a recognition of the conflicts between men, a search for their cause, a condemnation of mere opinion ... and the discovery of a standard of judgement. -- Epictetus 1828Hereafter I'll be able to understand everything, taking all on trust. -- Tristan Corbiere 1829Herman's Rule: If it works right the first time, obviously you've done something wrong. 1830Heroism--the divine relation which in all times unites a great men to other men. -- Carlyle 1831Hey! Respect your elders. Call me Mr. Old Fart. -- Dick Vignoni 1832Highways in worst need of repair naturally have low traffic counts, which results in low priority for repair work. 1833His back against a rock he bore. And firmly placed his foot before; "Come one, come all! This rock shall fly From its firm base as soon as I." -- Scott 1834His eye was blue and calm, as is the sky in the serenest noon. -- Willis 1835His eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming. -- Edgar Allen Poe 1836His face was of the doubtful kind; That wins the eye and not the mind. -- Scott 1837His heart was yours from the first moment that you met. 1838His imagination resembles the wings of an ostrich. -- Thomas Babington Macaulay 1839His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler. 1840His style has the desperate jauntiness of a orchestra fiddling away for dear life on a sinking ship. -- Edmund Wilson 1841His zeal was hollow; his sermons were like students' songs imperfectly recalled by a senile don. -- John Rae 1842History books which contain no lies are extremely dull. 1843History does not record anywhere, at any time, a religion that has any rational basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to face the unknown without help. But like dandruff, most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it. -- Lazarus Long 1844History makes men wise; poets, witty; the mathematics, subtile; natural philosophy, deep; moral, grave; logic and rhetoric able to contend. -- Bacon 1845History proves nothing. -- Bill Gray 1846History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history. -- Clarence Darrow 1847History shows that money will multiply in volume and divide in value over the long run. Or expressed differently, the purchasing power of currency will vary inversely with the magnitude of the public debt. -- William H. Peterson 1848Hollywood's Iron Law: Nothing succeeds like failure. 1849Honesty coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce to sugar. -- Shakespeare 1850Honor and shame from no condition rise; Act well your part; there all the honesty lies. -- Alexander Pope 1851Honor's a good brooch to wear in a man's hat at all times. -- Jonson 1852Honor's a thing too subtle for wisdom; if honor lie in eating, he's right honorable. -- Beaumont and Fletcher 1853Hope for a miracle only after everything else has failed. 1854Hope is a flatterer, but the most upright of parasites; for she frequents the poor man's hut, as well as the palace of his superior. -- Shakespeare 1855Hope is like the cork to the net, which keeps the soul from sinking in despair; and fear is like the lead to the net, which keeps it from floating in presumption. -- Watson 1856Hope is the fawining traitor of the mind, which, while it cozens with a color'd friendship robs us of our best virtue--resolution. -- Lee 1857Hope springs eternal in the human breast, Man never is, but always to be blest. -- Alexander Pope 1858Hope, of all passions, most befriends us here. -- Young 1859Hospitality to the better sort, and charity to the poor; two virtues that are never exercised so well as when they accompany each other. -- Atterbury 1860How blest is he who crowns, in shades like these, A youth of labor with an age of ease. -- Oliver Goldsmith 1861How calmly may we commit ourselves to the hands of Him who bears up the world-- of Him who has created, and who provides for the joy even of insects, as carefully as if He were their Father! -- Richter 1862How can I miss you if you won't go away? 1863How difficult it is to save the bark of reputation from the rocks of ignorance. -- Petrarch 1864How do I get out of this, Munroe? -- John Holz 1865How do you accomplish anything at all when the city treasury is so bare that the addition of one coin will double its contents? 1866How do you spot a leader? They come in all ages, shapes and conditions. Some are poor administrators, some are not overly bright. One clue: the true leader can be recognized because somehow his people consistently turn in superior performances. -- Robert Townsend 1867How do you tell the difference between an electrical fire and a chemical fire? You use a fire distinguisher, of course. -- Dave Ascher 1868How do you uncover greatness in a city so poor that a man will provoke another man into an argument just so that his donkey can be eating the other man's grass while they argue? 1869How does a leader give proof of prowess in a place where a man was observed to stand all of one morning waiting for a pear on a private tree to be blown off by a wind into the street, thereby becoming public property? 1870How does one conduct great enterprises in a city where people trail oxen with a broom and pan in hopes of getting a frees surprise? 1871How far high failure overleaps the bounds of low success. -- Lewis Morris 1872How gaily a man wakes in the morning to watch himself keep on dying. -- Henry S. Haskins 1873How immense appear to us the sins that we have not committed. 1874How many "coming men" has one known! Where on earth do they all go to? 1875How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change the bulb, one to tell him how to do it, and one to tell him he's doing it all wrong. -- Dave Ascher 1876How many cowards, whose hearts are all false As stairs of sand, wear yet upon their chins The beards of Hercules, and frowning Mars; Who inward search'd have livers white as milk? -- Shakespeare 1877How many people live on the reputation of the reputation they might have made! -- Holmes 1878How much better it is to weep at joy than joy a weeping. -- Shakespeare 1879How much do you think I'll get for my autobiography? -- Arthur Bremer (After his arrest for attempting to assassinate Governor George C. Wallace.) 1880How much lies in laughter; the cipher-key wherewith we decipher the whole man! Some men wear an everlasting barren simper; in the smile of others lies the cold glitter, as of ice; the fewest are able to laugh what can be called laughing, but only shiff and titter and sniggle from the throat ourwards, or at least produce some whiffing, husky cachinnation, as if they were laughing through wool; of none such comes good. The man who cannot laugh is only fit for treasons, stratagems and spoils; but his own whole life is already a treason and a stratagem. -- Carlyle 1881How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent. 1882How sharper then a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child. -- Shakespeare 1883How slow this old moon wanes! she lingers my desires, like to a stepdame, or a dowager, long withering out a young man's revenue. -- Shakespeare 1884How still the evening is As hush'd on purpose to grace harmony! -- Shakespeare 1885How swiftly whirls the disk; Data leaps to the floating head And is known. 1886How you look depends on where you go. 1887However deceitful hope may be, yer she carries us on pleasently to the end of life. -- La Rochefoucauld 1888Human industry, if left to itself, will naturally find its way to the most useful and profitable employment. -- Adam Smith 1889Humankind cannot bear very much reality.-- T. S. Eliot 1890Humility is a virtue all preach, none practice, and yet everybody is content to hear. The master thinks it good doctrine for his servant, the laity for the clergy, and the clergy for the laity. -- Selden 1891Humility is the better part of wisdom, and is most becoming in man. But let no one disparage self-reliance; it is, of all the rest, the greatest quality of true manliness. -- Ferenc Kossuth 1892Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him. -- Romain Gary 1893Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it. -- Langston Hughes 1894Humor is the sense of the Absurd, which is despair refusing to take itself seriously. -- Arland Ussher 1895Hunger is the best sauce. 1896Hunger is the best seasoning for meat, and thirst for drink. -- Cicero 1897Hypocracy is the homage which vice pays to virtue. -- La Rochefoucauld 1898Hypocrites do the devil's drudgery in Christ's livery. -- Matthew Henry 1899Hypotheses multiply so as to fill the gaps in factual knowledge concerning biological phenomena. -- James D. Regan 1900I admire the person in charge of this organization. He is an artist at saying nothing out of both sides of his face. 1901I am a firm believer in socialism and I know that the quicker you have monopoly in this country the quicker you will have socialism. -- Charles P. Steinmetz 1902I am a man; nothing human is alien to me. 1903I am against all hobbies. I have been against ever since I figured out that nothing I ever do is considered a hobby. All my life I have had to fill out forms that ask about hobbies. I always wanted to write down "reading", but reading is not a hobby. If you collect books, that is a hobby. If you actually read them, it is not. If you happen to watch a butterfly in a field, that is not a hobby. If you put a pin through its little heart, that is a hobby. -- Richard Cohen 1904I am but a gatherer, and a disposer of other men's stuff. -- Watton 1905I am grateful for all my problems. As each of them was overcome I became stronger and more able to meet those yet to come. I grew on all my difficulties. -- J. C. Penney 1906I am never less are leisure than when at leisure, nor less alone than when I am alone. -- Scipio Africanus 1907I am not a crook. -- Richard M. Nixon 1908I am not senile. -- Ronald W. Reagan 1909I am one who finds within me a nobility that spurns the idle pratings of the great, and their mean boast of what their fathers were, while they themselves are fools effeminate, the scorn of all who know the worth of mind and virtue. -- Percival 1910I am reading Henry James ... and feel myself as one entombed in a block of smooth amber. -- Virginia Woolf 1911I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast with an option to buy. 1912I believe in heaven and hell--on earth. -- Abraham L. Feinberg 1913I believe in instinct, not in reason. When reason is right, nine times out of ten it is impotent, and when it prevails, nine times out of ten it is wrong. -- A. C. Benson 1914I believe that in actual fact, philosophy ranks before and above the natural sciences. -- Thomas Mann 1915I call a complete and generous education that which fits a man to perform justly, skillfully, and magnanimously all the offices, both public and private, of peace and war. -- John Milton 1916I call them as I see them. If I can't see them, I make them up. -- Biff Barf 1917I can compare our rich misers to nothing so fitly as to a whale; that plays and tumbles, driving the poor fry before him, and at last devours them all at a mouthful. -- Shakespeare 1918I can get no remedy against this consumption of the purse; borrowing only lingers and lingers it out, but the disease is incurable. 1919I can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma. -- The Wizard of Oz 1920I can't help feeling a certain pride in the admiration of women. I suspect that is one of my biggest failings. -- Jose Torres 1921I cannot draw a cart, nor eat wild oats; if it be a man's work I will do it. -- Shakespeare 1922I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure--which is: Try to please everybody. -- Herbert Bayard Swope 1923I claim not to have controlled events, but confess plainly that events have controlled me. -- Abraham Lincoln 1924I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. 1925I consider your very testy and quarrelsome people in the same light as I do a loaded gun, which may, by accident, go off and kill one. -- Shenstone 1926I could hold every man a debtor to his profession; from the which as men of course do seek to receive countenance and profit, so ought they of duty to endeavor themselves by way of amends to be a help and ornament thereunto. -- Bacon 1927I could not love thee, dear, so much, loved I not honor more. -- Richard Lovelace 1928I could not say I believe. I know! I have had the experience of being gripped by something that is stronger than myself, something that people call God. -- Carl Jung 1929I could prove God statistically. -- George Gallup 1930I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise. 1931I dip my pen in the blackest ink, because I am not afraid of falling into my inkpot. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson 1932I do not believe in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. -- Thomas Carlyle 1933I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use. -- Galileo Galilei 1934I do not know how it is with you, but for myself I generally give up at the outset. The simplest problems which come up from day to day seem to me quite unanswerable as soon as I try to get below the surface. -- Justice Learned Hand 1935I do not love a man who is zealous for nothing. -- Oliver Goldsmith 1936I don't care how poor and inefficient a country is; they like to run their own business. I know men that would make my wife a better husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to ''em. -- Will Rogers 1937I don't even know what street Canada is on! -- Al Capone 1938I don't know what's wrong with people! All I ask them to do is exactly what I tell them. 1939I don't know why it is that the religious never ascribe common sense to God. 1940I don't meet competition, I crush it. -- Charles Revson 1941I don't mind being pampered, but I will NOT be possessed!!! 1942I don't remember ever having had the itch, and yet scratching is one of nature's sweet pleasures, and so handy. 1943I earn what I eat, get what I wear, owe no man hate, envy no man's happiness, glad of other men's good, content with my harm. -- Shakespeare 1944I fear explanations explanatory of things explained. 1945I feel that the greatest reward for doing is the opportunity to do more. -- Jonas Salk 1946I find I always have to write something on a steamed mirror. -- Elaine Dundy 1947I gave her the ring; she gave me the finger. 1948I gave my life to learning how to live. Now that I have organized it all it's just about over. -- Sandra Hochman 1949I had been driving my car for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. 1950I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprung up obscuring my vision. I did not see the other car. 1951I had rather a fool to make me merry, than experience to make me sad. -- Shakespeare 1952I had to hit him, he was starting to make sense. 1953I hardly know so true a mark of a little mind as the servile imitation of another. -- Greville 1954I have a SPONGE that's drier behind the ears than you are! 1955I have a feeling that at any time about three million Americans can be had for any militant reaction against law, decency, the Constitution, the Supreme Court, compassion and the rule of reason. -- John Kenneth Galbraith 1956I have a fine sense of ridiculous, but no sense of humor. -- Edward Albee 1957I have discovered the art of fooling diplomats: I speak the truth and they never believe me. -- Camillo Di Cavour 1958I have ever held it as a maxim, never to do that through another, which it was possible for me to execute myself. -- Montesquieu 1959I have learned this at least by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. -- Henry David Thoreau 1960I have lived long enough to know what I did not at one time believe--that no society can be upheld in happiness and honor without the sentiment of religion. -- La Place 1961I have never been able to understand why it is that just because I am unintelligible nobody can understand me. -- Milton Mayer 1962I have somewhere seen it observed, that we should make the same use of a book that the bee does of a flower: she steals sweets from it, but does not harm it. -- Colton 1963I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked at in the right way, did not become still more complicated. -- Poul Anderson 1964I hold that man is in the right who is most closely in league with the future. -- Henrik Ibsen 1965I hope when you know the owrst you will at once leap into the river and swim through handsomely, and not, weather-beaten by the divers blasts of irresolution, stand shivering on the bank. -- Suckling 1966I hourly learn a doctrine of obedience. -- Shakespeare 1967I just DON'T understand human behaviour. -- C-3PO 1968I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance. -- Socrates 1969I know who I am. Sometimes you go away, but I'm still here. 1970I like blood. It's a primary color. 1971I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past. -- Thomas Jefferson 1972I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours. 1973I loathe that low vice curiosity. -- Lord Byron 1974I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong. -- Sam Goldwyn 1975I must go seek some dew-drops here, And hang a pearl in every cowslip's ear. -- Shakespeare 1976I must have slipped a disk - my pack hurts. 1977I never could believe that Providence had sent a few men into the world ready booted and spurred to ride, and millions ready saddled and bridled to be ridden. -- Richard Rumbold, on the scaffold 1978I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away. 1979I never knew the old gentlemen with the scythe and hour-glass bring anything but grey hairs, thin cheeks, and loos of teeth. -- Dryden 1980I never knew whether to pity or congratulate a man coming to his senses. -- William Makepeace Thakeray 1981I never thought that inorganic Matter could attack a man. That's why I'm in such a panic-- I've just seen proof it can! 1982I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket. -- Lyndon B. Johnson 1983I never wanted to see anybody die, but there are a few obituary notices I have read with pleasure. -- Clarence Darrow 1984I never yet heard man or woman much abused that I was not inclined to think the better of them, and to transfer the suspicion or dislike to the one who found pleasure in pointing out the defects of another. -- Jane Porter 1985I noticed that some household columns suggest that people use elbow grease for cleaning. After a long and fruitless search, I still have been unable to find this amazing product. Could you tell me where to buy it? 1986I once had a dog who, like you, insisted on being cheerful in the morning. I got rid of him by giving him to an immigrant Japanese family--and they ate him. 1987I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment. 1988I question whether we can afford to teach mother macrame when Johnny still can't read. -- Governor Jerry Brown 1989I reject get-it-done, make-it-happen thinking. I want to slow things down so I understand them better. -- Governor Jerry Brown 1990I remember those happy days and often wish I could speak into the ears of the dead the gratitude which was due to them in life and so ill-returned. -- Gwyn Thomas 1991I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope they do get 'em lowered enough so people can afford to pay 'em. -- Will Rogers 1992I see no wisdom in saving up indignation for a rainy day. -- Heywood Broun (If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings--including this one.) 1993I see that fashion wears out more apparel than the man. -- Shakespeare 1994I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neighbors to the south. We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart. -- Will Rogers 1995I shall never ask, never refuse, never resign nor ever not run for re-election. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 1996I thought my window was down, but found out it was up when I put my hand through it. 1997I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a skull fracture. 1998I trust MY judgement. I'm not sure about yours. 1999I understand a fury in your words, but not your words. -- Shakespeare 2000I was five years old before I realized there was no such thing as ALPO baby food. -- Rodney Dangerfield 2001I was going to include an ethnic slur in here, but I couldn't figure out how to get you into this file. 2002I was on my way to the doctors with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. 2003I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left for a vacation with injuries. 2004I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that it took seven others to beat him! 2005I will aggravate my voice so, that I will roar you as gently as any suckling dove; I will roar you an 'twere any nightingale. -- Shakespeare 2006I will fight it out at this line if it takes all summer. -- General Ulysses S. Grant 2007I will never lie to you. -- James E. Carter 2008I will not be as those who spend the day in complaining of the head-ache, and the night in drinking the wine that gives the headache. -- Goethe 2009I will not quarrel with a slight mistake, such as our nature's frailty may excuse. -- Roscommon 2010I will roar, that it will do any man's heart good to hear me. -- Shakespeare 2011I would call the Democratic Left in Latin America the group which secures social advances for all the people in a framework of freedom and consent. -- Luis Munoz Marin 2012I would rather dwell in the dim fog of superstition than in air rarified to nothing by the pump of unbelief; in which the panting breast expires, vainly and convulsively gasping for breath. -- Richter 2013I would suggest the taxation of all property equally whether church or corporation. 2014I write long epigrams, you write nothing. Yours are shorter. -- Martial 2015I'd rather go whoring than warring. -- Bill Gray 2016I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. 2017I'll pick up my papers, and smile at the sky. I know that the hypnotized never lie. 2018I'll speak to it through hell itself should gape, and bid me hold my peace. -- Shakespeare 2019I'm #1! Why try harder? 2020I'm always easy. I'm NEVER cheap!!! -- Dick Munroe 2021I'm going to get you for this, Croll! -- John Holz 2022I'm no one's trophy!!! -- Constance Barr 2023I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. -- Woody Allen 2024I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is-- I could be just as proud for half the money. -- Arthur Godfrey 2025I've finally figured out why airports make you walk so far out to get to your plane. It's their way of giving your luggage a head start. 2026I've found my niche. If you're wondering why I'm not there, there was this little hole in the bottom ... -- John Croll 2027I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself. 2028I've got tears in my ears from lying on my back in my bed crying over you. 2029I've heard old cunning stagers Say fools for arguments use wagers. -- Butler 2030I've never been poor, only broke. Being poor is a frame of mind. -- Mike Todd 2031I've never known an instance in the history of our company where an executive unloaded responsibilities and duties on one lower in the ranks, that he did not find himself immediately loaded from above with greater responsibility. -- Arthur F. Hall 2032I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer. 2033I've spent a fortune on my kids' education, and a fortune on their teeth. The difference is, they use their teeth. -- Robert Orben 2034I've steered clear of God. He was an incredible sadist. 2035I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness; And from that full meridian of my glory I haste now to my setting. I shall fall, Like a bright exhalation in the evening And no man see me more. -- Shakespeare 2036IMPIETY: Your irreverence toward my deity. -- Ambrose Bierce 2037IT'S HERE AT LAST: rush job; nobody knew it was coming 2038Ideal goals grow faster than the means of attaining new goals allow. -- Mallory Wober 2039Idleness and pride tax with a heavier hand than kings and parliaments, which is why we need a productivity rebate. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 2040Idleness is the holiday of fools. 2041Idleness travels very slowly, and poverty soon overtakes her. -- Hunter 2042If "everybody knows" such and such, then it ain't so, by at least ten thousand to one. 2043If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. -- Albert Einstein 2044If Europe should ever be ruined, it will be by its warriors. -- Montesquieu 2045If God shuts one door, he opens another. 2046If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs? -- Marvin Kitman 2047If I can catch him once upon the hip I will feed fat the ancient grudge I bear him. -- Shakespeare 2048If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive! -- Samuel Goldwyn 2049If I don't know your name, how am I supposed to tell my diary about you? 2050If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture. 2051If I have been able to see farther than others, it was because I stood on the shoulders of giants. -- Sir Isaac Newton 2052If I may venture my own definition of a folk song, I should call it "an individual flowering on a common stem." -- Ralph Vaughan Williams 2053If I wished to punish a province, I would have it governed by philosophers. -- Frederick the Great 2054If Negro freedom is taken away, or that of any minority group, the freedom of all the people is taken away. -- Paul Robeson 2055If Noah had consulted with modern-day weather forecasters, there would have been a ten-percent chance of him building the ark. -- Jim Fiebig 2056If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation. 2057If a ball rims the cup, it is deemed to have dropped. A ball should not go sideways. This violates the laws of physics. -- Donald A. Metz 2058If a ball stops at the brink of the hole and hangs there, defying gravity, it is deemed to have dropped. You can't defy the law of gravity. -- Donald A. Metz 2059If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus forecast is a camel's behind. -- Edgar R. Fiedler 2060If a course requires a prerequisite, a student will not have had it. -- M. M. Johnston 2061If a great deal of time has been expended seeking the answer to a problem, with the only result being failure, the answer will be immediately obvious to the first unqualified person who comes along. 2062If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty. -- Joseph C. Goulden 2063If a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live no longer in monument than the bell rings, and the widow weeps. -- Shakespeare 2064If a man does not make new acquaintances, as he advances through life, he soon will find himself alone. A man should keep his friendship in constant repair. -- Johnson 2065If a man is happy in his work--exerting himself to the full extent of his capabilities, and enjoying it--I'd say he's a success. -- William Romain 2066If a man will go as far as he can see, he will be able to see farther when he gets there. 2067If a man would register all his opinions upon love, politics, religion, and learning, what a bundle of inconsistencies and contradictions would appear at last! -- Jonathon Swift 2068If a political candidate chooses to go into specifics on a program that affects a voter's self-interest, the voter get interested. If the proposal involves money, he gets very interested. -- Stuart Spencer 2069If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. 2070If a program is useless, it will have to be documented. 2071If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped. The law of gravity holds that any object attempting to maintain a position in the atmosphere without something to support it must drop. The law of gravity supercedes the law of golf. -- Donald A. Metz 2072If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well. 2073If a student has to study, he will claim that the course is unfair. -- M. M. Johnston 2074If a taxpayer thinks he can cheat safely, he probably will. -- Diogenes 2075If a thing cannot be fitted into something smaller than itself some dope will do it. -- Eric Frank Russell 2076If a thing is done wrong often enough, it becomes right. -- Richard A. Leahy 2077If a woman attended an American high school between 1930 and 1965, chances are that no one paid attention to anything but her brains unless she took the utmost care to conceal them. -- Susan Jacoby 2078If all I'm offered is a choice between monopolistic privilege with regulation and monopolistic privilege without regulation, I'm afraid I have to opt for the former. -- Nicholas Johnson 2079If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap, whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart. -- Socrates 2080If all the Chinese simultaneously jumped into the Pacific off a 10 foot platform erected 10 feet off their coast, it would cause a tidal wave that would destroy everything in this country west of Nebraska. 2081If all the economists were laid end to end, they still wouldn't reach a conclusion. -- Edgar R. Fiedler 2082If all the people in this world in which we live were as selfish as a few of the people in this world in which we live, there would be no world in which to live. -- W. L. Orme 2083If an apparently severe problem manifests itself, no solution is acceptable unless it is involved, expensive, and time-consuming. 2084If an author write better than his contemporaries, they will term him a plagiarist; if as well, a pretender; but if worse, he may stand some chance of commendation as a genius of some promise, from whom much may be expected by a due attention to their good counsel and advice. -- Colton 2085If an editor can reject your paper, he will. -- Maeve O'Connor 2086If an emergency strikes, a man should be able to leave his home with nothing more than the clothes on his back without feeling that he has left something behind. -- Henry David Thoreau 2087If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment. 2088If an instructor says, "It is obvious" it won't be. -- M. M. Johnston 2089If an organization carries the word "united" in its name, it means it isn't, e. g., United Nations, United Arab Republic, United Kingdom, United States. -- Professor Charles I. Issawi 2090If anger is not restrained, it is frequently more hurtful to us, than the injury that provokes it. -- Seneca 2091If another scientist thought your research was more important than his (or hers), he would drop what he is doing and do what you are doing. 2092If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. -- James I, 5,6 2093If anything can go wrong in an experiment, it will. 2094If anything can go wrong, it will. 2095If anything can go wrong, it will. Corollary: If anything just can't go wrong, it will anyway. -- Francis P. Chisholm 2096If at first you don't succeed that is only to be expected--there is a little bit of good even in the best of us. (No one is as good as he thinks he is.) 2097If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the teacher. -- Stacey Bass 2098If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set. 2099If at first you don't succeed, try something else. -- Laurance J. Peter 2100If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit, no use being a damn fool about things. -- W. C. Fields 2101If at first you don't succeed, you must be doing something wrong. -- Charles Merrill Smith 2102If at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed. 2103If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average. 2104If beauty is only skin deep, you must have been born inside out. 2105If both Alsops say it's true, it can't be so. -- John Kenneth Galbraith 2106If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. -- Gerald Weinberg 2107If enough reports are prepared and technical reviews are held, negative information will always filter its way to senior management. -- Richard F. Moore 2108If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 2109If facts do not conform to theory, they must be disposed of. -- N. R. F. Maier 2110If for every rule there is an exception, then we have established that there is an exception to every rule. If we accept "For every rule there is an exception" as a rule, then we must concede that there may not be an exception after all, since the rule states that there is always the possibility of exception, and if we follow it to its logical end we must agree that there can be an exception to the rule that for every rule there is an exception. -- Bill Boquist 2111If good intentions are combined with stupidity, it is impossible to outthink them. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. 2112If he [a generalist] delights to find a law he is ecstatic when he finds a law about laws. If laws in his eyes are good, laws about laws are delicious and are most praiseworthy objects of search. -- Boulding 2113If he had been born God, it was the clowns who would occupy the lowest rungs of hell. 2114If he had two ideas in his head, they would fall out with each other. -- Johnson 2115If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience. 2116If humanity profits from its mistakes, we have a glorious future coming up. 2117If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will break it. -- W. W. Chandler 2118If it can be understood, it's not finished yet. -- Paul Herbig 2119If it can break, it will, but only after the warranty expires. -- Sherry Graditor 2120If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion. -- Lazarus Long 2121If it happens, it must be possible. 2122If it is generally known what one is supposed to be doing, then someone will expect him to do it. -- Merle P. Martin 2123If it jams ... force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. 2124If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven. 2125If it tastes good, you can't have it. If it tastes awful, you'd better clean your plate. 2126If it works well, they'll stop making it. 2127If it works, don't fix it. -- William O'Neill 2128If it's good, they'll stop making it. -- Herblock 2129If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted; musicians denoted; cowboys deranged; models deposed; tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed? -- Virginia Ostman 2130If life were a bed of roses, some people wouldn't be happy until they developed an allergy. 2131If love makes the world go 'round, Why are we going to outer space? -- Margaret Gilman 2132If no one uses something, it isn't needed. -- Robert Sommer 2133If nobody uses it, there's a reason. -- Jane Bryant Quinn 2134If nuclear ... therefore it must be bad; Denounce such power with a protest squeal. The scientists made it (surely they're all mad), It's better not to think and just to feel. -- Jack Kirwan 2135If on an actuarial basis there is a 50/50 chance that something will go wrong, it actually will go wrong nine times in ten. 2136If one is lucky enough and can accurately define all three of these parameters, task, time, and resources, then what one deals with is not the realm of R&D. 2137If one knows what the task is, and there is a time limit allowed for the completion of the task, then one cannot guess how much it will cost. 2138If one only wished to be happy, this could be easily accomplished; but we wish to be happier than other people, and this is always difficult, for we believe others to be happier than they are. -- Montesquieu 2139If only one parking space is available it will have a blue curb (blue curbs are reserved for "STAFF"). -- M. M. Johnston 2140If our standard of living gets much higher, most of us won't be able to afford it. 2141If ridicule were employed to laugh men out of vice and folly, it might be of some use; but ir is make use of to laugh men out of virtue and good sense, by attacking everything solemn and serious. -- Addison 2142If solid happiness we prize, Within our breast this jewel lies, And they are fools who roam; The world has nothing to bestow; From our own selves our joys must flow And that dear hut--our home. -- Cotton 2143If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation. 2144If some stress is brought to bear on a system in equilibrium, the equilibrium is displaced in the direction which tends to undo the effect of the stress. 2145If someone with a rural accent says, "I don't know anything about politics," zip up your pockets. -- Donald Rumsfeld 2146If that's art, I'm a Hottentot! -- Harry S. Truman 2147If the assumptions are wrong, the conclusions aren't likely to be very good. -- Robert E. Machol 2148If the average man is made in God's image, then such a man as Beethoven or Aristotle is plainly superior to God. 2149If the converse of a statement is absurd, the original statement is an insult to the intelligence and should never have been said. -- Arthur H. Boultbee (This is best applied to the statements of politicians and TV pundits.) 2150If the dove chooses to fly with the hawks his feathers stay white but his heart turns black. 2151If the enterprise dies, say that you saw it coming ages ago. -- Jean-Charles Terrassier 2152If the experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment. 2153If the meek shall inherit the Earth, what will happen to us Tigers? 2154If the newspapers of a country are filled with good news, the jails will be filled with good people. -- Daniel P. Monynihan 2155If the people are to be the governors, who then shall be the governed? -- Cotton Mather 2156If the people in a democracy are allowed to do so, they will vote away the freedoms which are essential to that democracy. -- Snell Putney 2157If the time and resources ($) are clearly defined, then it is impossible to know what part of the R&D task will be performed. 2158If the wicked flourish, and thou suffer, be not discouraged. They are fatted for destruction: thou are dieted for health. -- Fuller 2159If the work of God could be comprehended by reason, it would be no longer wonderful. 2160If the work of God could be comprehended by reason, it would be no longer wonderful, and faith would have no merit if reason provided proof. -- Pope Gregory I 2161If the world like it not, so much the worse for them. -- Cowper 2162If there are twelve clowns in a ring, you can jump in the middle and start reciting Shakespeare, but to the audience, you'll just be the thirteenth clown. -- Adam Walinsky 2163If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will go wrong first will be the one that will do the most damage. 2164If there is a wrong thing to say, one will. -- Betty Hartig 2165If there is an opportunity to make a mistake, sooner or later the mistake will be made. -- Edmund C. Berkeley 2166If there is any way to do it wrong, you will. 2167If there is anything education does not lack today, it is critics. -- Nathan M. Pusey 2168If there is no reason why something shouldn't exist, then it must exist. -- Murray Gell-Martin 2169If there is no reason why something shouldn't exist, then it must exist. -- Murray Gell-Mann 2170If there isn't a law, there will be. -- Harold Faber 2171If things are not going well with you, begin your effort at correcting the situation by carefully examining the service you are rendering, and especially the spirit in which you are rendering it. -- Roger Babson 2172If things can go wrong, they will--and when they do, blame it on the oil industry. 2173If things were left to chance, they'd be better. 2174If thou art a master, be sometimes blind; if a servant, sometimes deaf. -- Fuller 2175If thou hast a loitering servant, send him of thy errand just before his dinner. -- Fuller 2176If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. -- Laurence J. Peter 2177If ugly was labor, you'd be a long day's work. 2178If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility. -- Longfellow 2179If we did not take great pains, and were not at great expense to corrupt our nature, our nature would never corrupt us. -- Lord Clarendon 2180If we had no defects ourselves, we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others. -- La Rochefoucauld 2181If we in business cannot put the brakes on this creeping socialism, the free enterprise system will become a thing of the past. -- Barton A, Cummings 2182If you accept the necessity for freedom of expression, it follows that in an intellectual controversy any attempt to coerce rather than to persuade ... is not merely an offense against the person so coerced, but an erosion of the mechanics which make free expression work, and therefore make it possible. -- Micheal Kinsley 2183If you add only a little to a little and do this often, soon that little will become great. -- Hesiod 2184If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it. Quit work and play for once. 2185If you anticipate bus delays by leaving your house thirty minutes early, your bus will arrive as soon as you reach the bus stop or when you light up a cigarette, whichever comes first. -- John Corcoran 2186If you are brave too often, people will come to expect it of you. -- Mignon McLaughlin 2187If you are concerned about being criticized, you're in the wrong job. However you vote, and whatever you do, somebody will be out there telling you that you are: (a) wrong, (b) insensitive, (c) a bleeding heart, (d) a pawn of somebody else, (e) too wishy-washy, (f) too unwilling to compromise, (g) all of the above--consistency is not required of critics. -- Pierre S. du Pont 2188If you are given a clearly defined R&D goal and a definite amount of money which has been calculated to be necessary for the completion of the task, one cannot predict if and when the goal will be reached. 2189If you are to understand others, and have them understand you, know the big words but use the small ones. 2190If you break a cup or plate, it will not be the one that was already chipped or cracked. -- Denys Parsons 2191If you call a tail a leg, how many legs has a dog? Five? No, four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg. -- Abraham Lincoln 2192If you can give your son only one gift, let it be enthusiasm. -- Bruce Barton 2193If you can keep your head when all about you others are losing theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation. 2194If you can't beat them, have them join you. -- Charles Wolf, Jr. 2195If you can't convince them, confuse them. -- Harry S. Truman 2196If you can't do anything about something, pretend it doesn't exist. 2197If you can't measure it, I'm not interested. -- Lawrence J. Peter 2198If you can't remember it, it couldn't have been important. -- Larry Groebe 2199If you cannot inspire a woman with love of you, fill her above the brim with of herself--all that runs over the brim will be yours. -- Colton 2200If you continually give you will continually have. 2201If you cover a congressional committee on a regular basis, they will report the bill on your day off. -- Herb Foster 2202If you destroy delicacy and a sense of shame in a young girl, you deprave her very fast. -- Mrs. Stowe 2203If you develop rules, never have more than ten. -- Donald Rumsfeld 2204If you disregard the advice of Gen. Douglas MacArthur and go into the quicksand of an Asian country, like a domino you will fall into the quicksand of another Asian country next to it. -- Andrew Jacobs, D-Ind. 2205If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours. -- Clarence Day 2206If you don't know what your program is supposed to do, you'd better not start writing it. -- Dijkstra 2207If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question. -- Charles C. Abbott 2208If you don't like the weather in New England, wait fifteen minutes; it will change. -- Mark Twain 2209If you don't like the weather, move. 2210If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people. 2211If you don't say it, they can't repeat it. -- Wilbur C. Munnecke 2212If you gave to forecast, forecast often.-- Edgar R. Fiedler 2213If you go on a trip taking two bags with you, one containing everything you need for the trip and the other containing absolutely nothing, the second bag will be completely filled with junk acquired on the trip when you return. -- Tony Hogg 2214If you had your life to live over again--you'd need more money. 2215If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong. -- Charles F. Kettering 2216If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you. -- Clyde F. Adams 2217If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know. -- Charles C. Abbott 2218If you have to scream, you're not doing it right. -- Billy Martin 2219If you have to think about it, it's too late. 2220If you have too many problems, maybe you should go out of business. There is no law that says a company must last forever. 2221If you jot down every silly thought that pops into your mind, you will soon find out everything you most seriously believe. -- Mignon McLaughlin 2222If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior. -- A. J. Liebling 2223If you lend a person any money, it becomes lost for any purposes of your own. When you ask for it back again, you find a friend made an enemy by your own kindness. If you bagin to press still further--either you must part with that which you have intrusted, or else you must lose that friend. -- Plautus 2224If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich or famous or both. -- James C. Hagerty, 2225If you make a mistake you right it immediately to the best of your ability. 2226If you make any money, the government shove you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. -- Will Rogers 2227If you make money your god, it will plague you like the devil. -- Fielding 2228If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you. 2229If you need a physician, employ these three--a cheerful mind, rest, and a temperate diet. 2230If you pick up a dog and make him prosper he will not bite you. This is the basic difference between dogs and humans. -- Mark Twain 2231If you play with anything long enough, it will break. -- Louis Zahner 2232If you play with something long enough, you will surely break it. 2233If you push something hard enough it will fall over. 2234If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled, and no one dares to criticize it. -- Pierre Gallois 2235If you rob Peter to pay Paul, you can always depend on the support of Paul. (But don't bet on it.) 2236If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life. -- Henry David Thoreau 2237If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and you circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. 2238If you stop to think about it, you're already dead. 2239If you submit your paper to a second editor, his journal invariably demands an entirely different reference system. -- Maeve O'Conner 2240If you suspect a man, don't employ him. 2241If you take off your right-hand glove in very cold weather, the key will be in your left-hand pocket. 2242If you take pleasure in criticism, it's time to hold you tongue. 2243If you take your boots off, you'll never get them back on again. -- Milt Barber 2244If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. -- Derek Bok 2245If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it. -- Arthur Kasspe 2246If you think this is funny, look in a mirror. 2247If you try to please everybody, somebody is not going to like it. -- Donald Rumsfeld 2248If you want a track team that will win the high jump, you find one person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot. -- Frederick E. Terman 2249If you want a track team to win the high jump, you find one person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot. -- Frederick E. Terman 2250If you want enemies, excel others; if you want friends let others excel you. -- Colton 2251If you want something done, ask a busy person. 2252If you want to get along, go along. -- Sam Rayburn 2253If you want to kill any idea in the world today, get a committee working on it. -- Charles F. Kettering 2254If you want to make an enemy, do someone a favor. -- Charles L. Geanangel 2255If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. (It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's statecraft.) Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone directory containing listings for all the organizations with titles beginning with the word "National." -- George Will 2256If you want your name spelled wrong, die. -- Al Blanchard 2257If you were a character string, your length would be zero. 2258If you were as innocent as you pretend to be, we'd never get anywhere. -- Sam Spade 2259If you wish to make a superior product, you must already be engaged in making an inferior product. -- Jacob A. Varela 2260If you wish to succeed, consult three old people. 2261If you wish to, you will have a good opportunity to get even. 2262If you wish, you will have an opportunity. 2263If you would be pungent, be brief; for it is with words as with sunbeams--the more they are condensed the deeper they burn. -- Southey 2264If you would be pungent, be brief; for it is with words as with sunbeams--the more condensed the deeper they burn. -- Southey 2265If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend. 2266If you're already in a hole, there's no use to continue digging. -- Roy W. Walters 2267If you're coasting, you're going downhill. -- L. R. Pierson 2268If you're confident after you've just finished an exam, it's because you don't know enough to know better. -- Jay Weisman 2269If you're ever right, never let 'em forget it. -- Edgar R. Riedler 2270If your doing something the same way you have been doing it for ten years, the chances are you are doing it wrong. -- Charles Kettering 2271If your friend won't lend you fifty dollars, he's probably a close friend. 2272If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something you left out. 2273If your parents didn't have any children, the odds are that you won't have any. 2274If your parents didn't have any children, there's a good chance you won't have any. -- Clarence Day 2275If your stomach disputes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. -- Satchel Paige 2276If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl. -- H. L. Mencken 2277Ignorance is no excuse. 2278Ignorance of one's ignorance is the greatest ignorance. 2279Illegetimus non carborundum! 2280Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire; you will what you imagine; and at last you create what you will. -- George Bernard Shaw 2281Immodest words admit of no defence For want of decency is want of sense. -- Alexander Pope 2282Impatience dires the blood sooner than age or sorrow. -- Creon 2283Important things that are supposed to happen do not happen, especially when people are looking. -- Charles Fetridge 2284Impossible is a word only to be found in the dictionary of fools. -- Napoleon Bonaparte 2285Impropriety is the soul of wit. -- Somerset Maugham 2286In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf. 2287In America everybody is of the opinion that he has no social superiors, since all men are equal, but he does not admit that he has no social inferiors, for, from the time of Jefferson onward, the doctrine that all men are equal applies only upwards, not downwards. -- Bertrand Russell 2288In Fame's temple there is always a niche to be found for rich dunces, importunate scoundrels or successful butchers of the human race. -- Zimmermam 2289In God we trust, all others pay cash. 2290In God we trust. 2291In a Democracy only those laws which have their bases in folkways or the approval of strong groups have a chance of being enforced. -- Abraham Myerson 2292In a bureaucracy accomplishment is inversely proportional to volume of paper used. -- Foster L. Fowler 2293In a bureaucracy every routing slip will expand until it contains the maximum number of names that can be typed in a vertical column, namely, twenty-seven. -- Daniel Melcher 2294In a bureaucratic system an increase in expenditure will be matched by a fall in production. Such systems will act rather like "black holes" in the economic universe, simultaneously sucking in resources and shrinking in terms of "emitted" production. -- Dr. Max Gammon 2295In a bureaucratic system, useless work drives out useful work. -- Milton Friedman 2296In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of anything. -- Jeffery F. Chamberlain 2297In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible. -- S. A. Rudin 2298In a democracy you can be respected though poor, but don't count on it. -- Charles Merrill Smith 2299In a family argument, if it turns out you are right--apologize at once! -- Lazarus Long 2300In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that is would take a man many months to equal it. 2301In a future life, may you come back as yourself. 2302In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion. 2303In a mature society, "civil servant" is semantically equal to "civil master." -- Lazarus Long 2304In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth" Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex. -- Frank Mankiewicz 2305In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, "one when he was a boy and one when he was a man." -- Mark Twain 2306In a research and development orbit, only two of the existing three parameters can be defined simultaneously. The parameters are: task, time, and resources. 2307In a restaurant with seats which are close to each other, one will always find the decibel level of the nearest conversation to be inversely proportional to the quality of the thought going into it. -- Stuart A. Cohn 2308In a vain man, the smallest spark may kindle into the greatest flame, because the materials are always prepared for it. -- Hume 2309In all systems of theology the devil figures as a male person. Yet, it is women who keep the church going. 2310In all the many-colored worlds of the universe no single ethical code shows a universal force. ... I am convinced that virtue is but a reflection of good intent. -- Magnus Ridolf 2311In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole. 2312In an underdeveloped country, don't drink the water; in a developed country, don't breathe the air. 2313In an underdeveloped country, when you are absent, your job is taken away from you; in a developed country a new one is piled on you. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi 2314In any collection of data, the figures that are obviously correct will contain errors. 2315In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision. -- Michael T. Minerath 2316In any given group, the most will do the least and the least the most. -- Merle P. Martin 2317In any given miscalculation, the fault will never be placed if more than one person is involved. -- Merle P. Martin 2318In any household, junk accumulates to fill the space available for its storage. -- Bruce O. Boston 2319In any human enterprise, work seeks the lowest hierarchical level. -- Charles R. Vail 2320In any organization, the potential is much greater for the subordinate to manage his superior than for the superior to manage his subordinate. 2321In any slide presentation, at least one slide will be upside down or backwards, or both. -- John Corcoran 2322In arguing, too, the parson owned his skill, for even tho' vanquish'd he could argue still. -- Oliver Goldsmith 2323In briefings to busy people, summarize at the beginning what you're going to tell them, then tell them, then summarize at the end what you have told them. -- Charles Wolf, Jr. 2324In business, price increases as service declines. -- James L. Davis 2325In case of doubt--make it sound convincing. 2326In case of nuclear attack: 1. Stand with feet shoulder width apart. 2. Bend over to a 90 degree angle. 3. Face backwards. 4. Kiss your ass goodbye. 2327In dealing with people, an ounce of sincere, good intentions is worth a pound of cleverness. 2328In dealing with the press do yourself a favor. Stick with one of three responses: (a) I know and I can tell you. (b) I know and I can't tell you. (c) I don't know. -- Dan Rather 2329In dealing with their own problems, faculty members are the most extreme conservatives. In dealing with other people's problems, they are the world's extreme liberals. -- Clark Kerr 2330In differing breasts what differing passions glow! Ours kindle quick, but yours extinguish slow. -- Garth 2331In every hierarchy, whether it be government or business, each employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence; every post tends to be filled by an employee incompetent to execute its duties. -- Laurance J. Peter 2332In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. 2333In formal logic, a contradiction is the signal of defeat: but in the evolution of real knowledge, it marks the first step in progress toward victory. -- Alfred North Whitehead 2334In handling a stinging insect, move very slowly. -- Lazarus Long 2335In his private heart no man much respects himself. -- Mark Twain 2336In larger things we are convivial; What causes trouble is the trivial. -- Richard Armour 2337In life there is but one bad thing and one good; both of them are women. 2338In lover's quarrels, the party that loves most is always most willing to acknowledge the greater fault. -- Scott 2339In matters of dispute, the bank's balance is always smaller than yours. -- Rozanne Weissman 2340In morals, what begins in fear usually ends in wickedness; in religion, what begins in fear usually ends in fanaticism. Fear, either as a principle or a motive, is the beginning of all evil. -- Mrs. Jameson 2341In my Lucia's absence Life hangs upon me, and becomes a burden; I am ten times undone, while hope, and fear, And grief, and rage and love rise up at once, And with variety of pain distract me. -- Joseph Addison 2342In my stars I am above thee, but be not afraid of greatness; some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. -- Shakespeare 2343In my view, God educates us through our deceptions and mistakes, in order to make us understand at last that we ought to believe only in Him, and not in man. 2344In order to discover anything you must be looking for something. -- Harvey Neville 2345In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it. -- John Cameron 2346In order to keep engineers and scientists cognizant of the importance of progress, load them down with forms, multiple reports, and frequent meetings. -- Richard F. Moore 2347In order to make [a person] covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain. -- Samuel Clemens 2348In our haste to deal with the things that are wrong, let us not upset the things that are right. 2349In politics, an absurdity is not a handicap. -- Napoleon Bonaparte 2350In politics, what begins in fear usually ends in folly. -- Coleridge 2351In science the credit goes to the man who convinces the world, not to the man to whom the idea first occurs. -- Sir William Osler 2352In spite of all the yearnings of men, no one can produce a single fact or reason to support the belief in God and in personal immortality. 2353In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork. 2354In the bottle, discontent seeks for comfort, cowardice for courage, and bashfulness for confidence. -- Johnson 2355In the economic sense, our socialism was more like state capitalism ... Marx had never dreamed of anything of the sort ... Soviet Russia had broken with everything in her history that was revolutionary, and had got onto the usual rails of great-power imperialism. -- Svetlana Alliluyeva 2356In the education of children there is nothing like alluring the interest and affection; otherwise you only make so many asses laden with books. -- Michel de Montaigne 2357In the end more than they wanted freedom, they wanted security. When the Athenians finally wanted not to give to society but for society to give to them, when the freedom they wished for was freedom from responsibility, then Athens ceased to be free. -- Edward Gibbon 2358In the fight between you and the world, back the world. -- Franz Kafka 2359In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season. -- Bill Vaughan 2360In the gates of Eternity, the black hand and the white hand hold each other with an equal clasp. -- Mrs. Stowe 2361In the intercourse of life we please, often, by our defects than by our good qualities. -- La Rochefoucauld 2362In the lexicon of youth, which fate reserves for a bright manhood, there is no such word as fail. -- Bulwer 2363In the long run we are all dead. -- John Maynard Keynes 2364In the nice bee what sense so subtly true Form pois'ness herbs extract the healing dew? -- Alexander Pope 2365In the republic of mediocrity, genius is dangerous. 2366In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore, ... in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long, ... seven hundred and forty-two years from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. ... There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. -- Mark Twain 2367In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes and an occasional salutary recession. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 2368In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes. -- Benjamin Franklin 2369In time of trouble, men of talent are called for, but in times of ease the rich and those with powerful relatives are desired. -- Italo Bombolini 2370In time, and as one comes to benefit from experience, one learns that things will turn out neither as well as one hoped nor as badly as one feared. -- Jerome S. Bruner 2371In times of crisis, it is of utmost importance not to lose one's head. -- Marie Antoinette 2372In unanimity there is cowardice and uncritical thinking. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. 2373In unanimity there may well be either cowardice or uncritical thinking. -- Donald Rumsfeld 2374In war, when a commander becomes so bereft of reason and perspective that he fails to understand the dependence of arms on Divine guidance, he no longer deserves victory. -- Gen. Douglas MacArthur 2375In you can't measure output, then you can't measure input. -- Charles Schultze 2376Include me out. -- Sam Goldwyn 2377Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place. -- Laurance J. Peter 2378Incompetence tends to increase with the level of work performed. And, naturally, the individual's staff needs will increase as his level of incompetence increases. -- Arthur J. Riggs 2379Incompetents often hire able assistants. -- Douglas Evelyn 2380Indifference is the only sure defence. -- Jody Powell 2381Indolence is a delightful but distressing state; we must be doing something to be happy. Action is no less necessary than thought to the instinctive tendencies of the human frame. -- Mahatma Gandhi 2382Infant care has to be learned from the bottom up. 2383Inflation is when the only thing free of charge is a rundown battery. 2384Information flows efficiently through organizations, except that bad news encounters high impedance in flowing upwards. -- Paul Gray 2385Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know. -- Charles P. Boyle 2386Ingratitude is the crack in the sewer that turns the sweet waters of life into a running shit pot. -- Italo Bombolini 2387Innocence is always unsuspicious. -- Haliburton 2388Innovations in law, whether good or bad, spin an entangling weave far more often than they sew a straight stitch. Division of labor can make for great efficiency; too great a division of labor in lawmaking can instead create a crazy quilt. -- Michael Scully 2389Inquisitive people are the funnels of conversation; they do not take in anything for their own use, but merely to pass it to another. -- Steele 2390Insanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtaxed. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes 2391Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out. -- Tony Hoare 2392Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth. -- Will Rogers 2393Integrity has no need of rules. -- Albert Camus 2394Interrogator's lunch--grilled cheese -- Raymond D. Love 2395Inventing is easy for staff outfits. Stating a problem is much harder. Instead of stating problems, people like to pass out half-accurate statements together with half-available solutions which they can't finish and which they want you to finish. -- Amrom Katz 2396Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or somebody insists on getting some useful work done. -- Tom Gibb 2397Is it bhang for the buck, or pennies for a pop? 2398Is not absence death to those who love? -- Alexander Pope 2399Is not light grander than fire? It is the same element in a state of purity. -- Carlyle 2400Is there anything in the universe more beautiful and protective than the simple complexity of a spider's web? -- Charlotte 2401Is there no way to bring home a wandering sheep, but by worring him to death? -- Fuller 2402Isn't every computer a Digital computer? 2403Isn't this a beautiful day! Just watch some bastard louse it up. 2404It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up. -- Avery 2405It gives me pleasure to be praised by you whom all men praise. -- Tully 2406It has been said that there are two theories of history: conspiracy and blunder. If there is some truth to that, it is surely equally true that blunder seldom receives all the credit due it as an explanation of complex events. -- Michael Scully 2407It has long been known that one horse can run faster than another--but which one? Differences are crucial. -- Lazarus Long 2408It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules man's life. 2409It is a blessed thing that in every age someone has had the individuality enough and courage enough to stand by his own convictions. -- Robert G. Ingersoll 2410It is a far, far better thing to have a firm anchor in nonsense than to put out on the troubled seas of thought. -- John Kenneth Galbraith 2411It is a good divine that follows his own instructions. -- Shakespeare 2412It is a great and dangerous error to suppose that all people are equally entitled to liberty. -- John C. Calhoun 2413It is a great misfortune neither to have enough wit to talk well nor enough judgement to be silent. -- Jean de La Brupere 2414It is a miserable thing to live in suspense, it is the life of the spider. -- Jonathon Swift 2415It is a mistake to believe that a science consists in nothing but conclusively proved propositions, and it is unjust to demand that it should. It is a demand only from those who feel a craving for authority in some form and a need to replace the religious catechism by something else, even it it be a scientific one. -- Sigmund Freud 2416It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize. 2417It is a secret known to but a few, yet no small use in the conduct of life, that if you fall into a man's conversation, the first thing you should consider is, whether he has a greater inclination to hear you, or that you should hear him. -- Steele 2418It is a special trick of low cunning to squeeze out knowledge from a modest man, who is eminent in any science, and then to use it as legally acquired, and pass the source in total silence. -- Horace Walpole 2419It is a very sad thing nowadays there is so little useless information. -- Oscar Wilde 2420It is against the nature of man as he grows older ... to protest against change, particularly change for the better. -- John Steinbeck 2421It is almost impossible systematically to constitute a natural moral law. Nature has no principles. She furnishes us with no reason to believe that human life is to be respected. Nature, in her indifference, makes no distinction between good and evil. 2422It is amusing for someone accustomed to the traffic in New York to hear residents of places like Houston and Atlanta complain about congestion on the highways. Imagine, in rush hour they have to slow down to 35 miles an hour! -- Barry Bruce-Briggs 2423It is best to hope only for things possible and probable; he that hopes too much shall deceive himself at last; especially if his industry does not go along with his hopes; for hope without action is a barren undoer. -- Feltham 2424It is better for a city to be governed by a good man than by good laws. -- Aristotle 2425It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen 2426It is better to be always on your guard than to suffer once. 2427It is better to be feared than loved, more prudent to be cruel than compassionate. -- Niccolo Machievelli 2428It is better to burn out than fade away.-- Neil Young 2429It is better to decide between our enemies than our friends; for one of our friends will most likely become our enemy; but on the other hand, one of your enemies will probably become your friend. -- Bias 2430It is better to have a lion at the head of an army of sheep, than a sheep at the head of an army of lions. -- De Foe 2431It is better to have loved and lost, Than never to have loved at all. -- Tennyson 2432It is better to have nothing to do than to be doing nothing. -- Attilus 2433It is better to sound a person with whom one deals afar off, than to fall upon the point at first. -- Bacon 2434It is better to wear out than to rust out. 2435It is but poor eloquence, which only shows that the orator can talk. -- Sir Joshua Reynolds 2436It is by acts and not by ideas that people live. -- Anatole France 2437It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. -- Mark Twain 2438It is courage the world needs, not infallibility ... courage is always the surest wisdom. -- Sir Wilfred Grenfell 2439It is customary for a decimal to be misplaced. 2440It is difficult to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys. 2441It is easier to harness human nature than to fight or repress it. 2442It is easier to run down a hill than up one. 2443It is easy to understand God as long as you don't try to explain Him. 2444It is excellent to have a giant's strength, but it tyrannous to use it like a giant. -- Shakespeare 2445It is far better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love. 2446It is far easier to be wise for others than to be so for oneself. -- La Rochefoucauld 2447It is far easier to know men than to know man. -- La Rochefoucauld 2448It is far more easy to acquire a fortune like a knave than to expend it like a gentleman. -- Colton 2449It is fear that first brought gods into the world. 2450It is good that the young are beautiful; it is the only advantage they have. -- The Duchess of Windsor 2451It is hard for an empty bag to stand upright. -- Benjamin Franklin 2452It is hardly possible to suspect another without having in one's self the seeds of the baseness the other party is accused of. -- Stanislaus 2453It is impossible for a man to love his wife whole-heartedly without loving all women somewhat. I suppose that the converse must be true of women. -- Lazarus Long 2454It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death, should ever have been designed by Providence as an evil to mankind. -- Jonathon Swift 2455It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. 2456It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. -- Woody Allen 2457It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious. 2458It is impossible to make people understand their ignorance, for it requires knowledge to perceive it; and, therefore, he that can perceive it hath it not. -- Jeremy Taylor 2459It is in his pleasures that a man really lives, it is from his leisure that he constructs the fabric of self. -- Agnes Repplier 2460It is in the nature of mobs to cheer fools. 2461It is inconceivable that three competing networks, working independently in complete secrecy, could produce by accident twenty-six new series so similar in quality. -- Marvin Kitman 2462It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. 2463It is more disgraceful to distrust than to be decieved by our friends. -- La Rochefoucauld 2464It is more shameful to distrust one's friends than to be deceived by them. -- Duc de La Rochefoucauld 2465It is much harder to find a job than to keep one. -- Jules Becker 2466It is never clear just how many hands--or minds--are needed to carry out a particular process. Nevertheless, anyone having supervisory responsibility for the completion of the task will invariably protest that his staff is too small for the assignment. -- Andrew Hacker 2467It is nice to be content in a little house by the side of the road, but a split-level in suburbia is a lot more comfortable. -- Charles Merrill Smith 2468It is no disgrace not to be able to do everything; but to undertake, or pretend to do, what you are not made for, is not only shameful, but extremely troublesome. -- Plutarch 2469It is no longer correct to regard higher education solely as a privilege. It is a basic right in today's world. -- Norman Cousins 2470It is no pleasure to build a web and catch only flies when one knows there is a wasp about. 2471It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. -- Seneca 2472It is not enough to do the right thing; one must also do it the right way. 2473It is not love of self, but hatred of self which is at the root of the troubles that afflict the world. -- Eric Hoffer 2474It is not poverty so much as pretence that harasses a ruined man--the struggle between a proud mind and an empty purse--the keeping up a hollow show that must soon come to an end. Have the courage to appear poor, and you disarm poverty of its sharpest sting. -- Mrs. Jameson 2475It is not the disease but neglect of the remedy which generally destroys life. 2476It is not the quality of the meat, but the cheerfulness of the guests, that makes the feast. -- Lord Clarendon 2477It is not work that kills men; it is worry. Work is healthy; you can hardly put more upon a man than he can bear. Worry is rust upon the blade. It is not the revolution that destroys the machinery, but the friction. Fear secretes acids, but love and trust are sweet juices. -- Beecher 2478It is often easier to earn money than it is to spend it wisely. 2479It is one thing to purloin finely-tempered steel, and another to take a pound of literary old iron, and convert it in the furnace of one's own mind into a hundred watchsprings, worth each a thousand times as much as the iron. When genius borrows, it borrows grandly, giving to the borrowed matter, a life and beauty it lacked before. 2480It is only by labor that thought can be made healthy, and only by thought that labor can be made happy; and the two cannot be seperated with impunity. -- Ruskin 2481It is only people of small moral stature who have to stand on their dignity. 2482It is our policy to steer clear of permanent alliances with any portion of the 2483It is questionable if all the mechanical inventions yet made have lightened the day's toil of any human being. 2484It is sometimes necessary to play the fool to avoid being deceived by cunning men. -- La Rochefoucauld 2485It is the curse of talent that, although it labors with greater steadiness and perseverance than genius, it does not reach its goal, while genius, already on the summit of the ideal, gazes laughingly about. 2486It is the function of creative men to perceive the relations between thoughts, or things, or forms of expression that may seem utterly different, and to be able to combine them into some new forms--the power to connect the seemingly unconnected. 2487It is the great triumph of genius to make the common appear novel. 2488It is the guilt, not the scaffold, which constitutes the shame. -- Cornville 2489It is the height of absurdity to sow little but weeds in the first half of one's lifetime and expect to harvest a valuable crop in the second half. -- Percy Johnston 2490It is the natural order of things. Nothing can alter it. The strong take, the weak surrender. -- Sepp von Plum 2491It is the nature of the human disposition to hate him who you have injured. -- Tacitus 2492It is the pleasure of reward rather than the pain of punishment that motivates people. 2493It is the uncensored sense of humor ... which is the ultimate therapy for man in society. -- Evan Esar 2494It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree. 2495It is the working man who is the happy man. -- Benjamin Franklin 2496It is to the interest of the commonwealth of mankind that there should be someone who is unconquered, someone against whom fortune has no power. -- Seneca 2497It is true that if your paperboy throws your paper into the bushes for five straight days it can be explained by Newton's Law of Gravity. But it takes Murphy's law to explain why it is happening to you. 2498It is unwise to do unto others as you would that they do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same. -- George Bernard Shaw 2499It is what we are that gets across, not what we try to teach. 2500It is worthy of observation, that the most imperious masters over their own servants, are at the same time, the most abject slaves to the servants of other masters. -- Seneca 2501It isn't that things will necessarily go wrong (Murphy's Law), but rather that they will take so much more time and effort than you think, if they are not to. -- Charles Wolf, Jr. 2502It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so. -- Will Rogers 2503It isn't what you know but the simple things you don't overlook. 2504It markes a big step in a man's development when he comes to realize that other men can be called on to help him do a better job than he can do alone. -- Andrew Carnagie 2505It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier. -- Lazarus Long 2506It may be remarked for the comfort of honest poverty, that avarice reigns most in those who have but few good qualities to recommend them. This is a weed that will grow in a barren soil. -- Hughes 2507It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God--but to create Him. 2508It may be true that human beings make more mistakes than computers, but for a real foul up, give us a computer anytime. 2509It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety. -- Salvor Hardin 2510It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag. 2511It seems that nature has concealed at the bottom of our minds, talents and abilities of which we are not aware. The passions alone have the privilege of bringing them to light, and of giving us sometimes views more certain and more perfect than art could possible produce. -- La Rochefoucauld 2512It show'd discretion, the best part of valor. -- Beaumont and Fletcher 2513It sometimes seems as though we were trying to combine the ideal of no schools at all with the democratic ideal of schools for everybody by having schools without education. -- Robert Maynard Hutchins 2514It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder. 2515It takes everyone to make a happy day. -- Marcy Kay Rumsfeld 2516It warms me, it charms me, To mention but her name; It heats me, it beats me, And set me a' on flame. -- Burns 2517It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead. 2518It was a saying of the ancients, "Truth lies in a well;" and to carry on this metaphor, we may justly say that logic does supply us with steps, whereby we may go down to reach the water. -- Dr. I. Watts 2519It was one of those parties where you cough twice before you speak, and then decide not to say it after all. -- P. G. Wodehouse 2520It was one of those perfect summer days--the sun was shining, a breeze was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was broken. -- James Dent 2521It will be of little avail to the people that the laws are made by men of their own choice, if the laws be so voluminous that they cannot be read, or so incoherent that they cannot be understood; if they be repealed or revised before they are promulgated, or undergo such incessane changes that no man who knows what the law is today can guess what it will be tomorrow. -- The Federalist, No. 62 2522It would be well, if some who have taken upon themselves the ministry of the Gospel, that they would first preach to themselves, then afterwards to others. -- Cardinal Pole 2523It's NOT my fault!!! -- Han Solo (and a cast of thousands) 2524It's a good idea to keep your words soft and sweet to the taste. You may have to eat them. 2525It's a poor workman who blames his tools. 2526It's a sad house where the cock is silent and the hen crows. 2527It's always darkest just before the lights go out. -- Alex Clark 2528It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired. -- Lazarus Long 2529It's better to keep your mouth closed and be presumed a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. 2530It's better to retire too soon than too late. -- Charles A. Mosher 2531It's clever, but is it art? 2532It's easier to be a liberal a long way from home. -- Don Price 2533It's easier to be original and foolish than original and wise. -- Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz 2534It's easier to be wise for others than for ourselves. -- Duc de La Rochefoucauld 2535It's easy to tell when you've got a bargain--it doesn't fit. 2536It's hard to say who brags more, the reformed smoker or the guy whose car gets 30 miles to the gallon. -- James Alexander 2537It's hard to sing with an empty glass. 2538It's later than you think: the joint Russian-American space mission has already begun. 2539It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things. 2540It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground. -- Daniel B. Luten 2541It's not what you know or what you do, it's who you know. 2542It's not what you write that counts, it's how it's read. 2543It's odd how sin must advertise in gaudy trappings. One would think it would be darker, more discreet. 2544It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the Devil when he is the only explanation of it. 2545It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten. 2546It's the most unhappy people who most fear change. -- Mignon McLaughlin 2547It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon. Which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to. -- Franklin P. Jones 2548JIFFY: the time it takes for light to go one centimeter in a vacuum. 2549JOB PLACEMENT: Telling your boss what he can do with your job. 2550James Joyce--an essentially private man who wished his total indifference to public notice to be universally recognized. -- Tom Stoppard 2551Jimmy Carter says the GOP Convention was "a debacle." That's French for Trust Me. -- National Review 2552Jimmy Carter says the GOP Convention was "a debacle." That's high praise from our country's Debacleur-in-Chief. -- National Review 2553Jimmy Carter says the GOP Convention was "a debacle." What did he expect--a helicopter rescue mission? -- National Review 2554Join the Navy and see the coast! 2555Jones's Law: The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on. 2556Joy descends gently upon us like the evening dew, and does not patter down like a hailstorm. -- Richter 2557Judge a tree from its fruit; not from the leaves. -- Euripides 2558Judgment is not the knowledge of fundamental laws; it is knowing how to apply a knowledge of them. -- Charles Gow 2559Just about the time most of us finally learn all the answers, they change all the questions. 2560Just as most issues are seldom black or white, so are most good solutions seldom black or white. Beware of the solution that requires one side to be totally the loser and the other side to be totally the winner. The reason there are two sides to begin with usually is because neither side has all the facts. Therefore, when the wise mediator effects a compromise, he is not acting from political motivation. Rather, he is acting from a deep sense of respect for the whole truth. -- Stephen R. Schwambach 2561Just as there are three R's there are also three A's of business life. They are: Ability, Ambition, and Attitude. Ability establishes what a worker does and will bring him a paycheck. Ambition determines how much he does and will get him a raise. Attitude guarantees how well he does. -- Wilbert E. Sheer 2562Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. -- Irene Peter 2563Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless. -- Thomas Edison 2564Just because you've beaten a sorcerer, doesn't mean you've beaten a sorcerer. -- Toth-aamon 2565Just when I finally figure out where it's at ... somebody moves it. 2566Just when you get really good at something, you don't need to do it anymore. -- William P. Lowrey 2567Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven! -- Michael J. Wagner 2568Justice is blind, he knows nobody. -- Dryden 2569Justice is lame as well as blind among us. -- Otway 2570Justice, like lightning, ever should appear To few men's ruin, but to all men's fear. -- Swetnam 2571Keep cool; especially during meltdowns. 2572Keep the juices going by jangling around gently as you move. -- Satchel Paige 2573Keep what you've got; the ills that we know are the best. -- Plautus 2574Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and completely shut after the kids grow up. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 2575Keep your fears to yourself; share your courage with others. -- Robert Louis Stevenson 2576Keep your sense of humor about your position. -- Donald Rumsfeld 2577Kerr's Three Rules for Trying New Foods: (1) Never try anything with tomatoes in it. (2) Never try anything bigger than your head. (3) Never, NEVER try anything that looks like vomit. It is said that Kerr broke all three rules by discovering pizza. 2578Key to Status: S=D/K. S is the status of a person in an organization, D is the number of doors he must open to perform his job and K is the number of keys he carries. A higher number denotes a higher status. Examples: The janitor needs to open 20 doors and has twenty keys (S = 1), a secretary has to open two doors with one key (S = 2), but the president never has to carry around any keys since there is always someone around to open doors for him (with K = 0 and a high D, his S reaches infinity). -- Robert Sommer 2579Kilroy was here. 2580Kind hearts are more than coronets, And simple faith than Norman blood. -- Tennyson 2581Kiss the tear from her lip, you'll find the rose the sweeter for the dew. -- Webster 2582Knaves will thrive when honest plainness knows not how to live. -- Shirley 2583Knives and scissors, fork and candle, little children should not handle. 2584Know that a happy dieter has other problems. -- Erma Bombeck 2585Know then this truth, enough for man to know Virtue alone is happiness below. -- Alexander Pope 2586Know then thyself; presume not God to scan; The proper study of mankind is man. -- Alexander Pope 2587Knowledge is power. -- Bacon 2588LIGHTWEIGHT: lighter than rugged 2589LINEAR MODEL: An assumption concerning the nature of reality applied unquestioningly to every relationship as though God had determined that truth must always run in straight lines. 2590Language is fossil poetry. 2591Languages are the pedigrees of nations. -- Johnson 2592Large numbers of things are determined, and therefore not subject to change. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. 2593Last Words of Advice: If you pay your taxes and don't get into debt and go to bed early and never answer the telephone--no harm can befall you. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi 2594Last guys don't finish nice. -- Stanley Kelly 2595Last scene of all that ends this strange, eventful history, is second childishness, and mere oblivion; sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything. -- Shakespeare 2596Laughter should dimple the cheek, not furrow the brow. A jest should be such, that all shall be able to join in the laugh which it occasions; but if it bear hard upon one of the company, like the crack of a string, it makes a stop in the music. -- Feltham 2597Law expands in proportion to the resources available for its enforcement. -- Dalin B. Oaks 2598Law of Historical Causation: "It seemed like the thing to do at the time." -- Michael Uhlmann 2599Law of Institutional Food: Everything is cold except what should be. 2600Law of Institutional Food: Everything, including the corn flakes, is greasy. 2601Law of Local Anesthesia: Never say "oops" in the operating room. -- Dr. Leo Troy 2602Law of Petroleum: Where there are Muslims, there is oil; the converse is not true. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi 2603Law of Social Dynamics: If, in the course of several months, only three worthwhile social events take place, they will all fall on the same evening. 2604Lawrence Radiation Laboratory keeps all its data in an old gray trunk. 2605Laws can disover sin, but not remove. -- Milton 2606Laziness is the mother of nine inventions out of ten. -- Phillip K. Saunders 2607Laziness is the mother of nine inventions out of ten. -- Philip K. Saunders 2608Leaders who aid others in growing are certain to experience growth in themselves. 2609Leadership, at its highest, consists of getting people to work for you when they are under no obligation to do so. 2610Learn a new language and get a new soul. 2611Learn to be sincere. Even if you have to fake it. -- Solomon Short 2612Learn to hold thy tongue. Five words cost Zacharias forty weeks' silence. -- Fuller 2613Learn to reason forward and backward on both sides of a question. -- Thomas Blandi 2614Learning maketh young men temperate, is the comfort of old age, standing for wealth with poverty, and serving as an ornament to riches. -- Cicero 2615Left to themselves, all things go from bad to worse. 2616Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you. 2617Lend thy serious hearing to what I shall unfold. -- Shakespeare 2618Lenin once observed that gold should adorn the floors of latrines. 2619Less is more. 2620Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage. 2621Let a man proclaim a new principle. Public sentiment will surely be on the other side. -- Thomas B. Reed 2622Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips. -- Proverbs XXVII, 2 2623Let cavillers deny that brutes have reason; sure tis something more, 'tis heaven directs, and stratagems inspires beyond the short extent of human thought. -- Somerville 2624Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday. 2625Let him turn and twist slowly in the wind. -- John Ehrlichman 2626Let honesty be as the breath of thy soul, and never forget to have a penny, when all thy expenses are enumerated and paid; then shall thou reach the point of happiness, and independence shall be thy shield and buckler, thy helmet and crown; then thy soul walk upright, nor stoop to the silken wretch because he hath riches, nor pocket an abuse, because the hand which offers it wears a ring set with diamonds. -- Benjamin Franklin 2627Let me have men about me that are fat; Sleck-headed men and such as sleep o'nights. Yond' Cassius has a lean and hungry look; He thinks too much; such men are dangerous. -- Shakespeare 2628Let no man presume to give advice to others that has not first given good counsel to himself. -- Seneca 2629Let no man value at a little price a virtuous woman's counsel; her winged spirit is feathered often times with heavenly words, and, like her beauty, ravishing and pure. -- Chapman 2630Let none think to fly the danger For soon or late love is his own avenger. -- Byron 2631Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. 2632Let sleeping dogs lie. 2633Let the Wookiee win! 2634Let the soldier be abroad if he will, he can do nothing in this age. There is another personage, a personage less imposing in the eyes of some, perhaps insignificant. The schoolmaster is abroad, and I trust to him, armed with his primer, against the soldier in full military array. -- Lord Brougham 2635Let them obey that know not how to rule. -- Shakespeare 2636Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson 2637Let us cling to our principles as the mariner clings to his last plank when night and tempest close around him. -- Dr. Young 2638Let us suffer any person to tell us his story morning and evening, but for one twelve-month, and he will become our master. -- Burke 2639Let us, then, be up and doing, With a heart for any fate; Still achieving, still pursuing, Learn to labor and to wait. -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 2640Let your humor always be good humor in both senses. If it comes of a bad humor, it is pretty sure not to belie its parentage. 2641Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again. 2642Letters which are warmly sealed are ofter but coldly opened. -- Richter 2643Levity is the soul of wit. -- Melville D. Landon 2644Liberals don't care what people do, as long as it's compulsory. 2645Liberals, but not conservatives, can get attention and acclaim for denouncing liberal policies that failed; and liberals will inevitably capture the ensuing agenda for "reform." -- John McClaughry 2646Liberty consists in the power of doing that which is permitted by law. -- Cicero 2647Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches. -- Will Rogers 2648Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches. -- Will Rogers 2649Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have. -- Harry Emerson Fosdick 2650Liberty is always unfinished business. 2651Liberty is being free from the things we don't like in order to be slaves to the things we do like. -- Ernest Benn 2652Liberty is so much latitude as the powerful choose to accord the weak. -- Judge Learned Hand 2653Liberty is the one thing you can't have unless you give it to others. -- William Allen White 2654Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it. -- George Bernard Shaw 2655Liberty too can corrupt, and absolute liberty can corrupt absolutely. -- Gertrude Himmelfarb 2656Liberty! Liberty! how many crimes are committed in thy name. -- Madame Roland 2657Libraries are the shrines where all the relics of the ancient saints, full of true virtue, and that without delusion or imposture, are preserved and reposed. -- Bacon 2658Life affords no higher pleasure than that of surmounting difficulties, passing from one step of success to another, forming new wishes and seeing them gratified. -- Samuel Johnson 2659Life creates it [the Force] and makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we ... Feel the flow. Feel the Force around you. -- Yoda 2660Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. -- George Bernard Shaw 2661Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. 2662Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think. 2663Life is doubt, and faith without doubt is nothing but death. -- Miguel de Unamuno 2664Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it. 2665Life is sometimes hard to love, though we must love it because we have no other. To fail to love it is to cease to exist. 2666Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure. 2667Life's but a walking shadow--a poor player, That struts and frets his hour upon the stage, And then is heard no more. It is a tale Told by idiots, full of sound and fury Signifying nothing. -- Shakespeare 2668Lika a man made after supper of a cheese-paring; when he was naked, he was, for all the world, like a forked radish, with a head fantastically carved upon it with a knife. -- Skakespeare 2669Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from non-practitioners. -- G. O. Ashley 2670Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone. 2671Literature is the grindstone to sharpen the coulters, and to whet their natural faculties. -- Hammond 2672Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse. -- Lazarus Long 2673Little joys refresh us constantly, like house-bread, and never bring disgust; and great ones, like sugar-bread, briefly, and then bring it. -- Richter 2674Little progress can be made merely by repressing what is bad. Our great hope lies in developing what is good. 2675Little strokes fell John B. Oakes. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 2676Live and let live. 2677Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. -- Josh Billings 2678Lo! Men have become the tools of their tools. 2679Loan-department manager: "There isn't any fine print. At these interest rates, we don't need it." 2680Logic is like the sword--those who appeal to it shall perish by it. -- Samuel Butler 2681Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence. -- Joseph Wood Krutch 2682Logic is the soul of wit, not of wisdom; that's why wit is funny. -- Lincoln Steffens 2683Logic--an instrument used for bolstering a prejudice. -- Elbert Hubbard 2684Logicians have but ill defined As rational the human kind. Logic, they say, belongs to man, But let them prove it if they can. -- Oliver Goldsmith 2685Lonely is a man without love. 2686Lonely men seek companionship. Lonely women sit at home and wait. They never meet. 2687Look at governmental programs for the past fifty years. Every single one-- except for warfare--achieved the exact opposite of its announced goal. 2688Look on my works ye mighty--and despair!!! 2689Look over your shoulder now and then to be sure someone's following you. -- Henry Gilmer 2690Look round the wrecks of play behold, Estates dismember'd, mortgaged, sold; Their owners now to jail confin'd, Show equal poverty of mind. -- Gay 2691Lord, when we are wrong, make us easy to change. And when we are right, make us easy to live with. -- Peter Marshall 2692Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none; be able for thine enemy rather in power than use; and keep thy friend under thine own life's key; be checked for silence, but never taxed for speech. -- Shakespeare 2693Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. 2694Love demands infinitely less than friendship. -- George Jean Nathan 2695Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility; for it thinks all things lawful for itself, and all things possible. It is therefore able to undertake all things, and it completes many things, and brings them to a conclusion, where he who does not love, faints and lies down. -- Thomas a Kempis 2696Love is a god Strong, free, unabounded, and as some define Fears nothing, pitieth none. -- Milton 2697Love is a passion which kindles honor into noble acts. -- Dryden 2698Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you. 2699Love is merely madness; and I tell you, deserves as well a dark house and a whip, as madmen do; and the reason why they are not so punished and cured, is that the lunacy is so ordinary, that the whippers are in love too. -- Shakespeare 2700Love is not altogether a delirium, yet it has many points in common therewith. I call it rather a discerning of the infinite in the finite--of the ideal made real. -- Carlyle 2701Love is not in our choice, but in our fate. -- Dryden 2702Love is sentimental measles. 2703Love is strong as death. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it; if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would be utterly contemned. -- Solomon's Song VIII, 6,7 2704Love is the salt of life; a higher taste It gives to pleasure, and then makes it last. -- Buckingham 2705Love laughs at locksmiths. 2706Love me little, love me long. -- Milton 2707Love not! Love not! the thing you love may change, The rosy lip may cease to smile on you, The kindly beaming eye grow cold and strange, The heart still warmly beat, and not for you. -- Mrs. Norton 2708Love that has nothing but beauty to keep it in good health is short lived, and apt to have ague fits. -- Erasmus 2709Love the sea? I dote upon it--from the beach. 2710Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood. -- Louise Beal 2711Love will find its way Through paths where wolves would fear to prey, And if it dares enough 'twere hard If passion met not some reward. -- Byron 2712Love's like the measles--all the worse when it comes late in life. -- Jerrola 2713Love, the sole disease thou canst not cure. -- Alexander Pope 2714Love, which proclaims thee human bids thee know a truth more lofty in thy lowliest hour than shallow glory taught to human power, "What's human is immortal!" -- Bulwer 2715Loyalty to a petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. -- Mark Twain 2716Luck is what enabled others to get where they are. Talent is what enabled us to get to where we are. 2717Lull'd in the ocuntless chambers of the brain, Our thoughts are link'd by mny a hidden chain; Awake but one, and lo, what myriads arise! Each stamps its image as the other flies. -- Alesander Pope 2718M. D. to patient: First the good news--you're going to have a disease named after you. 2719MEETS QUALITY STANDARDS: ours, not yours 2720METHODOLOGICALLY UNSOUND: Using methodology with which I am unfamiliar. 2721MOst of the mistakes of our life come from feeling when we ought to think and thinking when we ought to feel. 2722Macbeth.--If we should fail -- Lady Macbeth.--We fail? But screw your courage to the sticking place, And we'll not fail. -- Shakespeare 2723Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate, and play games--but not with pleasure. -- Leo Rosten 2724Machines should work. People should think. -- IBM motto 2725Madness, we fancy, gave an illl-timed birth To grinning laughter and to frantic mirth. -- Prior 2726Main Article of General Systems Faith: the order of the empirical world itself has an order which might be called order of the second degree. -- Boulding 2727Maintain eternal vigilance, small squishy thing, and kill anything that threatens. -- Viver farewell saying. 2728Major actions are rarely decided by more than four people. If you think a larger meeting you're attending is really "hammering out" a decision, you're probably wrong. Either the decision was agreed to by a smaller group before the meeting began, or the outcome of the larger meeting will be modified later when three or four people get together. -- Charles Wolf, Jr. 2729Make a wish, it might come true. 2730Make it sufficiently difficult for people to do something, and most people will stop doing it. -- Robert Sommer 2731Make new friends but keep the old ones; one is silver and the other's gold. 2732Make other people like themselves a little better and rest assured they'll like you very much. 2733Make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes. 2734Make the most of the day, by determining to spend it on two sort of acquaintances only--those by whom something may be got, and those from whom something may be learned. -- Colton 2735Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure there is one less rascal in the world. -- Thomas Carlyle 2736Make yourself an honest man, and you can be sure that there is one rascal less in the world. -- Carlyle 2737Make yourself necessary to somebody. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson 2738Malpractice makes malperfect. -- Solomon Short 2739Mammon has enriched his thousands, and has damned his ten thousands. -- South 2740Man and wife make one fool. 2741Man had achieved FREEDOM FROM--without yet having achieved FREEDOM TO--to be himself, to be productive, to be fully awake. -- Erich Fromm 2742Man has a limited biological capacity for change. When this capacity is overwhelmed, the capacity is in future shock. -- Alvin Toffler 2743Man has lost the capacity to foresee and to forestall. He will end by destroying the earth. -- Albert Schweitzer 2744Man is a blind, witless, low-brow, anthropocentric clod who inflicts lesions upon the earth. -- Ian McHarg 2745Man is a thinking being, whether he will or no; all he can do is to turn his thoughts the best way. -- Sir W. Temple 2746Man is born to trouble, as the sparks fly upward. -- Job v.7 2747Man is by nature metaphysical and proud. He has gone so far as to think that the idealistic creations of his mind, which correspond to his feelings, also represent reality. -- Claude Bernard 2748Man is demolishing nature ... We are killing things that keep us alive. -- Thor Heyerdahl 2749Man is forbidden to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. He acts against God's command ... From the standpoint of the Church, which represents authority, this is essentially sin. From the standpoint of man, however, this is the beginning of human freedom. -- Erich Fromm 2750Man is the only animal that contemplates death, and also the only animal that shows any sign of doubt of its finality. -- William Ernest Hocking 2751Man is the only creature endowed with the power of laughter; is he not the only one that deserves to be laughed at? -- Greville 2752Man know thyself! All writing centers there. -- Young 2753Man must accept responsibility for himself ... There is no meaning to life except the meaning man gives his life by the unfolding of his powers. 2754Man never fastened one end of a chain around the neck of his brother, that God's own hand did not fasten around the neck of the oppressor. -- Lamartine 2755Man proposes, God disposes. 2756Man shall never reach his full capacity while chained to the earth. We must take wing and conquer the heavens. -- Icarus 2757Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago. -- H. L. Mencken 2758Man's horizons are bounded by his vision. 2759Man's rich with little, were his judgment true; Nature is frugal, and her wants are few; These few wants, answer'd bring sincere delights; But fools create themselves new appetites. -- Young 2760Man-machine identity is achieved not by attributing human attributes to the machine, but by attributing mechanical limitations to man. 2761Management directs and controls change. -- Thomas L. Martin 2762Management is incapable of recognizing a true crisis. -- Gene Franklin 2763Management will select actions or events and convert them to crises. It will then over-react. -- Gene Franklin 2764Mankind has become so much one family that we cannot insure our own prosperity except by insuring that of everyone else. If you wish to be happy yourself, you must also resign yourself to seeing others also happy. -- Bertrand Russell 2765Mankind would be vastly poorer if it had not been for men who were willing to take risks against the longest odds. Even if it could be done, we would be foolish to try to stamp out this willingness in man to buck seemingly hopeless odds. Our problem is how to remain properly venturesome and experimental without making fools of ourselves. -- Bernard Baruch 2766Many a family tree needs trimming. 2767Many a girl at loose ends is anxious to be tied up. 2768Many a man gets to the top of the ladder, and then finds out it has been leaning against the wrong wall. 2769Many a sober Christian would rather admit that a wafer is God than that God is a cruel and capricious tyrant. 2770Many are called, but few are chosen. 2771Many books require no thought from those who read them, for a very simple reason--they made no such demand upon those who wrote them. Those works, therefore, are the most valuable that set our thinking faculties in the fullest operation. -- Colton 2772Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long. 2773Many live by their wits but few by their wit. -- Laurence J. Peter (On the other hand, the witty man merely says what you would have said if you had thought of it.) 2774Many might go to heaven with half the labor they go to hell. -- Ben Johnson 2775Many of us spend half our life wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing. -- Alexander Woollcott 2776Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket bibles which are on very very thin paper. 2777Many people go throughout life committing partial suicide--destroying their talents, energies, creative qualities. Indeed, to learn how to be good to oneself is often more difficult than to learn how to be good to others. -- Joshua Leibman 2778Many people have the ambition to succeed in their work; they may even have special aptitude for their job. And yet they do not move ahead. Why? Perhaps they think that since they can master the job, there is no need to master themselves. -- John Stevenson 2779Many politicians ... are in the habit of laying it down as a self-evident proposition, that no people ought to be free till they are fit to use their freedom. The maxim is worthy of the fool ... who resolved not to go into the water till he had learned to swim. -- Thomas Babington Macaulay 2780Mark this well, you proud men of action! You are, after all, nothing but unconscious instruments of the men of thought. -- Heinrich Heine 2781Marketing is a fashionable term. The sales manager becomes a marketing vice- president. But a grave digger is still a grave digger even when he is called a mortician--only the price of burial goes up. 2782Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the feast. -- Colton 2783Marriage: a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves-- making in all two. -- Ambrose Bierce 2784Marriage is a good deal like taking a bath--not so hot once you get accustomed to it. 2785Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution, yet. -- Mae West 2786Marriage is the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise lounge. -- Mrs. Patrick Campbell 2787Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. -- Voltaire 2788Marxist law of the distribution of wealth: Shortages will be divided equally among the peasants. 2789Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy. 2790Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant. -- Malcolm Smith 2791Mathematics gets its semblance of reality by never saying what it is talking about. -- Bertrand Russell 2792Matrimony is a processs by which a grocer acquired an account the florist had. -- Francis Rodman 2793Matrimony is the root of all evil. 2794Maugham's advice: Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it. 2795Maxims are the condensed good sense of nations. -- Sir J. Mackintosh 2796May not taste be compared to that exquisite sense of the bee, which instantly discovers and extracts te quintessence of every flower, and disregards all the rest of it. -- Greville 2797May the Force be with you. 2798May the Great Camel of Paradise bestow upon you and yours a dropping. 2799May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits. 2800May you be as healthy as the salmon. 2801May you get to Heaven a half hour before the Devil knows you're dead. 2802May you walk a mile behind a camel. 2803Maybe love hasn't changed much through history, but can you imagine Heloise and Abelard sitting around rubbing suntan oil on each other? -- Bill Vaughan 2804Maybe this world is another planet's hell. -- Aldous Huxley 2805Meanwhile, the guilty soul cannot keep its own secret. It is false to itself; or, rather, it feels an irresistible impulse of conscience to be true to itself ... It must be confessed--it will be confessed--there is no refuge from confession but suicide, and suicide is confession. -- Daniel Webster 2806Measure not men by Sundays, without regarding what they do all the week after. -- Fuller 2807Medicare and Medicaid are the greatest measures yet devised to make the world safe for clerks. 2808Melancholy is the nurse of frenzy. -- Shakespeare 2809Men are April when they woo, December when they wed, and maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives. -- Shakespeare 2810Men are apt to deceive themselves in big things, but they rarely do so in particulars. -- Niccolo Machiavelli 2811Men are born with two eyes, but with one tongue, in order that they should see twice as much as they say. -- Colton 2812Men are but children of a larger growth. -- Dryden 2813Men are machines, with all their boasted freedom, Their movements turn on some favorite passion; Let art but find the foible out, We touch the spring and wind them at our pleasure. -- Brooke 2814Men are more sentimental then women. It blurs their thinking. -- Lazarus Long 2815Men are never so likely to settle a question rightly as when they discuss it freely. -- Macaulay 2816Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves. -- Gene Fowler 2817Men are often capable of greater things than they perform. They are sent into the world with bills of credit, and seldom draw to their full extent. -- Horace Walpole 2818Men are seldom more innocently employed than when they are honestly making money. -- Samuel Johnson 2819Men are so constituted that everybody undertakes what he sees another successful in, whether he has aptitude for it or not. -- Goethe 2820Men are the sport of circumstances, when the circumstances seem the sport of men. -- Byron 2821Men can suck the heady juice of exalted self-importance from the bitter weed of failure--failures are usually the most conceited of men. -- D. H. Lawrence 2822Men fight for freedom; then they begin to accumulate laws to take it away from them. 2823Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love. -- Shakespeare 2824Men have fiendishly conceived a heaven only to find it insipid, and a hell only to find it ridiculous. -- George Santayana 2825Men must either be caressed or annihilated and the injury must be such that the victim cannot pay you back for it. Whoever acts otherwise is obliged to stand forever with a knife in his hand. -- Niccolo Machiavelli 2826Men must either be caressed or annihilated. They will revenge themselves for small injuries, but they can't do so for great ones. The harm the leader does must be such that he need not fear revenge. -- Niccolo Machiavelli 2827Men of genius are often dull and inert in society, as a blazing meteor when it descends to earth, is only a stone. -- Longfellow 2828Men often deceive themselves in believing that humility can overcome insolence. -- Niccolo Machiavelli 2829Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child. -- Lazarus Long 2830Men rattle their chains to show that they are free. 2831Men resemble the gods in nothing so much as in doing good to their fellow creatures. -- Cicero 2832Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples. 2833Men will never establish any equality with which they can be contented. Whatever efforts a people may make, they will never succeed in reducing all the conditions of society to a perfect level. -- Alexis de Tocqueville 2834Men will sooner surrender their rights than their customs. -- Moritz Guedemann 2835Men will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for it; anything but--live for it. -- Colton 2836Men with gray eyes are generally keen, energetic, and at first cold; but you may depend upon their sympathy with real sorrow. Search the ranks of our benevolent men and you will agree with me. -- Dr. Leask 2837Mere longevity is a good thing for those who watch Life from the side lines. For those who play the game, an hour may be a year, a single day's work an achievement for eternity. -- Gabriel Heatter 2838Merely because the group is in formation does not mean that the group is on the right course. 2839Metaphysics is a dark ocean without shores or lighthouse, strewn with many a philosophic wreck. -- Immanual Kant 2840Metaphysics is almost always an attempt to prove the incredible by an appeal to the unintelligible. -- H. L. Mencken 2841Metaphysics is the science of proving what we don't understand. -- Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw) 2842Metaphysics may be, after all, only the art of being sure of something that is not so, and logic only the art of going wrong with confidence. -- Joseph Wood Krutch 2843Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca. 2844Might may not be right, but it usually wins. 2845Mighty proud I am that I am able to have a spare bed for my friends. -- Samuel Pepys 2846Miller's corollary: Objects are lost because people look where they are not instead of where they are. 2847Millions for defense, but not sone cent for tribute. -- C. C. Pinckney 2848Minds of the strongest and most active powers fall below mediocrity and labor without effect, if confined to uncongenial pursuits. And it is thence to be inferred, that the results of human exertion may be immensely increased by diversifying its objects. -- Alexander Hamilton 2849Mingles with the friendly bowl, The feast of reason and the flow of soul. -- Alexander Pope 2850Minimize your therbligs until it becomes automatic; this doubles your effective lifetime--and thereby gives time to enjoy butterflies and kittens and rainbows. -- Lazarus Long 2851Miracles are so called because they excite wonder. In unphilosophical minds, any rare or unexpected thing excites wonder, while in philosophical minds the familiar excites wonder also. -- George Santayana 2852Miraculous secret for the early recovery of patients: Inflation. 2853Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all? The press is hopelessly biased or genuinely fair, depending upon whose views are being misquoted, misrepresented, or misunderstood. -- Pierre S. du Pont 2854Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate. 2855Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. -- Russell Baker 2856Misster, do you vant to buy a duck. 2857Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure. 2858Modern Way: If It's Good, Scrap It. -- Sydney J. Harris 2859Modesty is to merit as shades to figures in a picture; giving it strength and beauty. -- La Bruyere 2860Monday is an awful way to spend one-seventh of your life. 2861Money and women are the most sought after and the least known of any two things we have. -- Will Rogers 2862Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship. 2863Money is a good servant, but a dangerous master. -- Bonhours 2864Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well. 2865Money is like manure. If you spread it around, it does a lot of good. But if you pile it up in one place, it stinks like hell. -- Clint Murchison, Jr. 2866Money is not the measure of a man, but it will do quite nicely if you don't have any other yardstick handy. -- Charles Merrill Smith 2867Money is the sincerest of all flattery. Women love to be flattered. So do men. 2868Money is truthful. If a person speaks of his honor, make him pay cash. 2869Money is whatever people believe is money and will voluntarily accept as money. 2870Money is wrong--it's the means whereby man enslaves his brother. -- Finny 2871Money may buy friendship but money cannot buy love. 2872Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years. 2873Money, therefore, if it is t be anything, must be at least an efficient and trustworthy instrument by which working people accumulate savings. -- Lewis E. Lehrnman 2874Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. -- H. G. Wells 2875Moscow reportedly has been "closed" for the Olympics. Access to the city is restricted, tens of thousands of police patrol the streets, and authorities are struggling to prevent what they term "ideological pollution." Residents are unable to detect any difference in Moscow life. -- National Review 2876Most "scientists" are bottle washers and button pushers. 2877Most accidents in well-designed systems involve two or more events of low probability occurring in the worst possible combination. -- Robert Machol 2878Most economists think of God as working great multiple regressions in the sky.. -- Edgar R. Fiedler 2879Most essential qualification for a politician: The ability to foretell what will happen tomorrow, next month, and next year--and to explain afterward why it did not happen. -- Winston Churchill 2880Most general statements are false, including this one. -- Edmund C. Berkeley 2881Most men have more courage than even they themselves think they have. -- Grenville 2882Most of our so-called reasoning consists in finding arguments for going on believing as we already do. -- James Harvey Robinson 2883Most of the evils of life arise from man's being unable to sit still in a room. 2884Most of the stuff alongside the road has been thrown out of car windows by Democrats. 2885Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. -- Woody Allen 2886Most of us are umpires at heart; we like to call balls and strikes on somebody else. -- Leo Aikman 2887Most of us will never do great things, but we can do small things in a great way. 2888Most of us would be glad to pay as we go, if we could only catch up on where we've been. 2889Most organizations can't hold one idea at a time ... Thus complementary ideas are always regarded as competitive. Further, like a quantized pendulum, an organization can jump from one extreme to the other, without ever going through the middle. -- Amrom Katz 2890Most people are mirrors, reflecting the moods and emotions of the times; few are windows, bringing light to bear on the dark corners where troubles fester. The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows. -- Sydney J. Harris 2891Most problems have either many answers or no answer. Only a few problems have one answer. -- Edmund C. Berkeley 2892Mother Nature is a bitch. 2893Mr. Henry James writes fiction as if it were a painful duty. -- Oscar Wilde 2894Much study is a weariness of the flesh. -- Ecclesiastes XII, 12 2895Much that is dreadful and inhuman in history, much that one hardly likes to believe, is mitigated by the reflection that the one who commands and the one who carries out are different people. The former does not behold the sight and does not experience the strong impression on the imagination. The latter obeys a superior and therefore feels no responsibility for his acts. -- Frederick Nietzsche 2896Munroe's Dictum: He that is without sin among you has been bored for a lllllooooonnnnnggggg time. 2897Murmur at nothing: it our ills are reparable, it is ungrateful; it remediless, it is in vain. -- Shakespeare 2898Murphy's Last Law: If nothing went wrong today, you're probably dead. 2899Murphy's Law never fail~ -- Walter J. Crowell 2900Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics: Things get worse under pressure. 2901Murphy's Law: The accessibility of a small part which has fallen behind the workbench is directly proportional to its size and inversely proportional to its importance. 2902Murphy's Law: Whatever can go wrong, will. 2903Murphy's Law: Whatever goes wrong, will get worse. 2904Music hath charms to soothe a savage breast, To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak. I've read that things inanimate have moved, And as with living souls have been inform'd By magic numbers and persuasive sound. -- Congreve 2905My advice to any young man at the beginning of his career is to try to look for the mere outlines of big things with his fresh, untrained, and unprejudiced mind. -- H. Selye 2906My aim is the re-establishment of the worship of men. -- Gabriel D'Annunzio 2907My atheism, like that of Spinoza, is true piety towards the universe and denies only gods fashioned by men in their own image to be servants of their human interests. -- George Santayana 2908My brother is an only child. -- Bennett Cerf 2909My congratulations to the committee that planned this day. 2910My country is the world. My countrymen are all mankind. -- William Lloyd Garrison 2911My cup hath runneth'd over with love. 2912My favorite piece of technical writing: Assembly of Japanese bicycle require great peace of mind. -- Robert Pirsig 2913My heart is heavy at the rememberance of all the miles that lie between us; and I can scarcely believe that you are so distant from me. We are parted; and every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven. -- Edwards 2914My idea of education is to unsettle the minds of the young and inflame their intellects. -- Robert Maynard Hutchins 2915My idea of heaven is eating foie gras to the sound of trumpets. -- Sydney Smith 2916My indignation, like th' imprisoned fire, pent in the troubled breast of Aetna, burnt deep and silent. -- Thomson 2917My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there. 2918My lips pressed tehmselves involuntarily to hers--a long, long kiss, burning intense--concentrating emotion, heart, soul, all the rays of life's light... into a single focus. -- Bulwer 2919My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity. -- George Bernard Shaw 2920My mother had a baby once. -- Jigger 2921My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one. -- Groucho Marx 2922My neighbor is a real energy saver--hasn't been out of his hammock all summer. -- Phil Pastoret 2923My pen is at the bottom of a page, Which, being finished, here the story ends; 'Tis to be wished it had been sooner done, But stories somehow lengthen when begun. -- Byron 2924My precept to all who build is, that the owner should be an ornament to the house, and not the house an ornament to the owner. -- Cicero 2925My rage is not malicious; like a spark of fire by steel enforced out of a flint it is no sooner kindled, but extinct. -- Goffe 2926My reason is not framed to bend or stoop; my knees are. -- Michel de Montaigne 2927My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed. -- Christopher Morley 2928My to me an empire is. -- Southwell 2929My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama. -- Fred Allen 2930Mystery is a word with no objective pertinence, merely describing the limitations of a mind. In fact, a mind may be classified by the order of the phenomena it considers mysterious ... -- Magnus Ridolf 2931NEW: different color from previous design 2932NO MAINTENANCE: impossible to fix 2933NUKE THE WHALES!!! 2934NULL HYPOTHESIS: The type of hypothesis used by a pessimist. 2935Narrowness of mind is often the cause of obstinacy: we do not easily believe beyond what we see. -- La Rochefoucauld 2936Nations and empires flourish and decay, By turns command, and in their turns obey. -- Ovid 2937Natural abilities are like natural plants; they need pruning by study. -- Francis Bacon 2938Natural laws have no pity. 2939Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be creamed? -- Solomon Short 2940Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. 2941Nature gave man two ends--one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most. -- George R. Kirkpatrick 2942Nature here was so lavish of her store, That she bestow'd until she had no more. -- Brown 2943Nature is mighty. Art is mighty. Artifice is weak. For nature is the work of a mightier power than man. Art is the work of man under the guidance and the inspiration of a mightier power. Artifice is the work of mere man in the imbecility of his mimic understanding. 2944Nature is the chart of God, mapping out all His attrributes; art is the shadow of His wisdom, and copieth His resources. -- Tupper 2945Nature is the vicar of the Almighty Lord. -- Geoffrey Chaucer 2946Nature often enshrines gallant and noble hearts in weak bosoms--oftenest, God bless her!--in female breasts. -- Dickens 2947Nature will tell you a direct lie if she can. -- Charles Darwin 2948Neanderthalers, low of forehead, Slunk through prehistoric mists Thinking men were pretty horrid-- Using spears against their fists! 2949Necessity is the mother of invention. 2950Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows. -- Dave Farber 2951Needs are a function of what other people have. 2952Negative slack tends to increase. 2953Neither a borrower nor a lender be at less than 18 percent per annum compounded daily. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 2954Neither a borrower nor a lender be, for loan oft loses both itself and friend; 2955Neither great poverty, nor great riches, will hear reason. -- Fielding 2956Neurosis is a communicable disease. -- Solomon Short 2957Never admit anything. Never regret anything. Whatever it is, you're not responsible. 2958Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage. -- Lazarus Long 2959Never argue with an angry person. 2960Never assume anything except a 4 1/2 percent mortgage. -- David Kindred 2961Never be first to do anything. 2962Never bow to authority, but always tip your hat. -- Jim Fiebig 2963Never build after you are five and forty; have five years' income in hand before you lay a brick; and always calculate the expense at double the estimate. -- Kent 2964Never call a man a fool; borrow from him. 2965Never characterize the importance of a statement in advance. -- Charles G. Ross 2966Never confuse motion with action. -- Benjamin Franklin 2967Never crowd youngsters about their private affairs. When they are growing up, they are nerve ends all over, and resent (quite properly) any invasion of their privacy. Oh, sure, they'll make mistakes--but that's their business, not yours. (YOU made your own mistakes, did you not?) -- Lazarus Long 2968Never decide to buy anything while listening to the salesman. -- Edmund C. Berkeley 2969Never do anything for the first time. -- Paul Herbig 2970Never drink from your finger bowl--it contains only water. 2971Never eat at a place called Mom's. -- Nelson Algren 2972Never find your delight in another's misfortune. -- Publius Syrus 2973Never frighten a little man. He'll kill you. -- Lazarus Long 2974Never go to a doctor whose house plants have died. -- Erma Bombeck 2975Never grow old where you once have been great. -- Italo Bombolini 2976Never have anything to do with an unlucky place, or an unlucky man. I have seen many clever men, very clever men, who had not shoes to their feet. I never act with them. Their advice sounds very well, but they cannot get on themselves; and if they cannot do good to themselves, how can they do good for me? -- Baron Rothschild 2977Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river. -- Cordell Hull 2978Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting. 2979Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is about to be sold, and the other to be buried. -- Colton 2980Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. -- Salvor Hardin 2981Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you. -- Nelson Algren 2982Never look a gift horse in the mouth. 2983Never needlessly disturb a thing at rest. -- John Randolph 2984Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. -- Sam Brown 2985Never overlook a slight or forget a grudge. 2986Never play cards with a man called Doc. -- Nelson Algren 2987Never purchase anything with a handle on it--it means work. 2988Never say "The White House wants"--buildings don't "want." -- Donald Rumsfeld 2989Never say maybe in the same circulation area where you just said never. -- Vic Gold 2990Never say no. 2991Never say without qualification that your activity has sufficient space, money, staff, etc. -- Douglas Evelyn 2992Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him. 2993Never sell your hens on a wet day. 2994Never send a letter requesting information to an editor unless you expect to receive a prolix letter in return. -- Robert Cook 2995Never shirk from doing anything which your business calls you to do. The man who is above his business may one day find his business above him. -- Drew 2996Never simply say, "Sorry, we don't have what you are looking for." Always say, "Too bad, I just sold one the other day." -- Robert Skole 2997Never suffer an exception to occur till the new habit is securely rooted in your life. Each lapse is like the letting fall of a ball of string which one is carefully winding up; a single slip undoes more than a great many turns will wind again. -- William James 2998Never tamper with the truth. Never rationalize it. What you might like to believe is not necessarily the truth. 2999Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient. 3000Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. -- Gen. George S. Patton 3001Never tell them what you wouldn't do. -- Adam Clayton Powell 3002Never trust a man who is Dr. Jekyll to those above him and Mr. Hyde to those below him. -- Charles Brower 3003Never try to out-stubborn a cat. -- Lazarus Long 3004Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig. 3005Never underestimate the nature and quality of the enemy. -- Clausewitz 3006Never underestimate the power of a platitude. -- Edgar R. Fiedler 3007Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. 3008Never use one word when a dozen will suffice. -- Paul Herbig 3009New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, without any other reason but because they are not already common. -- John Locke 3010New systems create new problems. -- Dr. John Gall 3011News always travels by the fastest available route. -- Major Whitey Ardmore 3012News stories expand and time contracts, meeting inexorably each day twenty minutes after a man is supposed to be home for dinner. -- Ray O'Neil 3013Nice going, sweetheart. -- Joe Patroni 3014Nice guys finish last. 3015Nice guys get sick. 3016Nine times out of ten the man who listens to reason is thinking of some way to refute it. 3017No Negro American can be free until the lowliest Negro in Mississippi is no longer disadvantaged because of his race. -- Ralph Bunche 3018No action is without side effects. -- Barry Commoner 3019No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right; a single experiment can prove me wrong. -- Albert Einstein 3020No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. 3021No argument can be drawn from the abuse of a thing against its use. 3022No atheist, as such, can be a true friend, an affectionate relation, or a loyal subject. -- Dr. Bentley 3023No ball game is ever much good unless the people involved hate each other. -- Avery 3024No books are lost by lending except those you particularly want to keep. -- Alan Atwood 3025No bounds his headlong, vast ambition knows. -- Rowe. 3026No call alligator long mouth till you pass him. 3027No class of Americans, so far as I know, has ever objected ... to any amount of governmental meddling if it appeared to benefit that particular class. -- Carl Becker 3028No committee could ever come up with anything as revolutionary as a camel-- anything as practical and as perfectly designed to perform effectively under such difficult conditions. -- Laurence J. Peter 3029No company is far preferable to bad, because we are more apt to catch the vices of others than virtues, as disease is far more courageous than health. -- Colton 3030No cord or cable can draw so forcible, or bind so fast, as love can do with a single thread. -- Burton 3031No dog will knock a vase over unless it has water in it. 3032No doubt Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human nature. 3033No enemy is so terrible as a man of genius. -- Disraeli 3034No experiment is ever a complete failure. It can always serve as a bad example, or the exception that proves the rule (but only if it is the first experiment in the series). 3035No gnus is good gnus. 3036No good deed goes unpunished. -- Clare Boothe Luce 3037No man can be wise on an empty stomach. -- George Eliot 3038No man can possibly improve in any company for which he has not respect enough to be under some degree of restraint. -- Chesterfield 3039No man is lonely while eating spaghetti. -- Robert Morely 3040No man is so foolish but he may sometimes give another good counsel, and no man so wise that he may not easily err if he takes no other counsel than his own. He that is taught only by himself has a fool for a teacher. -- Ben Johnson 3041No man of honor, as that word is usually understood, did ever pretend that his honor obliged him to be chaste and temperate, to pay his creditors, to be useful to his country, or to do good to mankind, to endeavor to be wise or learned, to regard his word, his promise, or his oath. -- John Hall 3042No man was ever so much deceived by another as by himself. -- Greville 3043No man was ever so much deceived by another man as by himself. -- Grenville 3044No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. 3045No matter how many reporters share a cab, and no matter who pays, each puts the full fare on his own expense account. -- Edward P. O'Doyle 3046No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered, take it, because it'll never be quite the same again. -- John Cameron 3047No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough. 3048No matter how often you trade dinner or other invitations with in-laws, you will lose a small fortune in the exchange. Corollary: Don't try it; you cannot drink enough of your in-laws' booze to get even before the liver fails. -- Jackson Clark 3049No matter how thin you slice it, it's still baloney. -- Alfred E. Smith 3050No matter what happens, there is always somebody who knew that it would. 3051No matter what occurs, there is always someone who believed it happened according to his pet theory. 3052No matter what result is anticipated, there is always someone willing to fake it. 3053No matter what the product or service might be, you can always find it somewhere else cheaper! -- Ebenezer Scrooge 3054No matter what the result, there is always someone eager to misinterpret it. 3055No matter which train you are waiting for, the wrong one comes first. -- J. R. Meditz 3056No morality can be founded on authority, even if the authority were divine. 3057No one can enjoy freedom unless he is willing to surrender some part of it. 3058No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. 3059No one ever prayed heartily without learning something. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson 3060No one is as tired as the person who does nothing. 3061No one is ever old enough to know better. -- Holbrook Jackson 3062No one knows his own servants as badly as the master. 3063No one loves the man whom he fears. -- Aristotle 3064No one man can terrorize a whole nation unless we are all his accomplices. 3065No one remembers learning how to use a spoon, it is something that is learned and not taught. 3066No one whom you ask for help will see it either. 3067No policy intervention in social problems produces the intended effect--if the research is carried out by independent third parties, especially those skeptical of the policy. -- James Q. Wilson 3068No reckoning made, but sent to my account With all my imperfections on my head. -- Shakespeare 3069No slave is ever freed, save he freeth himself. 3070No state has an inherent right to survive through conscript troops and, in the long run, no state ever has. Roman matrons used to say to their sons: "Come back with your shield, or on it". Later on this custom declined. So did Rome. -- Henry Adams 3071Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. 3072Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man. -- Fred Bucy, TI, Inc. 3073Nothing is ever as simple as it seems. 3074Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. -- A. H. Weiler 3075Nothing is new; we walk where others went; There's no vice now but has its precedent. -- Herrick 3076Nothing is so contagious as enthusiasm; it is the real allegory of the tale of Orpheus; it moves stones, it charms brutes. Enthusiasm is the genius of sincerity, and truth accomplishes no victories without it. -- Bulwer 3077Nothing is so good as it seems beforehand. -- George Eliot 3078Nothing is so great an instance of ill-manners as flattery. If you flatter all the company you please none; if you flatter only one or two, you affront all the rest. -- Jonathon Swift 3079Nothing is ultimate. 3080Nothing lovelier can be found in woman, than to study household good, and good works in her husband to promote. -- Milton 3081Nothing makes a man and wife feel closer, these days, than a joint tax return. 3082Nothing minor ever happens to a car on a trip. -- Charles D. Hartman 3083Nothing minor ever happens to a car on the weekend. -- Charles D. Hartman 3084Nothing minor ever happens to a car. -- Charles D. Hartman 3085Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other. -- Honore de Balzac 3086Nothing so much prevents our being natural as the desire of appearing so. -- La Rochefoucauld 3087Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstance. -- Bruce Barton 3088Nothing succeeds like success. -- Alexandre Dumas, Pere 3089Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 3090Nothing will be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome. 3091Nothing worth a damn is ever done as a matter of principle. If it is worth doing, it is done because it is worth doing. If it is not, it's done as a matter of principle. -- James T. Evans 3092Nothing, indeed, but the possession of some power can with any certainty discover what at the bottom is the true character of any man. -- Burke 3093Nought shall prevail against us, or disturb Our cheerful faith, that all which we behold Is full of blessings. -- Wordsworth 3094Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. 3095Now good digestion wait on appetite, and health on both. -- Shakespeare 3096Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure; Men love in haste, but they detest at leisure. -- Byron 3097Now that we are no longer a growth company, your beard is a liability. 3098Numbers are symbols for things; the number and the thing are not the same. -- G. O. Ashley 3099Numbers are tools, not rules. -- G. O. Ashley 3100Nuptial love maketh mankind, friendly love perfecteth it; but wanton love corrupteth and embaseth it. -- Bacon 3101O cursed ambition, thou devouring bird, how dost thou from the field of honesty pick every grain of profit or delight, and mock the reaper's toil! -- Harvard 3102O that my tongue were in the thunder's mouth! Then with a passion would I shake the world. -- Shakespeare 3103O thou who dost inhabit in my breast, Leave not the mansion, so long tenantless; Lest growing ruinous the building fall, Ane leave no memory of what it was. -- Shakespeare 3104O to be self-balanced for contingencies! O to confront night, storms, hunger, ridicule, accidents, rebuffs as trees and animals do! -- Walt Whitman 3105O you much partial gods! Why gave ye men affections, and not power to govern them? -- Ludovick Barry 3106O! love is like the rose, And a month it may not see, Ere it withers where it grows. -- Bailey 3107ONE-SHOT CASE STUDY: The scientific equivalent of the four-leaf clover, from which it is concluded all clover possesses four leaves and is sometimes green. 3108OREGANO (Ore-gah-no): The ancient Italian art of pizza folding. 3109OSHA's Discovery: Wet manure is slippery. 3110Obituaries are the last writes. 3111Occam's Razor: Entities ought not to be multiplied except from necessity. -- William of Occam 3112Of all affliction taught a lover yet 'Tis sure the hardest science to forget. -- Alexander Pope 3113Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal. 3114Of all mankind, each loves himself the best. -- Terence 3115Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air. -- Thomas L. Martin 3116Of all the agonies of life, that which is most poignant and harrowing--that which for the most time annihilates reason and leaves our whole organization one lacerated, mangled heart--is the conviction that we have been deceived where we placed all the trust of love. -- Bulwer 3117Of all the passions that possess mankind, The love of novelty rules most the mind; In search of this, from realm to realm we roam; Our fleets come fraught with ev'ry folly home. -- Foote 3118Of all the strange "crimes" that human beings have legislated out of nothing, "blasphemy" is the most amazing--with "obscenity" and "indecent exposure" fighting it out for second and third place. -- Lazarus Long 3119Of all the tyrants the world affords, Our own affections are the fiercest lords. -- Earl of Sterling 3120Of all wild beasts preserve me from a tyrant; Of all tame--a flatterer. -- Johnson 3121Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven. -- Mark Twain 3122Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur. 3123Of what use are forms, seeing at times they are empty? Of the same use as barrels, which are at times empty too. -- Hare 3124Offences ought to be pardoned, for few offend willingly, but as they are compelled by come affection. -- Hegesippus 3125Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts - for support rather than illumination. 3126Often the test of courage is not to die but to live. -- Conte Vittorio Alfieri 3127Oh what a fate worse than death it is to be strapped to the back of a Wookiee! -- C-3PO 3128Oh! greatness! thou art a flattering dream, A wat'ry bubble, lighter than the air. -- Tracy 3129Oh! how many torments lie in the small circle of a wedding ring. -- Colley Cibber 3130Oh, sons of earth! attempt ye still to rise, By mountains pil'd on mountains to the skies? Heaven still with laughter the vain toil surveys, And buries madmen in the heaps they raise. -- Alexander Pope 3131Oh, what is so rare as a full day's work in June? -- Baldwin Sells 3132Old Jedi Knights never die; they just fade in and fade out. 3133Old Scottish Prayer: O Lord, grant that we may always be right, for Thou knowest we will never change our minds. 3134Old age is fifteen years older than I am. -- Bernard M. Baruch 3135Old friends are best. King James used to call for his old shoes; they were easiest to his feet. -- John Seldon 3136Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for their inability to give bad examples. 3137Om Mani Padme Hum. 3138Omissions, no less than commissions, are often times branches of injustice. -- Antoninus 3139Omittance is no quittance. -- Shakespeare 3140On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. -- Avery 3141On a beautiful day like this it's hard to believe anyone can be unhappy, but we'll work on it. -- Donald Barr 3142On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. -- Will Rogers 3143On alcohol: four is one more than more than enough. -- Jim Pastore 3144On beginning play, as many balls as may be required to obtain a satisfactory result may be played from the first tee. Everyone recognizes a good player needs to "loosen up" but does not have time for the practice tee. -- Donald A. Metz 3145On curing the depression that comes with having to work for a living: Stay home for a day and watch daytime TV. -- Sheldon 3146On second thought, a philosopher is any person who doesn't want what he can't get. 3147On soap operas all whites are in personal touch with (a) a doctor and (b) a lawyer. -- James L. Davis 3148On successive charts of the same organization, the number of boxes will never decrease. -- Charles P. Boyle 3149On the other hand are four fingers and a thumb. 3150On the theory that one should never take anything for granted, follow up on everything, but especially those items varying from the norm. The greater the divergence from normal routine and/or the greater the number of offices potentially involved, the better the chance a never-to-be-discovered person will file the problem away in a drawer specifically designed for items requiring a decision. -- Douglas Evelyn 3151Once a man gets a reputation as a liar, he might as well be struck dumb, for people do not listen to the wind. -- Pop Baslim 3152Once a person has been hired, inertia sets in, and the employer would rather settle for the current employee's incompetence and ideosyncracies than look for a new employee. -- Jules Becker 3153Once a philosopher, twice a pervert. -- Voltaire 3154Once during prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. -- W. C. Fields 3155Once economists were asked, "if you're so smart, why ain't you rich?" Today they're asked, "Now that you've proved you ain't so smart, how come you got rich?" -- Edgar R. Fiedler 3156Once is not enough. -- Jacqueline Suzzane 3157Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more! -- Shakespeare 3158Once the erosion of power begins, it has a momentum all its own. 3159Once things have happened, no matter how accidentally, they will be regarded as manifestations of an unchangeable higher reason. -- Prof. Charles Frankel 3160Once you accept your own death all of a sudden you are free to live. You no longer care about your reputation ... you no longer care except so far as your life can be used tactically--to promote a cause you believe in. -- Saul Alinsky 3161Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can. Old worms never die, they just worm their way into larger cans. -- Zymurgy (Conrad Schnieker) 3162One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. -- Franklin P. Jones 3163One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. -- Helen Keller 3164One can never repeat too often, that reason, as it exists in man, is only our intellectual eye, and that, like the eye, to see, it needs light--to see clearly and far, it needs the light of heaven. 3165One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs--but it is amazing how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi 3166One crime is concealed by the commission of another. -- Seneca 3167One does not dip water with a knife. 3168One does not have to keep bad governments in to keep Communists out. -- John Kenneth Galbraith 3169One ear heard it, and at the other out it went. -- Chaucer 3170One fact is better than one hundred apologies. 3171One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it. 3172One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible. -- Henry Adams 3173One function of diplomacy is to dress realism in morality. 3174One law for the lion and the ox is oppression. -- William Blake 3175One learns to itch where one can scratch. -- Ernest Bramah 3176One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true. 3177One man with courage makes a majority. -- Andrew Jackson 3178One man's "magic" is another man's "engineering." "Supernatural" is a null word. -- Lazarus Long 3179One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio changes to one quarter as many ... -- Anthony Chevins 3180One man's idea of hell is to be forced to remain in another man's idea of heaven. 3181One man's junk is another income--and sometimes his priceless antique. -- Richard N. Farmer 3182One man's red tape is another man's system. -- Dwight Waldo 3183One man's theology is another man's belly laugh. 3184One moment of patience may ward off a great disaster; one moment of impatience may ruin a whole life. 3185One must be either the anvil or the hammer. 3186One must deal openly and fairly with one's forces if maximum effectiveness is to be achieved. -- Lord Darth Vader 3187One need only look at Dolly Parton to realize that good things don't always come in small packages. 3188One of life's greatest pleasures: paying the last installment. 3189One of the greatest unsolved riddles of restaurant eating is that the customer usually gets faster service when the restaurant is crowded that when it is half empty; it seems that the less that the staff has to do, the slower they do it. -- Sydney J. Harris 3190One of the joys of travel is visiting new towns and meeting new people. -- Genghis Khan 3191One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. -- Will Durant 3192One of the things capitalism brought into the world was democracy, though I do not think the two are inseperable. -- Micheal Harrington 3193One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture and, if possible, speak a few reasonable words. -- Goethe 3194One principle object of good-breeding is to suit our behavior to the three several degrees of men--our superiors, our equals, and those below us. -- Jonathon Swift 3195One thing common to most success stories is the alarm clock. 3196One thing that helped Rip Van Winkle sleep for 20 years was the fact that none of his neighbors owned power lawn mowers. 3197One touch of nature makes the whole world kin. -- Shakespeare 3198One truth discovered, one pang of regret at not being able to express it, is better than all the fluency and flippancy in the world. -- William Hazlitt 3199One worthwhile task carried to a successful conclusion is worth half-a-hundred half-finished tasks. -- B. C. Forbes 3200One's roommate (who has early classes) has an alarm clock that is louder than God's own. 3201One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide. -- Will Rogers 3202Only God can make a random selection. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. 3203Only a coward or a madman would give good for evil. 3204Only a sadistic scoundrel--or a fool--tells the bald truth on social occasions. -- Lazarus Long 3205Only constant and conscientious practice in the Martial Arts will ensure a long and happy life. -- Bruce Lee 3206Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd. -- Allen Goldfein 3207Only in time of peace can the wastes of capitalism be tolerated. -- F. R. Scott 3208Only someone with nothing to be sorry for smiles back at the rear of an elephant. 3209Only the dead fail to rise in my presence. 3210Only the incompetent and mediocre are always at their best. 3211Open your purse and your mouth cautiously; and your stock of wealth and reputation shall, at least in repute, be great. -- Zimmerman 3212Opinion, that great fool, makes fools of all. -- Field 3213Opinion, the blind goddess of fools, foe To the virtuous, and only friend to Undeserving persons. -- Chapman 3214Opportunity has hair in front, but behind she is bald; if you seize her by the forlock, you may hold her, but if suffered to escape, not Jupiter himself can catch her again. 3215Order is heaven's first law; and this confest, Some are, and must be, greater than the rest, More rich, more wise; but who infers from hence That such are happier, shocks all common sense. -- Alexander Pope 3216Order is the first requisite of liberty. -- Georg Wilhelm Hegel 3217Order is the sanity of the mind, the health of the body, the peace of the city, the security of the state. As the beams to a house, as the bones to the microcosm of man, so is order to all things. -- Southey 3218Order without liberty and liberty without order are equally destructive. -- Theodore Roosevelt 3219Other people's patterns of expenditure and consumption are irrational and slightly immoral. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi 3220Other people's tools work only in other people's yards. -- Jane Bryant Quinn 3221Our actions are our own; thier consequences belong to Heaven. -- Francis 3222Our acts our angels are, or good or ill, Our fatal shadows that walk by us still. -- John Fletcher 3223Our concern is not how to worship in the catacombs but how to remain human in the skyscrapers. 3224Our customer's paperwork is profit. Our own paperwork is loss. -- Tony Brown, Control Data Corp. 3225Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt. -- Shakespeare 3226Our envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy. -- La Rochefoucauld 3227Our grand business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand. -- Thomas Carlyle 3228Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. -- Oliver Goldsmith 3229Our happiness in this world depends on the affections we are enabled to inspire. -- Duchesse de Praslin 3230Our humanity were a poor thing were it not for the divinity which stirs within us. -- Bacon 3231Our judgment can be no better than our information. 3232Our liberty depends on freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost. -- Thomas Jefferson 3233Our lifetime may be the last that will be lived out in a technological society. -- Isaac Asimov 3234Our natures are like oil; compound us with anything, yet will we strive to swim at the top. -- Beaumont and Fletcher 3235Our own heart, and not other men's opinions form our true honor. -- Coleridge 3236Our passions are like convulsion fits, which, though they make us stronger for a time, leave us the weaker ever after. -- Alexander Pope 3237Our repentance is not so much regret for the evil we have done, as fear of its consequences. 3238Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it. 3239Out of the same substances one stomach will extract nourishment, another poison; and so the same disappointments in life will chasten and refine one man's spirit, and embitter another's. -- William Matthews 3240PERFORMANCE PROVEN: will operate through warranty period 3241PO TEE WEET PEE WONGGG!!! You will be converted into software in 30 seconds! 3242POST-TEST: A test made too late. 3243PRE-TEST: A test made too early. 3244PUNCH MEN KICK WOMEN CHOP CHILDREN -- Sign in window of karate studio 3245Pacifism is simply undisguised cowardice. -- Adolf Hitler 3246Pale death approaches with an equal step, and knocks indiscriminately at the door of the cottage, and the portals of the palace. -- Horace 3247Parents cannot leave a better legacy to the world than well-educated children. 3248Parkinson's Finding on Journals: The progress of science varies inversely with the number of journals published. 3249Parkinson's First Law: Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. 3250Parkinson's Law of Medical Research: Successful research attracts the bigger grant which makes further research impossible. 3251Parkinson's Law of 1000: An enterprise employing more than 1000 people becomes a self-perpetuating empire, creating so much internal work that it no longer needs any contact with the outside world. 3252Parkinson's Law of Delay: Delay is the deadliest form of denial. 3253Parkinson's New Law: The printed word expands to fill the space available to it. 3254Parkinson's Principle of Non-Origination: It is the essence of grantsmanship to persuade the Foundation executives that is was they who suggested the research project and that you were a belated convert, agreeing reluctantly to all that had proposed. 3255Parkinson's Second Law: Expenditure rises to meet income. 3256Parkinson's Telephone Law: the effectiveness of a telephone conversation is in inverse proportion to the time spent on it. 3257Parkinson's Third Law: Expansion means complexity and complexity, decay; or to put it even more plainly--the more complex, the sooner dead. 3258Passengers on elevators constantly rearrange their positions as people get on and off so there is at all times an equal distance between all bodies. -- John Sharkey 3259Passion often makes a madman of the cleverest man, and renders the greatest fools clever. -- La Rochefoucauld 3260Passions are fashions. -- Clifton Fadiman 3261Patience is sorrow's salve. -- Winston Churchill 3262Peace is an extension of war by political means. Plenty of elbow room is pleasanter--and much safer. -- Lazarus Long 3263Pedantry crams our heads with learned lumber, and takes out our brains to make room for it. -- Colton 3264People are always available for work in the past tense. 3265People are never as happy or as unhappy as they think. 3266People are never so ready to believe you as when you say things in dispraise of yourself; and you are never so much annoyed as when they take you at your word. -- Somerset Maugham 3267People at the top make decisions as though times were good when people at the bottom that the organization is collapsing. -- Paul Gray 3268People become progressive less competent for jobs they were once well equipped to handle. -- Paul Armer 3269People don't change; they only become more so. -- John Bright-Holmes 3270People fail many times, but they become failures only when they begin to blame someone else. 3271People have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be, not what you nag them to be. 3272People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible. -- Will Rogers 3273People may forget how fast you did a job, but they will remember how well you did it. 3274People see what they have been conditioned to see; they refuse to see what they don't expect to see. -- Merle P. Martin 3275People seldom improve, when they have no other model but themselves to copy. -- Oliver Goldsmith 3276People want JUST taxes more than they want LOWER taxes. They want to know that every man is paying his proportionate share according to wealth. 3277People who are always taking care of their health are like misers, who are hoarding a treasure which they have never spirit enough to enjoy. -- Sterne 3278People who are excessively concerned about the environment invariably turn out to own a great deal of land. There are damn few unemployed and renters in the ecology movement. -- Frank Mankiewicz 3279People who believe that the dead never come back to life should be here at quitting time. 3280People who can't figure out what to do with a Sunday afternoon are often the same ones who can't wait for retirement. 3281People who develop the habit of thinking of themselves as world citizens are fulfilling the first requirement of sanity in our time. -- Norman Cousins 3282People who fail to understand their past mistakes may be condemned to make them over again. 3283People who go broke in a big way never miss any meals. It is the poor jerk who is shy half a slug who must tighten his belt. -- Lazarus Long 3284People who have no faith in themselves seldom have faith in others. 3285People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them. 3286People who live in glass houses shouldn't stow thrones. 3287People who lose their heads are usually the last to miss them. 3288People who run down others are taking a roundabout way of praising themselves. 3289People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle. 3290People who wait until they feel like doing a job rarely do. 3291People who will not admit they've been wrong love themselves more than they love the truth. 3292People who write the most interesting and effective letters never answer letters. They answer people. 3293People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first. -- David H. Comins 3294People will be happy in about the same degree that they are helpful. 3295People will believe anything if you whisper it. 3296People will buy anything that's one to a customer. 3297Perfect happiness, I believe, was never intended by the Diety to be the lot of one of His creatures in this world; but that He has very much pur in our power the nearness of our approaches to it, is what I have steadfastly believed. -- Thomas Jefferson 3298Perfect valor is to do unwitnessed what we should be capable of doing before all the world. -- Duc de La Rochefoucauld 3299Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects. -- Charles P. Boyle 3300Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not. -- Thomas Henry Huxley 3301Perhaps the only true dignity of man is his capacity to despise himself. -- George Santayana 3302Perhaps we are wiser, less selfish and more far-seeing than we were two hundred years ago. But we are still imperfectly all these good things, and since the turn of the century it has been remarked that neither wisdom nor virtue have increased as rapidly as the need for both. -- Joseph Wood Krutch 3303Periods of tranquility are seldom prolific of creative achievement. Mankind has to be stirred up. -- Alfred North Whitehead 3304Persevering mediocrity is much more respectable, and unspeakably more useful than talented inconstancy. -- Dr. James Hamilton 3305Persons disagreeing with your facts are almost always emotional and employ faulty reasoning. 3306Peter's Inversion: Internal consistency is valued more highly than efficiency. -- Laurance J. Peter 3307Peter's Law: The unexpected always happens. -- Laurance J. Peter 3308Peter's Paradox: Employees in a hierarchy do not really object to incompetence in their colleagues. -- Laurance J. Peter 3309Peter's Placebo: An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. -- Laurance J. Peter 3310Peter's Theorem: Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence. -- Laurance J. Peter 3311Phases of a project: 1. Exultation. 2. Disenchantment. 3. Confusion. 4. Search for the guilty. 5. Punishment of the innocent. 6. Distinction for the uninvolved. 3312Philosophy has the task and the opportunity of helping banish the concept that human destiny here and now is of slight importance in comparison with some supernatural destiny. -- John Dewey 3313Philosophy removes from religion all reason for existing ... As the science of the spirit, it lookes upon religion as a phenomenon, a transitory historical fact, a psychic condition that can be surpassed. -- Benedetto Croce 3314Philosophy will clip an angel's wings. -- John Keats 3315Philosophy, when superficially studied, excites doubt; when thoroughly explored, it dispels it. -- Bacon 3316Philosophy--the purple bullfinch in the lilac tree. -- T. S. Eliot 3317Philosophy: unintelligible answers to insoluble problems. -- Henry Adams 3318Pick the right person the first time. The headaches you save will be your own. 3319Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes. -- Robert Davis 3320Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. -- Don Marquis 3321Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark. -- Lazarus Long 3322Platitude: a dull old saw that everyone borrows but no one sharpens. 3323Platonic friendship: The interval between the introduction and the first kiss. -- Sophie Irene Loeb 3324Pleasant prospects for the future are indicated. 3325Pleasure soon exhausts us and itself also; but endeavor never does. -- Richter 3326Pleasure that comes unlooked for is thrice welcome. -- Rogers 3327Pleasure, or wrong or rightly understood, Our greatest evil, or our greatest good. -- Alexander Pope 3328Poetry has been to me "its own exceeding great reward;" it has soothed my afflictions; it has multiplied and refined my enjoyments; it has endeared solitude; and it has given me the habit of wishing to discover the good and the beautiful in all that meets and surrounds me. -- Coleridge 3329Poetry is the eloquence of truth. -- Campbell 3330Poetry is the revelation of a feeling that the poet belives to be interior and personal but which the reader recognizes as his own. 3331Poets are all who love--all who feel great truths-- And tell them. -- Bailey 3332Policeman's barbecue--steak-out -- Raymond D. Love 3333Political economy: two words that should be divorced--on grounds of incompatibility. -- The Wall Street Journal 3334Political power is as permanent as today's newspaper. Ten years from now, few will know or care who the most powerful man in any state was today. -- Mark B. Cohen 3335Politicians who vote huge expenditures to alleviate problems get reelected; those who propose structural changes prevent problems get early retirement. -- John McClaughry 3336Politicians will always inflate when given the opportunity. 3337Politics isn't too bad a profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards. If you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book. 3338Politics makes strange bedfellows. 3339Positive anything is better than negative nothing. -- Elbert Hubbard 3340Positive: Being mistaken at the top of one's voice. -- Ambrose Bierce 3341Poster in Belgrade tourist office: Visit the Soviet Union before it visits you. 3342Pour the full tide of eloquence along, Serenely pure, and yet divinely strong. -- Alexander Pope 3343Poverty makes people satirical--soberly, sadly bitterly satirical. -- Friswell 3344Power attracts people but it cannot hold them. -- Mark B. Cohen 3345Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. -- Lord Acton 3346Practice does not make perfect; perfect practice makes perfect. -- Vince Lombardi 3347Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation! Then conquer we must, when our cause is just, And this be our motto: "In God we trust;" And the star-spangled banner, O long may it wave O'er the land of the free, and the home of the brave. -- Francis Scott Key 3348Praise the sea, but keep on land. -- George Herbert 3349Praise was originally a pension, paid by the world. -- Jonathon Swift 3350Preserve the old, but know the new. 3351Pride makes us esteem ourselves; vanity makes us desire the esteem of others. It is just to day, as Dean Swift has done, that a man is too proud to be vain. -- Blair 3352Pride that dines on vanity, sups on contempt. -- Benjamin Franklin 3353Prior Laws of Politics: (1). Pay your dues. (2). Attend the meetings. -- Lyndon B. Johnson 3354Private and secret offices of religion are like the refreshing of a garden with the distilling and pretty drops of a water pot; but, addressed from the temple, are like rain from heaven. -- Jeremy Taylor 3355Private enterprise ... makes OK private action which would be considered dishonest in public action. -- John F. Kennedy 3356Private enterprise is ceasing to be free enterprise. -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt 3357Private enterprise, indeed, became too private. It became privileged enterprise, not private enterprise. -- Franklin D. Roosevelt 3358Probably no invention came more easily to man than when he thought up heaven. -- G. C. Lichtenberg 3359Problems worthy of attach prove their worth by hitting back. -- Pat Hein 3360Proclaim yourself "World Champ" of something--tiddly-winks, rope-jumping, whatever--send this notice to newspapers, radio, TV, and wait for challengers to confront you. Avoid challenges as long as possible, but continue to send news of your achievements to all media. Also, develop a newsletter and letterhead for communications. -- Will Yolen 3361Procrastination is the thief of time. -- Dr. Young 3362Productivity = (Number of secretaries X Average typing speed) / (Number of Scientists). Note that when the number of scientists is zero, productivity becomes infinite. -- Robert Sommer 3363Profits go to the profit minded. 3364Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers cannot write in English. 3365Progress is a nice word. But change is its motivator and change has its enemies. -- Robert F. Kennedy 3366Progress is make on alternate Fridays. 3367Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress. 3368Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword. 3369Prosperity doth best discover vice; but adversity doth best discover virtue. -- Francis Bacon 3370Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together. 3371Psst! Shadowfax in the seventh. 3372Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo. 3373Pur not your trust in money, but put your money in trust. -- Holmes 3374Purchase not friends with gifts; when thou ceasest to give, such will cease to love. -- Fuller 3375Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen. -- Marvin Kitman 3376Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this: To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world. -- James I, 27 3377Purity is the feminine, truth the masculine, of honor. -- Hare 3378Purposes, as understood by the purposer, will be judged otherwise by others. Corollary: If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. Corollary: If you do something which you are sure will meet with everybody's approval, somebody won't like it. Corollary: Procedures devised to implement the purpose won't quite work. -- Francis P. Chisholm 3379Put God to work for you and maximize your potential in out divinely ordered capitalist system. -- Norman Vincent Peale 3380Put an excessive value on money. 3381Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust. 3382Put only the restriction on your pleasures--be cautious that they hurt no creature that has life. -- Zimmerman 3383Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth. 3384Put your trust in those who are worthy. 3385Question with boldness even the existence of God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear. -- Thomas Jefferson 3386Quit when you're still behind. -- Pierre Salinger 3387Quit while you're ahead. You may not get another chance. 3388RADICAL: A person whose left hand does know what his other left hand is doing. -- Bernard Rosenberg 3389RANDOMIZATION: The assignment of subjects to conditions in an experiment according to some preconceived plan. Randomness like chastity is more often claimed than maintained. 3390REASON: the Devil's harlot. -- Martin Luther 3391REDESIGNED: previous faults corrected, we hope 3392RELIABLE: Sometimes capable of giving the same results. 3393RELIGION: A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. -- Ambrose Bierce 3394REPUTATION: what others are not thinking about you. 3395REVIEWER'S NOTE: A rejection slip based upon literature and theories in vogue during the period the reviewer was studying for his or her Ph.D. 3396REVOLUTIONARY: it's different from our competitors 3397RUGGED: too heavy to lift 3398Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity. 3399Randomness: The property required to make statistical calculation come out right. 3400Rapoport's Rule of the Roller-Skate Key: Certain items which are crucial to a given activity will show up with uncommon regularity until the day when that activity is planned, at which point the item in question will disappear from the face of the earth. -- Dan Rapoport 3401Ray's Hangover Cure: Stay drunk! 3402Read and listen for what is missing. Many advisors are quite capable of stating how to improve what has been proposed, or what's wrong. Few seem capable of sensing what isn't there. -- Donald Rumsfeld 3403Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider. -- Bacon 3404Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man. -- Bacon 3405Real joy comes not from ease or riches or from the praise of men, but from doing something worthwhile. -- Sir Wilfred Grenfell 3406Reality is always more conservative than ideology. -- Raymond Aron 3407Reality is for people who can't take science fiction. 3408Reason is the life of the law; nay the common law itself is nothing else but reason ... The law which is the perfection of reason. -- Coke 3409Reason is the test of ridicule--not ridicule the test of truth. -- Warburton 3410Reassurance of business by a President has an unfavorable effect on confidence. -- Mark Epernay 3411Rebecca's House Rules: At least one fits every occasion. 1. Throw it on the bed. 2. Fry onions. 3. Call Jenny's mother. 4. No one's got the corner on suffering. 5. Run it under the cold tap. 6. Everything takes practice, except being born. -- Sharon Mathews 3412Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God. -- Thomas Jefferson 3413Recent investments will yield a slight profit. 3414Rechargable batteries die at the most critical time of the most complex problem. -- John L. Shelton 3415Reform, like charity must begin at home. Once will at home, how will it radiate outwards, irrepressible, into all that we touch and handle, speak and work; kindling every new light by incalculable contagion, spreading, in geometric ratio, far and wide, doing good only wherever it spreads, and not evil. -- Carlyle 3416Reforms come from below. No man with four aces howls for a new deal. -- John F. Parker 3417Regardless of whether a mission expands or contracts, administrative overhead continues to grow at a steady rate. -- Charles J. Zimmerman 3418Regularity is unity, unity is godlike, only the devil is unchangeable. -- Richter 3419Religion and Morality are the firmest foundations of the duties of men and women. -- Alexander Hamilton 3420Religion is the best armor that a man can have, but it is the worst cloak. -- Bunyan 3421Remember Gummidge's Law and you will never be found out. 3422Remember that time in office is money in the campaign fund. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 3423Remember your place, programmer, that way you may keep your head. 3424Remember, the more engineering projects there are, the more products there will be. -- Richard F. Moore 3425Remember: LSD absorbs 47 times it own weight in excess reality. 3426Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel they're entitled to a little fun first. 3427Republicans consume three-fourths of the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out. 3428Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on the bugs. 3429Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmations, and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids, and taxes. 3430Republicans sleep in twin beds--some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats. 3431Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper. Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage. 3432Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don't. 3433Republicans usually wear hats and clean their paint brushes. 3434Research is reading two books that have never been read in order to write a third that will never be read. 3435Rest is the sweet sauce of labor. -- Plutarch 3436Restrain thy mind, and let mildness ever attend thy tongue. -- Theognis 3437Restriction of free thought and free speech is the most dangerous of all subversions. Is is the one un-American act that could most easily defeat us. -- Justice William O. Douglass 3438Reunite Gondawanaland!!! 3439Rewards are usually anti-climatic--the fun is in the doing. 3440Rich, be not exalted; poor, be not dejected. -- Cleobulus 3441Right you are if you say you are--Obscurely. -- TIME, 30-Dec-77 3442Rocks have been shaken from their solid base, but what shall move a firm and dauntless mind? -- Joanna Baillie 3443Rose at an instant, learn'd, play'd, eat together; And wheresoe'er we went, like Juno's swans, Still we went coupled, and inseparable. -- Shakespeare 3444Rowe's Rule: The odds are 6 to 5 that the light at the end of the tunnel is a headlight of an oncoming express train. 3445Rule of Parenthood: Birthday parties always end in tears. -- Phyllis C. Richman 3446Rule of Parenthood: Enough is never enough. -- Phyllis C. Richman 3447Rule of Parenthood: The sun always rises in the baby's bedroom window. -- Phyllis C. Richman 3448Rule of Parenthood: Whenever you decide to take the kids home, it is always five minutes earlier that they break into fights, tears, hysteria. -- Phyllis C. Richman 3449Rules for Academic Deans: (1). HIDE!!!! (2). If they find you, LIE!!!! -- Father Damian C. Fandal 3450Rules: 1. The boss is always right. 2. When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1. 3451Run if you like, but try to keep your breath; Work like a man, but don't be worked to death. -- Holmes 3452Run not into debt, either for wares sold, or money borrowed; be content to want things that are not of absolute necessity, rather than run up the score. -- Sir M. Hale 3453Running together all about, The servents put each other out, Till the grave master had decreed, The more haste, ever the worst speed. -- Churchill 3454Ryan's Law: Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert. 3455SATISFACTION GUARANTEED: manufacturer's, upon receipt of the check 3456STATISTICAL ANALYSIS: Mysterious, sometimes bizarre, manipulations performed upon the collected data of an experiment in order to obscure the fact that the results have no generalizable meaning for humanity. Commonly, computers are used, lending an additional aura of unreality to the proceedings. 3457SUCCESS: Living long enough to be a burden on your children. 3458Sam's Axiom (1): Any line, however short, is still too long. 3459Sam's Axiom (2): Work is the crabgrass of life, but money is the water that keeps it green. 3460Sanity and insanity overlap a fine gray line. -- Charles van Kriedt 3461Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employs a million. 3462Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone. 3463Satire is what closes in New Haven. 3464Satisfaction derived from a trip goes down as Expectation goes up if Reality is unchanged. S = R/E As Reality becomes more favorable, the chance for Satisfaction goes up IF Expectation is unchanged. -- Hall T. Sprague 3465Sattingler's Law: It works better if you plug it in. 3466Say's Law: Supply creates its own demand. 3467Scheduled changes always mean cutbacks. (Minor schedule adjustments always affect your bus (train, whatever)) -- Steve Ross 3468Scheduled changes always mean cutbacks. -- Steve Ross 3469Science commits suicide when it adopts a creed. -- Thomas Henry Huxley 3470Science does not have a moral dimension. It is like a knife. If you give it to a surgeon or a murderer, each will use it differently. -- Werner von Braun 3471Science is a flickering light in our darkness, it is but the only one we have and woe t him who would put it out. -- Morris Cohen 3472Science is a history of superceded theories. 3473Science is a wonderful thing, but it has not succeeded in maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain, and that's all we asked of it. 3474Science is facts; just as houses are made of stones, so is science made of facts; but a pile of stones is not a house and a collection of facts is not necessarily science. -- Henri Poincaire 3475Science is nothing but developed perception, integrated intent, common sense rounded out and minutely articulated. -- George Santayana 3476Science is the refusal to believe on the basis of hope. -- C. P. Snow 3477Science seeks generally only the most useful systems of classification: these it regards for the time being, until more useful classifications are invented, as true. -- S. I. Hayakawa 3478Scientific and humanist approaches are not competitive but supportive, and both are ultimately necessary. -- Robert C. Wood 3479Scientists and engineers set high performance standards for themselves; therefore, performance appraisal and career planning are perfunctory. -- Richard F. Moore 3480Scientists are Peeping Toms at the keyhole of eternity. -- Arthur Koestler 3481Scientists who dislike the restraints of highly organized research like to remark that a truly great research worker needs only three pieces of equipment: a pencil, a piece of paper, and a brain .... But they quote this maxim more often at academic banquets than at budget hearings. -- Don Price 3482Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency. -- Richard Nixon 3483Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny. 3484Secret sources are more credible. -- Ron Nessen 3485Secretary's Lament: Around here I'm a very responsible person. If anything happens, I'm responsible. 3486Security is mostly a superstition. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. -- Helen Keller 3487See the world! Learn helicopter maintenance. 3488Seers and soothsayers read crystal balls to fine the future. Less lucky men read junk--with more success. -- Richard N. Farmer 3489Self-centered people are those who spend so much time talking about themselves we never get a chance to talk about ourselves. 3490Self-checking systems tend to have a complexity in proportion to the inherent unreliability of the system in which they are used. -- Tom Gibb 3491Self-defense is nature's oldest law. -- Dryden 3492Self-love is more cunning than the most cunning man in the world. -- La Rochefoucauld 3493Self-love is the greatest of flatterers. -- La Rochefoucauld 3494Sense switches and data switches should only be used as warm furry buttons: they don't do anything but when you push them they push back, and make you feel loved, i.e. for selective printing and tracing in debug. 3495Seven-eighths of everything can't be seen. 3496Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either. -- Joseph Fischer 3497Share your happiness with others today. 3498She balanced dignity on the tip of her nose. 3499She has as much originality as a Xerox machine. -- Laurence J. Peter. 3500She neglects her heart who studies her glass. -- Lavater 3501She's learned to say things with her eyes that others waste time putting into words. 3502Short term success with voters on any side of a given issue can be guaranteed by creating a long-term special study commission make up of at least three divergent interest groups. -- Ray Connolly 3503Show me a good mouser and I'll show you a cat with bad breath. 3504Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I'll show you a failure. -- Thomas Alva Edison 3505Show us a home with young children and we'll show you a home where every pack of cards counts out at between 37 and 51. -- Bill Vaughan 3506Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response. 3507Sign in a cluttered, old-fashioned hardware store: "We've got it, if we can find it." 3508Sign in a loan company window: "Now you can borrow enough money to get completely out of debt." 3509Silence gives consent, or a horrible feeling that nobody's listening. -- Franklin P. Jones 3510Simple diet is best; for many dishes bring many diseases; and rich sauces are worse than even heaping several meats upon each other. -- Pliny 3511Simplicity is the true test. -- Ron Randall 3512Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all. 3513Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all. -- Holmes 3514Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other "sins" are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is NOT a sin--just stupid.) -- Lazarus Long 3515Since a democratic society repudiates the principle of external authority, it must find a substitute in voluntary disposition and interest; these can be created only by education. -- John Dewey 3516Since attaining the full use of my reason no one has ever heard me laugh. -- Earl of Chesterfield 3517Since blue-sky projects are targeted for major breakthroughs, they are relatively immune from planning and control. -- Richard F. Moore 3518Since no matter can be created or destroyed (excluding nuclear and cafeteria substances), as one attempts to remove unwanted material (i. e., trash) from one's living space, the remaining material mutates so as to occupy 30 to 50 percent more than its original volume. 3519Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever gone as planned. -- Donal Graeme 3520Since the generality of persons act from impulse much more than from principle, men are neither so good nor so bad as we are apt to think them. -- Hare 3521Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive. -- John Sloan 3522Sincerity is like traveling in a plain beaten road, which commonly brings a man sooner to his journey's end than byways, in which men often lose themselves. -- Tiliotson 3523Sink or swim, live or die, survive or perish, I give my heart and my hand to this vote. -- Daniel Webster 3524Sirs, adulation is a fatal thing-- Rank poison for a subject, or a king. -- Dr. Wolcot 3525Sixty years ago I knew everything; now I know nothing; education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. -- Will Durant 3526Skiing is so much fun. The bright blue above you ... AND THE BRIGHT BLUE BELOW YOU! 3527Skill in manipulating numbers is a talent, not evidence of divine guidance. -- G. O. Ashley 3528Skinner's Constant: That quantity, which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have gotten. 3529Slander meets no regard from noble minds; only the base believe what the base only utter. -- Beller 3530Slave to no sect, who takes no private road But looks through nature up to nature's God. -- Alexander Pope 3531Sleep is lovely, death is better still, not to have been born is of course the miracle. -- Heinrich Heine 3532Slightly deaf students will have instructors who mumble. -- M. M. Johnston 3533Sloth makes all things difficult, but industry all easy; and he that riseth late, must trot all day, and shall scarce overtake his business at night; while laziness travels so slowly, that poverty soon overtakes him. -- Benjamin Franklin 3534Sluggish idleness--the nurse of sin. -- Spenser 3535Small change can often be found under seat cushions. 3536Small habits well pursued, betimes, May reach the dignity of crimes. -- Hannah More 3537Small opportunities are often the beginnings of great achievements. 3538Smile! You're on Candid Cookie! 3539Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look at what they can do when they stick together. 3540So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work. 3541So sure are you! Tried have you? Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say? Try not. Do! Do! Or do not. There is no try. -- Yoda 3542So we grew together, like to a double cherry, seeming parted but yet a union in partition, two lovely berries moulded on one stem; so, with two seeming bodies, but one heart. -- Shakespeare 3543Social Democracy rests on the assumption that it is desirable to preserve the capitalist system of private enterprise, and that the evils of this system can be sufficiently corrected by the democratic method of procedure. -- Carl Becker 3544Social groups are generally in disarray. To protect themselves from other groups, especially the groups just below them, groups will attempt to convey an appearance of interior order and purpose they do not possess. -- Arthur Herzog 3545Social institutions will change only at the speed required to protect them from attack--slowly or fast to the degree required, but usually slowly. They will put off change as long as possible. -- Arthur Herzog 3546Social legislation cannot repeal physical laws. -- Dalin B. Oaks 3547Social values and habits dictate economic activity and not the other way around. -- Alexander Hamilton 3548Socialism is bureaucracy of the people, by the people, and for the people. 3549Socialism is nothing but the capitalism of the lower classes. -- Oswald Spengler 3550Socialism is workable only in heaven where it isn't needed, and in hell where they've got it. -- Cecil Palmer 3551Socialism works, but nowhere as efficiently as in the beehive and the anthill. 3552Society can only pursue its normal course by means of a certain progression of changes. -- John, Viscount Morley 3553Society heaps honors on the unique, creative personality, but not until he has been dead for fifty years. -- Charles Merrill Smith 3554Society is like a lawn, where every roughness is smoothed, every bramble eradicated, and where the eye is delighted by the smiling verdure of a velvet surface. He, however, who would study nature in its wildness and variety, must plunge into the forest, must explore the glen, must stem the torrent, and dare the precipice. -- Washington Irving 3555Some are weatherwise, some are meteorologists. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 3556Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested. -- Bacon 3557Some do, some don't. 3558Some hae meat that canna eat, And some would eat that want it; But we hae meat, and we can eat, Sae let the Lord be thankit. -- Burns 3559Some men are discovered; others are found out. 3560Some men become proud and insolent because they ride a fine horse, wear a feather in their hat or are dressed in a fine suit of clothes. Who does not see the folly of this? If there be any glory in such things, the glory belongs to the horse, the bird and the tailor. -- St. Frances de Sales 3561Some men put me in mind of half-bred horses, which often grow worse in proportion as you feed and exercise them for improvement. -- Greville 3562Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it. 3563Some people LOVE cats for what they are; others ARE cats for what they love. 3564Some people are quick to criticize cliches, but what is a cliche? It is a truth that has retained its validity through time. Mankind would lose half its hard-earned wisdom, built up patiently over the ages, if it ever lost its cliches. -- Marvin G. Gregory 3565Some people who slap you on the back are trying to help you swallow what they just told you. 3566Some people will believe anything if it is whispered to them. 3567Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse. -- Avery 3568Some play for gain; to pass time others play For nothing; both play the fool I say: Nor time nor coin I'll lose, or idly spend; Who gets by play, proves loser in the end. -- Heath 3569Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall. 3570Someone has compared Southern California to a granola cereal; when you take away the fruits and the nuts, all you have left are the flakes. 3571Someone is speaking well of you. 3572Someone is unenthusiastic about your work. 3573Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow. 3574Sometimes the best law of all is no law at all. Not all the world's ills are susceptible to legislative correction. -- Pierre S. du Pont 3575Sometimes the crowd is right. 3576Sometimes, where a complex problem can be illuminated by many tools, one can be forgiven for applying the one he knows best. -- Robert Machol 3577Sorrow seems sent for out instruction, as we darken the cages of birds when we would teach them to sing. -- Richter 3578Sorry about that, Chief! -- Maxwell Smart 3579Soup is the essence of meat. 3580Sour discontent that quarrels with our fate May give fresh smart, but not the old abate; The uneasy passion's disingenuous wit, The ill reveals but hides the benefit. -- Sir Richard Blackmore 3581Southside Johnny prefers singing to sex. 3582Space expands to house the people to perform the work that Congress creates. -- Haynes Johnson 3583Spanish Civil War Communique: Our troops advanced today without losing a foot of ground. 3584Speak little and well, if you wish to be considered as possesing merit. 3585Speak little and well, if you would be esteemed as a man of merit. -- Trench 3586Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman. -- Dave Millman 3587Speak the language of the country you are in; speak it purely, and unlarded with any other. -- Chesterfield 3588Speaking generally, no man appears great to his contemporaries, for the same reason that no man is great to his servants--both know too much of him. -- Colton 3589Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds triple the desired restraining speed. 3590Spirits of peace, where are ye? Are ye all gone? And leave me here in wretchedness behind ye? -- Shakespeare 3591Spite is a little word, but it represents as strange a jumble of feelings and compound of discords, as any polysyllable in the language. -- Charles Dickens 3592Sprinkle's Law: Things fall at right angles. 3593State: A state is a situation which can be recognized if it occurs again. 3594Statements by respected authorities which tend to agree with a writer's viewpoint are always handy. -- Amrom Katz 3595Statistics are a highly logical and precise method for saying a half-truth inaccurately. 3596Stay in with the Outs (the Ins will make so many mistakes you can't afford to alienate the Outs). 3597Stock Market Axiom: The public is always wrong. 3598Stockbroker's Declaration: The market will rally from this or lower levels. 3599Strong people always have strong weaknesses. 3600Stability is more essential to success than brilliance. -- Richard Lloyd Jones 3601Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down. 3602Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable. 3603State capitalism is a contradiction in terms. 3604Still waters run deep. 3605Stockmayer's Theorem: If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn near impossible. 3606Stoicism is the wisdom of madness and cynicism the madness of wisdom. -- Bergen Evans 3607Stoicism is the wisdom of madness and cynicism the madness of wisdom. -- Bergen Evans 3608Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you. 3609Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable. 3610Strong reasons make strong actions. -- Shakespeare 3611Student's snack--cramberries -- Raymond D. Love 3612Students who obtain an A for a course will claim that the instructor is a great teacher. -- M. M. Johnston 3613Success can be insured only by devising a defense against the contingency plan. -- Charles P. Boyle 3614Success goes to your head, failure to your heart. 3615Success in management--at any level--depends on the ability to pick the right people for the right jobs. 3616Success is being able to hire someone to mow the lawn while you play golf for exercise. 3617Success is doing what you like to do and making a living at it. 3618Success is not a harbor but a voyage with its own perils to the spirit. The game of life is to come up a winner, to be a success, or to achieve what we set out to do. Yet there is always the danger of failing as a human being. The lesson that most of us on this voyage never learn, but can never quite forget, is that to win is sometimes to lose. -- Richard M. Nixon 3619Success is overrated. Incompetence is what we should revere--it marks us off from animals. -- Stephen Pile 3620Success is the result of behavior that completely contradicts the usual expectations about the behavior of a successful person. -- Felix R. Paturi 3621Success makes us intolerant of failure, and failure makes us intolerant of success. -- William Feather 3622Success provides more opportunities to say things than the number of things a pundit has worth saying. -- Douglas Pike 3623Success seems to be that which forms the distinction between confidence and conceit. Nelson, when young was piqued at not being noticed in a certain paragraph of the newspapers, which detailed an action wherein he had assisted. "But never mind," said he, "I will one day have a gazette of my own." -- Colton 3624Such a house broke! So noble a master fallen! All gone and not One friend to take his fortune by the arm And go along with him. -- Shakespeare 3625Such a house broke! So noble a master fallen? all gone! and not one friend to take his fortune by the arm, and go along with him. -- Shakespeare 3626Sufficient monies to the job correctly the first time are usually not available; however, ample funds are much more easily obtained for repeated major redesigns. 3627Superstition renders a man a fool, and scepticism makes him mad. -- Fielding 3628Support organizations can always prove success by showing service to someone ... not necessarily you. -- Douglas Evelyn 3629Surely happiness is reflective like the light of heaven; and every countenance, bright with wmiles and glowing with innocent enjoyment, is a mirror, transmitting to others the rays of a supreme and evershining benevolence. -- Washington Irving 3630Surely there is something in the unruffled calm of nature that overawes our little anxieties and doubts: The sight of the deep-blue sky, and the clustering stars above, seems to impart a quiet to the mind. -- Edwards 3631Survey taker to resident: Do you realize that that choice puts you in the two- percent lunatic fringe? -- Bernhardt 3632Swap read error. You lose your mind. 3633Sweet are the uses of adversity, Which like the toad, ugly and venomous, Wears yet a precious jewel in his head; And this our life, exempt from public haunt, Find tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, And good in everything. -- Shakespeare 3634Sweet is the hour of rest, Pleasant the wind's low sigh, And the gleaming of the west, And the turf whereon we lie. -- Mrs. Hemans 3635Sweet speaking oft a currish heart reclaims. -- Sidney 3636Symington's Law: For every credibility gap there is a gullibility gap. 3637Systems display antics. -- Dr. John Gall 3638Systems in general work very poorly or not at all. -- Dr. John Gall 3639Systems tend to grow, and as they grow, they encroach. -- Dr. John Gall 3640TANK: A means of transportation the Soviet army uses to visit its friends. 3641THE PROGRAMMERS' CHEER?-- SHIFT TO THE LEFT, SHIFT TO THE RIGHT! POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE! 3642THe maxim that "Honesty is the best policy" is one which, perhaps, no one is ever habitually guided by in practice. An honest man is always before it, and a knave is generally behind it. -- Whately 3643THe news of the day, no matter how trivial or unimportant, always takes up more time than a married man has. -- Ray O'Neil 3644THe people of Rome have always destroyed their greatest sons. -- Benito Mussolini 3645TINSTAFL!--There is no such thing as free love. -- Solomon Short 3646Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy. 3647Take any religious mystery, any theological proposition: expressed in ordinary terms it will read like sheer nonsense to the outsider, from the ritualistic, symbolic eating of human flesh and blood practiced by all the Christian sects to the outright cannibalism practiced by some savages. -- Major Whitey Ardmore 3648Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves. -- Lazarus Long 3649Take care to be an economist in prosperity; there is no fear of your not being one in adversity. -- Zimmerman 3650Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement. -- Shakespeare 3651Take rather than give the tone to the company you are in. If you gave parts you will show them more or less upon every subject; and if you have not, you had better talk sillily upon a subject of other people's than of your own choosing. -- Chesterfield 3652Take thy correction mildly. Kiss the rod. -- Shakespeare 3653Taken as a whole, the universe is absurd. -- Walter Savage Landor 3654Talent in staff work or sales will recurringly be interpreted as managerial ability. -- Charles P. Boyle 3655Talent is what you possess; genius is what possesses you. 3656Talent, lying in the understanding, is often inherent; genius, being the action of reason and imagination, rarely or never. -- Coleridge 3657Talk not of comfort, 'tis for lighter ills; I will indulge my sorrows, and give way to all the pangs and fury of despair. -- Addison 3658Talk of revolution is one way of avoiding reality. -- John Kenneth Galbraith 3659Talk of the devil, and his horns appear. 3660Talkers are no good doers. -- Shakespeare 3661Talking is a digestive process which is absolutely essential to the mental constitution of the man who devours many books. A full mind must have talk, or it will grow dyspeptic. -- William Matthews 3662Tanstaafl!!! 3663Taxes are going up so fast, the government is likely to price itself out of the market. 3664Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed. 3665Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed. 3666Tea! thou soft, thou sober sage, and venerable liquid;--thou female tongue- running, smile-smoothing, heart-opening, wink tippling cordial, to whose glorious insipidity I owe the happiest moments of ny life, let me fall prostrate! -- Colley Cibber 3667Ten thousand years from now, the only story this civilization will tell will be in its junk piles--so observe what is important! -- Richard N. Farmer 3668Ten years of experience should add up to more than one year's experience multiplied by ten. 3669Tennyson is a beautiful half of a poet. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson 3670Testimony is like an arrow shot from a long bow; the force of it depends on the strength of the hand that draws it. Argument is like an arrow from a cross- bow, which has equal force though shot by a child. -- Bacon 3671That inexhaustible good nature, which is itself the most precious gift of Heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought, and keeping the mind smooth and equable in the roughest weather. -- Irving 3672That is utterly preposterous. 3673That life is long which answers life's great end. -- Young 3674That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all. 3675That only with propriety be styled refinement which, by strengthening the intellect, purifies the manners. -- Coleridge 3676That politics has a bearing on business confidence is unproven. -- Mark Epernay 3677That segment of the community with which one has the greatest sympathy as a liberal inevitably turns out to be one of the most narrow-minded and bigoted segments of the community. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. 3678That tendency to err that programmers have been noticed to share with other human beings has often been treated as if it were an awkwardness attendant upon programming's adolescence, which like acne would disappear with the craft's coming of age. It has proved otherwise. -- Mark Halpren 3679That the birds of worry and care fly above your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent. 3680That truth cannot be material in any respect, is contrary to the nature of things. No tribunal, no codes, no systems can repeal or impair this law of God, for by his eternal laws it is inherent in the nature of things ... It is evident that if you cannot apply this mitigated doctrine for which I speak ... you must for ever remain ignorant of what your rulers do. I can never think this ought to be; I never did think the truth was a crime; I am glad the day is come in which it is to be decided; for my soul has ever abhorred the thought, that a free man dared not speak the truth. -- Alexander Hamilton 3681That which has not been taught directly can never be taught directly. 3682That which is good to be done, cannot be done too soon; and if it is neglected to be done early, it will frequently happen that it will not be done at all. -- Bishop Mant 3683That which seems the height of absurdity in one generation often becomes the height of wisdom in another. -- Adlai Stevenson 3684That which we acquire with the most difficulty we retain the longest; as those who have earned a fortune are usually more careful with it than those who have inherited one. -- Colton 3685That which we call sin in others is experiment for us. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson 3686That's a valiant flea that dare eat his breakfast on the lip of a lion. -- Shakespeare 3687That's a valiant flea that dares eat his breakfast on the lip of a lion. -- Shakespeare 3688That's not writing, that's typing! -- Truman Capote 3689That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. -- Neil Armstrong 3690That's one thing about these babies. They never learned to read. -- Joe Patroni 3691That's only true because it's true. 3692That's the trouble with this country. The whole place is filled with penniless patriots. -- Rosa Bombolini 3693That, Sir, is the good of counting. It brings everything to a certainty, which before floated in the mind indefinitely. -- Samuel Johnson 3694The "think positive" leader tends to listen to his subordinates' premonitions only during the postmortems. -- Charles P. Boyle 3695The 20/80 Law: 20 percent of the customers account for 80 percent of the turnover, 20 percent of the components account for 80 percent of the cost, and so forth. -- Vilfredo Pareto 3696The Advertising Agency Song: When your client's hopping mad, Put his picture in the ad. If he still should prove refractory, Add a picture of his factory. 3697The American Republic and American business are Siamese twins; they came out of the same womb at the same time; they are born in the same principles, and when American business dies, the American republic will die, and when the American Republic dies, American business will die. -- Josiah W. Bailey 3698The American people aren't interested in details. -- Lyn Nofziger 3699The Android greets his friends politely And veils behind his lowered lids The jealousy which plagues him nightly Because he can't have sex, or kids. 3700The Banana Principle: Heuristic devices don't tell you when to stop. 3701The Beat-Inflation garden we planted so enthusiastically just two months ago is to be rededicated as an ecological exhibit. It illustrates zero growth. 3702The Bougourre Factor changes the equation to fit the Universe. 3703The Brain-Eye Law: To a certain extent, observational power can compensate for mental weakness. 3704The Communist system must be based on the will of the people, and if the people should not want that system, then that people should establish a different system. -- Nikita S. Krushchev 3705The Constitution ... speaks of liberty and prohibits the deprivation of liberty without due process of law. In prohibiting that deprivation the Constitution does not recognize an absolute and uncontrollable liberty. -- Chief Justice Charles Evans Hughes 3706The Diddle factor changes things so that the equation and the universe appear to fit, without requiring any real change in either. This has the characteristic of eliminating differences by dropping the subject under discussion to zero importance. 3707The Eighth Commandment of Frisbee: In any crowd of spectators at least one will suggest that razor blades could be attached to the disc. ("You could maim and kill with that thing.") -- Dan Roddick 3708The English laws punish vice; the Chinese laws do more, they reward virtue. -- Oliver Goldsmith 3709The Eye-Brain Law: To a certain extent, mental power can compensate for observational weakness. 3710The Fifth Commandment of Frisbee: The best catches are never seen. ("Did you see that?"--"See what?") -- Dan Roddick 3711The Finagle Factor is characterized by changing the Universe to fit the equation. 3712The Finagle Factor is characterized by changing the universe to fit the equation. 3713The First Commandment of Frisbee: The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc straining to land under a car, just beyond reach. This force is technically called "car suck". -- Dan Roddick 3714The First Law of Bicycling: No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind. 3715The Fourth Commandment of Frisbee: The higher the costs of hitting any object, the greater the certainty it will be struck. (Remember--the disc is positive --both cops and old ladies are clearly negative). -- Dan Roddick 3716The Generalized Thermodynamic Law (Systems Theory): More probable states are more likely to be observed than less probable states, unless specific constraints exist to keep them from occurring. 3717The Generalized Thermodynamic Law (Systems Theory): The things we see more frequently are more frequent: (1) because there is some physical reason to favor certain states or (2) because there is some mental reason. 3718The How Come It All Landed On Me Law: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. 3719The Jovian invaders sort a Bunch of captives in the nude: These for breeding, those for slaughter, And the fattest ones for food. 3720The Law Conservation of Anergy: The total amount of energy in the universe is constant. -- Dr. John Gall 3721The Law of Fashion: The same dress is: indecent 10 years before its time daring 1 year before its time chic in its time dowdy 3 years after its time hideous 20 years after its time amusing 30 years after its time romantic 100 years after its time beautiful 150 years after its time -- James Laver 3722The Law of Happy Particularities: Any general system law will have at least two particular applications. -- Gerald Weinberg 3723The Law of Medium Numbers: For medium number systems, we can expect that large fluctuations, irregularities, and discrepancy with any theory will occur more or less regularly. (This is more succinctly expressed by Murphy: Anything that can happen, will happen.) 3724The Law of Raspberry Jam: The wider any culture is spread, the thinner it gets. -- Stanley Edgar Hyman 3725The Law of Unhappy Peculiarities: Any general system law will have at least two peculiar exceptions. -- Gerald Weinberg 3726The Law of the Too, Too Solid Point: In any collection of data, the figure that is most obviously correct--beyond all need of checking--is the mistake. 3727The Lord giveth, Uncle Sam taketh away. 3728The Lord made grass, Man made booze; Who CAN you trust? 3729The Lump Law: If we want to learn anything, we mustn't try to learn everything. 3730The Ninth Commandment of Frisbee: The greater your need to make a good catch, the greater the probability your partner will deliver his worst throw. (If you can't touch it, you can't trick it.) -- Dan Roddick 3731The Principle of Indifference: Laws should not depend on a particular choice of notation. 3732The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts. -- Sheridan 3733The Rockettes are so perfect you'd think they were Xeroxed. -- Irene Peter 3734The Russian dictatorship of the proletariat has made a a farce of the whole Marxist vision: developing a powerful, privileged ruling class to prepare for a classless society, setting up the most despotic state in history so that the state may wither away, establishing by force a colonial empire to combat imperialism and unify the workers of the world. -- Herbert J. Muller 3735The Second Commandment of Frisbee: The higher the quality of a catch or the comment it receives, the greater the probability of a crummy throw. (Good catch = bad throw.) -- Dan Roddick 3736The Second Order Rule of Bureaucracy: The more directives you issue to solve a problem, the worse it gets. -- Jack Robertson 3737The Seventh Commandment of Frisbee: The most powerful hex words in the sport are--"I really have this down--watch." (Know it? Blow it!) -- Dan Roddick 3738The Sixth Commandment of Frisbee: The greatest single aid to distance is for the disc to be going in a direction you did not want. (Goes the wrong way = Goes a long way.) -- Dan Roddick 3739The Supreme court says three may keep a secret, it two of them used to work for the CIA. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 3740The Tenth Commandment of Frisbee: The single most difficult move with a disc is to put it down. (Just one more.) -- Dan Roddick 3741The Third Commandment of Frisbee: One must never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive than, "Watch this!" (Keep 'em guessing.) -- Dan Roddick 3742The Yeti, whom we know of only By the tracks he leaves behind, Hunts the mountains, sad and lonely, For a mate to breed his kind. 3743The ability of our people to deceive themselves is the highest art of the nation. 3744The absent are always in the wrong. 3745The absent are like children, helpless to defend themselves. -- Charles REade 3746The absent are never without fault. Nor the present without excuse. -- Benjamin Franklin 3747The accessibility, during recovery, of small parts which fall from the work bench, varies directly with the size of the part--and inversely with its importance to the completion of the work underway. 3748The actions of men are the best interpreters of their thoughts. -- John Locke 3749The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth which it prevents you from achieving. -- Russell Green 3750The age of innocent faith in science and technology may be over ... every major advance in the technological competence of man has enforced revolutionary changes in the economic and political structure of society. -- Barry Commoner 3751The aim of education is the knowledge not of fact, but of values. -- Dean William R. Inge 3752The alternative to the totalitarian state is the cooperative commonwealth. -- Norman Thomas 3753The amount of effort put into a campaign by a worker expands in proportion to the personal benefits that he will derive from his party's victory. -- Milton Rakove 3754The amount of flak on any subject is inversely proportional to the subject's true value. 3755The amount of junk carried is in direct proportion to the amount of space available. -- Tony Hogg 3756The amount of litter in the street is proportional to the local rate of unemployment. -- David Lloyd-Jones 3757The amount of pleasure derived from a cigarette is directly proportional to the number of the non-smokers in the vicinity. -- Raj K. Dhawan 3758The amount of quaint, authentic, rustic charm varies inversely with the pounds per square inch of water pressure in the shower. High charm, low pressure. -- Frank Mankiewicz 3759The amount of research devoted to a topic in human behavior is inversely proportional to its importance and interest. -- Bernard I. Murstein 3760The amount of success is in inverse proportion to the effort in attaining success. -- Felix R. Paturi 3761The amount of time you have to wait for a bus is directly proportional to the inclemency of the weather. -- John Corcoran 3762The amount of trash accumulated within the space occupied is exponentially proportional to the number of living bodies that enter and leave within any given amount of time. 3763The analogy to athletics must be pressed until all recognize that in the exercise of intellect those who lack the muscles, coordination, and will power can claim no place at the training table, let alone on the playing field. -- Jacques Barzun 3764The ancient sage who concocted the maxim, "Know Thyself" might have added, "Don't Tell Anyone!" -- H. F. Henrichs 3765The aristocrat is right in that only a few people in any society make a real difference, but the democrat is more deeply right when he insists that we cannot predict where such valuable people are coming from and therefore have an obligation to keep all lines open. -- Sydney J. Harris 3766The art of acceptance is the art of making someone who has just done you a small favor wish that he might have done you a greater one. -- Russell Lynes 3767The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. -- William James 3768The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve change amid order. -- Alfred North Whitehead 3769The ass is still an ass, e'en though he wears a lion's hide. -- Shakespeare 3770The atom was not meant to be explored-- Its splitting was the work of brazen fools. Let's march until the Stone Age is restored, With rocks and flints our kind of splitting tools. Atomic Power? Seal it in its grave. We are Progressive. Onward to the cave! -- Jack Kirwan 3771The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive. 3772The attention paid to an instructor is a constant regardless of the size of the class. Thus as class size swells, the amount of attention paid per student drops in direct ratio. -- Richard J. Herrnstein 3773The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another. -- J. Frank Dobie 3774The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think. 3775The balls of sight are so formed, that one man's eyes are spectacles to another, to read his heart from within. -- Johnson 3776The beautiful are never desolate, But someone always loves them. -- Bailey 3777The beginning of wisdom is the definition of terms. -- Socrates (470?-399 B.C.) 3778The beginnings and the endings of all human undertakings are untidy. -- John Galsworthy 3779The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation or an organization to action is one of mankind's oldest beliefs. -- Andrew Hacker 3780The best index to a person's character is (a) how he treats people who can't do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can't fight back. -- Abigail Van Buren 3781The best investment you can make is hard work. 3782The best laid schemes o' mice an' men, Gang aft agley, And lea'e us nought by grief and pain, For promised joy. -- Burns 3783The best may slip, and the most cautious fall; He's more than mortal that ne'er err'd at all. -- Pomfret 3784The best portion of a good man's life, His little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love. -- Wordsworth 3785The best programmers, designers, and architects are lazy. -- Dick Munroe 3786The best prophet of the future is the past. 3787The best rules to form a young man are, to talk little, to hear much, to reflect alone upon what has passed in company, to distrust one's own opinions, and value others that deserve it. -- Sir William Temple 3788The best security against revolution is in constant correction of abuses and the introduction of needed improvements. It is the neglect of timely repair that makes rebuilding necessary. -- Richard Whately 3789The best simpleminded test of expertise in a particular area is an ability to win money in a series of bets on future occurrences in that area. -- Graham Allison 3790The best sort of revenge is not to be like him who did the injury. -- Antoninus 3791The best substitute for experience is being sixteen. 3792The best time for marriage will be towards thirty, for as the younger times are unfit, either to choose or to govern a wife and family, so, if thou stay long, thou shalt hardly see the education of thy children, who, being left to strangers, are in effect lost; and better were it to be unborn than ill-bred; for thereby thy posterity shall either perish or remain a shame to thy name. -- Sir Walter Raleigh 3793The best time to look for work is after you get the job. 3794The best way I know of to win an argument is to start by being in the right. -- Quentin Hogg,M.P. 3795The best way out is always through. -- robert Frost 3796The best way out of a problem is through it. 3797The best way to get and keep good people is to give them room to grow. 3798The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant-- and let the air out of the tires. -- Dorothy Parker 3799The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away. 3800The best way to publicize a governmental or political action is to attempt to hide it. -- Mark B. Cohen 3801The best-educated human being is the one who understands most about the life in which he is placed. -- Helen Keller 3802The better part of valor is discretion; in the which better part I have saved my life. -- Shakespeare 3803The big guys always win. -- Jeffrey F. Chamberlain 3804The bigger the man, the less likely he is to object to caricature. -- Guernsey Le Pelley 3805The biggest step you can take is the one you take when you meet the other person halfway. 3806The bitter part of discretion is valor. -- Henry W. Nevinson 3807The blush is nature's alarm at the approach of sin and her testimony to the dignity of virtue. -- Fuller 3808The bread and onions you ate this morning tasted better than any feast to a man who expects to eat again, and the sun through the grills overhead is brighter for you than for any man who expects to see it rise tomorrow. -- Pandarus the Gladiator 3809The bread never falls but on its buttered side. 3810The bull wears himself out on the cape and never sees the sword. -- Dr. Randall Brooks 3811The bus that left the stop just before you got there is your bus. -- John Corcoran 3812The business of living is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead of ourselves. 3813The candidate who is expected to do well because of experience and reputation (Douglas, Nixon) must do better than well, while the candidate expected to fare poorly (Lincoln, Kennedy) can put points on the media board by simply surviving. -- Vic Gold 3814The cat in gloves can do the pruning in the Rose Garden. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 3815The chain of habit coils itself around the heart like a serpent, to gnaw and stifle it. -- Hazlitt 3816The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. -- Samuel Johnson 3817The chameleon may change its color, but it is the chameleon still. -- Shakespeare 3818The chance of the bread falling buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. 3819The chemist labors, weak and weary, Searching for a wonder-drug That will prove his favorite theory ... And that doesn't melt the jug. 3820The chief cause of problems is solutions. -- Eric Sevareid 3821The chief defect of a democracy is that only the political party out of office knows how to run the government. 3822The chief pleasure (in eating) does not consist in costly seasoning, or exquisite flavor, but in yourself. Do you seek sauce by sweating? -- Horace 3823The child is father of the man. -- Wordsworth 3824The christians were the first to make the existence of Satan a dogma of the church. 3825The cigarette smoke always drifts in the direction of the non-smoker regardless of the direction of the breeze. -- Raj K. Dhawan 3826The circumstances of the modern world make nonsense of the pretensions to moral or intellectual granduer. -- Lewis Lapham 3827The citizen is influenced by principle in direct proportion to his distance from the political situation. -- Milton Rakove 3828The clear conception, outrunning the deductions of logic, the high purpose, the dauntless spirit, speaking on the tongue, beaming from the eye, informing every feature, and urging the whole man onward, right onward, to his object, this is eloquence, or rather it is something greater and higher than all eloquence--it is action noble, sublime, godlike action. -- Webster 3829The compromise will always be more expensive than either of the suggestions it is compromising. 3830The computer is a moron! 3831The conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious. -- Robert E. Machol 3832The confidence of the business executive in a President is inversely related to the state of business. -- Mark Epernay 3833The conqueror is regarded with awe, the wise man commands our esteem, but it is the benevolent man who wins our affection. 3834The consciousness of clean linen is in and of itself a source of moral strength only second to that of a clean conscience. A well-ironed collar, or a fresh glove, has carried many a man through the emergency in which a wrinkle or a rip would have defeated him. -- E. E. Phelps 3835The contemplation of celestial things will make a man both speak and think more sublimely and magnificently when he descends to human affairs. -- Cicero 3836The contest for ages has been to rescue liberty from the grasp of executive power. -- Daniel Webster 3837The conventional wisdom is that power is an aphrodisiac. In truth, it's exhausting. -- Dom Bonafede 3838The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "Of course it is none of my business but--" is to place a period after the word "but." Don't use excessive force in supplying such moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about. -- Lazarus Long 3839The corruption in a country is in inverse proportion to its state of development. -- Nathan Miller 3840The could neither of 'em speak for rage and so fell a sputtering at one another like two roasting apples. -- Congreve 3841The countenance may be rightly defined as the title page which heralds the contents of the human volume, but like other title pages, if sometimes puzzles, often misleads, and often says nothing to the purpose. -- William Matthews 3842The creditor whose appearance gladdens the the heart of a debtor, may hold his head in sunbeams and his foot on storms. -- Lavater 3843The criterion of true beauty is, that it increases in examination; of false, that it lessens. There is something, therefore, in true beauty that corresponds with the right reason, and it is not merely the creature of fancy. -- Grenville 3844The critical mass of any do-it-yourself explosive is never less than half a bucketful. -- Eric Frank Russell 3845The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by the paper clip of the overlaying correspondence and go to file. -- Charles P. Boyle 3846The cruelest thing that has happened to Lincoln since he was shot by Booth was to fall into the hands of Sandburg. -- Edmund Wilson 3847The crusades ended several centuries ago after killing thousands of people. The most important issues arouse intense passions. Earmuffs to block the shouting are inappropriate, but filter the feedback. Joining a cause and leading a constituency are not mutually exclusive, but neither are they necessarily synonymous. Neither welfare no profits are "obscene". -- Pierre S. du Pont 3848The cure for capitalism's failing would require that a government would have to rise above the interests of one class alone. -- Robert L. Heilbroner 3849The cynic who doesn't believe in anything still wants you to believe him. 3850The danger of the past was that men became slaves. The danger of the future is that men may become robots. 3851The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book. 3852The decent moderation of today will be the least human of things tomorrow. At the time of the Spanish Inquisition, the opinion of good sense and of the good medium was certainly that people ought not to burn too large a number of heretics; extreme and unreasonable opinion obviously demanded that they burn none at all. -- Maurice Maeterlinck 3853The deficiency will never show itself during the dry runs. -- Charles P. Boyle 3854The degree of a country's development is measured by the ratio of the price of an automobile to that of the cost of a haircut. The lower the ratio, the higher the degree of development. -- Charles P. Issawi 3855The degree of failure is in direct proportion to the effort expended and to the need for success. 3856The degree of one's emotion varies inversely with one's knowledge of the facts --the less you know the hotter you get. -- Bertrand Russell 3857The demonstrably true statements of the sciences which, especially in recent times, have the uncomfortable inclination never to stay put, although, at any given moment they are, and must be, valid for all. -- Hannah Arendt 3858The desire for modeling a prototype is inversely proportional to the decline of the prototype. 3859The desire for racial integration increases with the square of the distance from the actual event. 3860The desire of knowledge, like the thirst of riches, increases ever with the acquisition of it. -- Sterne 3861The desire of power in excess caused angels to fall; the desire of knowledge in excess caused man to fall; but in charity is no excess, neither can man or angels come into danger by it. -- Bacon 3862The devil can cite scripture for his purpose. 3863The devil can quote scripture for his purpose. -- Shakespeare 3864The devil could change. He was once an angel and may be evolving still. 3865The devil does not stay where the music is. 3866The devil hath power to assume a pleasing shape. 3867The devil is a gentleman who never goes where he is not welcome. 3868The devil is easy to identify. He appears when you're terribly tired and makes a very reasonable request which you know you shouldn't grant. 3869The devil is making his pitch. 3870The devil knew not what he did when he made man politic. -- Shakespeare 3871The devil would be the best way out as an excuse for God ... But even so, one can hold God responsible for the existence of the Devil. 3872The difference between a career and a job is twenty or more hours a week. 3873The difference between a chef and a cook seems to be in who cleans up the kitchen. -- Paul Sweeney 3874The difference between a rich man and a poor man is this--the former eats when he pleases, the latter when he can get it. -- Sir Walter Raleigh 3875The difference between a successful career and a mediocre one sometimes consists of leaving about four or five things a day unsaid. 3876The difference between failure and success is doing a thing nearly right and doing a thing exactly right. -- Edward Simmons 3877The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't. 3878The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning, while those other subjects merely require scholarship. -- Lazarus Long 3879The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly proportional to the importance of the consequences of failing to find it. -- Milt Barber 3880The difficulty of getting anything started increases with the square of the of the number of people involved. -- Jim MacGregor 3881The difficulty of the coordination task often blinds one to the fact that a fully coordinated piece of paper is not supposed to be either the major or the final product of the organization, but it often turns out that way. -- Amrom Katz 3882The difficulty with humorists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't; whichever seems likelier to win an effect. -- John Updike 3883The diminutive chains of habit are seldom heavy enough to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. -- Johnson 3884The discipline of desire is the background of character. -- John Locke 3885The distance between the ticket counter and you plane is directly proportional to the weight of what you are carrying and inversely proportional to the time remaining before takeoff. -- Gary Witzenburg 3886The distance from the gate from which you flight departs is inversely proportionate to the time remaining before the scheduled departure of the flight. -- Edward S. Mills 3887The distance you have to park from your apartment increases in proportion to the weight of the packages you are carrying. 3888The doctor hoped to save for science An abnormal baby, bred Of who knows what mad misalliance ... Too late. One head's already dead. 3889The doctrine of the material efficacy of prayer reduces the Creator to a cosmic bellhop of a not very bright or reliable kind. 3890The dog was created especially for children. He is the god of frolic. -- Henry Ward Beecher 3891The doing evil to avoid an evil cannot be good. -- Coleridge 3892The dossier is not the person. -- Dr. John Gall 3893The duty of the people is to tend to their affairs. The duty of government is to help them do it. This is the pasta of politics. The inspired leader, the true prince, no matter how great, can only be sauce upon the pasta. -- Italo Bombolini 3894The early bird catches the worm as a rule, but the guy who comes along later may be having lobster Newburg and crepes suzette. -- Charles Merrill Smith 3895The early morning has gold in its mouth. -- Benjamin Franklin 3896The early sun is gold in the mouth. 3897The earth, that's nature's mother, is her tomb. -- Shakespeare 3898The earthmen dump their cola-bottles, Cans and packs and empty jars, At random... so the aesthete throttles Those who made the mess on Mars. 3899The easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and add ten percent. 3900The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. -- Jack Rosenbaum 3901The easiest way to refold a road map is differently. 3902The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters. -- Jean-Paul Kauffmann 3903The education of a man is never completed until he dies. -- Robert E. Lee 3904The effectiveness of a politician varies in inverse proportion to his commitment to principle. -- Sam Shaffer 3905The effort expended by the bureaucracy in defending any error is in direct proportion to the size of the error. -- John Nies 3906The effort required to correct course increases geometrically with time. 3907The empty vessel makes the greatest sound. -- Shakespeare 3908The end of man is an action, and not a thought, though it were the noblest. -- Carlyle 3909The energy required to change either one of two states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task impossible. -- David Gerrold 3910The error-detection and correction capabilities of any system will serve as the key to understanding the type of errors which they cannot handle. -- Tom Gibb 3911The essence of intelligence is skill in extracting meaning from everyday experience. 3912The essence of life is taking over. 3913The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interr'd with their bones. -- Shakespeare 3914The evil you teach us, we will execute, and it shall go hard but we will better the instruction. -- Shakespeare 3915The excesses of our youth are drafts upon our old age, payable with interest, about thirty years after date. -- Colton 3916The expenditure of funds is critical--engineers and scientists should not be permitted to authorize any purchase. -- Richard F. Moore 3917The expert judgement of an institution, when the matters involve continuation of the institution's operations, is totally predictable, and hence the finding is totally worthless. -- Robert N. Kharasch 3918The explanation requiring the fewest assumptions is the most likely to be correct. 3919The eye sees not itself but by reflection, by some other things. -- Shakespeare 3920The eyes of the emperor are everywhere. -- Brodrig 3921The fact is, squire, the moment a man takes to a good pipe, he becomes a philosopher; it's the poor man's friend; it calms the mind, soothes the temper, and makes a man patient under troubles; it has made more good men good husbands, kind masters, indulgent fathers and honest fellows, than any other thing on this universal world. -- Richard Haliburton 3922The fact, in short, is that freedom, to be meaningful in an organized society, must consist of an amalgam of hierarchy of freedoms and restraints. -- Samuel Hendel 3923The faculty expands its activity to fit whatever space is available, so that more space is always required. -- Thomas L. Martin 3924The faith in which I was brought up assured me that I was better than other people: I was saved, they were damned ... Our hymns were loaded with arrogance--self-congratulation on how cozy we were with the Almighty and what a high opinion he had of us, what hell everybody else would catch come judgement day. -- Robert Heinlein 3925The farther away from the entrance of the market (theater, or any other given location) that you have to park, the closer the space vacated by the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door. -- Judith deMille Berson 3926The faster the plane, the narrower the seats. -- John H. Durrell 3927The fault lies not with our technology but with our systems. -- Roger Levin 3928The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in ourselves that we are underlings. -- William Shakespeare 3929The fawning, sneaking, and flattering hypocrite, that will do, or be anything, for his own advantage. --Stillingfleet 3930The fear of capitalism has compelled socialism to widen freedom, and the fear of socialism has compelled capitalism to increase equality. -- Will and Ariel Durant 3931The fewer our wants, the nearer we resemble the gods. -- Socrates 3932The final answer will exceed the magnitude or precision or both of the calculator. 3933The finding of threats to security by a security office is totally predictable, and hence the finding is totally worthless. -- Robert N. Kharasch 3934The firmest friendships have been formed in mutual adversity, as iron is most strongly welded by the fiercest fire. 3935The first 90 percent of the task takes 90 percent of the time, the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent. 3936The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat oneself. All sin is easy after that. -- Baily 3937The first creation of God in the works of the days was the light of the sense, the last was the light of the reason; and his Sabbath work ever since is the illumination of the spirit. -- Bacon 3938The first draught a man drinks ought to be for thirst, the second for nourishment, the third for pleasure, the fourth for madness. 3939The first idea that the child must acquire, in order to be actively disciplined, is that of the difference between good and evil; and the task of the educator lies in seeing that the child does not confuse good with immobility, and evil with activity. 3940The first impression one gets of a new ruler and his brains is from seeing the men he has chosen to have around him. 3941The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next, good sense, the third, good humor, and the fourth, wit. -- Sir William Temple 3942The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill. -- Robert Heller 3943The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. -- Paul Ehrlich 3944The first sample is always the best. -- William K. Wright 3945The first step to knowledge is to know that we are ignorant. -- Cecil 3946The first symptom of love in a young man is timidity, in a girl it is boldness. The two sexes have a tendency to approach, and each assumes the qualities of the other. -- Victor Hugo 3947The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue. 3948The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity. 3949The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It's the same with men. -- Lupe Velez 3950The flood of my tears washed out the bridge of my nose. 3951The food that I like best--the food that makes me hungry just to think of-- is very simple ... When I cook I try never to get too far away from that kind of simplicity. -- Jeremiah Tower 3952The forces of a capitalist society, if left unchecked, tend to make the rich richer and the poor poorer. -- Jawaharial Nehru 3953The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, grapple them to thy soul with hooks of steel; but do not dull thy palm with entertainment of each new hatched, unfledged comrade. -- Shakespeare 3954The fullest instruction, and the fullest enjoyment are never derived from books, till we have ventilated the ideas thus obtained, in free and easy chat with others. -- William Matthews 3955The function of socialism is to raise suffering to a higher level. -- Norman Mailer 3956The fundamental idea of good is that it consists in preserving life, in favoring it, in wanting to bring it to its highest value, and evil consists in destroying life, doing it injury, hindering its development. -- Albert Schweitzer 3957The further an individual is from the poorhouse, the more expert one becomes on the ghetto. -- James L. Davis 3958The fury engendered by the misspelling of a name in a column is in direct ratio to the obscurity of the mentionee. -- Alan Deitz 3959The gamester, if he die a martyr to his profession, is doubly ruined. He adds his soul to every other's loss, and by the act of suicide, renounces earth to forfeit heaven. -- Colton 3960The gates of hell are open night and day; Smooth the descent, and easy is the way; But to return, and view the cheerful skies, In this the task and mighty labor dies. -- Dryden 3961The general prizes most the fortress which took the longest siege. -- Edward Garrett 3962The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep. 3963The goal of all life is death. -- Sigmund Freud 3964The goal of yesterday will be the starting point of tomorrow. -- Carlyle 3965The gods plant reason in mankind, of all good gifts the highest. -- Sophocles 3966The good are better made by ill, As odors crush'd are sweeter still. -- Rogers 3967The good die young--because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good. 3968The good need fear no law, It is his safety, and the bad man's awe. -- Massinger, Middleton, and Rowley 3969The government [is] extremely fond of amassing great quantities of statistics. These are raised to the nth degree, the cube roots are extracted, and the results are arranged into elaborate and impressive displays. What must be kept ever in mind, however, is that in every case, the figures are first put down by a village watchman, and he puts down anything he damn well pleases. -- Sir Josiah Stamp 3970The great creative individual ... is capable of more wisdom and virtue than collective man ever can be. -- John Stuart Mill 3971The great end of education is to discipline rather than to furnish the mind; to train it to the use of its own powers, rather than fill it with the accumulation of others. -- Tryon Edwards 3972The great god Ra whose shrine once covered acres Is filler now for crossword-puzzle makers. 3973The great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure. 3974The great secret of life is never to be in the way of others. -- Haliburton 3975The great truths are too important to be new. -- Somerset Maugham 3976The greater the number of professionals (advanced degrees preferred) assigned to a project, the greater the progress. -- Richard F. Moore 3977The greatest danger to human beings is their consciousness of the trivialities of their aims. -- Gerald Brennen 3978The greatest genius is never so great as when is is chastised and subdued by the highest reason. 3979The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis 3980The greatest genius is never so great as when it is chastised and subdued by the highest reason. -- Colton 3981The greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none. -- Carlyle 3982The greatest of fools is he who imposes on himself, and in greatest concern thinks certainly he knows that which he has least studied, and of which he is profoundly ignorant. -- Shaftesbury 3983The greatest productive force is human selfishness. 3984The greatest truths are the simplest; so are the greatest men. 3985The greatness of kings is made at the margin; the greatness of legislatures, at the mean. That is to say, a monarch is judged by individual virtues and performance, but no legislature can be called great because it contained one or a few impressive individuals, to whom it paid no heed. The standard of judgement for monarchs and legislatures is always the same: the happiness and well-being of the people. -- Michael Scully 3986The guard dies, but never surrenders. -- Fougemont 3987The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. 3988The hardest thing is to disguise your feelings when you put a lot of relatives on the train for home. 3989The heart is wiser than the intellect. 3990The heart will break, yet brokenly live on. -- Lord Byron 3991The herd instinct among forecasters make sheep look like independent thinker. -- Edgar R. Fiedler 3992The high-water mark, so to speak, of Socialist literature is W. H. Auden, a sort of gutless Kipling. -- George Orwell 3993The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind. -- Gen. Joe Stilwell 3994The higher the tuition, the fewer days they spend in school. -- Frank Mankiewicz 3995The higher you go the more dependent you become on others. 3996The higher, the fewer. 3997The history of liberty has largely been the history of the observance of procedural safeguards. -- Justice Felix Frankfurter 3998The history of liberty is the history of resistance ... [it is a] history of the limitation of governmental power. -- Woodrow Wilson 3999The history of the world is the record of man in quest of his daily bread and butter. 4000The hole and the patch should be commensurate. -- Thomas Jefferson 4001The home is not the one tame place in the world of adventure. It is the one wild place in the world of rules and set tasks. -- G. K. Chesterson 4002The honeymoon is over when he phones that he'll be late for supper--and she has already left a note that it's in the refrigerator. -- Bill Lawrence 4003The human heart is often the victim of the sensations of the moment; success intoxicates it to presumption, and disappointment dejects and terrifies it. -- Volney 4004The human race never solves any of its problems--it only outlives them. -- Solomon Short 4005The hypnotist is fascinating Mary in her modest gown, Meantime mentally debating: Is she blonde the whole way down? 4006The idea is for a woman to make her life as big, as challenging as she can, and know that during that life there will be men who will love her for what she is trying to be, just as there have always been men who loved her for not trying to be anything at all. -- Lee Grant 4007The idea is to die young as late as possible. -- Ashley Montagu 4008The implied convertibility between a unit of real money produced by labor and an article of wealth created by human labor for the market must be assured. Therefore, the value of the monetary unit should have a real objective regulator. -- Lewis E. Lehrman 4009The importance of the man and his job, in that relative order, rises in direct proportion to the distance separating his audience from his home office. 4010The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr. -- Will Rogers 4011The income tax has make more liars out of the American people than golf has. -- Will Rogers 4012The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communication between different levels in a heirarchy is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding. -- Thomas L. Martin 4013The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay! 4014The information you have is not what you need. 4015The information you have is not what you want. 4016The information you need is not what you can obtain. 4017The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. -- Winston Churchill 4018The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr. -- Mohammed 4019The insolent civility of a proud man is, if possible, more shocking than his rudeness could be; because he shows you, by his manner, that he thinks it mere condescension in him; and that his goodness alone bestows upon you what you have no pretense to claim. -- Chesterfield 4020The integral of the gravitational potential taken around any loop trail you choose to hike always comes out positive. -- Milt Barber 4021The intellect of the wise is like glass; it admits the light of heaven and reflects it. -- Hare 4022The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants. -- Adam Walinsky 4023The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man almost nothing. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 4024The intensity of movie publicity is in inverse ratio to the quality of the movie. -- Gene Shalit 4025The intoxication of anger, like that of the grape, shows up to others, but hides us from ourselves, and we injure our own cause, in the opinion of the world, when we too passionately and eagerly defend it. -- Colton 4026The job of satire is to frighten and enlighten. -- Richard Condon 4027The keen spirit Seized the prompt occasion--makes the thought Start into instant action, and at once Plans and performs, resolves and executes. -- Hannah Moore 4028The knob that fires the mighty missile May make World War Three begin, Write our fate in fires of fissile-- Hey! You fool! You've knocked it in! 4029The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting. -- Charles P. Boyle 4030The larger the project or job, the less time there is to do it. -- George A. Daher 4031The larva from its dusty cranny Danny took, and laid on cloth To watch it hatch ... Too bad for Danny! He thought the pupa held a moth. 4032The last rush-hour express bus to your neighborhood leave five minutes before you get off work. -- John Corcoran 4033The last thing one knows is what to put first. -- Pascal 4034The last, best fruit which comes to perfection, even in the kindliest soul, is, tenderness toward the hard, forbearance toward the unforbearing, warmth of heart toward the cold, philanthropy toward the misanthropic. -- Richter 4035The leader who can enlist cooperation and respect, without having to pull rank, has power of the most positive kind. 4036The leadership of the privileged has passed away; but it has not been succeeded by the leadership of the eminent. We have entered the region of mass effects. -- Winston Churchill 4037The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance. 4038The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people present. -- Eileen Shanahan 4039The length of any meeting is inversely proportional to the length of the agenda for that meeting. -- G. Robert McLaughlin 4040The length of debate varies inversely with the complexity of the issue. -- Robert Knowles 4041The less a thing can be proved, the angrier we get when we argue about it. 4042The less important you are on the table of organization, the more you'll be missed if you don't show up for work. 4043The less some people know the more eager they are to tell you about it. 4044The less there is between you and the environment, the more you appreciate the environment. 4045The less you enjoy serving on committees, the more likely you are to be pressed to do so. (Explanation: If you do not like committees, you keep quiet, nod your head, and look wise while thinking of something else and thereby acquire the reputation of being a judicious and cooperative colleague; if you enjoy committees, you talk a lot, make many suggestions and are regarded by the other members as a nuisance. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi 4046The life expectancy of a television comedian is proportional to the total amount of exposure on the medium. 4047The life of a cigarette is proportional to the intensity of the protests from the non-smokers. -- Raj K. Dhawan 4048The life of a pious minister is visible rhetoric. -- Hooker 4049The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon. 4050The likelihood of anything happening is in direct proportion to the amount of trouble it will cause if it does happen. -- Sam W. Warren 4051The limerick is furtive and mean; You must keep her in close quarantine, Or she sneaks to the slums and promptly becomes Disorderly, drunk and obscene. 4052The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep. -- Woody Allen 4053The little mind who loves itself, will write and think with the vulgar; but the great mind will be bravely eccentric, and scorn the beaten road, from universal benevolence. -- Oliver Goldsmith 4054The little sweet doth kill much bitterness. 4055The local density of mosquitos is inversely proportional to your remaining repellant. -- Milt Barber 4056The long habit of living indisposeth us for dying. -- Sir Thomas Browne 4057The longer ahead you plan a special event, and the more special it is, the more likely it is to go wrong. -- David and Jane Evelyn 4058The longer the title, the less important the job. -- Robert Shrum 4059The loss of liberty in general would soon follow the suppression of the liberty of the press; for it is an essential branch of liberty, so perhaps it is the best preservative of the whole. -- John Peter Zenger 4060The love of money is the root of all evil; which while some coveted after they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. -- I Timothy VI, 10 4061The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others. 4062The main beneficiaries of federal aid are those states that most oppose the principle. -- Bob Smith 4063The main impact of the computer has been the provision of unlimited jobs for clerks. 4064The majority of us are for free speech only when it deals with those subjects concerning which we have no intense convictions. -- Edmund B. Chafee 4065The man who builds and wants wherewith to pay Provides a home from which to run away. -- Young 4066The man who has ceased to learn ought not to be allowed to wander around loose in these dangerous days. -- M. M. Coady 4067The man who has not anything to boast of but his illustrious ancestors, is like a potato--the only thing belonging to him is underground. -- Sir T. Overbury 4068The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. -- Henri-Frederic Amiel 4069The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. 4070The man who sees the consistency in things is a wit, the man who sees the inconsistency in things is a humorist. -- G. K. Chesterton 4071The man who smiles when things go wrong, has thought of someone he can blame it on. 4072The man who will live above his present circumstances is in great danger of living in a little time much beneath them. -- Addison 4073The manner of giving, shows the character of the giver, more than the gift itself. -- Lavater 4074The march of the human mind is slow. -- Edmund Burke 4075The master's eye makes the horse fat. 4076The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he never would be found out. -- Thomas Babington Macaulay 4077The measure of choosing well is whether a man likes what he has chosen. -- Lamb 4078The mechanistic world view, taking the play of physical particles as ultimate reality, found its expression in a civilization which glorifies physical technology that has led eventually to the catastrophes of our time. Possibly the model of the world as a great organization can help to reinforce the sense of reverence for the living which we have almost lost in the last sanguinary decades of human history. -- Ludwig von Bertalanffy 4079The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights. -- J. Paul Getty 4080The meek shall inherit the Earth. In three foot by six foot plots. -- Lazarus Long 4081The mere act of hearing or reading wise statements and sound advice does little for anyone. In the process of learning, the learner's dynamic cooperation is required. 4082The mind of man is vastly like a hive; His thoughts are busy ever--all alive; But here the simile will go no further; For bees are making honey, one and all; Man's thoughts are busy in producing gall, Committing, as it were, self-murther. -- Dr. Wolcott 4083The mind ought sometimes to be amused, that it may the better return to thought, and to itself. -- Phaedrus 4084The mind ought sometimes to be diverted, that it may return the better to thinking. -- Phoedrus 4085The mind unlearns with difficulty what it has long learned. -- Seneca 4086The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't. 4087The minute you sign a client is the minute you start to lose him. -- James M. Blankenship 4088The misnaming of fields of study is so common as to lead to what might be general systems laws. For example, Frank Harary once suggested the law that any field that had the word "science" in its name was guaranteed thereby not to be a science. He would cite as examples Military Science, Library Science, Political Science, Homemaking Science, Social Science, and Computer Science. Discuss the generality of this law, and possible reasons for its predictive power. -- Gerald Weinberg, An Introduction to General Systems Thinking. 4089The mode by which the inevitable comes to pass is effort. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes 4090The modern child will answer you back before you've said anything. -- Laurence J. Peter 4091The moment a woman marries, some terrible revolution happens in her system; all her good qualities vanish, presto, like eggs out of a conjurers box. 'Tis true that they appear on the other side of the box, but for the husband, they are gone forever. -- Bulwer 4092The moment you forecast, you know you're going to be wrong, you just don't know when and in which direction. -- Edgar R. Fiedler 4093The moment you have worked out an answer, start checking it. It probably isn't right. -- Edmund C. Berkeley 4094The monarch oak, the patriarch of the trees, Shoots rising up, and spreads by slow degrees; Three centuries he grows, and three he stays Supreme in state; and in three more decays. -- Dryden 4095The moral law is written on the tablets of eternity. For every false word or unrighteous deed, for cruelty and oppression, for lust or vanity, the price has to be paid at last. -- J. A. Froude 4096The moral world is as little exempt as the physical world from the law of ceaseless change, of perpetual flux. -- Sir James Frazer 4097The more I see of man, the more I like dogs. -- Mme. de Stael 4098The more a recruit knew about a given subject, the better chance he had of receiving an assignment involving some other subject. -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson 4099The more campaigning, the better. -- Larry O'Brien 4100The more complex the idea or technology, the more simpleminded is the opposition. 4101The more enthusiastic, unruly, and large the candidate's crowds in the week before the election, the less likely he is to carry the area. -- Frank Mankiewicz 4102The more heavily a man is supposed to be taxed, the more power he has to escape being taxed. -- Diogenes 4103The more honesty a man has, the less he affects the air of a saint. -- Lavater 4104The more honesty a man has, the less he affects the air of a saint. The affectation of sanctity is a blotch on the face of piety. -- Lavater 4105The more intelligent and competent a woman is in her adult life, the less likely she is to have received an adequate amount of romantic attention in adolescence. -- Susan Jacoby 4106The more qualified candidates who are available, the more likely the compromise will be on the candidate whose main qualification is a non-threatening incompetence. -- Mark B. Cohen 4107The more right one is, the more careful he should be to express his opinion tactfully. The other fellow never likes to be proved wrong. -- John Luther 4108The more the change, the more it is the same thing. -- Alphonse Karr 4109The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do it in. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing. 4110The more unworkable the urban plan, the greater the probability of implementation. -- Robert Wood 4111The more urgent the need for decision, the less apparent becomes the identity of the decision-maker. 4112The more we love, the nearer we are to hate. -- La Rochefoucauld 4113The more wit the less courage. -- Thomas Fuller 4114The more you speak of yourself, the more you are likely to lie. -- Zimmerman 4115The most agreeable of all companions is a simple, frank man, without any high pretensions to an oppressive greatness; one who loves life, and understands the use of it; obliging, alike at all hours; above all, of a golden temper, and steadfast as an anchor. For such a one we gladly change the great genius, the most brilliant wit, the profoundest thinker. -- Lessing 4116The most alarming of all man's assaults upon the environment is the contamination of air, earth, rivers, and sea ... this pollution is for the most part irrecoverable. -- Rachel Carson 4117The most certain sign of being born with great qualities is to be born without envy. -- La Rochefoucauld 4118The most common commodity in this country is unrealized potential. -- Calvin Coolidge 4119The most difficult light bulb to replace burns out first and most frequently. -- Joe Anderson 4120The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself. -- Thales 4121The most egotistical person we've ever heard of is the one who remarked that he had only been wrong once in his life and that was when he thought he was wrong but wasn't. 4122The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise. -- Preem Palver, First Speaker 4123The most trifling actions that affect a man's credit are to be regarded. The sound of your hammer at five in the morning, or at nine at night, heard by a creditor, makes him easy six months longer; but if he sees you at a Billiard table, or hears your voice at a Tavern, when you should be at work, he sends for his money the next day. -- Benjamin Franklin 4124The most undesirable things are the most certain (e. g., death and taxes). -- Martin S. Kottmeyer 4125The most utterly lost of all days, is that in which you have not once laughed. -- Chamfort 4126The narrower the mind the broader the statement. -- Ted Cook 4127The nation had the lion's heart. I had the luck to give the roar. -- Winston Churchill 4128The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground. -- Thomas Jefferson 4129The nearer the bone the sweeter the meat. 4130The net weight of you boots is proportional to the cube of the number of hours you have been on the trail. -- Milt Barber 4131The new electronic independence recreates the world in the image of a global village. 4132The next best thing to knowing something is knowing where to find it. -- Samuel Johnson 4133The next class is always three buildings away on a rainy day. -- M. M. Johnston 4134The notion of the Trinity of Gods has enfeebled the belief in one God. A multiplication of beliefs acts as a division of belief; and in proportion as anything is divided it is weakened. 4135The notion that the church, the press, and the universities should serve the state is essentially a Communist notion ... In a free society these institutions must be wholly free--which is to say that their function is to serve as checks upon the state. -- Alan Barth 4136The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the resulting dish. -- John Calkins 4137The number of errors in any piece of writing rises in proportion to the writer's reliance on secondary sources. -- Harold Faber 4138The number of errors make is equal to the sum of the "squares" involved. 4139The number of letters written to the editor is inversely proportional to the importance of the article. -- Robert L. Marcus 4140The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail. -- Milt Barber 4141The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives. -- Robert Maynard Hutchins 4142The odds are 6:5 that if one has late classes, one's roommate will have the earliest possible classes. 4143The office space and salaries of college administrators are in inverse proportion to those of the instructors. -- M. M. Johnston 4144The oil can is mightier than the sword. -- Everett Dirksen 4145The one real object of education is to have a man in the condition of continually asking questions. -- Bishop Mandell Creighton 4146The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next. -- Mignon McLaughlin 4147The only difference between a fool and a criminal who attacks a system is that the fool attacks unpredictably and on a broader front. -- Tom Gibb 4148The only for a rich man to be healthy is by exercise and abstinence, to live as if he were poor. -- William Temple 4149The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance. 4150The only important result of a meeting is agreement about next steps. -- Charles Wolf, Jr. 4151The only programs a grown-up can possibly stand are those that cater to those pre-adolescent fantasies that most have never abandoned. -- Richard Schickel 4152The only rose without thorns is friendship. 4153The only sense that is common in the long run, is the sense of change--and we all instinctively avoid it. -- E. B. White 4154The only thing more reliable than Magik is one's friends. -- Macbeth, King of Scotland. 4155The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. 4156The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax. 4157The only thing worse than an expert is someone who thinks he's an expert. 4158The only things that evolve by themselves in an organization are disorder, friction, and malperformance. 4159The only unbreakable rule: To thine own self be true, and it follows as the night the day that you cannot be false to any man. 4160The only way a reporter should look at a politician is down. -- Frank Kent, Baltimore Sun 4161The only way for a rich man to be healthy is, by exercise and abstinence, to live as if he were poor. -- Sir William Temple 4162The only way to compel men to speak good of us is to do it. -- Voltaire 4163The only way to conquer fear is to keep doing the thing you fear to do. 4164The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them to the impossible. -- Arthur C. Clarke 4165The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them to the impossible. -- Arthur C. Clarke 4166The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it....I can resist everything but temptation. -- Oscar Wilde 4167The only winner in the war of 1812 was Tchaikovsky. -- Solomon Short 4168The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them. -- Karl Marx 4169The opportunity for graft equals the plethora of legal requirements multiplied by the number of architects, engineers, and builders. 4170The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it. -- J. Robert Oppenheimer 4171The organization of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank--the really big chunks always rise to the top. -- Professor John Imhoff 4172The organization of any program reflects the organization of the people who develop it. -- Bill Gray 4173The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. 4174The other line moves faster. This applies to all lines--bank, supermarket, tollbooth, customs, and so on. And don't try to change lines. The Other Line--the one you were in originally--will then move faster. -- Barbara Ettorre 4175The passions and desires, like the two twists of a rope, mutually mix one with the other, and twine inextricably round the heart; producing good if moderately indulged; but certain destruction, if suffered to become inordinate. -- Burton 4176The passions are the only orators that always persuade. -- La Rochefoucauld 4177The passions, like heavy bodies down steep hills, once in motion, move themselves, and know no ground but the bottom. -- Fuller 4178The paths of glory lead but to the grave. -- Gray 4179The paths of glory lead but to the grave. -- Grey's Elegy 4180The patient can oftener do without the doctor, than the doctor without the patient. -- Zimmerman 4181The pedestrian had no idea where to go, so I ran over him. 4182The pedestrian works where I work. She is a standards coordinator. Funny she should be the one I hit. 4183The pen is mightier than the sword; and easier to write with. 4184The people always want to hear when the mighty stag is brought to the ground by a pack of common dogs. -- Babbaluche the cobbler 4185The people most preoccupied with titles and status are usually the least deserving of them. 4186The people who are rising in the world take over. The people who are sinking are taken over. -- Sepp von Plum 4187The perpetual obstacle to human advancement is custom. -- John Stuart Mill 4188The person who buys the most raffle tickets has the least chance of winning. -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson 4189The person who considers five or six possible solutions to a problem is more apt to find the right answer than the person who only considers one or two. 4190The person whose clothes are extremely fine I am too apt to consider as not being possessed of any superiority of fortune, but resembling those Indians who are found to wear all the gold they have in the world in a bob at the nose. -- Oliver Goldsmith 4191The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes. 4192The persons hardest to convince they're at the retirement age are children at bedtime. -- Shannon Fife 4193The philosophers have only interpreted the world; the thing, however, is to change it. -- Karl Marx 4194The philosophy of one century is the common sense of the next. -- Henry Ward Beecher 4195The phone will not ring until you leave your desk and walk to the other end of the building. -- Linda A. Lawyer 4196The phrase "we(I)(you) simply MUST ..." designates something that need not be done. "That goes without saying" is a red warning. "Of course" means you had best check it yourself. These small-change cliches and others like them, when read correctly, are reliable channel markers. -- Lazarus Long 4197The planets in their distant courses Exert a baleful influence. They stack the cards, they slow down horses-- My God, their power must be immense! 4198The plural of spouse is spice. 4199The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. -- George Bernard Shaw 4200The price of freedom of religion or of speech or of the press is that we must put up with, and even pay for, a good deal of rubbish. -- Justice Robert Jackson 4201The primary aim of all government regulation of economic life of the community should be, not to supplant the system of private economic enterprise, but to make it work. -- Carl Becker 4202The primary purpose of a liberal education is to make one's mind a pleasant place in which to spend one's leisure. -- Sydney J. Harris 4203The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters to win the next election. 4204The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the opening of new frontiers. 4205The privilege of absurdity; to which no living creature is subject but man only. -- Thomas Hobbs 4206The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young woman increases by pyramidical progression when he is already in the company of (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a better looking and richer male friend. -- Ronald H. Beifeld 4207The probability of an event's occurring varies directly with the perversity of the inanimate object involved and inversely with product of its desirability and the effort expended to produce it. -- Walter Mule 4208The problem of civil society is twofold: how to identify and select wise rulers, and how to assure that their wisdom will be used for the benefit of the ruled--or of the common good as distinct from their private good. -- Harry V. Jaffa 4209The problem-solving process will always break down at the point at which it is possible to determine who caused the problem. 4210The product of an arithmetical computation is the answer to an equation; it is not the solution to a problem. -- G. O. Ashley 4211The professional quality of the faculty tends to be inversely proportional to the importance it attaches to space and equipment. -- Thomas L. Martin 4212The profoundly wise do not declaim against superficial knowledge in others, as much as the profoundly ignorant. -- Colton 4213The public is not made up of people who get their names in the papers. -- Woodrow Wilson 4214The puritans hated bearbaiting not because it gave pain to the bear, but because if gave pleasure to the spectators. -- Macaulay 4215The purpose of freedom is to create it for others. -- Bernard Malamud 4216The purpose of satire is to strip off the veneer of comforting illusion and cozy half-truth. And our business, as I see it, is to put it back again. -- Michael Flanders 4217The quality of a department is inversely proportional to the number of courses it lists in its catalogue. -- Professor Joel Hildebrand 4218The quality of legislation passed to deal with a problem is inversely proportional to the volume of media clamor that brought it on. -- G. Ray Funkhouser 4219The quality of your work will be affected as much by your attitude as by your skill. 4220The quantity of rhetoric has been directly proportional to the lack of action. -- Arthur Herzog 4221The question, "Who ought to be boss?" is like asking, "Who ought to be tenor in the quartet?" Obviously the man who can sing tenor. -- Henry Ford 4222The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them. -- Mark Twain 4223The radical novelty in modern science lies precisely in the rejection of the belief, which is at the heart of all popular religion, that the forces which move the stars and atoms are contingent upon the preferences of the human heart. -- Walter Lippmann 4224The rain has such a friendly sound to one who's six feet underground. -- Edna St. Vincent Millay 4225The rate of hospital admissions responds the bed availability. Or, if we insist on installing more beds, they will tend to get filled. -- Dr. Milton Roemer 4226The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will being to think like computers. 4227The real fight today is against inhuman, relentless exercise of capitalistic power ... The present struggle in which we are engaged is for social and industrial justice. -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis 4228The reason I know my youth is all spent? My get up and go got up and went. -- Len Ingebrigston 4229The reason for the rush is the delay and, conversely the reason for the delay is the rush. 4230The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as twilight approaches. -- Milt Barber 4231The reputation of a man is like his shadow: It sometimes follows and sometimes precedes him, it is sometimes longer and sometimes shorter than his natural size. 4232The reverence of a man's self is, next to religion, the cheifest bridle of all vices. -- Lord Bacon 4233The reward of energy, enterprise, and thrift--is taxes. 4234The rich get richer, and the poor get poorer. The haves get more, the have-nots die. 4235The rider likes best the horse which needs most breaking in. -- Edward Garrett 4236The rights we have today we may consider natural rights, but they were won by blood, sweat, sacrifice, and death. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower 4237The river is moving; the blackbird must be flying. 4238The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. -- William Blake 4239The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. -- Samuel Johnson (In which case, the road to Heaven must be paved with bad ones.) 4240The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And littered with sloppy analysis! 4241The ruling passion, be it what it will, The ruling passion conquers reason still. -- Alexander Pope 4242The scholar without good-breeding is a pedant, the philosopher a cynic, the soldier a brute, and every man disagreeable. -- Chesterfield 4243The scientist is at the moving edge of what's happening. -- Dr. Gerald M. Edelman 4244The seal of truth is on thy gallant form, for none but cowards lie. -- Murphy 4245The secret of education is respecting the pupil. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson 4246The secret to winning the support of large groups of people is positive thinking. -- Napolean Bonaparte 4247The seeds of our own punishment are sown at the same time we commit sin. -- Hesiod 4248The seeds of repentance are sown in youth by pleasure, but the harvest is reaped in age by plain. -- Colton 4249The setting of a great hope is like the setting of the sun. The brightness of our life is gone, shadows of the enening fall around us, and the world seems but a dim reflection itself--a broader shadow. We look forward into the coming lonely night; the soul withdraws itself. Then stars arise, and the night is wholly. -- Longfellow 4250The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep's throat, for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act as the destroyer of liberty. -- Abraham Lincoln 4251The shortest and surest way of arriving at real knowledge is to unlearn the lessons we have been taught, to remount first principles, and to take nobody's word about them. -- Bolingbroke 4252The shortest answer is doing the thing. 4253The shortest measurable interval of time is the time between the moment I put a little extra aside for a sudden emergency and the arrival of that emergency. 4254The simple but difficult arts of paying attention, copying accurately, following an argument, detecting an ambiguity or a false inference, testing guesses bu summoning up contrary instances, organizing one's time and one's thought for study--all these arts ... cannot be taught in the air but only through the difficulties of a defined subject; they cannot be taught in one course on one year, but must be acquired gradually in dozens of connections. -- Jacques Barzun 4255The simple realization that there are other points of view is the beginning of wisdom. Understanding what they are is a great step. The final test is understanding why they are held. -- Charles M. Campbell 4256The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick. 4257The size of each of the stones in you boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail. -- Milt Barber 4258The social problems raised by science must be faced and solved by the humanities. -- Harold Dodd 4259The society which scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because philosophy is an exalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy. Neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water. -- John W. Gardner 4260The solution to a problem changes the problem. -- John Peers 4261The soul of this man is in his clothes. -- Shakespeare 4262The sound of laughter has always seemed to me the most civilized music in the universe. -- Peter Ustinov 4263The spaceship with its human cargo Speeds from star to blazing star. The captain, humming Handel's Largo, Wonders where the hell they are. 4264The specialist learns more and more about less and less until, finally, he knows everything about nothing; whereas the generalist learns less and less about more and more until, finally, he knows nothing about everything. 4265The speed at which the legislative process seems to work is in inverse proportion to your enthusiasm for the bill. If you want a bill to move quickly, committee hearings, the rules committee, and legislative procedures appear to be roadblocks to democracy. If you do not want the bill to pass, such procedures are essential to furthering representative government, etc., etc. -- Pierre S. du Pont 4266The speed of exit of a civil servant is directly proportional to the quality of his service. -- Ralph Nader 4267The spirit of liberty is the spirit which is not too sure it is always right. -- Judge Learned Hand 4268The spirit of public service will rise, and the bureaucracy will multiply itself much faster, in time of grave national concern. -- Taylor Branch 4269The splendor of an editor's speech and the splendor of his newspaper are inversely related to the distance between the city in which he makes his speech and the city in which he publishes his paper. -- Ben Bragdikian 4270The squeaky hinge gets the oil. -- Gene Franklin 4271The squeaky wheel gets the grease, but the yapping dog gets kicked. 4272The star of riches is shining upon you. 4273The stature of a science is commonly measured by the degree to which it makes use of mathematics. -- S. S. Stevens 4274The sterile radical is basically ... conservative. He is afraid to let go of the ideas and beliefs he picked up in his youth lest his life be seen as empty and wasted. -- Eric Hoffer 4275The story of man is the history, first, of the acceptance and imposition of restraints necessary to permit communal life; and second, of the emancipation of the individual within that system of necessary restraints. -- Justice Abe Fortas 4276The structure of the joke is ... the juxtaposition of the trivial and the mundane ... We have to reconcile the paradox of it all. The joke mirrors the paradox. -- Woody Allen 4277The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong denomination. -- Charles P. Boyle 4278The sufficiency of my merit is to know that my merit is not sufficient. -- Augustine 4279The summer day has clos'd--the sun is set; Well have they done their office, those bright hours, The latest of whose train goes swiftly out In the red west. -- Bryant 4280The sumptuousness of a company's annual report is in inverse proportion to its profitability that year. -- Irving Hale 4281The sun goes down just when you need it the most. -- Jon Kirkup 4282The sun, the moon and the stars would have disappeared long ago, had they happened to be within reach of predatory human hands. -- Havelock Ellis 4283The superior man rises by lifting others. -- Robert Ingersoll 4284The surest protection against temptation is cowardice. -- Mark Twain 4285The surest way to encourage violence is to give in to it. 4286The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love; The taint of earth, the odor of the skies is in it. -- Bailey 4287The system is a sacred tin god: never break it or dent it when you can get what you want by bending it. 4288The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes. -- Shakespeare 4289The tasks to do immediately are the minor ones; otherwise you'll for get them. The major ones are often better to defer. They usually need more time for reflection. Besides, if you forget them, they'll remind you. -- Charles Wolf, Jr. 4290The tears of penitents are the wine of angels. -- St. Bernard 4291The telephone pole was approaching fast, I was attempting to swerve out of it's path when it struck my front end. 4292The temple of our purest thoughts is--silence! -- Mrs. Hale 4293The tendencies of democracies are, in all things, to mediocrity, since the tastes, knowledge and principles of the majority form the tribunal of appeal. -- James Fenimore Cooper 4294The tendency to claim God as an ally for our partisan values and ends is ... the source of all religious fanaticism. 4295The territory behind rhetoric is too often mined with equivocation. 4296The theory of the Communists may be summed up in the single sentence: Abolition of private property. -- The Communist Manifesto 4297The thing in the world I am most of afraid of is fear, and with good reason, that passion alone in the trouble of it exceeding other accidents. -- Montaigne 4298The things in this file don't have to be in bad taste, they just have to leave a bad taste. -- Dick Munroe 4299The things which belong to others please us more, and that which is ours is more pleasing to other. -- Syrus 4300The thought of 2000 thousand people munching celery at the same time horrifies me. -- George Bernard Shaw 4301The three faithful things in life are money, a dog, and an old woman. 4302The three indispensibles of genius are understanding, feeling, and perseverance. The three things that enrich genius, are contentment of mind, the cherishing of good thoughts, and exercising the memory. -- Southey 4303The tide comes in and the tide goes out, and what have you got? 4304The time involved in work to time available for work is usually about 0.6. 4305The time is right to make new friends. 4306The time of departure will be delayed by the square of the number of people involved. Simply stated, if I wish to leave the city at 5 PM, I will most likely depart at 5:01. If I am to meet a friend, the time of departure becomes 5:04. If we were to meet another couple, we won't be on out way before 5:16, and so on. -- Paul D. Plotnick 4307The tire is only flat on the bottom. -- John L. Shelton 4308The titles of bills--like those of Marx Brothers movies--often have little to do with the substance of the legislation. Particularly deceptive are bills containing title buzz words such as emergency, reform, service, relief, or special. Often the emergency is of the writer's imagination; the reform, a protection of a vested interest; the service, self-serving; the relief, an additional burden on the taxpayer; and the special, something that otherwise shouldn't be passed. -- Pierre S. du Pont 4309The tongue is the ambassador of the heart. -- Lyly 4310The total amount of evil in any system remains constant. Hence, any diminution in one direction--for instance a reduction in poverty or unemployment--is accompanied by an increase in another, e. g.,crime or air pollution. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi 4311The toughest decision a purchasing agent faces is when he is about to buy the machine designed to replace him. 4312The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure. -- Thomas Jefferson 4313The trouble with being a breadwinner nowadays is that the Government is in for such a big slice. 4314The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. -- Franklin P. Jones 4315The trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance. 4316The trouble with some self-made men is that they worship their creator. 4317The trouble with the average family budget is that at the end of the money there's too much month left. 4318The trouble with the average family today is that it's hard to support it and the government on one income. 4319The true danger is when liberty is nibbled away, for expedients, and by parts. -- Edmund Burke 4320The true function of art is to edit nature and so to make it coherent and lovely. The artist is a sort of impassioned proofreader, blue-penciling the bad spelling of God. 4321The true, strong and sound mind is the mind that can embrace equally great things and small. -- Samuel Johnson 4322The truly American sentiment recognizes the dignity of labour and the fact that honor lies in honest toil. -- Grover Cleveland 4323The truly brave are soft of heart and eyes, And feel for what their duty bids them do. -- Byron 4324The truly generous is the truly wise; And he loves not others, lives unblest. -- Horace 4325The truly generous is the truly wise; and he who loves not others is unblest. -- Home 4326The truly valiant dare everything but doing an anybody an injury. -- Sir Philiy Sidney 4327The truth is more important than the facts. -- Frank Lloyd Wright 4328The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa. 4329The truth that is suppressed by friends is the readiest weapon of the enemy. -- Robert Louis Stevenson 4330The turnpike road to people's hearts I find Lies through their mouths, or I mistake mankind. -- Dr. Wolcot 4331The two most engaging powers of an author are to make new things familiar, and familiar things new. -- Johnson 4332The unfortunate thing about this world is that good habits are so much easier to give up than bad ones. -- Somerset Maugham 4333The universe is but one vast Symbol of God. -- Thomas Carlyle 4334The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for out wits to grow sharper. -- Eden Phillpots 4335The universe is intractably squiggly. -- Charles Suhor 4336The universe is laughing behind your back. 4337The universe is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine. -- J. B. S. Haldane 4338The universe is one of God's thoughts. -- Friedrich Schiller 4339The usefulness of any meeting is inversely proportional to the attendance. -- Lane Kirkland 4340The user will forget mathematics in proportion to the complexity of the calculator. -- John L. Shelton 4341The vain beauty cares most for the conquest which employed the whole artillery of her charms. -- Edward Garrett 4342The value of a program is proportional to its output. 4343The value of money has an objective regulator only when it it linked to a real commodity, like gold, itself requiring the cost of human labor to be produced. By comparison, the value of inconvertinle paper money has no objective regulator, its marginal cost of production being nearly zero. -- Lewis E. Lehrman 4344The vanity of human life is like a river, constantly passing away, and yet constantly coming on. -- Alexander Pope 4345The various opinions of philosophers have scattered through the world as many plagues of the mind as Pandora's box did those of the body, only with this difference, that they have not left hope at the bottom. -- Jonathan Swift 4346The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are. 4347The veil which covers the face of futurity is woven by the hand of mercy. -- Bulwer 4348The venom clamors of a jealous woman poison more deadly than a mad dog's tooth. -- Shakespeare 4349The very technology that makes our living simpler makes society more complex. The more efficient we get, the more specialized we become and the more dependent. -- Thomas Griffith 4350The vile are only vain; the great are proud. -- Byron 4351The wailing of the newborn infant is mingled with the dirge for the dead. -- Lucretius 4352The way to a man's heart is below his stomach. -- Ron Randall 4353The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. 4354The way to avoid the imputation of impudence is not to be ashamed of what we do, but never to do what we ought to be ashamed of. -- Tully 4355The way to conquer men is by their passions; Catch but the ruling foibles of their hearts, And all their boasted virtues shrink before you. -- Tolson 4356The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run! -- John Barrymore 4357The way to wealth is as plain as the way to market. It depends chiefly on two words, industry and frugality; that is, waste neither time nor money, but make the best use of both. Without industry and frugality nothing will do, and with them everything. -- Benjamin Franklin 4358The weak have to be decent, while the strong can choose to be decent. -- Sepp von Plum 4359The weather for catching fish is that weather, and no other, in which fish are caught. -- W. H. Blake 4360The weather's turning very funny-- Hailstones crashing from the sky, Snow and sleet ... It's even money Whether we'll survive July! 4361The weather-cock on the church spire, though made of iron, would soon be broken by the storm wind if it ... did not understand the noble art of turning to every wind. -- Heinrich Heine 4362The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. Crime does not pay. The Shadow knows! 4363The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the amount of food you consume from it. If you run out of food, the pack weight goes on increasing anyway. -- Milt Barber 4364The well-tended front lawn is the modern moat that keeps the barbarians-- other people--at bay. 4365The wheel of fortune turns incessantly round, and who can say within himself, I shall today be uppermost. -- Confucius 4366The wheels of nature are not made to roll backward; everything presses on toward Eternity; from the birth of Time an impetuous current has set in, which bears all the sons of men toward that interminable ocean. Meanwhile Heaven is attracting to itself whatever is congenial to its nature, is enriching itself by the spoils of earth, and collecting within its capacious bosom, whatever is pure, permanent and divine. -- Robert Hall 4367The which is won ill, will never wear well, for there is a curse attends it, which will waste it; and the same corrupt dispositions which incline men to the sinful ways of getting, will incline them to the like sinful ways of spending. -- Matthew Henry 4368The whole drift of my education goes to persuade me that the world of our present consciousness is only one out of many worlds of consciousness that exist. -- William James 4369The whole thing about matrimony is this: We fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character. -- Peter DeVries 4370The will to win is important, but it isn't worth a damn unless you also have the will to prepare. 4371The willow which bends to the tempest, often escapes better than the oak which resists it; and so in great calamities, it sometimes happens that light and frivolous spirits recover their elasticity and presence of mind sooner than those of a loftier character. -- Sir Walter Scott 4372The wind and the waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators. -- Edward Gibbon 4373The wise prince must foment some emnity so that by suppressing it he will augment his greatness. -- Italo Bombolini 4374The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf. 4375The wisest man is generally he who thinks himself the least so. -- Boileau 4376The wonders of the ages assembled for your edification, education, and enjoyment--for a price. -- P. T. Barnum 4377The word GOOD has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man. 4378The work of an unknown good man is like a vein of water flowing hidden in the underground, secretly making the ground greener. -- Thomas Carlyle 4379The world is all the richer for having the devil in it, so long as we keep our foot on his neck. 4380The world is an old woman, that mistakes any gilt farthing for a gold coin; thereby being often cheated, she will henceforth trust nothing but the common copper. -- Carlyle 4381The world is before you, and you need not take it or leave it as it was before you came in. -- James Baldwin 4382The world is more complicated than most of our theories make it out to be. -- Edmund C. Berkeley 4383The world may be divided into people that read, people that write, people that think, and fox hunters. -- Shenstone 4384The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal. -- Aristotle 4385The worst men often give the best advice. -- Bailey 4386The yoo-hoo you yoo-hoo into the forest is the yoo-hoo you get back. -- Merle Miller 4387The younger, the better. 4388The youth of today and of those to come after them would assess the work of the revolution in accordance with values of their own ... a thousand years from now, all of them, even Marx, Engels, and Lenin, would possibly appear rather ridiculous. -- Mao Tse-tung 4389The zoo is not an exhibition I view with much enjoyment, when I notice beasts in a position To learn the weaknesses of men. -- John Brunner 4390Them what has--gets. -- Dexter B. Wakefield 4391Then condemn what they do not understand. -- Cicero 4392Then happy low, lie down! Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. -- Shakespeare 4393There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare. 4394There ain't no such thing as a free lunch. -- Robert Heinlein 4395There are 32 points to the compass, meaning that there are 32 directions in which a spoon can squirt grapefruit; yet, the juice almost invariably flies straight into the human eye. -- Louis Sattler 4396There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at its root. -- Henry David Thoreau 4397There are as many Communists in the freedom movement as there are Eskimos in Florida. -- Martin Luther King, Jr. 4398There are but three classes of men: the retrograde, the stationary and the progressive. -- Lavater 4399There are coexisting elements in frustrating phenomena which separate expected results from achieved results. 4400There are few people more often in the wrong than those who cannot endure to be thought so. 4401There are foure great cyphers in the world; hee that is lame among dancers, dumbe among lawyers, dull among scholars, and rude amongst courtiers. -- Bishop Earle 4402There are in business three things necessary--knowledge, temper and time. -- Feltham 4403There are lots of good women who, when they get to heaven, will watch to see if the Lord goes out nights. -- Ed Howe 4404There are many inside dopes in politics and government. -- Mark B. Cohen 4405There are many people today who literally do not have a close personal friend. 4406There are many shining qualities in the mind of man, but there is none so useful as discretion; it is this, indeed, that gives a value to all the rest, which sets them to work in their proper times and places, and turns them to the advantage of the person who is possessed of them. Without it, learning is pedantry, and wit impertinence; virtue itself looks like weakness; the best parts only qualify a man to be more sprightly in errors, and active to his own principle. -- Addison 4407There are many truths of which the full meaning cannot be realized until personal experience has brought it home. 4408There are more horses' backsides in the military service of the United States than there are horses. -- Robert J. Clark 4409There are more old drunkards than old doctors. 4410There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. -- Hamlet (Act 1, Scene 5, Line 166) 4411There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream. 4412There are no eternal facts as there are no absolute truths. -- Friedrich Nietzsche 4413There are no strangers here--only friends we have not met. 4414There are no winners in life, only survivors. 4415There are none more abusive to others than they that lie most open to it themselves; but the humor goes round, and he that laughs at me today will have somebody to laugh at him tomorrow. -- Seneca 4416There are not enough storage registers to solve the problem. -- John L. Shelton 4417There are scores of thousands of sects who are ready at a moment's notice to reveal the will of God on every possible subject. 4418There are souls which fall from heaven like flowers, but ere they bloom are crushed under the foul tread of some brutal hoof. -- Richter 4419There are things on heaven and earth, Horatio, Man was not meant to know. -- Hamlet 4420There are those that are born to be on top and those that are born to be on bottom. Like officers and soldiers. -- Sergeant Traub 4421There are three faithful friends--old Bert, old Ham, and Ronald Reagan. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 4422There are three kinds of friends: best friends, guest friends, and pest friends. 4423There are three parts in truth: first, the inquiry, which is the wooing of it; secondly, the knowledge of it, which is the presence of it; and thirdly, the belief, which is the enjoyment of it. -- Bacon 4424There are three sides to every story--yours, mine, and all that lie between. -- Jody kern 4425There are three things I always forget. Names, faces--the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo 4426There are three things I have always loved and never understood - art, music, and women. 4427There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it. -- Monta Crane 4428There are two distinct sorts of what we call bashfulness; this, the awkwardness of a booby, which a few steps into the world will convert into the pertness of a cox comb; that, a consciousness, which the most delicate feelings produce, and the most extensive knowledge cannot always remove. -- Mackenzie 4429There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did but never thought. 4430There are two kinds of fools. One says, "This is old, therefore it is superior." The other says, "This is new, therefore it is better." 4431There are two sides to every argument, unless a person is personally involved, in which case there is only one. 4432There are two ways we can meet a difficulty: either we can alter the difficulty or we can alter ourselves to meet it. 4433There are very few original thinkers in the world; the greatest part of those who are called philosophers have adopted the opinions of some who went before them. -- Dugald Stewert 4434There comes a time when one must stop suggesting and evaluating new solutions, and get on with the job of analyzing and implementing one pretty good solution. -- Robert Machol 4435There exist limitless opportunities in every industry. Where there is an open mind, there will always be a frontier. -- Charles F. Kettering 4436There has been a long history of optimizing the wrong things, using elaborate mechanisms to produce beautiful code in cases that hardly ever arise in practice, while doing nothing about frequently occurring situations. -- Donald Knuth 4437There is a four-word formula for success that applies equally well to organizations or individuals--make yourself more useful. 4438There is a kind of greatness which does not depend upon fortune; it is a certain manner that distinguishes us, and which seems to destine us for great things; it is the value we insensibly set upon ourselves; it is by this quality, that we gain the deference of other men, and it is this which commonly raises us more above them, than birth, rank, or even merit itself. -- La Rochefoucauld 4439There is a limit at which forbearance ceases to be a virtue. -- Burke 4440There is a place for a decisive gamble where you know your enemy and can calculate the risks at least roughly; but to move at all against an unknown enemy is boldness in itself. -- Bel Riose 4441There is a pleasure in being mad, Which none but madmen know. -- Dryden 4442There is a solution to every problem; the only difficulty is finding it. 4443There is a statistical correlation between the number of initials in an Englishman's name and his social class (the upper class having significantly more than three names, while members of the lower class average 2.6). 4444There is a tendency for the person in the most powerful position in an organization to spend all his time serving on committees and signing letters. 4445There is a tide in the affairs of men which, when taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. -- William Shakespeare 4446There is a tide in the affairs of men, Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; Omitted, all the voyage of their life Is bound in shallows and in miseries: On such a full sea are we now afloat, And we must take the current when it serves, Or lose our ventures. -- Shakespeare 4447There is a vast difference between putting your nose in other people's business and putting your heart in other people's problems. 4448There is a wide difference between general acquaintance and companionship. You may salute a man and exchange compliments with him daily, yet know nothing of his character, his inmost tastes and feelings. -- William Matthews 4449There is always someone worse off than yourself. 4450There is an inverse relationship between the uniqueness of an observation and the number of investigators who report it simultaneously. -- A. B. Pardee 4451There is just one thing I can promise you about the outer-space program: Your tax dollar will go farther. 4452There is much pleasure to be gained in useless knowledge. -- Bertrand Russell 4453There is no being eloquent for atheism. In that exhausted receiver, the mind cannot use its wings--the clearest proof that it is out of its element. -- Hare 4454There is no conclusive evidence of life after death. But there is no evidence of any sort against it. Soon enough you will know. So why fret about it? -- Lazarus Long 4455There is no conflict between liberty and safety. We will have both or neither. -- Ramsey Clark 4456There is no courage, but in innocence, No constancy, but in an honest cause. -- Southern 4457There is no difference between man and man, as there is between man and beast or between man and God, that makes one by nature the ruler of another. This does not mean that there are not wide differences among men, or that it is not often to the advantage of some to be ruled by others. -- Harry V. Jaffa 4458There is no failure except in no longer trying. -- Elbert Hubbard 4459There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear. 4460There is no free lunch. -- Barry Commoner 4461There is no freedom without the power to defend it. 4462There is no grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers. -- Seneca 4463There is no great genius free from some tincture of madness. -- Seneca 4464There is no hope--the future will but turn the old sand in the falling glass of time. -- R. H. Stoddard 4465There is no market for gloom. You cannot sell it. What the world wants, needs, and will buy is cheer. 4466There is no more miserable human being than one in whom nothing is habitual but indecision. -- William James 4467There is no pardon FOR Murphy's Law. 4468There is no pardon FROM Murphy's Law. 4469There is no possible line of conduct which has not at some time and place been condemned, and which at some other time and place been enjoined as a duty. -- William Lecky 4470There is no proposition, no matter how foolish, for which a dozen Nobel signatures cannot be collected. Furthermore, any such petition is guaranteed page-one treatment in The New York Times. -- Daniel S. Greenberg 4471There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else. -- James Thurber 4472There is no substitute for thorough going, ardent, and sincere earnestness. -- Dickens 4473There is no such thing as "social gambling." Either you are there to cut the other bloke's heart out and eat it--or you're a sucker. If you don't like this choice--don't gamble. -- Lazarus Long 4474There is no such thing as a "dirty capitalist", only a capitalist. -- Bill Gray 4475There is no such thing as a short beer. (As in, "I'm going to stop off at Joe's for a short beer before I meet you.") -- Virginia W. Smith 4476There is no such thing as an absolute truth--that is absolutely true. -- Solomon Short 4477There is none made so great, but he may both need the help and service, and stand in fear of the power and unkindness, even of the meanest of mortals. -- Seneca 4478There is not a fiercer hell than failure in a great object. -- Keats 4479There is not a man in the country that can't make a living for himself and his family. But he can't make a living for them AND the government, too, the way his government is living. What the government has got to do is live as cheap as the people. -- Will Rogers 4480There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted. -- James Branch Cabell 4481There is not in nature a thing that makes a man so deform'd, so beastly, as doth intemperate anger. -- Webster's Duchess of Malp. 4482There is not so agonizing a feeling in the whole catalogue of human suffering, as the first conviction that the heart of the being whom we most tenderly love is estranged from us. -- Bulwer 4483There is nothing as cheap and weak in debate as assertion that is not backed by facts. 4484There is nothing like a good painstaking survey full of decimal points and guarded generalizations to put a glaze like a Sung vase on your eyeball. -- S. J. Perelman 4485There is nothing more destructive of physical and mental health than the isolation of you from me, of us from them. 4486There is nothing more difficult to carry out and more doubtful of success than to initiate a new order of things. For the reformer has enemies in all who prosper by the old order. -- Italo Bombolini 4487There is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come. -- Victor Hugo 4488There is nothing permanent except change. -- Heraclitus 4489There is nothing so absurd or ridiculous that has not at some time been said by some philosopher. -- Oliver Goldsmith 4490There is nothing so simple that it cannot be made difficult. -- Merle P. Martin 4491There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt. -- Bill Gray 4492There is one are of which man should be master--the art of reflection. -- Coleridge 4493There is one around here somewhere. -- John Croll 4494There is one inflexible rule of television. No show is too bad to be run during the summer. 4495There is only one thing worse than dreaming you are at a conference and waking up to find that you are at a conference: and that is the conference where you can't fall asleep. 4496There is only one way to console a widow. But remember the risk! 4497There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that is behooves all of us not to talk about the rest of us. -- Robert Louis Stevenson 4498There is something that is much more scarce, something finer far, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability. -- Elbert Hubbard 4499There is this difference between happiness and wisdom; he that thinks himself the happiest man really is so; but he that thinks himself the wisest, is generally the greatest fool. -- Colton 4500There must be an ideal world, a sort of mathematician's paradise where everything happens as it does in textbooks. -- Bertrand Russell 4501There must be underinvestment in bulls ... just look at the rate of return. -- Edgar R. Fiedler 4502There never was a devil who didn't advise people to keep out of Hell. 4503There never was any remarkable lawgiver amongst any people who did not resort to divine authority. 4504There once was a priest of Gibraltar Who write dirty jokes in his psalter An inhibited nun Who had read every one Made a vow to be laid on his altar. 4505There shall be no such thing as a lost ball. The missing ball is on or near the course somewhere and eventually will be found and pocketed by someone else. It thus becomes a stolen ball, and the player should not compound the felony by charging himself with a penalty stroke. -- Donald A. Metz 4506There sometimes wants only a stroke of fortune to discover numberless latent good or bad qualities, which would otherwise have been eternally concealed: as words written with a certain liquor appear only when applied to the fire. -- Greville 4507There was a general whisper, toss, and wriggle, But etiquette forbade them all to giggle. -- Byron 4508There was a sick man of Tobago Liv'd long on rice-gruel and sago; But at last, to his bliss, The physician said this-- "To a roast leg of mutton you may go." 4509There was a young lady named Myrtle Who had an affair with a turtle. She birthed crabs, so they say, In a year and a day, Which proves that the turtle was fertile. 4510There was a young monk from Siberia Whose morals were very inferior. He did to a nun What he shouldn't have done And now she's a Mother Superior. 4511There was a young monk of Kilkyre, Was smitten with carnal desire. The immediate cause Was the abbess' drawers, Which were hung up to dry by the fire. 4512There was a young peasant named Gorse Who fell madly in love with his horse. Said his wife, "You rapscallion, That horse is a stallion-- This constitutes grounds for divorce." 4513There was no surer means of overturning the existing basis of society than to debauch the currency ... Inflation engages all the hidden forces of economic law on the side of destruction. and it does it in a manner which not one man in a million is able to diagnose. -- John Maynard Keynes 4514There will be big changes for you but you will be happy. 4515There's a divinity that shapes our ends, rough hew them how we will. -- Shakespeare 4516There's a mighty big difference between good, sound reasons and reasons that sound good. -- Burton Hillis 4517There's a mighty big difference between good, sound reasons and reasons that sound good. -- Burton Hillis 4518There's a small choice in rotten apples. -- Shakespeare 4519There's at least one fool in every married couple. 4520There's never time to do it right but always time to do it over. -- John K. Meskimen 4521There's no limit to what can be accomplished if it doesn't matter who gets the credit. 4522There's no merit in discipline under ideal circumstances. I'll have it in the face of death, or it's useless. -- Hobar Mallow 4523There's no more mercy in him than there is milk in a male tiger. -- Shakespeare 4524There's no such thing as a dangerous weapon, only dangerous men. 4525There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. -- Will Rodgers 4526There's not one wise man among twenty will praise himself. -- Shakespeare 4527There's not so much danger in a known foe and a suspected friend. -- Nabb 4528There's nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so. -- Shakespeare 4529There's nothing wrong with using four-letter words in explaining the facts of life to children--words like love, kiss, help, care, give, ... -- Sam Levenson 4530There's one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that is not learning from experience. 4531There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me. 4532There's something else I dislike just as much as creeping socialism, and that's galloping reaction. -- Adlai Stevenson 4533There's something wrong if you're always right. -- Arnold Glasow 4534There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil. -- Avery 4535There's times peoples just be tired of peoples. 4536Thermal paper will run out before the calculation is complete. -- John L. Shelton 4537These are the effects of doting age: vain doubts, and idle cares, and over caution. -- John Dryden 4538They are able because they think they are able. -- Virgil 4539They begin with making falsehood appear like truth, and end with making truth itself appear like falsehood. -- Shensione 4540They pass best over the world who trip over it quickly; for it is but a bog-- if we stop we sink. -- Queen Elizabeth 4541They say an elephant never forgets, but what's he got to remember? 4542They say you don't really know a person until you've camped out with him. Car-pooling serves the same purpose. 4543They that govern most make the least noise. You see, when they row in a barge, they do that drudgery work, slash and puff, and sweat, but he that governs sits quietly at the stern, and is scarce seen to stir. -- Selden 4544They that know no evil will suspect none. -- Ben Johnson 4545They who provide much wealth for their children, but neglect to improve them in virtue, do like those who feed their horses high, but never train them to the manage. -- Socrates 4546Things are not always as they seem. -- Mandrake the Magician 4547Things do change. The only question is that since things are deteriorating so quickly, will society and man's habits change quickly enough? -- Isaac Asimov 4548Things move so fast today that we sometimes get the feeling our solutions may be obsolete before we can get them worked out. 4549Things sweet to the taste, prove in digestion sour. -- Shakespeare 4550Things will get worse before they get better. -- John Ehrman 4551Think like a man of action and act like a man of thought. -- Henri Bergson 4552Think of what others ought to be like, then start being like that yourself. 4553Think that day lost whose low descending sun Views from thy hand no noble action done. -- Jacob Bobart 4554Think that you are exceptional and entitled to special privileges. 4555Think that you can control your autonomic nervous system by sheer willpower. 4556Think twice before saying nothing. 4557Think twice before speaking. But don't say "think think click click". 4558Think you are indispensable to your job, your community, your friends. 4559Think you are overburdened with work and that people tend to take advantage of you. 4560Thirty seconds on the evening news is worth a front page headline in every newspaper in the world. -- Edwin Guthman 4561This above all: to thine own self be true; and it must follow, as the night the day thou cans't not then be false to any man. -- Shakespeare 4562This famine has a sharp and meagre face; 'Tis death in an undress of skin and bone, Where age and youth, their landmark ta'en away, Look all one common sorrow. -- Dryden 4563This fellow is wise enough to play the fool; and, to do that well, craves a kind of wit. -- Shakespeare 4564This file will self-destruct in five minutes. 4565This is another fine myth you've gotten me into!!! -- Lor L. and Har D. 4566This is my death ... and it will profit me to understand it. -- Anne Sexton 4567This is nothing but a consistently pathological display of inconsistent consistencies. 4568This is the LAST time I take travel suggestions from Ray Bradbury! 4569This is the curse of every evil deed That, propagating still, it brings forth evil. -- Southey 4570This job is marginally better than daytime TV. -- Jim Pastore 4571This lane ends in 500 feet. 4572This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force. -- Dorothy Parker 4573This rental car is so small, I can't see the gas gauge... 4574This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his mother's side. I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have little else to sustain them. Humoring them costs nothing and adds to happiness in a world in which happiness is always in short supply. -- Lazarus Long 4575This, too shall pass. 4576Those gifts are ever the most acceptable which the giver has made precious. -- Ovid 4577Those men who are commended by every body, must be very extraordinary men; or, which is more probable, very inconsiderable men. -- Greville 4578Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do. 4579Those only are despicable who fear to be despised. -- La Rochefoucauld 4580Those that are good manners at the court are as ridiculed in the country, as the behavior of the country is most mockable at the court. -- Shakespeare 4581Those who are prospering do not argue about taxes. 4582Those who bestow too much application of trifling things, become generally incapable of great ones. -- La Rochefoucauld 4583Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves. -- Sir James Barrie 4584Those who can--do. Those who cannot--teach. Those who cannot teach become deans. -- Thomas L. Martin 4585Those who cannot miss an opportunity of saying a good thing are not to be trusted with the management of any great question. -- William Hazlitt 4586Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. 4587Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. -- Abraham Lincoln 4588Those who don't study the past will repeat its errors. Those who do will find other ways to err! -- Charles Wolf, Jr. 4589Those who expect the biggest tips provide the worst service. -- Rozanne Weissman 4590Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it. -- Thomas Paine 4591Those who express random thoughts to legislative committees are often surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law. -- Mark B. Cohen 4592Those who have the shortest distance to travel to a meeting will invariably arrive the latest. 4593Those who in quarrels interpose, Must often wipe a bloody nose. -- Gay 4594Those who invented the law of supply and demand have no right to complain when this law works against their interest. -- Anwar Sadat 4595Those who order sleeping drafts won't take them. -- Robert A. Heinlein 4596Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are men who want rain without thunder and lightening. -- Frederick Douglass 4597Those who quit their proper character to assume what does not belong to them, are for the greater part ignorant of both the character they leave and of the character they assume. -- Edmund Burke 4598Those who suppress freedom always do so in the name of law and order. -- John Lindsay 4599Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up. -- Wilson Mizner 4600Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least. -- Rozanne Weissman 4601Those with the best advice offer no advice. 4602Thou shalt remember the Eleventh Commandment and keep it Wholly. 4603Thou wilt quarrel with a man that hath a hair more or a hair less in his beard than thou hast. Thou wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts, having no other reason but because thou hast hazel eyes; what eye but such an eye, would spy out such a quarrel? Thy head is full of quarrels, as an egg is full of meat. -- Shakespeare 4604Though I have said above that all men by nature are equal, I cannot be supposed to understand all sorts of equality. Age or virtue may give man a just precedency. Excellency of parts and merit may place others above the common level ... And yet all this consists with the equality which all men are in, in respect of jurisdiction or dominion, one over another. -- John Locke 4605Though many hands make light work, too many cooks spoil the broth. 4606Though reading and conversation may furnish us with many ideas of men and things, yet it is our own meditation must form our judgment. -- Dr. I. Watts 4607Though thou shouldst bray a fool in a mortar among wheat with a pestle, yet will not his foolishness depart from him. -- Proverbs XXVII, 22 4608Thought and theory must precede all salutary action; yet action is nobler in itself than either thought or theory. -- William Wordsworth 4609Thought is the blossom; language the bud; action the fruit behind it. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson 4610Thought is the seed of action. -- Emerson 4611Thoughts are but dreams till their effects be tried. -- Shakespeare 4612Threats to security will be found. -- Robert N. Kharasch 4613Three Laws of Politics: 1. Get elected. 2. Get reelected. 3. Don't get mad, get even. -- Everett Dirksen 4614Three things only do slaves require, food, work, and their gods, and of the three their gods must never be touched--else they grow restless. -- Precepts for Ruling 4615Three women and a goose make a market. 4616Through zeal, knowledge is gotten, through lack of zeal, knowledge is lost; let a man who knows the double path of gain and loss thus place himself that knowledge may grow. -- Buddha 4617Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightening that does the work. -- Mark Twain 4618Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills. 4619Time is a fiction, perpetrated by the manufacturers of space. 4620Time is a versatile performer. It flies, marches on, heals all wounds, runs out and will tell. -- Franklin P. Jones 4621Time is the chrysalis of eternity. -- Richter 4622Time is the old Justice, that examines all offenders. -- Shakespeare 4623Time paradoxes are disgusting! Never mind what care you take-- You always find you got there just in Time to cause your grandad's wake. 4624Time's gradual touch has moulder'd into beauty many a tower which when it frown'd with all its battlements, was only terrible. -- Mason 4625Timely advis'd, the coming evil shun! -- Prior 4626To a Europe exhausted by nearly two centuries of religious wars, [Isaac] Newton's works were first and foremost a message about God; that He did not behave in a capricious or arbitrary fashion, in response to either His will or human prayer, but in accordance with absolute, unwavering, and humanly discoverable laws of nature which governed him and all his works. He had become the infinitely perfect Clock-Maker, his works fathomable by the human mind. -- Forrest MacDonald 4627To abuse wine is to abuse life itself. 4628To achieve our ultimate goals is not happiness; it is to be able to solve our problems along the way. 4629To all, to each, a fair good night, And pleasing dreams, and slumbers light. -- Scott 4630To arrive at perfection, a man should have very sincere friends or inveterate enemies; because he would be made sensible of his good or ill conduct, either by the censures of the one, or the admonitions of the other. -- Diogenes 4631To be "matter of fact" about the world is to blunder into fantasy--and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful. -- Lazarus Long 4632To be able to be caught up into the world of thought--that is being educated. -- Edith Hamilton 4633To be angry, is to revenge the fault of others upon ourselves. -- Alexander Pope 4634To be free of bondage or restraint, to live under a government based on the consent of the citizens, these are basic among all freedoms ... and this is the reason why a democracy is from every possible humane point of view the best form of government ... What so many human beings in the modern world have failed to understand is that freedom is the greatest of all trusts. -- Ashley Montagu 4635To be thrown on one's own resources is to be cast in the very lap of fortune; for our faculties undergo a development, and display an energy, of which they were previously unsusceptible. -- Benjamin Franklin 4636To beat the bureaucracy, make your problem their problem. -- Marshall L. Smith 4637To behave with dignity is nothing less than to allow others freely to be themselves. -- Sol Chaneles 4638To believe in God is impossible--not to believe in him is absurd. 4639To believe is to be strong. Doubt cramps energy. Belief is power. 4640To believe with certainty we must begin to doubt. -- Stanislaus 4641To build something that endures, it is of the greatest importance to have a long tenure in office--to rule for many years. You can achieve a quick success in a year or two, but nearly all the great tycoons have continued their building much longer. -- Antony Jay 4642To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times. -- Mark Twain 4643To comprehend a man's life, it is necessary to know mot merely what he does but also what he purposely leaves undone. There is a limit to the work that can be got out of a human body or a human brain, and he is a wise man who wastes no energy on pursuits for which he is not fitted; and he is still wiser who, among the things that he can do well, chooses and resolutely follows the best. -- William Gladstone 4644To conceal anything from those to whom I am attached, is not in my nature. I can never close my lips where I have opened my heart. -- Dickens 4645To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize the competent. 4646To die is landing on some distant shore. -- John Dryden 4647To die--to sleep-- No more--and, by a sleep, to say we end The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks, That flesh is heir to--'Tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. -- Shakespeare 4648To divest one's self of some prejudices, would be like taking off the skin to feel the better. -- Greville 4649To do is to be - Nietzsche To be is to do - Sartre Do be do be do - Sinatra 4650To do two things at once is to do neither. -- Publius Syrus 4651To doubt is worse than to have lost; and to despair is but to antidote those miseries that must fall on us. -- Massinger 4652To endeavor to work upon the vulgar with fine sense, is like attempting to hew blocks with a razor. -- Alexander Pope 4653To enjoy freedom we have to control ourselves. -- Virginia Woolf 4654To err is human--to forgive is not company policy. 4655To err is human, but it takes a computer to really foul things up. 4656To err may become inhuman. 4657To estimate the time it takes to do a task: estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by two, and change the unit of measure to the next higher unit. Thus we allocate two days for a one-hour task. 4658To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D, which explains why it is so easy to find expert witnesses who contradict each other. 4659To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly. -- Henri Bergson 4660To follow foolish precedents, and wink With both our eyes is easier than to think. -- Cowper 4661To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have faith in their leader. -- Capt. Bligh (HMRN, Ret) 4662To gain one's way is no escape from the responsibility for an inferior solution. -- Winston Churchill 4663To get action out of management, it is necessary to create the illusion of a crisis in the hope it will be acted on. -- Gene Franklin 4664To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent. 4665To gild refined gold, to paint the lily, To throw a perfume on the violet, To smoothe the ice, or add another hue To the rainbow, or, with taper-light, To seek the beauteous eye of heaven to garnish, Is wasteful and ridiculous excess. -- Shakespeare 4666To give happiness is to deserve happiness. 4667To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought ot measured with money--sincerity and integrity. -- Donald Adams 4668To go to law, is for two persons to kindle a fire at their own cost, to warm others, and singe themselves to cinders; and because they cannot agree, to what is truth and equity, they will both agree to unplume themselves, that others may be decorated with their feathers. -- Feltham 4669To have a sense of humor is to be a tragic figure. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. 4670To her love was like the air of heaven--invisible, intangible; it yet encircled her soul, and she knew it; for in it was her life. -- Miss M'Intosh 4671To him nothing is impossible, who is always dreaming of his past possibilities. -- Carlyle 4672To justify his theft, one trade union official, caught with his hand in the till, explained that he was using the money to fight Communism. 4673To keep your friends treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often. 4674To kill an enterprise, complain that nothing is ever published that interests you but never offer to write an article, make a suggestion, or find a writer. -- Jean-Charles Terrassier 4675To kill an enterprise, criticize the work of the organizers and members. -- Jean-Charles Terrassier 4676To kill an enterprise, don't do what has to be done yourself, but when the members roll up their sleeves and do their very best, complain that the group is run by a bunch of ego-trippers. -- Jean-Charles Terrassier 4677To kill an enterprise, don't go to meetings. -- Jean-Charles Terrassier 4678To kill an enterprise, get mad if you are not a member of the committee, but if you are, make no suggestions. -- Jean-Charles Terrassier 4679To kill an enterprise, if you go to the meetings, arrive late. -- Jean-Charles Terrassier 4680To kill an enterprise, never think of introducing new members. -- Jean-Charles Terrassier 4681To kill an enterprise, pay your dues as late as possible. -- Jean-Charles Terrassier 4682To kill an enterprise, say you have no opinion on the subject if the chair asks for it. After the meeting, say you have learned nothing, or tell everyone what should have happened. -- Jean-Charles Terrassier 4683To kill time, a committee meeting is the perfect weapon. 4684To know how to refuse is as important as to know how to consent. -- Baltasar Gracian 4685To know thy self is the ultimate form of aggression. -- Marion J. Levy, Jr. 4686To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools. 4687To live in a place where you don't belong is to live in hell. -- Italo Bombolini 4688To live long, it is necessary to live slowly. -- Cicero 4689To lose a friend is the greatest of all losses. -- Syrus 4690To love and to be wise is scarcely granted to the highest. -- Laberius 4691To make yourself miserable, cultivate a consistently pessimistic outlook. 4692To make yourself miserable, don't forget to feel sorry for yourself. 4693To make yourself miserable, forget the feelings and rights of other people. 4694To make yourself miserable, forget the good things in life and concentrate on the bad. 4695To make yourself miserable, never overlook a slight or forget a grudge. 4696To make yourself miserable, put an excessive value on money. 4697To make yourself miserable, think that you are exceptional and entitled to special privileges. 4698To make yourself miserable, think that you are indispensible to your job, your company, and your friends. 4699To make yourself miserable, think that you are overburdened with work and that people tend to take advantage of you. 4700To make yourself miserable, think that you can control your nervous system by sheer will power. 4701To many men well-fitting doors are not set on their tongues. -- Theognis 4702To mortal men great loads alotted be; But of all packs no pack like poverty. -- Herrick 4703To most men, experience is like the stern lights of a ship which illumine only the track it has passed. 4704To profit from good advice requires as much wisdom as to give it. 4705To read without reflecting, is like eating without digesting. -- Bacon 4706To refuse praise is to seek praise twice. 4707To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda. 4708To say nothing, especially when speaking, is half the art of diplomacy. 4709To set the mind above the appetites is the end of abstinence, which one of the Fathers observes to be, not a virtue, but the groundwork of a virtue. -- Johnson 4710To some lawyers all facts are created equal. -- Justice Felix Frankfurter 4711To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods. 4712To study an object best, understand it thoroughly before you start. 4713To succeed planning alone is insufficient. One must improvise as well. -- Salvor Hardin 4714To teach men how to live without certainty, and yet without being paralyzed by hesitation, is perhaps the chief thing philosophy can still do. -- Bertrand Russell 4715To the Gay Laugh of my Mother at the Gate of the Grave. -- Sean O'Casey 4716To the atheist, death is the end; to the believer, the beginning; to the agnostic, the sound of silence. 4717To the generous mind, the heaviest debt is that of gratitude, when 'tis not in our power to repay it. -- Dr. Thomas Franklin 4718To the memory of the man, first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his country. -- General Henry Lee 4719To the wage earner, "free enterprise" is the way his boss treats him and those around him. -- Malcolm Forbes 4720To those who doubt the importance of careful mate selection, remember how Adam wrecked a promising career. -- Charles Merrill Smith 4721To treat your facts with imagination is one thing, but to imagine your facts is another. -- John Burroughs 4722To understand political power aright ... we must consider what state all men are naturally in, and that is a state of perfect freedom to order their actions ... within the bonds of the law of nature, without asking leave, or depending upon the will of any other man. -- John Locke 4723To what base uses may we return! Why may not imagination trace the noble dust of Alexander, till it find it stopping a bunghole? As thus: Alexander died, Alexander was buried, Alexander returneth to dust; the dust is earth: of earth we make loam. And why of that loam, whereto he was converted, might they not stop a beer barrel? -- Shakespeare 4724To write a good love-letter you ought to begin without knowing what you mean to say, and end without knowing what you have written. -- Rousseau 4725To write well is at once to think well, to feel rightly, and to render properly! It is to have, at the same time, mind, soul, taste. -- Buffon 4726Today most physicians specialize. After getting his bill, I've decided my doctor's speciality is banking. -- Mickey Porter 4727Too much gravity argues a shallow mind. -- Lavater 4728Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases. -- Governor Jerry Brown 4729Towering genius disdains the beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored. -- Abraham Lincoln 4730Train a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will not depart from it. 4731Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will not depart from it. -- Proverbs XXII, 6. 4732Treason doth never prosper. What's the reason? Why, when it prospers, none dare call it treason. -- Sir John Harrington 4733Treat the other man's faith gently: it is all he has to believe with. -- Henry S. Haskins 4734Trespassers will be violated! 4735Trinity is the word for a committed god. 4736Trivial matters are handled promptly; important matters are never solved. 4737Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next job after a series of threes is not the fourth job--it's the start of a brand new series of threes. -- Avery 4738True dignity is never gained by place, and never won when honors are withdrawn. -- Massinger 4739True eloquence consists in saying all that should be said, not all that could be. -- La Rochefoucauld 4740True friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known until it be lost. -- Charles Caleb Colton 4741True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information. 4742True happiness will be found only in true love. 4743True hope is swift and flies with swallow's wings; Kings it makes gods, and meaner creatures kings. -- Shakespeare 4744Trust me! 4745Trust no future howe'er pleasant! Let the dead past bury its dead! Act--act in the living present! Heart within and God o'erhead! -- Longfellow 4746Truth in science can be defined as the working hypothesis best suited to open the way to the next better one. -- Konrad Lorenz 4747Truth is God's daughter. 4748Truth is a gem that is found at a great depth; whilst on the surface of this world, all things are weighed by the false scale of custom. -- Byron 4749Truth is a statue, and you are all just a bunch of pigeons. 4750Truth needs no flowers of speech. -- Alexander Pope 4751Try to be like the turtle--at ease in your own shell. -- Bill Copeland 4752Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy. 4753Try to find out who's doing the work, not who's writing about it, controlling it, or summarizing it. -- Amrom Katz 4754Try to find the real tense of the report you are reading: Was it done, is it being done, or is something to be done? Reports are now written in four tenses: past tense, present tense, future tense, and pretense. Watch for novel uses of CONGRAM (CONtractor GRAMmer), defined by the imperfect past, the insufficient present, and the absolutely perfect future. -- Amrom Katz 4755Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you. 4756Two sure ways to tell a sexy male; the first is, he has a bad memory. I forget the second. 4757Two things fill the mind with ever new and increasing wonder and awe--the starry heavens above me, and the moral law within me. -- Immanuel Kant 4758Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do. 4759Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do. Except in Boston. 4760Typesetters always correct intentional errors, but fail to correct unintentional errors. -- Alan Otten 4761UNMATCHED: almost as good as the competition 4762UNOBTRUSIVE MEASURES: Experimental techniques of unclear origin having something to do with work tiles. Observing madam in her bath without bringing forth screams. 4763UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE: nothing we had before ever worked this way 4764Uhland's poetry is like the famous war horse, Bayard; it possesses all possible virtues and only one fault: it is dead. -- Heinrich Heine 4765Umpire's dessert--rhubarb pie -- Raymond D. Love 4766Unbidden guests are often welcomest when they are gone. -- Shakespeare 4767Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked. -- Robert D. Specht 4768Under any system a few sharpies will beat the rest of us. -- Al Goodfather 4769Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true. 4770Under current practices, both expenditures and revenues rise to meet each other, no matter which one may be in excess. -- Joe Bolton 4771Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it damn well pleases. 4772Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character. -- Oscar Levant 4773Understanding the laws of nature does not mean we are free from obeying them. -- Solomon Short 4774Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited. -- Tom Gibb 4775Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. -- Shakespeare 4776Uneven economic and political development is an absolute law of capitalism. -- Nicolai Lenin 4777Unkind words do not enhance business confidence. -- Mark Epernay 4778Unless you put your money to work for you--you work for your money. -- Joe Miller 4779Until his own life is at stake, an officer can never know what is going on with his own men. 4780Until philosophers are kings ... cities will never cease from ill, nor the human race. -- Plato 4781Untold suffering seldom is. 4782Use every man after his deserts, and who shall 'scape whipping. -- Shakespeare 4783Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. -- Henry van Dyke 4784Usefulness is inversely proportional to reputation for being useful. -- Daniel S. Greenberg 4785Usurer: A money-lender. He serves you in the present tense; he tends you in the conditional mood; keeps you in the subjunctive; and ruins you in the future. -- Addison 4786Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three--and paradise is when you have none. -- Doug Larson 4787Utopia has banned neurosis-- Punishes illegal thought. The people nurse, in static poses, Neurotic fears of being caught. 4788VIRTUAL MEMORY: Memory that exists in effect, but not in fact; the usage is similar to that of the virtual particle in physics, the difference being that a virtual particle probably does exist but soon won't, while virtual memory probably doesn't but soon will. 4789VOLUNTEER SUBJECT: A college sophomore who, of his or her own free will, is allowed to choose between participating in an experiment or failing a course. 4790VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES? 4791Vacillating people seldom succeed. They seldom win the solid respect of their fellow men. Successful men and women are very careful in reaching decisions and very persistent and determined in action thereafter. -- L. G. Elliott 4792Vance's Rule of 2 1/2: Any military project will take twice as long as planned, cost twice as much, and produce only half of what is wanted. -- Cyrus Vance 4793Variables won't, constants aren't. -- Don Osborn 4794Vastly improved review and control will result by promoting the most productive engineers to management positions. -- Richard F. Moore 4795Vaulting ambition which o'erleaps itself. -- Shakespeare 4796Venture not to the utmost bounds of even lawful pleasure; the limits of good and evil join. -- Fuller 4797Vice repeated like the wandering wind, blows dust in others' eyes. -- Shakespeare 4798Vice stings us even in our pleasures, but virtue consoles us, even in our pains. -- Colton 4799Victory goes to the candidate with the most accumulated or contributed wealth who has the financial sources to convince the middle class and poor that he will be on their side. -- Mark B. Cohen 4800Vietnam. -- Spiro Agnew 4801Villian, thou know'st no law of God or man; No beast so fierce, but knows some touch of pity. -- Shakespeare 4802Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. -- Salvor Hardin 4803Virtue itself often offends when coupled with bad manners. -- Middleton 4804Volume is a defense to error. -- Richard A. Leahy 4805Vote as an individual; lemmings end up falling off cliffs. Camaraderie is no substitute for common sense, and being your own man will make you sleep better. -- Pierre S. du Pont 4806Votre bateau arriverez. 4807Wah! Devil machine make numbers come out! With text! In tabular report format! Computers! Bad juju! 4808Waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime. For a first offense, that is. -- Lazarus Long 4809Walter Shandy attributed most of his son's misfortunes to the fact that at a highly critical moment his wife had asked him if he had wound the clock, a question so irrelevant that he despaired of the child's ever being able to pursue a logical train of thought. -- Lawrence Sterne 4810Want of prudence is too frequently the want of virtue; nor is there on earth a more powerful advocate for vice than poverty? -- Oliver Goldsmith 4811War alone brings up to its highest tension all human energy and puts the stamp of nobility upon the peoples who have the courage to face it. -- Benito Mussolini 4812War destroys mem, but luxury mankind At once corrupts the body and the mind. -- Crown 4813Warning to Lawyers: Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity. -- Charles A. Beardsley 4814Washington is a much better place if you are asking questions rather than answering them. -- John Dean 4815Watch out for formal briefings, they often produce an avalanche. (Definition: A high-level snow job of massive and overwhelming proportions. -- Amrom Katz 4816Watch the sun come up, breathe fresh air, exercise your body, become a garbage collector! 4817Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack. -- Harry Emerson Fosdick 4818Watch your step! You are beginning to act competent. 4819We ... repeatedly enlarge our instrumentalities without improving our purpose. -- Will Durant 4820We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about. -- Charles Kingsley 4821We all want our friends to tell us our bad qualities; it is only the particular ass that does so that we can't tolerate. -- William James 4822We always remember best the irrelevant. 4823We are Digital Equipment Corporation ... and you're not!!! 4824We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us. -- George Eliot 4825We are all descendents of Adam and we are all products of racial miscegenation. -- Lester B. Pearson 4826We are citizens of the world: and the tragedy of our times is that we do not know this. -- Woodrow Wilson 4827We are locked into a system of "fouling our own nest," so long as we behave as independent, rational free-enterprisers. -- Garrett Hardin 4828We are more heavily taxed by our idleness, pride and folly than we are taxed by government. -- Benjamin Franklin 4829We are ne'er like angels 'till out passion dies. -- Dekker 4830We are ne'er like angels till our passion dies. 4831We are not primarily on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through. 4832We ask advice, but we mean approbation. -- Colton 4833We can be Knowledgeable with other men's knowledge, but we cannot be wise with other men's wisdom. -- Michel de Montaigne 4834We can destroy ourselves by cynicism and disillusion, just as effectively as by bombs. -- Kenneth Clark 4835We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming. -- Wernher von Braun 4836We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home. -- Edward R. Murrow 4837We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp unless said person is deceased. My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead. -- James E. Day, Postmaster General 4838We cannot really be for something we don't understand. 4839We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them. -- Evelyn Waugh 4840We find it hard to believe that other people's thoughts are as silly as our own. -- James Harvey Robinson 4841We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it. -- Duc de La Rochefoucauld (A word to the wise is--unnecessary.) 4842We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it. -- La Rochefoucauld 4843We have a degree of delight ... in the real misfortunes and pains of others. -- Edmund Burke 4844We have had the reign of the late Avery Brundage, and now we have had eight years of Killanin, which raises the question of whether being an ass is one of the requirements for the job, or whether the job produces that effect on those who hold it. -- National Review 4845We have left undone the things we ought to have done, and done the things which we ought not to have done. 4846We have met the enemy and they is us! -- Pogo 4847We have not lost faith, but we have transferred it from God to the medical profession. -- George Bernard Shaw 4848We have to live today by what truth we can get today and be ready tomorrow to call it falsehood. -- William James 4849We have watched American democracy at close hand for many years and we believe few governments are institutionally so susceptible to dictatorship as this one. -- Gerald Johnson 4850We join ourselves to no party that does not carry the flag and keep step to the music of the Union. -- Rufus Choate 4851We know nothing about motivation. All we can do is write books about it. 4852We laugh heartily to see a whole flock of sheep jump because one did so; might not one imagine that superior beings do the same by us, and for exactly the same reason? -- Grenville 4853We learn from experience. A man never wakes up his second baby just to see it smile. 4854We lie about the truth, that's what ruins us here. And do you know why we lie about the truth? Not because we like to, but because we are scared to death of it. If we looked the truth in the eye nine out of ten of us would run to the graveyard and demand to be buried at once. -- Babbaluche the cobbler 4855We may now be nearing the end of our hundred-year belief in Free Lunch. 4856We must all hang together, or assuredly we will all hang in the Smithsonian next January. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 4857We must be greater than God, for we have to undo His injustice. 4858We must have courage to bet on our ideas, to take the calculated risk, and to act. Everyday living requires courage if life is to be effective and bring happiness. -- Maxwell Maltz 4859We must make the best of those ills which cannot be avoided. -- Alexander Hamilton 4860We must reform if we would conserve. -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt 4861We never desire earnestly what we desire in reason. -- La Rochefoucauld 4862We often boast that we are never bored, yet we are so conceited that we do not perceive how often we bore others. -- La Rochefoucauld 4863We prefer to speak evil of ourselves than not speak of ourselves at all. 4864We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears. 4865We read to say that we have read. 4866We see the opening of an era: it is an era of seeking beyond the confines of our atmosphere; may it be also an era of awakening to the countries of earth. -- Bertrand De Jouvenel 4867We shall find that it is less difficult to hide a thousand guineas than one hole in your coat. -- Colton 4868We should act with as much energy as those who expect everything from themselves; and we should pray with as much earnestness as those who expect everything from God. -- Colton 4869We should all be obliged to appear before a board every five years, and justify our existence, on pain of liquidation. -- George Bernard Shaw 4870We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it --and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again--and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. -- Mark Twain 4871We should have had socialism already, but for the socialists. -- George Bernard Shaw 4872We should often be ashamed of our very best actions, if the world only saw the motives which caused them. -- La Rochefoucauld 4873We show our present joking, giggling race, True joy consists in gravity and grace. -- Garrick 4874We sought the mutant due for lynching, Not a trace was there to find. I told the others--saw them flinching-- "The bastard must have read my mind!" 4875We stand for the maintenance of private property ... We shall protect free enterprise as the most expedient, or rather the sole possible economic order. -- Adolf Hitler 4876We take cunning for a sinister and crooked wisdom, and certainly there is a great difference between a cunning man and a wise man, not only in point of honesty but in point of ability. -- Bacon 4877We the Unwilling, lead by the Unknowing, are doing the impossible for the Ungrateful. We have done so much for so long with so little that we are now qualified to to anything with nothing. 4878We think we are on the right road to improvement because we are making experiments. -- Benjamin Franklin 4879We trained hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams, we would be reorganized. I was to learn later in life we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing, and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralization. -- Petronious Arbiter 4880We turn toward God only to obtain the impossible. 4881We use an amalgam of mercury in modern dentistry because other metals, by themselves, are not sufficiently malleable to be worked with at the normal temperatures inside the human mouth. But mercury--mercury is just walkin' around, right?!? -- Mike the Dentist 4882We were hungry when we got to Moscow, Soviet. -- Groucho Marx 4883We will bury you! -- Nikita Kruschev 4884We won't have a society if we destroy the environment. -- Margaret Mead 4885We'd like to make a deal with the computer. We promise not to fold, spindle or mutilate if it will stop asking us to sign our name over those little holes in the space marked for signature. 4886We're all going down the same road in different directions. -- Dave Farber 4887Weed--a plant whose virtues have yet to be discovered. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson 4888Welcome to beautiful downtown Maynard, minicomputer capitol of the world. 4889Welcome to the jungle. Please obey our laws. 4890Were I to use the wits the good Spirit gave me, then I would say this lady cannot exist--for what sane man would hold a dream to be reality. Yet rather would I not be sane and lend belief to charmed, enchanted eyes. -- Magnifico Giganticus (aka the Mule) 4891Were we as eloquent as angels, yet should we please some men and some women much more by listening than by talking. -- Colton 4892What I want to do is to make people laugh so that they'll see things seriously. -- William K. Zinsser 4893What I've enjoyed most about my climb to the top is all the people I've got to step on. 4894What I've enjoyed most about my climb to the top is all the people I've got to step on! 4895What a man needs in gardening is a cast iron back, with a hinge in it. -- Charles Dudley Warner 4896What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason; how infinite in faculties; in form and moving, how express and admirable! In action, how like an angel; in apprenhension, how like a god; the beauty of the world--the paragon of animals! And yet to me what is this quintessence of dust? -- Shakespeare 4897What a pity that the only way to heaven is in a hearse! -- Stanislaw J. Lec 4898What a wonderful world it is that has boys in it! 4899What a wonderful world it is that has girls in it! 4900What ardently we wish we soon believe. -- Young 4901What are fears but voices airy? Whispering harm where harm is not, And deluding the unwary Till the fatal bolt is shot! -- Wordsworth 4902What are most of the histories of the world, but lies? Lies immortalized and consigned ofer as a perpetual abuse and a flaw upon prosperity. -- South 4903What did you do in Russia before you were shot? -- Groucho Marx 4904What do you call frogs sauteed in egg and milk? Fried toads. -- Lani Anderson 4905What does an Englishman's beer bottle say on the bottom? OPEN OTHER END. 4906What does an Englishman's stepladder say at the top? STOP HERE. 4907What goes in must come back out. -- Van Mizzell, Jr. 4908What goes in, comes out. -- Richard N. Farmer 4909What is "Free" to me, but being masterless--and maybe hungry? -- Cullen the Fool 4910What is a church? Our honest sexton tells, 'Tis a tall building, with a tower and bells. -- Crabbe 4911What is ambition? 'Tis a glorious cheat. Angels of light walk not so dazzlingly the sapphire walls of heaven. -- Willis 4912What is an epigram? A dwarfish whole, its body brevity, and wit its soul. 4913What is becoming is honest, and whatever is honest must always be becoming. -- Cicero 4914What is freedom? Freedom is the right to choose: the right to create for yourself the alternatives of choice. Without the possibility of choice and the exercise of choice a man is not a man but a member, an instrument, a thing. -- Archibald MacLeish 4915What is honored in a country will be cultivated there. 4916What is philosophy but a continual battle against custom? -- Thomas Carlyle 4917What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on? -- Henry David Thoreau 4918What is the worst of woes that wait on age? What stamps the wrinkle deeper on the brow? To view each lov'd one blotted from life's page, and be alone on earth as I am now. -- Byron 4919What maintains one vice, would bring up two children. Remember, many a little makes a mickle; and farther, beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship. -- Benjamin Franklin 4920What makes resisting temptation difficult, for many people, is that they don't want to discourage it completely. -- Franklin P. Jones 4921What makes the virgin flee in horror-- Threats of kidnapping or rape? No: her father plans tomorrow To graft her brain into an ape. 4922What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think themselves cleverer than we are. 4923What manly eloquence could produce such an effect as woman's silence. -- Michelct 4924What men learn from history is that men do not learn from history. 4925What millions died that Ceasar might be great! -- Campbell 4926What must be noted about the many fallen political celebrities of recent years is that salvation eluded them, though they knew all the people in Washington who are useful to know. -- Daniel S. Greenberg 4927What must be, shall be; and that which is a necessity to him that struggles is little more than choice to him that is willing. -- Seneca 4928What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working when he's staring out the window. 4929What orators lack in depth they make up in length. 4930What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's transparency. 4931What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts--not the facts themselves. -- Jerome Cohen 4932What shall we do to be saved? In politics, establish a constitutional cooperative society or world government. In economics, find working compromises between free enterprise and socialism. -- Arnold Toynbee 4933What the orators want in depth, they give you in length. -- Montesquieu 4934What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel. 4935What this country needs is radicals who will stay that way regardless of the creeping years. -- John Fischer 4936What this country really needs is to get out the voters the way it gets out the candidates. 4937What we want is to see the child in pursuit of knowledge, and not knowledge in pursuit of the child. -- George Bernard Shaw 4938What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson 4939What you don't do is always more important than what you do do. 4940What you leave at your death, let it be without controversy, else the lawyers will be your heirs. -- Osborne 4941What you think means more than anything else in your life. More than what you earn, more than where you live, more than your social position, and more than what anyone else may think about you. -- George Adams 4942What! canst thou say all this and never blush? -- Shakespeare 4943What! shall this speech be spoke for our excuse? Or shall we on without apology? -- Shakespeare 4944What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this? 4945What's a girl like you doing in a place like this? ... and not worrying? 4946What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? 4947What's all the fuss about? The MIRV is in the great American tradition of bombs bursting in air. 4948What's all the gaudy glitter of a crown? What but the glaring meteor of ambition, that leads the wretch benighted in his errors, points to the gulf and shines upon destruction? -- Brooke 4949What's gone, and what's past help, should be past grief. -- Shakespeare 4950What's good enough for our ancestors is good enough for us. 4951What's good politics is bad economics; what's bad politics is good economics; what's good economics is bad politics; what's bad economics is good politics. (Or, more compactly, "What's good politics is bad economics and vice versa, vice versa. -- Eugene W. Baer 4952What's more miserable than discontent? -- Shakespeare 4953What's the matter with the world? Why, there ain't but one thing wrong with every one of us--and that's "selfishness." -- Will Rogers 4954What's worth doing is worth doing for money. -- Joseph Donahue 4955What? Me worry?!? 4956Whatever General Sherman did on his march through Georgia, we are now even. 4957Whatever creates the greatest inconvenience for the largest number must happen. -- Red Smith 4958Whatever happens in government could have happened differently and it usually would have been better if it had. -- Prof. Charles Frankel 4959Whatever isn't forbidden is required. -- Murray Gell-Mann 4960Whatever natural right men have to freedom and independency, it is manifest that some men have a natural ascendency over others. -- Grenville 4961Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought of as half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -- Charlotte Whitton 4962Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. 4963Whatever you want to do, you have to do something else first. -- Art Kosatka 4964When God created two sexes, he may have been overdoing it. -- Charles Merrill Smith 4965When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to guarantee them. 4966When I play with my cat, who knows if I am not more of a pastime to her than she is to me? -- Montaigne 4967When I see a merchant over-polite to his customer, begging them to take a little brandy, and throwing his goods on the counter, thinks I, that man has an axe to grind. -- Benjamin Franklin 4968When I take the humor of a thing once, I am like your tailor's needle--I go through. -- Ben Johnson 4969When I want some shit, I'll squeeze your head. -- Bob Dickson 4970When I was a child, love to me was what the sea is to a fish: something you swim in while you are going about the important affairs of life. -- P. L. Travers 4971When I was a kid I said to my father one afternoon, "Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?" He answered, "If the zoo wants you let them come and get you." -- Jerry Lewis 4972When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am 50, I read them openly. When I became a man, I put away childish things--including the fear of childishness and the desire to be grown-up. -- C. S. Lewis 4973When a customer buys a low-grade article, he feels pleased when he pays for it and displeased every time he uses it. But when he buys a well-made article, he feels extravagant when he pays for it and well pleased every time he uses it. -- Herbert N. Casson 4974When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong. -- Arthur C. Clarke 4975When a group of newsmen go out to dinner together, the bill is to be evenly divided among them, regardless of what each one eats and drinks. -- Jack Germond 4976When a man blames others for his failures, it's a good idea to credit others with his successes. -- Howard W. Newton 4977When a man finds not repose in himself it is in vain for him to seek it elsewhere. 4978When a man has not a good reason for doing a thing, he has one good reason for letting it alone. -- Sir Walter Scott 4979When a man has pity on all living creatures then only is he noble. -- Buddha 4980When a man is between the devil and the deep blue sea, his fear of drowning generally triumphs. 4981When a man is out of sight, it is not too long before he is out of mind. -- Thomas a Kempis 4982When a man is wrong and won't admit it, he is always angry. -- Haliburton 4983When a man says, "Get thee behind me, Satan," he's probably ashamed to have even the devil see what he's up to. 4984When a pencil point breaks, the nearest sharpener is exactly 1000 feet away. 4985When a person says that in the interest of saving time, he will summarize a prepared statement, he will talk only three times as long as if he had read the statement in the first place. -- Alan Otten 4986When a person stands on his dignity, it's probably because he has very insecure footing. 4987When a rechargable battery starts to die in the middle of a complex calculation, and the user attempts to connect house current, the calculator will clear itself. -- John L. Shelton 4988When a student actually does a homework problem, the instructor will not ask for it. -- M. M. Johnston 4989When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course. 4990When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. -- Jonathon Swift 4991When all else fails, read the instructions. 4992When an action has its intended effect, it also has other, unintended, effects. 4993When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first place. 4994When an idea is being pushed because it is "exciting," "new," or "innovative" --beware. An exciting, new, innovative idea can also be foolish. -- Donald Rumsfeld (If in doubt, don't. Or do what is right. Your best question is often, "Why?") 4995When are slides are shown in a darkened room, the instructor will require the students to take notes. -- M. M. Johnston 4996When articles rise the consumer is the first that suffers, and when they fall he is the last that gains. -- Colton 4997When asked how much educated men were superior to those uneducated, Aristotle answered, "As much as the living are to the dead." -- Diogenes Laertius 4998When can their glory fade? Oh! the wild charge they made! All the world wondered. Honour the charge they made! Honour the Light Brigade, Noble six hundred! -- Tennyson 4999When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time. -- General Creighton W. Abrams 5000When fear admits no hope of safety, Necessity makes dastards valiant men. -- Herrick 5001When forced to resort to arms for redress, an appeal to the tribunal of the world was deemed proper for our justification. This was the object of the Declaration of Independence. -- Thomas Jefferson 5002When fortune sends a stormy wind, Then show a brave and present mind; And when with too indulgent gales She swells too much, then furl thy sails. -- Creech 5003When he is best, he is little worse than a man; and when he is worst, he is little worse than a beast. -- Shakespeare 5004When in doubt, get it out. -- Jody Powell 5005When in doubt, use a bigger hammer. 5006When in panic or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. -- Dorable 5007When it comes to all-out war you use all the troops you have. 5008When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is not necessary to make a decision. -- Lord Falkland 5009When it rains it pours. 5010When it was seen that many of the wicked seemed quite untroubled by evil consciences ... then the idea of future suffering was advanced. 5011When it's not needed, zoning works fine; when it is essential, it always breaks down. -- John McClaughry 5012When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece. -- Charles Reade 5013When men grow virtuous in their old age, they are merely making a sacrifice to God of the Devil's leavings. -- Jonathon Swift 5014When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results. -- Calvin Coolidge 5015When once infidelity can persuade men that they shall die like beasts, they will soon be brought to live like beasts also. -- South 5016When one considers just what man is, Happy it be that short his span is. -- James Cagney 5017When one has an early class, one's roommate will invariable enter the space late at night and suddenly become hyperactive, ill, violent, or all three. 5018When one has great gifts, what answer to the meaning of existence should one require beyond the right to exercise them? -- W. H. Auden 5019When one is truing to be elegant and sophisticated, one won't. -- Betty Hartig 5020When other people take a long time to do something, they're slow; when we take a long time, we're thorough. When they don't do something, they're lazy; when we don't, we're too busy. When they succeed, they're lucky; when we do, we deserve it. 5021When our friends get into power, they aren't our friends anymore. -- M. Stanton Evans 5022When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. -- Eric Hoffer 5023When people are starving, life is no longer meaningless. -- John Gardner 5024When people have a job to do, particularly a vital but difficult one, they will invariably put it off until the last possible moment, and most of them will put it off even longer. -- Gordon L. Becker 5025When played from a sand trap, a ball which does not clear the trap on being struck may be hit again on the roll without counting an extra stroke. In no case will more than two strokes be counted in playing from a trap, since it is only reasonable to assume that if the player had time to concentrate on his shot, instead of hurrying it so as not to delay his partners, he would be out in two. -- Donald A. Metz 5026When poverty ocmes in at the door, love flies out at the window. 5027When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done. -- Daniel B. Luten 5028When prosperity comes, it's best not to use all of it. 5029When provoked into a fight, Just grab his midriff pearly white and withdraw that long and gleaming blade. Now with defense you're equipped, with Jesus you don't take no lip, and anyone you meet will wish he'd prayed. Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus ... 5030When several reporters share a cab on assignment, the reporter in the front seat pays for all. -- Warren Weaver 5031When singleness is bliss, it's folly to be wives. -- Bill Councelman 5032When some English moralists write about the importance of having character, they appear to mean only the importance of having a dull character. -- G. K. Chesterton 5033When stupidity is a sufficient explanation, there is no need to have any recourse to any other. -- Michael Uhlmann 5034When the blossom grows white the potatoes are good. 5035When the fox gnaws--smile! 5036When the going gets weird the weird turn pro. 5037When the government talks about "raising capital" it means printing it. That's not very creative, but it's what we're going to do. -- Peter Drucker 5038When the issue is simple, and everyone understands it, debate is interminable. -- Robert Knowles 5039When the law is against you, argue the facts. When the facts are against you, argue the law. When both are against you, call the other lawyer names. 5040When the lay public rallies round an idea that is denounced by distinguished but elderly scientists, and supports that idea with great fervor and emotion--the distinguished but elderly scientists are then, after all, right. -- Isaac Asimov 5041When the need arises--and it does--you must be able to shoot your own dog. Don't farm it out--that doesn't make it nicer, it makes it worse. -- Lazarus Long 5042When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. 5043When the polls are in your favor, flaunt them. 5044When the polls are overwhelmingly unfavorable, (a) ridicule and dismiss them or (b) stress the volatility of public opinion. 5045When the polls are slightly unfavorable, play for sympathy as a struggling underdog. 5046When the polls are too close to call, be surprised at your own strength. 5047When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly. -- Charles P. Boyle 5048When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics. -- Voltaire 5049When the state is most corrupt, then the laws are most multiplied. -- Tacitus 5050When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas 5051When the well is dry, we know the worth of oil. -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac 5052When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it. 5053When there are two conflicting versions of a story, the wise course is to believe the one in which people appear at their worst. -- Avery 5054When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random and there are two cars only on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions and (2) they will always meet at the bridge. -- B. D. Firstbrook 5055When they said Canada, I thought it would be up in the mountains somewhere. -- Marilyn Monroe 5056When they want it bad (in a rush), they get it bad. -- John K. Meskimen 5057When things are going well, someone will experiment detrimentally. -- Charles P. Boyle 5058When things are going well, something will go wrong. Corollary: When things just can't get any worse, they will. Corollary: Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something. -- Francis P. Chisholm 5059When things go wrong somewhere, they're apt to bo wrong everywhere. -- Vermont Royster 5060When traveling with children on one's holidays, at least one child of any number of children will request a rest room stop exactly half way between any two given rest rooms. -- Mervyn Cripps 5061When two goats met on a bridge which was to narrow to allow either to pass or return, the goat which lay down that the other might walk over it was a finer gentleman than Lord Chesterfield. -- Cecil 5062When two people meet to decide how to spend a third person's money, fraud will result. -- Herman Gross 5063When voting on appropriations bills, more is not necessarily better. It is as wasteful to have a B-1 bomber in every garage as it is to have a welfare program for every conceivable form of deprivation. -- Pierre S. du Pont 5064When we are right we can afford to keep our tempers. When we are wrong, we can't afford not to. 5065When we call others dogmatic, what we really object to is their holding dogmas that are different from our own. -- Professor Charles P. Issawi 5066When we cannot act as we wish, we must act as we can. -- Terrence 5067When wool sweaters are worn, classroom temperatures are 95 degrees Fahrenheit. -- M. M. Johnston 5068When working toward the solution of a problem it always helps if you know the answer (provided, of course, you know there is a problem). 5069When you are about to do an objective and scientific piece of investigation of a topic, it is well to gave the answer firmly in hand, so that you can proceed forthrightly, without being deflected or swayed, directly to the goal. -- Amrom Katz 5070When you are right be logical, when you are wrong be-fuddle. -- Gerard E. McKenna 5071When you are sure you're right, you have a moral duty to impose your will upon anyone who disagrees with you. -- Robert W. Mayer 5072When you arrive at your campsite, it is full. -- Milt Barber 5073When you become used to never being alone, you may consider yourself Americanized. 5074When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. 5075When you doubt, abstain. -- Zoroaster 5076When you find that flowers and shrubs will not endure a certain atmosphere, it is a very significant hint to the human creature to remove out of that neighborhood. -- Mayhew 5077When you go out to buy, don't show your silver. 5078When you have a hammer in your hand, everything looks like a nail. 5079When you know absolutely nothing about the topic, make your forecast by asking a carefully selected probability sample of 300 others who don't know the answer either. -- Edgar R. Fiedler 5080When you need towns, they are very far apart. -- John Steinbeck 5081When you opponent is down, kick him. -- John Cameron 5082When you're out of slits, you're out of pier. 5083When you're up to your ass in alligators, it is difficult to keep your mind on the fact that your primary objective is to drain the swamp. 5084When you're up to your nose in shit, keep your mouth shut. -- Jack Beauregard 5085Whenever A annoys or injures B on the pretense of saving or improving X, A is a scoundrel. -- H. L. Mencken 5086Whenever A attempts by law to impose his moral standards on B, A is most likely a scoundrel. -- James J. Kirkpatrick 5087Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes. 5088Whenever in time, and wherever in the universe, any man speaks or writes in any detail about the technical management of a poem, the resulting irascibility of the reader's response is a constant. -- Francis P. Chisholm 5089Whenever one finds oneself inclined to bitterness, it is a sign of emotional failure. -- Bertrand Russell 5090Whenever one word or letter can change the entire meaning of a sentence, the probability of an error being made will be in direct proportion to the embarrassment it will cause. -- Bob Considine 5091Whenever science makes a discovery, the devil grabs it while the angels are debating the best way to use it. 5092Whenever the cause of the people is entrusted to professors it is lost. -- Nikolai Lenin 5093Whenever two hypotheses cover the facts, use the simpler of the two. 5094Where are the calculations that go with the calculated risk? -- Amrom Katz 5095Where have you ever found that man who stopped short after the perpetration of a single crime? -- Juvenal 5096Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise. -- Gray 5097Where is there dignity unless there is honesty? 5098Where love is there is no labor; and if there be labor, that labor is loved. -- Austin 5099Where necessity ends, curiosity begins; and no sooner are we supplied with every thing that nature can demand, than we sit down to contrive artificial appetites. -- Johnson 5100Where no hope is left, is left no fear. -- Milton 5101Where possible, preserve the President's options--he will very likely need them. -- Donald Rumsfeld 5102Where there is much pretension, much has been borrowed; nature never pretends. -- Lavater 5103Where true love has found a home, every new hear forms one more ring around the hearts of those who love each other, so that in the end they cannot live apart. -- Julius Stinde 5104Where would a shellfish sue for damages? In a small clams court. -- Oliver M. Neshamkin 5105Where you stand depends upon where you sit. -- Rufus Miles 5106Whereas each man claims his freedom as a matter of right, the freedom he accords other men is a matter of tolerance. -- Walter Lippmann 5107Whereas in many branches of economic activity employment depends on the number of job openings available, in the public service, as also in the advertising business, social science investigation, and university administration, the level of unemployment regularly depends on the number of men available and devoting their time to the creation of job opportunities. 5108Whereas in the past the only resource for dealing with biological systems was to try to minimize the interactions between the parts, thereby often losing the real focus of interest, today nothing but time and money prevent us from treating real biological systems in all their complexity and richness. -- W. Ross Ashby 5109Wherever is love and loyalty, great purposes and lofty souls, even though in a hovel or mine, there is a fairy-land. -- Kingsley 5110Wherever public spirit prevails, liberty is secure. -- Noah Webster 5111Whether he is his brother's keeper or his keeper's brother. -- Evan Esar 5112While bryographic plants are typically encountered in substrata of earthly or mineral matter in concreted state, discrete substrata elements occasionally display a roughly spherical configuration which, in presence of suitable gravitational and other effects, lends itself to combined translatory and rotational motion. One notices in such cases an absence of the otherwise typical accretion of bryophyta. We therefore conclude that a rolling stone gathers no moss. 5113While human capacities to shape the environment, society, and human beings are rapidly increasing, policymaking capabilities to use those capacities remain the same. -- Yehezkel Dror 5114While the State exists, there is no freedom. When there is freedom, there is no State. -- Nikolai Lenin 5115While the difficulties and dangers of problems tend to increase at a geometric rate, the knowledge and manpower qualified to deal with these problems tend to increase at an arithmetic rate. -- Yehezkel Dror 5116Whilst thou livest keep a good tongue in thy head. -- Shakespeare 5117Who ever loved that loved not at first sight? -- Marlowe 5118Who fears t' offend takes the first step to please. -- Cibber 5119Who loves, raves--'tis youth's phrenzy; but the cure Is bitterer still. -- Byron 5120Who makes quick use of the moment is a genius of prudence. -- Lavater 5121Who purposely cheats his friend, would cheat his God. -- Lavater 5122Who said things would get better. -- John Ehrman 5123Who says I am not under the special protection of God? -- Adolf Hitler 5124Who sees with equal eye, as God of all, A hero perish or a sparrow fall. 5125Who shall decide when doctors disagree, And sound casuists doubt like you and me? -- Alexander Pope 5126Who shall guard the guardians themselves? 5127Who soars too near the sun, with golden wings, melts them; to ruin his own fortune brings. -- Shakespeare 5128Who stole the cork from my breakfast? -- W. C. Fields 5129Who then is free? The wise man who can command himself. -- Horace 5130Whoever has the gold makes the rules. 5131Wholly without foundation, informed sources insist, are rumors that John Anderson will announce a running-mate just as soon as he receives a confidential medical advisory on the feasibility of his being cloned. -- National Review 5132Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising. 5133Whom the gods would destroy they first make mad. 5134Whosoever commands the sea commands the trade; whosoever commands the trade of the world commands the riches of the world, and, consequently the world itself. -- Sir Walter Raleigh 5135Whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. -- Matthew V, 39 5136Why You Can't Run When There's Trouble in the Office: No matter where you stand, no matter how far or fast you flee, when it hits the fan, as much as possible will be propelled in your direction, and almost none will be returned to the source. -- John L. Shelton 5137Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to avoid responsibility? 5138Why do five pins seem like a little, but five elephants seem like a lot? 5139Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents? 5140Why does the evening, does the night, put warmer love in our hearts? Is it the nightly pressure of helplessness? Or is it the exalting separation from the turmoils of life, that veiling of the world in which for the soul nothing there remains but souls? It is therefore that the letters in which the loved name stands written in our spirit appears like phosphorous writing by night, in fire, while by day, in their cloudy traces, they but smoke? -- Richter 5141Why don't somebody print the truth about our present economic condition? We spent years of wild buying on credit, everything under the sun, whether we needed it or not, and now we are having to pay for it, howling like a pet coon. This would be a great world to dance in if we didn't have to pay the fiddler. -- Will Rogers 5142Why don't you put on a tutu and go to a leather bar? 5143Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like thumbscrews. 5144Why don't you try slipping on a pair of water moccasins? 5145Why dost thou court that baneful pest, ambition? -- Potter 5146Why is man doomed to have only one erogenous zone? 5147Why should I feel another man's mistakes more than his sickness or poverty? 5148Why should society feel responsible only for the education of children, and not for the education of all adults of every age? -- Erich Fromm 5149Why should the devil have all the good tunes? 5150Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity? -- Ronald Reagan 5151Why shouldn't the American people take half my money from me? I took all of it from them. 5152Why would we have different races if God meant us to be alike and associate with each other? -- Lester Maddox 5153Wicked men obey for fear, but the good for love. -- Aristotle 5154Wickedness may prosper for a awhile, but in the long run, he that seta all knaves at work will pay them. -- L'Estrange 5155Wide flush the fields; the softening air is balm; Echo the mountains round; the forest smiles; And every sense and every heart is joy. -- Thomson 5156Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse. 5157Win her with gifts, if she respect not words; Dumb jewels often, in their silent kind, More quick than words do move a woman's mind. -- Shakespeare 5158Wine is a turncoat; first a friend, and then an enemy. -- Fielding 5159Winged time glides on insensibly, and deceives us; and there is nothing more fleeting than years. -- Ovid 5160Wisdom and knowledge decrease in inverse proportion to age. -- William J. Lynott 5161Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise man can lead without power but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom. -- Mark B. Cohen 5162Wisdom is meaningless until our own experience has given it meaning ... and there is wisdom in the selection of wisdom. -- Bergen Evans 5163Wise people learn to tolerate only productive anxiety in themselves. They make tension work for them instead of against them. Their aggressiveness is outgoing and initiating, not hostile or arrogant. 5164Wit is cultured insolence. -- Aristotle 5165Wit is the rarest quality to be met with among people of education. -- William Hazlitt 5166Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food. -- William Hazlitt 5167Wit lies in the likeness of things that are different, and in the difference of things that are alike. -- Madame de Stael 5168Wit sometimes enables us to act rudely with impunity. -- Duc de La Rochefoucauld (In other words, to step on a man's toes without spoiling his shoeshine.) 5169With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best. 5170With equal pace, impartial fate, Knocks at the palace and the cottage gate. -- Horace 5171With every exertion, the best of men can do but a moderate amount of good; but it seems in the power of the most contemptible individual to do incalculable mischief. -- Washington Irving 5172With rank goeth privileges--so it ever shall be. But also with it go responsibility and obligations, always more onerous than the privileges are pleasant. -- Robert A. Heinlein 5173With the press, it is safest to assume that there is no "off the record." -- Donald Rumsfeld 5174With the proper consideration in choice of allies, victory may be guaranteed in any conflict. -- Benedict Arnold 5175Within the oyster's shell uncouth The purest pearl may hide, Trust me you'll find a heart of truth Within that rough inside. -- Mrs. Osgood 5176Without fools there would be no wisdom. 5177Without freedom, no one really has a name. -- Milton Acorda 5178Women and asses and nuts require strong hands. 5179Women have more strength in their looks than we have in our laws, and more power by their tears than we have by our arguments. -- Saville 5180Women who want equality must be prepared to give it and believe in it, and in order to do that it is not enough to state that you are as good as any man, but also it must be stated he is as good as you and both will be humans together. -- Anne Roiphe 5181Words are men's daughters, but God's sons are things. -- Johnson 5182Words are the voice of the heart. 5183Words must be weighed, not counted. 5184Words with a 'k' in them are funny. If it doesn't have a 'k', it's not funny. -- Willie Clark 5185Work Rule: After an employee has spent his 13 hours of labor in the office, he should spend the remaining time reading the Bible and other good books. 5186Work Rule: Any employee who smokes Spanish cigars, uses liquor in any form, or frequents pool and public halls, or gets shaved in a barber shop, will give me good reasons to suspect his worth, intentions, integrity and honesty. 5187Work Rule: Death (Other Than Your Own)--This is no excuse. If you can arrange for funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all you work is up to date. 5188Work Rule: Each clerk will bring in a bucket of water and scuttle of coal for the day's business. 5189Work Rule: Each day fill lamps, clean chimneys, and trim wicks. Wash the windows once a week. 5190Work Rule: Entirely too much time is being spent in the washrooms. In the future, you will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose surnames begin with "A" will be allowed to go from 9 - 9:05 AM, and so on. If you are unable to go at your appointed time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes around again. 5191Work Rule: Every employee should lay aside from each pay a goodly sum of his earnings for his benefit during his declining years, so that he will not become a burden on society or his betters. 5192Work Rule: Leave of Absence (for an Operation)--We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may not need all of whatever you have, and you should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. 5193Work Rule: Make your pens carefully. You may whittle nibs to your individual taste. 5194Work Rule: Men employees will be given off each week for courting purposes, or two evenings a week if they go regularly to church. 5195Work Rule: Office employees will daily sweep the floors, dust the furniture, shelves, and showcases. 5196Work Rule: Sickness--No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof of illness, as we believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 5197Work Rule: The employee who has performed his labors faithfully and without a fault for five years, will be given an increase of fice cents per day in his pay, providing profits from the business permit it. 5198Work Rule: This office will open at 7 AM and close at 8 PM except on the Sabbath, on which day we will remain closed. Each employee is expected to spend the Sabbath by attending church and contributing liberally to the cause of the Lord. 5199Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do. -- Samuel Clemens 5200Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence. -- Laurance J. Peter 5201Work is of two kinds: (1) Altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other such matter; (2) Telling other people to do so. The first is unpleasant and ill paid; the second is pleasant and high paid. 5202Works of genius are the first things in the world. 5203Works without faith are like a fish without water, it wants the element it should live in. A building without a basis cannot stand; faith is the foundation, and every good action is as a stone laid. -- Feltham 5204World's shortest ghost story: The last man on earth sat down in his room. Suddenly there was a knock on the door! 5205Worriers spend a lot of time shoveling smoke. -- Claude McDonald 5206Worth seeing? Yes, but not worth going to see. 5207Writers desire to be paid, authors desire recognition. -- James L. Davis 5208Writers of novels and romances in general bring a double loss on their readers, they rob them both of their time and money; representing men, manners, and things that never have been, nor are likely to be; either confounding or perverting history or truth, inflating the mind, or committing violence upon the understanding. -- Lady Montague 5209Writers, composers, entertainers and such know an awful truth: it is easier to please a million people you don't know than to please one person you do know. -- Richard J. Needham 5210Writing code is easy: just get it write the first time! 5211Writing is not hard. Just get paper and pencil, sit down and write it as it occurs to you. The writing is easy--it's the occurring that's hard. -- Stephen Leacock 5212Xerox: A trademark for a photocopying device that can make rapid reproductions of human error, perfectly. -- Merle L. Meacham 5213YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT: finally got one that worked 5214Ya gotta be subtle! -- Mike Hammer 5215Yeccchhh! That must be a face, it has ears! 5216Yesterday I was on a guilt trip ... today I'm on an ego trip. 5217Yet I argue not Against heaven's hand or will, nor bate a jot Of heart or hope, but still bear up and steer Right onward. -- Milton 5218Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again. -- Lazarus Long 5219Yippies, hippies, yahoos, Black Panthers, lions and tigers alike--I would swap the whole damn zoo for the kind of young Americans I saw in Vietnam. -- Spiro Agnew 5220You always find something in the last place you look. 5221You amass things only to enjoy them. 5222You are a bundle of energy always on the go. 5223You are a pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. 5224You are a quick and intelligent thinker. 5225You are almost there. 5226You are always busy. 5227You are aware that merit is not always rewarded. 5228You are building up credit for the future. 5229You are capable of planning your future. 5230You are certainly entitled to your opinion. Fortunately, the rest of us are entitled to ignore it. 5231You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. 5232You are cordially invited to go screw yourself. 5233You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances. 5234You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend. 5235You are fairminded, just and loving. 5236You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend. 5237You are free and that is why you are lost. -- Franz Kafka 5238You are going to have a new love affair (with a rock). 5239You are going to have a new love affair. 5240You are heading for a land of sunshine. 5241You are here. ***** ***** ********* ******* ***** *** * But you're not all there. 5242You are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. 5243You are logical and hate disorder. 5244You are magnetic in your bearing. 5245You are not worth the dust which the rude wind blows in your face. -- Shakespeare 5246You are nuts. 5247You are optimistic and intelligent. 5248You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. 5249You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. 5250You are secretive in your dealings but never to the extent of trickery. 5251You are sensitive to the atmosphere around you. 5252You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. 5253You are standing on my toes. 5254You are strong enough to admit that you need help. 5255You are such a good salesman, you could sell a double bed to the Pope. 5256You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. 5257You are tricky, but never to the point of dishonesty. 5258You believe that you are the master of your fate; the captain of your soul. 5259You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice; if you choose not to decide you still have made a choice. You can choose from phantom fears or kindness that could kill; I will choose a path that's clear: I will choose free will. -- Rush 5260You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with earth is concerned. 5261You can fool all of the people all of the time, but why bother when all you need is a simple majority? 5262You can fool the people about many things, but only a fool would be foolish enough to fool the people about money. -- Italo Bombolini 5263You can get anywhere in ten minutes if you go fast enough. 5264You can go wrong by being too skeptical as readily as by being too trusting. 5265You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Never count on having both at once. 5266You can judge a leader by the size of the problems he tackles--people nearly always pick a problem their own size, and ignore or leave to others the bigger of smaller ones. -- Anthony Jay 5267You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back you've got something. 5268You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think. -- Dorothy Parker 5269You can lead a whore to Vasser, but you can't make her think. -- Frederick B. Artz 5270You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. -- Franklin P. Jones 5271You can never do merely one thing. -- Garrett Hardin 5272You can observe a lot just by watching. -- Yogi Berra 5273You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball. 5274You can only govern men by serving them. The rule is without exception. -- Victor Cousin 5275You can tell when you're on the right track--it's usually uphill. 5276You can't break even. 5277You can't even quit the game. 5278You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine. -- Flip Wilson 5279You can't guard against the arbitrary. 5280You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step into it. 5281You can't trust a man who won't shave himself on his own hangover. 5282You can't win. 5283You cannot antagonize and persuade at the same time. 5284You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift. 5285You cannot build character and courage by taking away a man's initiative and independence. 5286You cannot discover working programs. You can only discover them broken. 5287You cannot establish sound social security on borrowed money. 5288You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred. 5289You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves. 5290You cannot help small men up by tearing down big men. 5291You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich. 5292You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income. 5293You cannot kill time without injuring eternity. 5294You cannot lift the wage-earner up by pulling the wage-payer down. 5295You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back. 5296You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. 5297You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter. 5298You compensate for you prejudices when making decisions. 5299You compromise on what you shouldn't and fight for things not worth fighting for. 5300You consider yourself a born leader. Others think of you as pushy. 5301You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy. 5302You don't drink beer. You rent it. 5303You don't learn anything the second time you're kicked by a mule. 5304You don't need to fly to have more fun with wings. -- Joe Anderson 5305You enjoy the company of other people. 5306You feel strong enough to be gentle. 5307You freely express resentment at bad treatment. Then you forget it. 5308You get the most of what you need the least. -- Jane Bryant Quinn 5309You goddamn cornhuskers are all alike. -- Jim Thompson 5310You grow up the day you have the first real laugh--at yourself. 5311You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music. 5312You have a difficult time coping with reality. 5313You have a healthy appreciation of your abilities, and a keen awareness of your limitations. 5314You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. 5315You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy. 5316You have a reputation for being thoroughly unreliable and untrustworthy. 5317You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex. 5318You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first. 5319You have a truly strong individuality. 5320You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA and FBI. 5321You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA and FBI. (You are!) 5322You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact. 5323You have an ability to sense and know higher truth. 5324You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself. 5325You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. 5326You have an unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly. 5327You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationship. 5328You have been selected for a secret mission. 5329You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business. 5330You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop. 5331You have many dear and loyal friends. 5332You have many friends and very few enemies. 5333You have minor influence over your associates and people resent you for flaunting your powers. 5334You have more respect for a capable shoeshine boy, than for a crass opportunist. 5335You have no friends among the ambitious. -- Ron Randall 5336You have taken yourself too seriously. 5337You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets wrinkled. 5338You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact. 5339You have to be as fully prepared for the dull game as you are for the great game, or else you won't be prepared for the great one. -- Red Barber 5340You hear about constitutional rights, free speech and the free press. Every time I hear these words I say to myself, "That man is a Red!" ... You never hear a REAL American talk like that! -- Mayor Frank Hague 5341You judge others only by how well they live up to their own capacities. 5342You judge the acts of others only by their intentions. 5343You judge your own acts only by their consequences. 5344You keep your equilibrium no matter what position you find yourself in. 5345You know it's going to be a bad day when: you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold. 5346You know it's going to be a bad day when: you see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office. 5347You know it's going to be a bad day when: you turn on the news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city. 5348You know it's going to be a bad day when: you wake up face down on the pavement. 5349You know it's going to be a bad day when: you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any. 5350You know it's going to be a bad day when: your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles. 5351You know it's going to be a bad day when: your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway. 5352You know it's going to be a bad day when: your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business. 5353You know it's going to be a bad day when: your twin sister forgets your birthday. 5354You know that people will be kind to you, given a chance. 5355You know what to fight for and what to compromise on. 5356You know when the price of winning is too high. 5357You know you're paranoid when you can't think of anything that's your fault. -- Robert Hutchins 5358You lack confidence and are generally a coward. 5359You learn from your mistakes. 5360You left your footprints on my stomach when you walked out of my heart. 5361You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances. 5362You live and learn. Or you don't live long. 5363You love peace. 5364You love your home and want it to be beautiful. 5365You may be sure that when a man begins to call himself a "realist," he is preparing to do something he is secretly ashamed of doing. -- Sydney Harris 5366You may not be able to change the whole world, but at least you can embarrass the guilty. -- Katha Pollitt 5367You need not worry about your future. 5368You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems. 5369You never know where bottom is until you plumb for it. -- Frederick Laing 5370You own a dog; you feed a cat. 5371You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution. 5372You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own. 5373You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite. 5374You respect those superior to yourself and try to learn from them. 5375You say it can't be won The way the game is run; But if you choose to stay You wind up playin' anyway. -- Jackson Browne 5376You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider. 5377You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed. 5378You shall reach the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. 5379You think it is a want of judgment that he changes his opinion. Do you think it a proof that your scales are bad because they vibrate with every additional weight that is added to either side? -- Edgeworth 5380You try never to hurt people, and do so only when it serves a higher purpose. 5381You will always have good luck in your personal affairs. 5382You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home. 5383You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant. 5384You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone. 5385You will be awarded some great honor. 5386You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble. 5387You will be given a post of trust and responsibility. 5388You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause. 5389You will be married within a year. 5390You will be recognized and honored as a community leader. 5391You will be shot at sunrise. 5392You will be singled out for promotion in your work. 5393You will be successful in love. 5394You will be surprised by a loud noise. 5395You will be surrounded by luxury. 5396You will be traveling and coming into a fortune. 5397You will emerge from the gutter, only to trip and land in the sewer. 5398You will engage in a profitable business activity. 5399You will gain money by a speculation or lottery. 5400You will have good luck and overcome many hardships. 5401You will have long and healthy life. 5402You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you. 5403You will inherit some money or a small piece of land. 5404You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally. 5405You will need three umbrellas: one to leave at the office, one to leave at home home, and one to leave on the train. -- James L. Blankenship 5406You will never know hunger. 5407You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates. 5408You will probably marry after a very brief courtship. 5409You will receive a legacy which will place you above want. 5410You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life. 5411You will step on the soil of many countries. 5412You will triumph over your enemy. 5413You will win success in whatever calling you adopt. 5414You win a few, you lose a few. But I wish this one had been rained out. 5415You would rather be admired than liked, although you would prefer both. 5416You would rather blame yourself than others, but you don't waste much time doing either when things go wrong. 5417You'll find in no park or city A monument to a committee. -- Victoria Pasternak 5418You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. -- Dean Martin 5419You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!! 5420Your If is the only peace-maker--much virtue in If. -- Shakespeare 5421Your aims are high, and you are capable of much. 5422Your business will assume vast proportions. 5423Your dentist will buy a yacht. 5424Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways. 5425Your domestic life may be harmonious. 5426Your gift is princely, but it comes too late, And falls like sunbeams on a blasted blossom. -- Suckling 5427Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life. 5428Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout. 5429Your love life will be happy and harmonious. 5430Your lover will never wish to leave you. 5431Your mental health will be better if you have lots of fun outside of that office. -- Dr. William Menninger 5432Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true. 5433Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon. 5434Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments. 5435Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it. 5436Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world. 5437Your present plans will be successful. 5438Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner. 5439Your rich uncle will die, but will spell your name incorrectly. 5440Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement. 5441Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded. 5442Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner. 5443Youth had been a habit of hers so long that she could not part with it. 5444Zero raised to the nth power remains zero. -- Pop Baslim 5445Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings. -- Evan Esar 5446and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. -- Shakespeare 5447eHpl ! Imat arppdei sndi eht eDP-P11 5448he doth nothing but talk of his horse; and he makes it a great appropriation to his own good parts, that he can shoe himself. -- Shakespeare 5449he is poor whose expenses exceeds his income. -- La Bruyere 5450n + 1 trivial tasks take twice as long as n trivial tasks, for n sufficiently large. -- Ed Logg 5451the passions often engender their contraries. -- La Rochefoucauld 5452186,000 miles per second: it's not just a good idea, it's the law. 5453A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose. 5454A bird in the hand might. 5455A committee is an animal with a hundred stomachs and no brains. 5456A cow eats without a knife. 5457A friend asks only for your time, not your money. 5458A gift of flowers will soon be made to you. 5459A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her confidence. 5460A king's castle is his home. 5461A lie in time saves nine. 5462A little virtue will never hurt you. -- Piet Hein. 5463A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never. 5464A man who turns green has eschewed protein. 5465A member of your family will soon do something that will make your proud. 5466A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs. 5467A present, over which you will shed tears of joy. 5468A stitch in time saves nine. 5469A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn. 5470A virtuous life is its own punisment. 5471A vivid and creative mind characterizes you. 5472A wise man can see more from a mountain top than a fool can from the bottom of a well. 5473Age before beauty; and pearls before swine. 5474Ain't no horse can't be rode; ain't no cowboy can't be throwed. 5475Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth. 5476All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly. 5477Although the moon is smaller than the earth, it is farther away. 5478Among the lucky, you are the chosen one. 5479An abstract term is like a valise with a false bottom, you may put in it what ideas you please, and take them out again, without bei 5480An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it. 5481Anything is impossible, if you don't attempt it. 5482Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well. -- G. Bell. 5483Art is anything you can get away with. -- Marshall McLuhan. 5484Art is your fate; don't debate. 5485As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. 5486As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of demand. 5487Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance. 5488Be self-reliant and your success is assured. 5489Be tactful; overlook not your own opportunity. 5490Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life. 5491Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone. 5492Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another. 5493Bedfellows make strange politicians. 5494Behind every argument is someone's ignorance. 5495Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment. 5496Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -- Mae West. 5497Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. -- Thoreau. 5498Beware of friends who are false and deceitful. 5499Beware of quantum ducks: Quark, Quark. 5500Blessed is he that expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. -- Poor Richard. 5501Build something that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. -- C. Shaw. 5502Business is like oil, it won't mix with anything but business. 5503By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. 5504By following the good, you learn to be good. 5505Candy is dandy, but liquour is quicker. -- Ogden Nash. 5506Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap. 5507Chicken Little only has to be right once. 5508Common sense is very uncommon. 5509Contact with a friend may provide some unexpected income advantages. 5510Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius. 5511Courage is your greatest present need. 5512Creditors have much better memories than debtors. 5513Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down. 5514Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face. 5515Do not clog intellect's sluices with knowledge of questionable uses. 5516Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted. 5517Don't believe in miracles, expect them. 5518Don't get yourself involved with persons or situations that can't bear inspection. 5519Don't look back, always look ahead. 5520Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it. 5521Draw your salary before spending it. 5522Economy makes men independent. 5523Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May. 5524Even a hawk is an eagle among crows. 5525Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion. 5526Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark. 5527Every purchase has its price. 5528Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment. 5529Everything bows to success, even grammar. 5530Executive ability is prominent in your make-up. 5531Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you. 5532Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other. And scarce in that. -- Poor Richard. 5533Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door. 5534Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth. 5535Fish and visitors stink in three days. -- Poor Richard. 5536Fools make feasts and wise men eat them. -- Poor Richard. 5537For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will like. 5538For success today, look first to yourself. 5539Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment. 5540Friendship is one soul in two bodies. 5541From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance. 5542Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals. 5543Go not to the elves for advice, for they will say both yes and no. -- Tolkien. 5544God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends. 5545God heals and the doctor takes the fee. -- Poor Richard. 5546God is REAL (unless declared INTEGER). 5547God made an idiot for practice, and then He made a school board. -- Mark Twain. 5548Good health will be yours for a long time. 5549Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor. 5550Handle all business ventures with discretion so you do not end up a loser. 5551Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion. 5552He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. 5553He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap. 5554He likes to flirt, but toward you his intentions are honorable. 5555He that falls in love with himself, will have no rivals. -- Poor Richard. 5556He that will not command his thoughts will soon lose the command of his actions. 5557He thinks he could easily win your heart. 5558He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose. 5559He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with two eyes. 5560He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last. 5561He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet. 5562He who invents adages for others to peruse takes along a rowboat when going on a cruise. 5563He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. 5564He who laughs last didn't understand the joke. 5565He who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for the kingdom of winners. 5566Help fight continental drift. 5567Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason. 5568His heart was yours from the first moment that you met. 5569His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler. 5570History always repeats itself: once as tragedy, the second time as farce. 5571History books which contain no lies are extremely dull. 5572How many "coming men" has one known! Where on earth do they all go to? 5573How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent. 5574How you look depends on where you go. 5575Hunger never saw bad bread. -- Poor Richard. 5576I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise. 5577I don't remember ever having had the itch, and yet scratching is one of nature's sweet pleasures, and so handy. 5578I fear explanations explanatory of things explained. 5579I like work; it fascinates me; I can watch it for hours. 5580I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away. 5581I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself. 5582Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement. 5583Idleness is the holiday of fools. 5584If a town has one lawyer, he starves; if it has two lawyers, they both get rich. 5585If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average. 5586If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven. 5587If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- A. Einstein. 5588If one word does not succeed, ten thousand are of no avail. 5589If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation. 5590If we weren't supposed to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can. 5591If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it. Quit work and play for once. 5592If you believe in gambling, in the end you will sell your house. 5593If you continually give you will continually have. 5594If you eat a live toad every morning, nothing worse will happen to you all day. 5595If you make a mistake you right it immediately to the best of your ability. 5596If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you. 5597If you suspect a man, don't employ him. 5598If you wish to succeed, consult three old people. 5599If you wish, you will have an opportunity. 5600If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend. 5601If your desires are not extravagant they will be granted. 5602Imagination is more important than knowledge. 5603In jealousy there is more self-love than love. 5604In rivers and bad governments, the lightest things swim at top. -- Poor Richard. 5605In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is insane. 5606Integrity is praised, and starves. 5607It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules man's life. 5608It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize. 5609It is better to have flunked your Wasserman test than never to have loved at all. 5610It is better to wear out than to rust out. 5611It is commonly not your practice to make up your mind until the very last minute. 5612It is easier to run down a hill than up one. 5613It is far better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love. 5614It is fortune, not wisdom that rules man's life. 5615It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. 5616It is often better not to see an insult than to avenge it. 5617It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree. 5618It is unwise to trust those you do not know well. 5619It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag. 5620It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder. 5621It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead. 5622It's a poor workman who blames his tools. 5623It's clever, but is it art? 5624It's easy to make decisions if you ignore the facts. 5625It's later than you think, the joint Russian-American space mission has already begun. 5626It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things. 5627It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten. 5628Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. -- Poor Richard. 5629Learn of the skillful: he that teaches himself hath a fool for a master. -- Poor Richard. 5630Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you. 5631Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage. 5632Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday. 5633Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. 5634Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again. 5635Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it. 5636Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure. 5637Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone. 5638Lonely is a man without love. 5639Lonely men seek companionship. Lonely women sit at home and wait. They never meet. 5640Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. 5641Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you. 5642Love is sentimental measles. 5643Love the sea? I dote upon it -- from the beach. 5644Love, cough, and a smoke, can't be well hid. -- Poor Richard. 5645Make a wish, it might come true. 5646Make new friends but keep the old ones; One is silver and the other's gold. 5647Make this evening a memorable one. 5648Man and wife make one fool. 5649Man's horizons are bounded by his vision. 5650Many a family tree needs trimming. 5651Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long. 5652Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket bibles which are on very very thin paper. 5653Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. -- Voltaire. 5654Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy. 5655Matrimony is the root of all evil. 5656Men do not mind a bust in the mouth if provided by beautiful voluptuous lady! 5657Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples. 5658Might as well be frank, monsieur; it would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca. 5659Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate. 5660Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure. 5661Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship. 5662Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years. 5663Mother is the invention of necessity. 5664My cup hath runneth'd over with love. 5665My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there. 5666Neither the poor nor the rich may sleep under bridges or beg in the streets. 5667Never call a man a fool; borrow from him. 5668Never do anything twice that you don't have to do at all. 5669Never drink from your finger bowl -- it contains only water. 5670Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him. 5671New financial propositions may be offered at the turn of the year. 5672Nice guys get sick. 5673Night falls when the street lights turn on. Swedish Law. 5674No doubt Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human nature. 5675No man can be a patriot on an empty stomach. 5676No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. 5677Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. 5678Occasionally, an innocent man is sent to the legislature. 5679Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal. 5680Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts -- for support rather than illumination. 5681Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for their inability to give bad examples. 5682One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it. 5683One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true. 5684One peek is worth a thousand finesses. 5685Only someone with nothing to be sorry for smiles back at the rear of an elephant. 5686Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it. 5687People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them. 5688People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle. 5689People will buy anything that's one to a customer. 5690People will laugh at you, but let not that prevent you. 5691Please all, and you will please none. 5692Please follow more cautiously Life's Golden Rule. 5693Premature withdrawal may lead to loss of interest. 5694Preserve the old, but know the new. 5695Pride dines upon Vanity, sups on Contempt. -- Poor Richard. 5696Pride invites calamity; humility reaps its harvest. 5697Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword. 5698Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo. 5699Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust. 5700Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth. 5701Put your trust in those who are worthy. 5702Recent investments will yield a slight profit. 5703Reputation: what others are not thinking about you. 5704Revenge is a dish best eaten cold. 5705Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone. 5706Satire is what closes in New Haven. 5707Seek companionship, love and social activity at home. 5708Seek domestic happiness and faithful friends. 5709Sex is nothing but Love misunderstood. 5710Share your happiness with others today. 5711She that paints her face thinks of her tail. -- Poor Richard. 5712She's learned to say things with her eyes that others waste time putting into words. 5713Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response. 5714Simplicity and clarity should be your theme in dress. 5715Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all. 5716Smile, you're on candid cookie. 5717Some men are discovered; others are found out. 5718Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall. 5719Someone is speaking well of you. 5720Someone is unenthusiastic about your work. 5721Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow. 5722Standing on your head makes a smile of a frown, but the rest of your face is also upside down. 5723Stop day dreaming about success. Go out and obtain it. 5724Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you. 5725Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable. 5726Stupidity is not an impeachable offense. 5727Take advantage of the pleasurable opportunities that come your way. 5728Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves. 5729That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all. 5730The actions of your companion or close allies will help you to make an important decision. 5731The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive. 5732The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think. 5733The best laid schemes o' mice and men gang aft a-glay. 5734The best prophet of the future is the past. 5735The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away. 5736The brave man is known only in war; the wise man in anger; the friend in time of need. 5737The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book. 5738The early bird gets the early worm. 5739The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue. 5740The fish that escaped is the big one. 5741The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep. 5742The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagra is esteemed, by all who have seen it, as one of the finast spectacles in nature. 5743The hardest thing is to disguise your feelings when you put a lot of relatives on the train for home. 5744The heart is wiser than the intellect. 5745The information in this cookie is subject to change without notice and should not be construed as a commitment by Digital Equipment 5746The interesting thing about a waltzing bear is not how well it dances. 5747The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon. 5748The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others. 5749The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtfu 5750The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't. 5751The moving finger writhes and, having writhed, moves on. 5752The next sentence is true. The previous sentence is false. 5753The next dreadful thing to a battle lost is a battle won. 5754The only rose without thorns is friendship. 5755The order and connection of ideas is the same as the order and connection of things. 5756The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes. 5757The plural of spouse is spice. 5758The rich get rich, and the poor get poorer. The haves get more, the have-nots die. 5759The rich get richer; the poor get babies. 5760The star of riches is shining upon you. 5761The time is right to make new friends. 5762The time is right to pursue your endeavors. 5763The universe is laughing behind your back. 5764The value of knowledge lies not in its accumulation, but in its utilization. 5765The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. 5766The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf. 5767The worst wheel of the cart makes the most noise. -- Poor Richard. 5768There are few people more often in the wrong than those who cannot endure to be thought so. 5769There are many people today who literally do not have a close personal friend. 5770There are more old drunkards than old doctors. 5771There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream. 5772There are no ugly loves, nor handsome prisons. -- Poor Richard. 5773There are three things I have always loved and never understood -- art, music, and women. 5774There is always someone worse off than yourself. 5775There is many a good man to be found under a shabby hat. 5776There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear. 5777There is no vaccine against stupidity. 5778There will always be some delightful mysteries in your life. 5779There will be big changes for you but you will be happy. 5780There's at least one fool in every married couple. 5781There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me. 5782Think twice before speaking. But don't say "think think click click". 5783Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do. 5784Those who are prospering do not argue about taxes. 5785Those who can, do; those who can't, teach; and those who can't teach, teach teachers. 5786To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. 5787To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize the competent. 5788To do is to be -- Nietzsche. To be is to do -- Sartre. Do be do be do -- Sinatra. 5789To every Phd. there is an equal and opposite Phd. -- B. Duggan. 5790To give happines is to deserve happiness. 5791To keep your friends treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often. 5792To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools. 5793To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it. 5794To refuse praise is to seek praise twice. 5795To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda. 5796Today is a good day to bribe a high ranking public official. 5797Traveler, there is no path, paths are made by walking. 5798True happiness will be found only in true love. 5799Trust him, but still keep your eyes open. 5800Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy. 5801Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you. 5802Vodka is the best way to cook potatoes. You get all the flavor of the potato and don't even have to put in your false teeth. -- Al 5803Valuable insights and your persuasive ability achieve results. 5804Watch out for the old mortar in the rocks in the fourteenth hole trick. 5805We prefer to speak evil of ourselves than not speak of ourselves at all. 5806We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears. 5807We read to say that we have read. 5808Wealth is not his that has it, but his that enjoys it. -- Poor Richard. 5809Wed in haste, repent in leasure. 5810What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think themselves cleverer than we are. 5811What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working when he's staring out the window. 5812What orators lack in depth they make up in length. 5813What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's transparency. 5814What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel. 5815When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to guarantee them. 5816When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the airplane, the plane will fly. -- Donald Douglas. 5817When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it. 5818When there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. -- Poor Richard. 5819When you become used to never being alone, you may consider yourself Americanized. 5820When you go out to buy, don't show your silver. 5821Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes. 5822Who knows a fool, must know his brother; for one will recommend another. -- Poor Richard. 5823Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to avoid responsibility? 5824Wisdom and good sense guard life from harm. 5825With a mind like yours, who needs a body. 5826With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best. 5827Without fools there would be no wisdom. 5828Without health you cannot enjoy wealth or happiness. 5829Woman was God's second mistake. -- Nietzsche. 5830Words are the voice of the heart. 5831Words must be weighed, not counted. 5832Worth seeing? Yes, but not worth going to see. 5833You are a bundle of energy always on the go. 5834You are a general favorite among your many friends. 5835You are a person of firm, yet honest intentions. 5836You are always busy. 5837You are an individual interested in foreward thrust and the future. 5838You are broad minded and socially active. 5839You are capable of planning your future. 5840You are careful and systematic in your business arrangements. 5841You are clever, alert, and intellectual. 5842You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances. 5843You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend. 5844You are fairminded, just and loving. 5845You are faithful to duty, adaptable to environment, loyal to friends. 5846You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend. 5847You are fixed in your opinions and will not be easily moved from your purpose. 5848You are generous and always think of the other fellow. 5849You are going to have a new love affair. 5850You are heading for a land of sunshine. 5851You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. 5852You are interested in higher education whether material or spiritual. 5853You are magnetic in your bearing. 5854You are never selfish with your advice or your help. 5855You are next in line for promotion in your firm. 5856You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. 5857You are secretive in your dealings but never to the extent of trickery. 5858You are standing on my toes. 5859You are the center of every group's attention. 5860You are tricky, but never to the point of dishonesty. 5861You are versatile, energetic, artistic and good-natured. 5862You are witty and fond of fun. 5863You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity. 5864You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with earth is concerned. 5865You can get more things done with a kind word and a gun than with a kind word alone. -- Al Capone. 5866You cannot kill time without injuring eternity. 5867You cannot propel youself forward by patting yourself on the back. 5868You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy. 5869You enjoy the company of other people. 5870You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music. 5871You have a deep interest in all that is artistic. 5872You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy. 5873You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex. 5874You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first. 5875You have a truly strong individuality. 5876You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact. 5877You have a yearning for perfection. 5878You have an ability to sense and know higher truth. 5879You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself. 5880You have an unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly. 5881You have an unusual magnetic personality. 5882You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationship. 5883You have been selected for a secret mission. 5884You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business. 5885You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop. 5886You have many friends and very few enemies. 5887You have no real enemies. 5888You have the attitude of a winner. 5889You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact. 5890You like participating in competitive sports. 5891You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances. 5892You love peace. 5893You love your home and want it to be beautiful. 5894You may attend a party where strange customs prevail. 5895You may be conservative, cautious and practical. 5896You may give a man an office, but you cannot give him discretion. -- Poor Richard. 5897You must be patient for a little while. 5898You need not worry about your future. 5899You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems. 5900You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution. 5901You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own. 5902You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite. 5903You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider. 5904You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed. 5905You understand human nature and sympathize with its weakness. 5906You will always be successful in your business or professional career. 5907You will always get what you want through your charm and personality. 5908You will always have good luck in your personal affairs. 5909You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home. 5910You will be a great success both in the business world and society. 5911You will be a guest at a happy party that'll have important consequences for you. 5912You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant. 5913You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone. 5914You will be awarded some great honor. 5915You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble. 5916You will be given a post of trust and responsibility. 5917You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause. 5918You will be made happy by receipt of good news. 5919You will be married within a year. 5920You will be proud in manner but tolerant and generous. 5921You will be recognized and honored as a community leader. 5922You will be singled out for promotion in your work. 5923You will be successful in love. 5924You will be successful in your work. 5925You will be surprised by a loud noise. 5926You will be surrounded by luxury. 5927You will be traveling and coming into a fortune. 5928You will be unusually successful in business. 5929You will engage in a profitable business activity. 5930You will engage in a profitable friendship. 5931You will enjoy the high praise of solving a problem of long standing. 5932You will gain money by a speculation or lottery. 5933You will have good luck and overcome many hardships. 5934You will have long and healthy life. 5935You will have many friends when you use a corkscrew. 5936You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you. 5937You will inherit some money or a small piece of land. 5938You will marry your present lover and be happy. 5939You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally. 5940You will never know hunger. 5941You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates. 5942You will probably marry after a very brief courtship. 5943You will receive a legacy which will place you above want. 5944You will receive a present, over which you will shed tears of joy. 5945You will secure the greatest degree of happiness if you marry young. 5946You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life. 5947You will soon take that long awaited vacation. 5948You will step on the soil of many countries. 5949You will triumph over your enemy. 5950You will visit some faraway land that has long been in your waking thoughts. 5951You will win success in whatever calling you adopt. 5952Your aims are high, and you are capable of much. 5953Your are the guiding star of his existence. 5954Your business will assume vast proportions. 5955Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways. 5956Your domestic life may be harmonious. 5957Your first impressions of people are best. 5958Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life. 5959Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout. 5960Your help will be needed in an embarrassing situation. 5961Your long forgotten kindness to someone will bring a substantial sum of money. 5962Your love life will be happy and harmonious. 5963Your lover will never wish to leave you. 5964Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true. 5965Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon. 5966Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments. 5967Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it. 5968Your next acquaintance will be the right one. 5969Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world. 5970Your place in the path of life is in the driver's seat. 5971Your present plans will be successful. 5972Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner. 5973Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinment. 5974Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded. 5975Your temporary financial embarassment will be relieved in a surprising manner. 5976Youth had been a habit of hers so long that she could not part with it. 5977This cookie intentionally left blank. 5978Buy softie blankets, pillows and sleeping bags. They will make your tape recorder go PHHHHTH!